Hi marg78. What a shame that after 5 months, your husband has not adjusted to his LTC facility. It sounds like he is a lovely man and is well-liked by the other residents. But the facility seems to be relying on you to do their job. You are putting in a full work day there (7½ hours per day).
I assume that shaving and brushing the teeth of the residents is something the staff usually does. Maybe a good first step would be for the staff to start doing that, so he can get used to having them (and not you) help him with these things.
What concerns me is how he would feel if you could not be there for 5 or 6 days. This is entirely possible – all it would take is for you to catch a bad cold. He really needs to be getting some support from the facility and not just from you.
I’m hoping that others with more experience might have some suggestions.
Dear Cassie and Myrtle, Thanks so much for responding. I’m prejudiced, but he is a lovely man – he is lost and scared, but I know that HE is still in there somewhere. Myrtle, leaving home was scary for him – ‘I don’t understand – why can’t we be together – we need to be together’, etc. so, to ease his stress, I do whatever I can – I shave him and brush his teeth when I arrive. I wash his face and apply cream, etc., and this, it seems, is soothing and showing him that I am there, and he is not forgotten. I am grateful that he is at this particular LTC, because he was in respite elsewhere, and it wasn’t so good … not enough staff for too many patients, rushing, the lack of ‘personal interaction’, etc. That, plus the separation, was so traumatic for him. Everywhere you go there is a staff shortage, and I try to ease it for them as much as possible, so, when he really needs to be toileted, etc. (SaraLift) they respond as quickly as possible. I believe they really care about him (in spite of the Alzheimers, his sense of humour does, at times, show through, and he is gentle), and they treat him with dignity, even though they may not always understand what he is saying. Today I spoke with his physiotherapist, a great, caring person, and asked for his advice. He’s given me a few leads that I will follow up on. I know he is declining and is so very aware of the memory and physical losses; he tells me he doesn’t feel so good anymore, and I am torn to pieces trying to find a way to comfort him, but also to help him feel at peace. I also worry that something will happen to me, and am trying to follow the leads given by the physiotherapist – slowly hoping to change my visitation times around, so he will get used to different times. I understand that we all handle things differently, and we do what we can to survive, but at this point I don’t seem to be able to do otherwise. Any advice would be appreciated.
marg78, My heart goes out to you for caring so deeply about your DH's comfort. Spending more than 7 hours a day with him must be stressful for you. I'm sure the staff loves you since you are taking care of him half of his waking hours. I visited my DH every day after placement for the first year. It was almost like I never placed him in LTC. Now, after 3 and a half years since placement I have finally cut back my visits to twice a week. He doesn't communicate at all but I think he still recognizes me. He has no concept of time so I have convinced myself that he doesn't know how often I visit. Do you think your DH might bond more with staff and other residents if you cut your hours and or days of visiting? Just a suggestion, but perhaps you could discuss with staff that you are going to visit for a shorter time and or days and see how he adjusts. I'm sure it will take some time. You could always tell them to call you if necessary. Sending a big hug to you marg78. I have great admiration for your special dedication to your DH but please take care of yourself because you are special too. All caregivers deserve a little "me" time.
I am experiencing the same guilt and heartbreak Abauche. We are at about the same place My DH placed 10 days ago. He too was getting aggressive at home And that was the real reason for his placement. For the past week I have been advised not to visit do he can adjust He was angry and combative asking for me all day long. Yesterday was my first visit. One if the Worst days of my life. My expectation and fear was that he would Be very angry and try to leave with me, Instead I found a feeble man who when he saw Me grabbed me with wracking sobs and said haltingly "You abandoned me. Where were you"? Heartbroken I wanted to run out taking him home. I stayed three hrs and he was calm when I left. But I was so shook up I had to sit in the parking Lot for an hr before I cd drive. I am going thus morning. It is an hour drive away. I pray he is not crying today. I told my support group last night that I feel SO GUILTY that I took his life away by sending him there.
These words helped me" you did not take his life The disease did. ". You are keeping him safe And his family safe. I hope those words are helpful to you.
We are into her 3rd month at her current ALF and I think my wife is beginning to adjust. While she will complain and ask to come home for the weekend she now acts as if she stay there for the long run. So she will ask for furniture and allow them to make doctor appointments for her (meaning giving up her old doctors).
