I do feel it's possible to get "bogged down" in the world of Alzheimers and lose perspective. Obviously those of you continuing your loving care of AD spouses haven't much by way of options, you simply can't avoid it. For those in a position to do so, sometimes taking a break can be helpful.
I haven't visited here for quite some time, but surely do recognize familiar names. You all are an awesome source of support for each other.
I have a personal rule in reading e-mails/posts: when in doubt about the meaning of something written, I put the best possible interpretation on it. I trust folks generally do not intend to offend, so unless it's perfectly clear to me that such was meant, no offense is taken. Saves me grief in the long run. (-:
Long story here about the "dirty dozen" episode - In 2007, my mother died, my son got married, and I was diagnosed with diabetes. In 2008, my husband was diagnosed with MCI and was very angry and depressed. My only sister cut herself badly, got sepsis in the hospital and came close to dying. I was her closest relative and had to make the decision to remove life support. Miraculously she did survive, but it was a long time before she didn't need a great deal of help. I was overwhelmed. In addition, I felt as if I was losing my family (my parents were gone, my sister and husband were both sick, and my sons live pretty fair away from us). I was so busy I had to quit many activities I really enjoyed, including a Spanish class I was taking with some close friends from my church. I rarely saw those friends or others whom I loved, because I simply didn't have time. But I was feeling deserted. When the dirty dozen talk began (I think it was 2009, but I'm not sure), I saw it as an elite group that I was excluded from. I was one of those who posted, because I saw it as another case of being unwanted or abandoned. It's hard to explain, but my reaction had nothing to do with what was actually happening on the forum and certainly nothing to do with any of the dozen, some of whom are now my dearest friends. But it a had lot to do with the other things going on in my life and the stress they were causing.
I hope everyone can try to see whatever is happening now in that light and give everyone else some slack. We're all in difficult positions, we don't know all that is going on the lives of others, and sometimes we think and say things that we later regret. Or at least I do!
bluedaze, i know i can't make you stay...it is your decision but you are a cat person and that is good enough for me. I check this board whenever I have a free moment and am not too tired to lift my laptop. This whole thread truly made me cry because I feel more losses and sorrow. Your advice always makes sense. I respect you and beg you to stay but if you leave I will miss you. I feel I am at the beginning of a long horrible journey and want to wake up but cannot.
Janet--Thanks for the your insight into the "Dirty Dozen." Even though I've been here since '07, I somehow missed that. It was probably during the time when Jeff was in an "ok" holding pattern, and I was less active in posting while trying to have life be about something other than dementia. Of course, dementia eventually took over, and now I'm here all the time for the support and counsel!
Good summaries everyone. I appreciate the various ways of phrasing the idea that we are stronger together.
Maybe when parts of a post are deleted, in parenthesis they can type (inappropriate content deleted by admin) in the area that was deleted. Will this make it alright? No, but at least we will know if something doesn't make sense that there is something missing.
I don't post or read much right now. My life seems to be in a holding pattern and many of those that were here when I first joined have moved on past AD. Kind of in between the old and new.
Just a bit off topic....I have 2 new babies..sisters...one got fixed day before yesterday, her sister is still too little. I am struggling for names...every time we pick something they do something to make us change our minds or DH doesn't like the name. He wanted to call the baby tuxie Cookie after our Tuxie died on Good Friday of HCM..but I said how will I know which Cookie we are talking about...he said if it is big Cookie he will call her Dead Cookie..I said I didn't like that...so we hit on Smudge which he didn't like, so now it is Chica or Chiquita but those don't fit really anyway...she is still like a little mail man drops her little tiny poos as she goes but tries the litter box, She is the runt, The other is a Black Tabby, gorgeous and she is Grayce but she is a hellion and Rocket or S.A.M. fits her better ( for Surface to Air Missile since she takes a leap and gloms on with her tiny nails, runs up your pant leg and sits on you head..they are 3 months old...The tiny one is not yet 2# her sister is nearly 3#...As a cat person, you are kinda the resident expert in these here parts....you get us to talking about our beloved pets which bring bright spots into out daze...no one does it better..hint hint hint...don't go.....
Everyone has much of value in their statements, and I think it underlines what a marvelous group we are. May I offer the observation that Nelson(s?) (who then changed his name to woeisme) posted 122 times from his first post in Jan./12 to April/12 and made major contributions on many issues. He has much to offer us, both from his own experiences, intelligence and professional background. I am sorry that it appears he no longer feels welcome. I hope that he will come back. This is not to deny or negate the many hurts that have been done but only an appeal to all of us to get over it and get back to doing what we do best, which is to help each other in whatever way we can, clumsy as it may be at times.
