It's been two months since Cindy passed and I'm still waiting for that heart wrenching cry that I need to cleanse my heart and soul. Been spending the last few days listening to all the old sad songs ( Linda Ronstadt's ...Long Long Time is playing at the moment). I think maybe I cried every tear while I cared for her and there just are none left. Hope I find some soon......I really need it. DickS
Dicks....maybe you are trying too hard...it will come when you least expect it. It will be overwhelming...may take days, months who knows. Don't feel quilty. We all grieve in our own time and own way. God Bless.
Dicks, my husband died 6 months ago, almost. I have not had a really good cry. I have had many little cries but they are not what I had expected. Many years ago, we had a health scare about Gord. I cried way more then. Someone else on here said that they had not cried a lot when their husband died. I find that I often cry when I come here as the memories of AD are overwhelming. I am hoping for the soul wrenching cry soon but perhaps all the tears were shed during the years of caregiving.
I understand DickS... It's been two months for me also and I have not cried. Maybe it's because I cried so much for the last 6 years that there are no more tears.
It's coming up on two years for me. At first I couldn't cry and wondered what was wrong with me. I think we become so adept an keeping things in that it takes time to let down.
i think the body goes into a sort of shock when we lose our spouse. like feelings in limbo or auto pilot. the fear of crying that may not stop- another factor. and the notion that men are less likely to show emotions and tears. we grow consumed and the loss of energy both mental and physical overwelms us, not to mention the emotional weariness that comes with grief. there is no timeline as we have said many times. by the time our loves pass we have shed many many tears along the way. with this particular distressing disease, we may welcome the fact that death has relieved them of sufferings and the many burdens of caregiving. the physical loss is now but the emotional loss may come later. crying is only one of the symptoms of relief from grief. you are probably having many others. hugs to all of you dear friends who are experiencing this trauma. we all will be where you are soon enough and not looking forward to it. in the meantime, those of us still on the journey, feel your pain. divvi
I agree - maybe you are trying too hard. Why not write a farewell love letter to her - that may trigger what you feel you need. You may not cry, maybe just writing it down will be therapeutic enough for you.
divvi, you feel our pain and we feel yours. When I read of some of the terrible things you are still going through, we relive our times and know how difficult that part of the journey is.
At this time (H was dx six years ago and remains at home), I am not much of a crier. Probably the most tearful I get is while reading this forum and of course there have been breakthrough tears depending on what else is going on.
I have thought about this, along with what you and others have said- wondering about the emotional release from a good sob.
I've thought of two things. When my best friend died, now almost nine years ago, I cried, really cried during the illness, at the death, and then thereafter. What was so different for me then as opposed to now, is that I had someone to cry WITH as we shared that experience.
Now, not only am I alone with H and isolated, but I need to guard against showing grief and despair. Also, there is the fear that I will not be able to stop if I start.
There is a heartbreaker of a song, "The Dreaming Road" by Mary Chapin Carpenter that includes the line "the tears have all been cried". (I don't know how to link it.)
Whether we do it with tears or not, I feel that we cry together here.
I guess I'm not a crier either. Didn't cry when my Dad and Mom died, nor when my son died. Haven't cried because of DH and these problems. I do tear up when I see or hear of other people going through tough times.
I know how you feel. My mother died in September and I couldn"t even cry. Taking care of my DH these past few years has taken all the tears out of me. I am just too sad to cry I think. I pray you will begin to heal and feel again.
Almost 3 years after my wife's mother died in my arms and her passing seemed to be accepted by my wife, we were moving down an aisle in the supermarket and my wife picked up a can of Campbell's soup and broke down right in the store. We had to leave the cart right there and I took her home. Her mother often made a bowl of mushroom soup. That was the only time she really cried about it.
I never cried for my father. Then one day two years later I was in that city and had attended a wedding and was on my way to the reception following a car that knew where it was. We came to a red light, I looked around and realized I was right outside the residence he died in, could see his window, and broke down. I could hardly follow the car when the light changed.
I don't think there's anything wrong with looking for it; but, my experiences are that often it finds you.
For myself with my wife who is in a residence and very advanced, I have cried a river; but, it's still a hard road trying to live my life normally alone. I hope you find what you're looking for.
At age 50 my husband was dx with cancer. An uncaring doctor called me to give me the results of tests and told me that dh had only a 20% chance to live 2 years. I was a total wreck for weeks I cried over everything. New tests (at a better hospital) gave different results and here we are 30 years later. He has had many illnesses since as a result of chemo and maybe I've just steeled myself. This disease for which there is no hope has brought tears of frustration at times, but real agony tears as those many years ago just aren't there. As others have said I'm sure yours will come and probably mine too when least expected. Doesn't mean you aren't devastated from your loss the agony is too deep but it will come. My prayers for your healing.
My Mother had heart failure for 12 years with many bad attacks that sent her to the hospital. Each time I thought I would lose her (she lived with me and my family) and would come home from the hospital and be crying all the way home. When she finally died I barely cried.
Then several years later I was driving through this town and sitting on a bus bench was a little old lady that look just like my mother. I was so taken by this lady I drove around the block to be sure I wasn't seeing things. When I got back...she was gone (probably caught the bus she was waiting for). I drove a few more blocks until I found a residental street to drive down and parked my car and cried a river.