Lorrie, Im sorry that your visit went that way. I too feel like I have abandoned him and your last words do help. I have gritted my teeth and stayed away and 2 days ago he tried climbing over the fence in the courtyard and when attempted to be redirected, he charged at the care aide. He has been put on different medication (olanzapine) and it appears to be working (yesterday anyway). I am terrified for the next visit that I may trigger the anger again and I feel for the staff there. What if I trigger anger every time I go....will I be able to see him? Praying he adjusts!!!!
If your visits seem to trigger his bad behavior talk with ALF staff about how you could modify your visits so they work out better. It could be doing different activities. That might not work, seeing you might make him want to return home with you which results in his bad behavior.
Today began well. He was in a good mood, and happy to see me. I brushed his teeth, we went outside to the park, watched the geese, and listened to his favourite music … very pleasant. Later we returned to his room, and he began focusing on pictures on his wall from old times. (In a large frame I had placed photos of his grandparents, then his parents, his very early childhood, his between years, and then his years in the Army – the staff have commented very favourably on the photos, saying that, knowing his background helps them understand HIM. The photos are nice.)
Because he was interested, I asked if he would like to view the DVD of his life, and he said he’d like to see it. He was quite happy as we watched, animated, remembering a favourite uncle, an aunt, the Sister who was in charge of the Jugendheim he lived at after his Mom died, etc.
As the DVD progressed and it got further into his life and into OUR time together, he asked why I was in his movie. He couldn’t understand where I fit into it. (On asking who he thought I was, he said he thought I was a friend who was helping him.) When I told him that we had been together for 50 years, and were married, he became confused, asking if I had the ‘papers’ to prove it, and please to give him proof … photos, etc. He kept stressing that it was very important for him to know. We went through our albums, showing photos of our wedding, all the years in between when we were together, the places we lived, etc. Then he took my hand and kept saying “I’m sorry – I’m sorry … why can’t I remember?” I told him that it was because Alzheimer’s makes you remember your earliest memories, and sometimes you forget other things. It was the best I could do.
I’ve noticed also that when he meets others he now says “You’re good looking”, or something like that, – I think this is a defense mechanism because he feels so vulnerable. Have any of you of you experienced this? If so, how did you handle it? Have any of you encountered these problems, and how did you handle it? I think I will not show him the DVD again.
Thank you marg 78 for sharing your experience. Today was my day to take him out. I usually do this once a week. He still knows me but when we were leaving he could not understand why we could not bring his "other" friend who happens to be a female. I think my husband is beginning to confuse me with other women in the facility. I think you handled your husbands questions very well. I think the hardest thing for me is not having him understand why I can no longer care for him. In his mind he can walk and talk and is always good and well,behaved so what is the problem. He has no idea what it takes to care for him. He has introduced me to others as a friend because sometimes he cannot remember my name. One time he told me he had 2 wives and they were both dead. Every day it seems like he says things that are surprising and then he will go for periods of time without saying that exact same thing again.
<quote>I’ve noticed also that when he meets others he now says “You’re good looking”, or something like that, – I think this is a defense mechanism because he feels so vulnerable.</quote>
It can represent language loss, speaking more in cliches or not knowing what is appropriate or common to say. Does he show other signs of language loss (smaller vocabulary, word substitution)?
marg78, In previous posts, you said that one of the people (not sure if a resident or a staff member) in the facility greeted your husband by saying, "Hello, handsome," so it make sense that he is continuing with this theme. Also, paulc's explanation (that he is using cliches due to limited language loss) makes sense, since you said he had lost most of his English and instead was speaking in his native language.
C02 and paulc – thank you for responding. C02, with your explanation, I understand much more fully how difficult this must be for you. It is so tragic, isn’t it? This is the first time my DH ever indicated he didn’t know who I was. He has not known my name for a long time, doesn’t know his age, where he is, etc., but knows he’s not ‘home’. The staff have told me many times that when he is upset he asks for ‘my wife’ or ‘she’.
One friendly PSW who comes on her shift at suppertime, has made a point of greeting him with a friendly, upbeat, ‘HI RENE!’. (She does this with all patients, and they do respond.) He gives her a big smile, 99% of the time speaking in his dialect, but responding in garbled language. She laughs and smiles, and gets on with her duties, but it is a response. She told me the other day that she has seen him (not at the supper table), and he had no recognition of her at all. I knew he confused other people. When we are at the park other visitors, wheeling their loved ones around, have stopped to say hello, and I knew he didn’t remember meeting them many times.
