I hope that title is what I mean. We had a nice lunch Sat. past with our children. Today we started to eat at a restaurant and dh said when are we going to eat for our anniversary next Wednesday. I told him our anniversary was last Wednesday and we had lunch with our family on Sat. He said "I didn't go". sad. My question is when your lo says things like this do you just go along or do you correct them? I find it very hard to not try to bring him into my world. For some reason every day lately when he wakes he thinks it is Sunday and wants me to get his church clothes. When I tell him what day it is and he needs work clothes he isn't very happy about it. He tells me I am making it whatever day I want it to be. (???) Maybe I'm doing the wrong thing. He is fixating now on work calling him back. ( we retired in 1995) He traveled a lot while working and tonight he said I sure don't want to travel much eating out was the best thing. Just wondered what others do.
My dh retired in 2001 at the age of 74. Two weeks ago, he started in saying he had to go to work. Had lots of stuff there. I said he retired. He said he never did. Then he said if I didn't drive him, he would take himself. I don't think he could even find his way there let alone drive the car properly. I was really worried. I hid his car key, just took it off the ring. He also was very paranoid. I was beside myself because I have no one I can ask to get her quickly to give me a hand. DH is still stronger than I am so I could never restrain him. I called my son 1,000 miles away to talk to him and distract him while I called the dr. Doctor prescribed Paxil, took a couple weeks to kick in but he has been a lot better. DH seldom knows what day of the week it is. Looks at the calendar and he still can't figure it out.
Flo, we wing it, we lie and play along to keep peace. They can't reason anymore. Tomorrow it will be something else. Hang in there. The next obsession may be easier to handle.
Usually when my dh gets confused on various issues and I try to explain where he is mistaken he seems to get only more confused. He is always getting the days, dates, months, etc. confused. He usually checks his cell phone when I correct, if I do, and says Ohhh...yeah.
There is nothing I can talk with him about because I can see the look on his face he was not following me after the first 3 words or so. But, I have to talk with someone and he is the only one here. Unfortunately I have started to talk to myself more and more. Yesterday, he was trying to tell me something and he went on and on...my mistake was responding when I didn't understand what he was talking about at all. I just kept responding and he just kept talking.
I am trying to take the lead from those on here that have had more experience then me and not sweat the small stuff.
Flo...I know the idea with "speaking Alzheimer's" is to not contradict, or force reality on them since it just won't work. On the other hand, I find that I sometimes really have to play this stuff by ear. For example, Jeff has had many episodes this year of being convinced terrible things had happened to friends or family members, and I can't think of a reason live in THAT world. For example, when he thought our son (who doesn't have a motorcycle) had killed himself on one, or his best friend from H.S. days had been electrocuted, I said "no, I think that was a mistake. Gabe is fine. I just talked to him yesterday." This would generally make him feel better for the moment. Of course, it's going to depend on what your husband is thinking, and how he reacts to being corrected or reminded. If it doesn't trouble him, (and in fact, may make him feel better,) then why not? If it's going to make him upset or argumentative, then probably don't do it.
I think my spouse is further along. His delusions are daily, no, more than that they are constant. From my experiences with his rages I rarely correct at this time.
It scared the living daylights out of me when a couple of months ago he went into the main closet (which is in my bedroom area and he really never goes there) and starting sorting through his suits. While he did not change into one, he then went looking for his car keys. Trying to be as calm as I could I asked "what are your plans for today?" and he responded that he had to go to his office. He had been, let's just say, involuntarily retired almost two years ago.
His car keys, his wallet, including his license have been hidden for some time, but I, like the post above, cannot imagine restraining him when he gets to a certain point. So, I said, okay, let's take a look at which tie you want to wear. Choosing his ties, and buying them, was always something I enjoyed and maybe the routine struck a chord with him. So, we went to his tie racks and within ten minutes he said he was ready to go to sleep. Whew.
He does not know if it is night or day, the month, or the year. I try not to lie, not to disagree or agree. Recently he said, "the snow is so heavy tonight" when it was afternoon, sunny and in the mid 70's. So, I looked out the window and said, "oh, yes, I can sense the snow." Enough to calm him and well, yes, sometime it will snow, maybe not for many months but I can sense it coming....
From time to time he will also state that someone (persons known to us) has died. I don't believe that it is true and even more so don't believe that if it was true he has any way of knowing this. So, I say, "oh, I am sorry to hear that." This has never been anyone close.
For me, this is constant vigilance and it is exhausting. My hope is just to get through every day, every hour, sometimes every minute.
It is very difficult to have a conversation in Alzheimer's World. The day, the season, the weather is different there. Living there is an alternative universe where people wear the same clothes everyday, don't shave, or brush their teeth. They wear their computer glasses all the time and say they can see better. They wonder where the dog is. We have never had a dog. They forget their children or grandchildren. If you get sucked in, it is difficult to get out. I cannot live in that world. I tell my husband he does not need a jacket when it is 90 outside. I strongly suggest that he brush his teeth. I put out clean clothes everyday. I hide the computer glasses. Then he can live in his world. When he asks for lunch an hour after he has eaten I give him a banana. I am very fortunate that he mostly goes along with me, except when he doesn't. I think he does not understand my conversations with him. I can tell when he just looks at me with a blank face. I certainly can't understand him a lot of the time. If we get stuck on something I suggest a trip to the library or the grocery store or such to get him on another place.
Judith- when I tell dh what day it is he always checks his watch and then says , yeah. I try not to correct him if it doesn't matter anyway. Our pcp who is also a friend told dh that it would be better if someone else drove him in the car so when he wants to drive himself to get a haircut (thats mostly where he wants to go even if he just had a haircut) I remind him what the dr. says and he replies, yeah. That's his answer when I tell him anything. Thanks to all who told me what you do at your house. yes, we just have to wing it most times, I know. Oh my, what he has lost! and I've lost him. I hate this!!!!
i learned not to correct very early on. it was more distressing on me to do the correcting and worrying over the new memory issues. they wont remember it anyway even if you do correct and try to set the record strait. just go with it and agree it all we can do.