Thank you mary75 for letting us know "who" when many of us didn't have a clue. I too hope he returns.. he does have lots to contribute. I always felt his messages were uplifting.
The thing that I will always be grateful to Nelson for is when my dh had to go to the ER a month ago and wouldn't take off his good watch and then after my dh returned home he didn't have the watch. Nelson suggested he might have hidden the watch before he left for the ER and I didn't know he had hid it. He suggested I look in his favorite hiding place if my dh had a favorite hiding place....well...I did just that, and there was his good watch I had just given him for his 65th birthday.
When I look back on things I may say that offend people...it never is really intentional...it usually is because I am so stressed I may not word things the way they should be and I just say what is in my head without thinking about offending anyone. Thank you again Nelson for your wonderful advise...hope you are reading this.
Mary75*--he also appears to have posted under the name Marty. I think all the different screen names have only compounded the confusion and the illusion that perhaps something other than sincere communication has been intended.
mimi, your post stopped me in my tracks at the beginning. I saw the 2 babies and one was fixed. I was thinking real babies and wondered what on earth you were getting them fixed for. Duh. I too am a cat person. My darling Cleo is a tortoise. She is a little crazy and people tell me that she is psycho. I really love her and I don't know what I would have done without her these past years. Before that was Bert and Scruff. Gord loved them but when they died within 8 weeks of one another, he didn't know what I was crying about. It upset him to see me cry so I was in the bathroom a lot. What on earth would we do without our pets.
Well jang...I would sleep without my cat! Emailed children that they needed to get a cat whisperer here in a hurry today or there would be mayhem done to my big, fat, diabetic tuxedo guy. He woke me up this morning at 5:30 AM....to get water, no...to get food, no....I swear he just wants me to come downstairs and watch him eat. With all my complaining having my sweet, demented, incontinent DH snuggling on one side and my warm, furry, probably demented as well cat on the other side of me each morning, does bring a smile! On topic lest I be chastised...I do miss some of the earlier members of this board. Each person brings a thread, an important thought...in order to make a beautiful quilt there should be minimal, if any changes made to a post. We learn from one another...and we need to judge if something is offensive or not. Cannot and will not believe that Bluedaze did anything that might be construed as offensive. Okay enough...off to "kill a cat"!
Nora (Bluedaze) ....When I first joined this site, you sent me a little saying that gave me a great lift. At that time, it was just what I needed. I copied it to a little card which I keep on my desk.
Who are happy? Those who see a blossoming world, and give their blessing. Who are strong? Those who restrain their grief and teach it to smile.
....About 66 years ago, just married, Helen 18, me 23. She was shopping in a shopping mall, and I was just wandering around. A couple guys with a microphone and a movie camera came up to me and asked me this guestion. "What is happyness?". (They were making a presentation for a radio show) ....Well, I stuttered and stamered around and don't remember what I said, but I followed them around to hear what other people were saying. I found out that everybody had a different idea of happiness. I heard "Wining the lottery","Good health","In love","Family","Living in Ameaica", "Living a christian life". ect. So I went home and looked it up in the dictionary, but found nothing but synonyms. ....That little experience started me on a life long search. Exactly "What makes a person happy". There must be an answer that covers everything. ....I've seen unhappy people living in ultimate splendor, and happy people living in the worst situations imaginable. What is it? How can I have it if I don't know what it is? ....Over the years, I've thought about it and changed my mind about it a few times but it finally came to me loud and clear. Of course I can't speak for everyone, but for me, it's just one simple thing.....HAVING A GOOD OPINION OF MYSELF....Thinking that I'm right....Thinking I'm a good person. Thinking I'm doing the right thing....It doesn't matter what others think or if they even know.... What matters is what I think of myself. That's what happiness is for me. ....In order to think I'm a good person, I have to do good to others. To family, friends, strangers, even the little lizard that fell into the swimming pool. That's what makes me happy. ....Now Nora, you certainly must realize that you are a very good person. You must be a very happy person. Look at what you have done for us on this site, and I can only imagine what you have done elsewhere...."To the world you may be just one person, but to one person, you may be the world". You are the world to so many. Don't desert us. ...........................................With Love, GeorgieBoy
With the weather so impossibly hot I find myself looking back over very old posts. I am proud of you all continuing your terrible journeys with such incredible grace. My new little girl, Gracie, and I are doing ok. I have no idea if checking the "widow" box on forms will ever not hurt. Seeing couples shop and load their cars together should have been us. Family reunions are tough realizing all that Bill is missing. Birth is a beginning. Life a journey and Death a destination. Cherish the ride.
bluedaze*, Even though my husband is still living, I know what you mean about seeing couples shopping and loading things into their cars. That should be us. Glad you have your sweet long-haired silver cat, Gracie.