PaulC – his language has SO deteriorated in English AND in his native dialect. Now it is difficult for me to ‘get’ his meaning, and it is a guessing game most of the time. He guesses at words mostly in his native language and they are not appropriate. I do believe he is afraid and very confused.
Hi Myrtle Mostly it is other patients who say “hello, handsome” etc. – it’s a form of banter, but meant to be friendly communication, and I understand this – mostly, in response, he just points at them, smiles or grins, and responds; I think he does not realize what they’ve said, but that they are being friendly.
Another thing I have noticed is that it takes him a while to process things before he attempts to respond. Also, when he tries, for instance, to tell me about pain in his right leg, instead of pointing at the leg, he is pointing some distance away, in another direction. Or if I ask if he’s finished on the toilet, mostly he says he doesn’t know, begins rambling on, then begins pointing away in some other direction trying to tell me something. I’ve been wondering about his eyesight, and booked an eye test – perhaps, though, it is depth perception. I am beginning to think this is another big step down in his disease.
Hi marg, Our spouses are never going to get their memories back, no matter what kind of pictures or DVDs we show them. It sounds like your husband really enjoyed the photos and the first part of the DVD, which makes sense since those events are in his long-term memory. I don't see why you have to stop showing him the DVD - just stop it at the point where he no longer recognizes people and events.
My husband's bulletin board contains two photos of himself in his twenties - He recognizes himself in both of them but he does not recognize himself in our wedding photos (taken 23 years ago) and does not recognize himself or his brothers in a 10-year-old photo. He sometimes introduces me as his wife but other times he says I am his mother or his sister. He has also called me the "nice lady." I never correct him. What would be the point except to make him feel bad? People with dementia often know they are doing or saying something wrong and this makes them feel inadequate and insecure.
I think it's great that the physiotherapist is working with you to change the hours of your visits. Maybe that will allow you to reduce your visits from 7-8 hours per day to a more manageable level. Earlier in this thread, paulc wrote about the need to transfer our spouses' dependence on us to being dependent on the staff. He said that sometimes having the spouse around can make this more difficult. I have no experience in this (my husband will walk off with anyone who is nice to him) but it makes sense.
Hi marge78, it is me again. I can relate to the loss of depth perception. My husband can no longer judge things like curbs or uneven steps. He also often times cannot not see things sitting right in front of him. He keeps cleaning his glasses because he thinks his glasses are the reason he cannot see. I had his eyes examined less than a year ago but I doubt I will go Any more since he cannot really respond to the eye exam. Yes depth perception is an issue.
Thanks, all. I also will order both books, and hope to get more time to read. I was a great article. The past few years have been chaotic, and I haven’t been able to do much around the apartment, and there were a lot of dings, paint scrapings from the walker, etc. My SIL came from another city and decided to paint and update the apartment, so I have a restful, organized place to come to. We were always organized, and on top of the Alzheimer’s problems, it is stressful to be otherwise disorganized. Within the next few days the apartment will be in order. In the next few weeks I plan to work on getting things in hand about DH, then on to other things that need to be taken care of, piece by piece. I wish all of you who need such help could have someone like SIL. I will be working on settling more options for DH. Thank you for the support!
Well, day 9 that I haven't got to see my husband newly in care. AND today was his third day they had to call the police and ambulance because of aggression. He is now in the pysch ward. I don't know what to do. I want to go there and see him but am afraid to. They want to get his medication right to keep him calm and I don't know what to do to help. He even went so far as to fight with the police and ambulance workers. He hit the nurse (he has never hit me) and cornered another resident there. I have never felt so completely estranged or unable to do anything before and its getting so frightening. Where will this end?
abauche, many hugs to you during these difficult days. We went thru the same thing 6 years ago. It's frightening or worse. I can tell you what I did, but it was right for ME (maybe him too) but you have to listen to your inner self. After 2 days in a psych ER I visited him, told him he f***ed himself and waited to find out what psych hospital they would admit him to. When he got admitted it was a 3 month stay because of his aggression. I visited on all the days I was allowed for several hours a days and I was a fierce advocate. I worked tirelessly with the doctors, nurses and social workers. It was a ft job but my goal was to get him out of the hospital with the minimum amount of meds.
abauche, What is the purpose of denying you and your husband visitation rights? paulc explained that the reason they do this is to transfer your husband's dependence on you to the facility. But in your husband's case, that seems no longer to be the issue. Is the psych ward also of the view that denying you of each other's presence is justified?
