I know that this is the place to get the kind of advice I'm looking for as, collectively, we've all done it all at one time or another.
In late July, my best friend (since we were 14 years old) - her son is getting married in a different state. We live in Washington, the wedding will be in Central Oregon - next state south of us. Hubby and I lived in Central Oregon, in fact we lived in the town where the wedding is taking place, for 12 years and I still have several gal friends there that I'd like to see, as well as go to the wedding. And, I do not want to take hubby for reasons we all know about, noisy, crowds, he won't know anybody but me, etc. and I will end up not having any fun at all. Call me selfish, but I'd like to go and have a good time. Anyway, I have made all the arrangements to go except for booking a flight.
Here's the sticky part. I'm not sure who/how to make sure dh is taken care of while I'm gone. He will resist being taken care of by anyone but me or a daughter because "he doesn't think he needs to be babysat". The daughters are not available, so the choices I have are to have our housekeeper who has bonded to dh and the long-range plan has always been for her to be a caregiver for him. But, she has a family of her own and has not stepped into this role with dh before and certainly not overnight. She's willing to give it a try. The other option is Merill Gardens, a local ALF, that will take him if they have a room. He's not been there, either. But, he won't feel like he's being babysat at the ALF.
So, I would really appreciate all of your thoughts on how I should handle this. Dh is still pretty with it, short term memory getting really bad, but he still takes care of himself all day long (sometimes) when I have to go out and run errands. But, night is another horse.
Thank you all, I trust you the most of any of my advisors :-)
i'd give the housekeeper a try. with daughters as 'back up ' for any emergency issues. i would also go ahead and bring the housekeeper over for a night NOW to get him/her used to each other over night. if you are planning to use her in the long run, now is as good a time as any. get all medication lists ready , and a routine on paper that you think would work for him. i would make sure you have the appropriate alarms in place on outside door entries, JUST in case he decides to look for you? if you think the ALF would work that would also be an option if he is willing to go. but i would also allow a day stay there as well to see how he does. its not a good idea in my opinion to not know how it will work prior to leaving. you maycould try out both options before then and then make a decision. staying at home probably has a lesser anxiety level for him but probably more security in leaving him at the ALF. i would have the daughters as backup for either decision. divvi
If I wanted to go somewhere, I think I would tell my dh a fiblet. I would tell him I had to have some minor type surgery and I couldn't leave him alone and he would have to go just for a short time while I had the procedure and I couldn't take care of him for a few days after I came home.
In fact, we have talked about this several times that in the event I had something wrong he would have to be placed while I was ill. Also, we have talked about if one of my daughter's were sick and I had to go and take care of them, he would have to be placed for a short time.
Dear oldest daughter took pity on me and volunteered for a day 1/2 with daddy. It is really difficult for her to get away as she has a 6 and 9 year old and works full time. Her dad does really enjoy her coming to visit with him, though, and I know he's in really good hands when she's here. I will work Katie (our housekeeper/caregiver-in-waiting) in somehow; he really likes her, as well, he just has to get used to the idea that he cannot stay home alone and that I do need to get away once in a while without him - it's good for both of us, really.
So, good friends, pray for us that it all works out well, I think that once we get through the first time with Katie, it will be easier from then on (hope so, anyway :-)).
As a last resort, I would send him to her house for a few days; but, seriously, it's much better for everyone if he stays in his own surroundings.
As it turns out, dd asked me to move up my departure date and come home a day earlier and she will stay 2 1/2 days and I will have Katie come for just the last night. That will be a good dress rehearsal for Katie and get dh used to her being there overnight. Not sure how I'm going to convince him that she needs to be here overnight, but I'll think of something. He is going to see a NeuroPsych in June and going thru the whole battery of testing again to get a new baseline. I think I'll have the doctor tell dh that he should not be left alone at night and put it in writing so that I have something to show and then he can blame the doctor, not me. :-))