Hi Everybody: I've been feeling a little bit guilty lately because although I've been visiting and enjoying this site almost daily, I have not contributed anything to the discussions for guite a while. I keep thinking I don't have much to offer but if everyone felt that way, and only read the messages, there would not be much to read. In my last posting in January, I mentioned that I had just put my DW (Helen) in a nursing home. I'm slowly getting adjusted to living alone. It's just me and the dog. Now I want to tell you a little story about what happened to me this morning as I visited the nursing home. It's quite sad and I just can't get it out of my mind. The NH (nursing home) has 79 patients. All alzheimers or dementia at different stages. The routine there is to get every patient up and dressed and into a wheelchair every morning by around 9:30. Then they are taken to either an activity room where some of them will participate in exersize, games, music, or they will be taken to an area called the nurses station, which is the center for everything, and they can be watched over by the staff. They eat their meals in their wheelchairs wherever they might be. I go to visit several hours every day around noon and I just sit and hold her hand and talk to her and help her eat her lunch. Helen is at the stage where she realy dosen't know what's going on, but this story's not about her. So....as I was sitting next to her this morning at the nurses station a nurses aid brought a very frail little elderly lady to the station and wheeled her chair right next to me. I could not help but hear the conversation between the lady and the aid. The aid was saying "Don't worry honey. He will find you. He will be coming right thru that hallway", and the frail little lady was saying in a weak voice " Are you sure? Are you sure he will see me?" As I sat next to her for the next two hours that little lady never took her eyes off that hallway. Several times as a staff member would walk by she would ask for reassurance, "Are you sure he will find me when he comes?"....The staff, even people like the janitor would all gently talk to her and reassure her. "Your husband will see you sitting here when he comes thru that hallway". I tried to talk to her. Maybe I could ease her mind but she was not interested in anything except that hallway. At lunch time, some of the patients were fed there, and some were wheeled into a dinning room but this lady got nothing. Maybe they tube feed her. But she was so skinny and frail. I thought about asking the staff about her, but was afraid of what the answer might be. I've read a lot of sad stories on this site and elsewhere but it's a lot different when I'm right there. Another sad story that I keep thinking about involves Francis and Clinton. Francis is another frail little lady. Does not eat, (tube fed) but she can walk, slowly and with a walker. Clinton, her husband who comes to visit every day around noon cannot walk much better. He can't drive and has to arrange senior transportation. When they sit near me I can hear their cnversation and it's always about "When will you take me home?"..... "I can't take you home dear, I just can't take care of you" They don't talk about anything else. I guess I will have to learn to accept these sad situations like the staff does and be happy that my dear Helen has progressed beyond that stage. Right now she doesn't know that she has a husband to visit her or a home to go home to. Again I want to thank Joan for maintaining this site and all the contributors from whom I have learned and enjoyed so much. With love to all.....GeorgieBoy........
We have several nursing homes in our area, they are all full of sad stories. One can walk in and just tell who has family that visits them and who has been abandoned. Well maybe not everyone can, but after three years, I certainly can. It can't help but effect me, and it has changed me. For the better I like to think. I have gone way way out of my previous comfort zone to try to bring comfort to those who have no company. It is now second nature to me. My niece and nephew live with me and they go visit their Uncle Lynn often, it seems children really do pay attention to the examples we set....
Last Saturday we went in to visit Lynn and a lady who has no company at all was wandering the halls in tears as she often does. I was walking towards her to offer her a hug and some human contact when my niece beat me to it. She took her by her frail shoulders and spoke kind and lovingly to her, rubbing her back and guiding her to her room. When we got there she went to place her doll in her arms and we were horrified to see that the doll had broken. No wonder she was so distraught! That baby was the only contact with "a person" she had other than the aides.
With tears in her eyes she said we have to go get her a new baby!! We assured our "friend" that we would be right back and went to the store to buy her a new baby. My niece insisted on using her meager allowance to pay for it. It was me who had tears when she offered the baby to "her friend". It often takes so little to bring great joy to other's lives.
I agree wholeheartedly that your precious wife knows you are right there beside her. I am glad she has such a loving devoted husband to visit with her. ♥
I read of a study (probably read it here) that showed that even though the person could not remember that you had been to visit them, the pleasure that they felt remained a half hour later. So many people feel that it makes no difference if they visit because the person will not remember--but it does.
On the other hand, my husband asked if our son wasn't going to come over--he had just been here 2 hours earlier but my husband had no memory of it.
Such sad stories, I was telling my social worker about it and she was shocked people would abandon their loved ones like that. Obviously she lives in denial a bit, like many of us, that always see the best in people.
Nikki how true about the children, I have a sweet story! A friend was here a few weeks ago with a 9 year old girl she was babysitting. The girl was told that Dado had a forgetting disease.
We were chatting away, and I noticed the girl kept putting potato chips in front of him when he ran out, and then went in and got him a drink, all without asking. Then when he was going down the stairs slowly, she went and held his arm and helped him down. I will never forget the kindness of that child. She left with a huge bag of coconut candy and big hugs from me.
Thank you all for the lovely compliments ♥ Coco that was such a sweet thing for that little girl to do!! I often have said we can learn a lot if we just listen to children.
My niece and nephew have been pretty much raised with us and have watched as Alzheimer's claimed the man they once knew. Never once did they consider abandoning him, if anything I believe it made them love him more. My niece was and still is sooooo protective of him. I have pictures of them through the years.... when she was little he held her hand to protect her, as the disease progressed, she held his hand to protect him. Really touching and warms my heart.
Other than me she is probably the only person in this world who still loves him as much as ever. He isn't a disease to her, she doesn't cringe at the changes, he is who he has always been.. her Uncle Lynn. She is almost 14 now, (wow where did the time go!) to this day she still does anything she can think of to make him smile. She rolls down grassy hills in the summer with a gleeful "weeeeeeeeeeee" She sings Cotton Eye Joe and dances for him not caring who sees her or what they think of her.
My nephew almost 16 is equally loving, but the changes have affected him deeply. He always says that Lynn was his Superman and it kills him to see him like this..... but still, he goes to visit him. He listens to Lynn spin tales and doesn't bat an eye at the absurd things he says, he just smiles and adds something equally fantastic to the tale. He is 6' 3" and more man than child, it does something to this girls heart to see him bend down to be eye level with Lynn as he engages him in a conversation only they understand.
Beautiful stories of sharing and caring. I agree children are a special gift not just to the demented but to the elderly. Maybe it's those who've been taught by word and/or example of caring for others. Most children seem to come by it naturally; some need the example. On behalf of those who aren't visited, thank you to those who care for others as you visit your loved one.