I am in the middle of the book by Meryl Comer ("Slow Dancing With A Stranger"), which deals with much the same situation. But I clearly did not have to get a book out of the library to hear about this problem -- I just had to read the reports you have posted on this site. I am so sorry.
You and I placed our DH the same day. I am so sorry to hear your husband has been taken to the psych ward. That is my fear. My DH is being described as aggressive, combative and bordering on violent. He hasn't touched anyone but punches walls, kicks furniture. screams threats and then melts down crying. All the time asking for me and to "get out of here". He did that during my entire visit yesterday. I couldn't get out for three hours for fear he would get violent and they would call 911. When I left, I sat on their couch crying for an hour.
I can imagine how frightening this must be for you. Isn't this a horrific nightmare !
When the head nurse told me her description of his behavior and how she wouldn't be a bit surprised "if he clobbered Someone", I felt both fear and relief. Fear that he will do something and then what will happen?..relief that I had made the right decision...I could no longer handle him for his and other's safety.
abauche. As heartbreaking this is and how powerless we feel,, we need to let go and let the professionals do what needs to be done to help our spouse. Of course, we still must be vigilant advocates ....a difficult balance to find.
I just pray our spouses can be comfortable with the proper medication. I didn't see my DH for the first week . It was Soo hard. But today, i couldn't even visit, I was so devastated by yesterday. Tomorrow hopefully will be better for all of us.
Abauche and Lorrie, I’ve been reading your messages, and I am very sorry for what’s happening to you and your husbands. Your DHs must be so frightened and confused by all that is happening to them, over which they feel they have no control at all, and they’re fighting for their lives. I hope, with all my heart, for both you and your DHs, that they can be put on meds to help control their fear and behaviour. All I can offer is sincere best wishes for a good outcome soon. Thinking of you and your husbands. This such a terrible disease, and my thoughts and prayers are with you both. Although my DH has never, so far, exhibited aggressive behaviour, I feel so stressed … I probably am not even close to feeling what you are going through! We can be so thankful for all the love and support given on this website.
This is indeed a nightmare. I feel cut off at my knees. I called the hospital again to see if I could come and see him if I had a friend with me and she again asked me not to. She said they have done a bunch of tests to see if there is any other cause of his aggression. I doubt it, he is just having panic attacks and reacting the only way he can, doubly frustrating since he has little language. I want to be there to comfort him and BE INVOLVED. I bet he thinks he has been dumped and abandoned, and he has! Had I known it would be this way, I may have not taken the bed. He had aggressive episodes at home but not as frequent as in care.
Lorrie, I'm so sorry you are having almost the same situation and feel as powerless as I do. I have a friend here with a husband with Alzheimer's and she did the opposite to me and was with him almost 8 hours a day when he was newly in care and he never allowed the care aides to touch him. She was never satisfied with the level of care and has decided she'd rather have him back home than to him being so upset in care.
I didn't want to go the same route as she did, but is this better?? I pray for the same thing Lorrie and hope tomorrow will be a better day for all of us.
It is very late, and I am half asleep, so I will answer in depth tomorrow morning. I have been dealing with Sid's aggressive behavior since July. Maybe my input and experiences will be of some help to you, but I need to go to sleep. I promise to write first thing in the morning.
abauche, please listen to your heart and if that tells you to see your dh then go ahead. It seems to be for their benefit that you don't see him (not his or yours.) All the very best, cassie*
Sorry, I did not answer as I said I would Another crisis with anti-rage medication, and I was out the door this morning to the NH. When I calm down and get myself together, I will be back to write.
I am going to give you a little information on what is going on here and what I am trying to do about it. Maybe it will help you. "Cut off at the knees" and wanting to be INVOLVED. Excellent choice of words. Exactly how I feel.
