This has been a really difficult week for many of the members of this fourm; a week of loss, depression, turns for the worse, ect. I thought a "I had a good Week maybe appropriate." In hopes of lifting just a few spirits out there.
We spent last weekend with a dear friend, one whom we've know prior to her first marriage, through her divorce, second marriage. The three of us have traveled together and shared many special moments. At she worked for one of the major fashion magazines and she is so beautiful she could have easily been on the cover.
We've kept in close touch via phone and Email but haven't seen each other since leaving NYC in 2002. She walked in a nd DW who rarely utters a word, let alone a full sentence, embraced her and started talking non stop...”How do you do it?, Y ou haven't aged a day, You look fantastic... Did you have a boob job?” (no) Botox no, etc This totally conversational chat continued all afternoon and throughout dinner when we tied up with another NYC friend living here in the area. The four of us had a ball until DW just ran out of gas at 9 PM. This totally animated and very verbose behavior continued throughout most of the weekend, with DW bringing up old tales, many not meant to be repeated LOL. “K” left Sunday AM to drive to Miami for her sales meeting that were taking place all this week.
DW remained up and cheerful throughout the day. Monday reverting somewhat to her more subdued persona, but occasionally bringing up memories of the crazy times we with shared with “K”
Tuesday night we joined a friend, also a former NY'er we've know for 25+ years for his 75th birthday. It was like old home week. When DW and I worked in NY we had a “Cheers” type group that met most evening for a few drinks after work. No one wanted to go from one high rise box (office) directly to another high rise box (home) Our friend's wife invited 8 other couples from the group all of whom now live in South FL including “K” who somehow ducked out of her meetings. This evening DW didn't run out of gas until nearly 11PM. Everyone at the party was dumbfounded by the sudden change. No one could believe how verbal outgoing and attuned to her surrounding she was. A great time was had by one and all and DW insisted K spend another evening with us. She was up at 5:30 AM to be back in Miami before her absence was noted.
Wednesday all was unremarkable and on Thursday friends from Jupiter Island came down to visit for the day. We met this couple when on vacation in Jamaica in 1980. He's an ER Doc she's been a Psy. Social Worker and guidance counselor over the years... They've never married but never split up either they just see each other weekends. He works as the Dir of an ER at a major teaching hospital in the Midwest and she lives down here. They alternate weekends keeping the airlines enriched.
The same thing. T, the ER doc says “what have you got her on a new drug trial? I haven't seen her like this in 5 years.” “A”, his g/f, whom we see frequently was just blown away by DW's sudden reversal from literally a near catatonic state the week before to her outgoing and animated.
Today thus far a good day too. Who can figure out this disease. When last she saw the Neuro, he was saying, “you know you don't have to be in that six month window for Hospice help.” You tell me when..
Whatever is happening this week and forever how long it lasts, I'll take it.
Who knows what the mind can or can't do? Meeting her old friend sparked something perhaps old pathways in memory. It's great for both of you that she has been able to do this.
As Judith said some more great times together. Life happens but memories are of moments.
Oh, Nelson, what a fantastic memory for you. This is most likely the best time your wife has had in years and years and you, too. What wouldn't all of us give to see our loved one revert back to their old, energetic, intelligent self - days of old. I so miss my controlling, intelligent, funny man and would give anything to see that old spark again. Thanks for sharing your amazing story. God is so good!
Nelson, what an upper. When my husband was in the earlier part of the middle stage, occasionally his friends would take him to play golf at charity tournaments or for an golf outing at a country club. Others took him to sports dinners. The reports I received on both were similar to what you described with your wife. I was so grateful to Steve's friends that they could give him parts of his "old life" again. Day in and day out, our LO's miss out on so much, it's wonderful when they get a chance to really enjoy themselves.
Whatever it is, it's still working... Had a neighbor and his wife over for a barbecue yesterday. I smoked a brisket. (I love to cook, it's my escape) DW made an attempt to set table, silverware placement a riot, one place setting got 90% of the silverware. She even attempted to take over clean up, pushing our friend's wife away from the sink saying this is her usual role. "He cooks I clean up" Everything ended up being put in the DWer, but you don't hear me complaining. She was engaged and occasionally making a relevant comment throughout the afternoon. Game plan it to continue to keep her socially engaged and take it one day at time.
Nelson--it sounds like you have winning formula. Your wife must be a very social being and having people around clearly stimulates her. My husband was the same, and I managed to continue to enterain in our home, travel, go to museums, theater, movies, restaurants, etc. well into the middle stage with Steve. The interaction with old friends and family was great for him. Based on our experience, I think perhaps that AD patients who thrive in social situations may have an easier transition to adult day programs and living in a facility, as well. The smoked brisket sounds yummy--never did it that way.
Good for you regarding dw in social settings. We had daughter and son-in-law here Sat. for about 3 hours early in the afternoon. My poor dh...said hello...goodbye....end of conversation for him during their entire visit.
Later in the day on Sat. and when he was awake on Sun. even I had a difficult time understanding him when he talked. It could be his meds. that have been changed and increased since his melt down a week ago. Not going to get upset about this.
Dado was always a very social guy in the past, the more the merrier. Now, he just cannot wait to escape to his room. It is not that he does not like them around, he just cannot talk beyond how are you and it is a nice day.
It amazes me when people QUESTION him over and over, and I see him getting really agitated when they do. I suggest to them it is better to TELL him something so he can agree. It is the only time I see him get angry and snappy.
God bless you Nelson for being such a wonderful husband, this is lovely news.
Prior to the visit from our mutual friend "k" last week my wife would remain curled up in a ball on the bed barely able to speak a coherent thought. If left alone she'd spend the day in bed , other than 4pm to 8pm when she rummages, and paces like a roadrunner on speed. These past few months just getting her to walk the beach or go for a swim was a battle royal, We would go out or have friends over, but she preferred avoiding all contact. The only way I could take her out to dinner or for that matter to go shopping was to give her an Ativan. Neither one of us has had an Ativan in a week Guess having a beautiful blond visit has a dramatic curitive effect for both of us
I loved reading this!! Is always so wonderful to hear when our loved ones have a fantstic day. I think stimulation is vital. Music therapy as well. I hope you both continue to be blessed ((hugs))