Hospice is supposedly in charge of Sid's care in the nursing home. I get information regularly - because I call and make a pest of myself- from his Hospice nurse. He is restless and violent without medication. Violent to the point of hitting staff and punching a family member of a resident. An outside psychiatric firm is responsible for his anti-psychotic medication. Hospice ordered Ativan to keep him from being restless and he has been on Risperdal for violence for years. Every time they reduce the Risperdal, he starts punching. I received two calls of incidents last week. So I told the Hospice nurse to get the psych dr. to increase the Risperdal. Since he has been on the increased Ativan and Risperdal, he has been completely unresponsive, slumped over in his wheel chair, not talking, not eating, not responding to anyone, including me. Now the NH Director of Nursing gets involved and insists that the medication be reduced so that he stops declining so badly. NONE of this is done with my knowledge. They all talk among each other and then the desk nurse is given the assignment to call me to tell me what they have done with his medications. I called the Director of Nursing, and she's put out that I had the audacity to talk DIRECTLY to her. Her orders go to the desk nurses, and they are to tell me what is going on. Although not happy about it, she said she would explain her decision to me – that his decline has nothing to do with AD. It’s all related to the medication, and she feels that if he were far less medicated, he could return to participating in activities and be removed from Hospice. Because, after all, the Medicare rules for Hospice are very strict, and if he’s not declining enough, he has to be removed. When I saw him today, I almost fainted. As described above, he was slumped over and totally unresponsive, but did eat when I fed him.
All I want like you Aubauche and Lorrie, is to be INCLUDED in the decision making. After 44 years of marriage and advocacy for one another, I don’t think that’s too much to ask. I don’t like being told what they did after the fact.
So, back to my suggestions for you. It is just my personal opinion, and what I am doing, but here it is. I am calling EACH person involved in the decision making EVERY DAY, and making them tell me exactly what is going on, what I want ( Sid to be calm, comfortable, non-combative, but without drugged into a stupor), AND when they are going to be at the NH so I can be there with them. As I write this, I just got off of the phone with the Hospice nurse, and she and I are going to the NH in the morning to wait for the psych NP, with whom I spoke to earlier today. He said he would be there in the morning, but would not give me a specific time. If the Hospice nurse and I are there with him, at least we can all discuss the situation and come to a mutual agreement as to what is appropriate treatment for Sid.
Trust your gut, be a pest, insist on being involved. If we don’t, we are just pushed aside and informed after the fact.
When my husband was in a facility we team conferenced frequently. It was sometimes difficult to get everyone together, but it worked most of the time. I was always notified of changes in medication.
He has now been transferred to the psych ward and I guess he is not going back to the care home I chose for him. But I am allowed to see him there and am leaving to go soon. My GP saw him and didn't think it was a matter of meds for him but his extreme unhappiness in the care home where he was placed. I have no idea what or where is going to go and I hope I get some answers soon.
Thank you Joan for your input and I will insist on being part of the decisions. I am tired of being on the sidelines. It was less stressful to have him at home!
abauche, I am shocked that these people are trampling on your and your husband's rights to associate and communicate with each other. A NH or ALF can always threaten to kick a resident out if you don't cooperate with their plan. But I don't understand how a hospital can deny you access to your husband without a court order that invalidates his POA and/or health care proxy and replaces you with a guardian. And what's more, they do not even know if his aggression will be worse when he sees you. I think cassie is right -- they are doing this for the benefit of the institution, not for your husband's benefit.
I was so glad to see joan's advice, which confirmed what cassie and yhouniey said. I understand that some caregiver spouses may have physical or emotional issues that prevent them from helping their spouses through these nightmares. But those who we are willing and able to be actively involved should have the right to do so every step of the way.
As far as where your husband will be placed after he is discharged from the psych ward, maybe you should think about hiring a geriatric care manager to help you find a place for him or, if it comes to it, help you get him set up with care at home.
Things change so quickly.The NH DH is in has been so great.I am very happy with it.Privately owned ,well the old folk owners passed on and gave it to a younger relative, really not interested in it. So they sold out to a large company . They are cutting out a third of the employees including the nursing staff.So many of the others have given notice.I don't know what this will mean in care.I was thinking of looking elsewhere while we are still private pay,but it would mean getting used to new surroundings and staff and for me losing my friends at the NH.I thought if I moved him closer to family maybe they would visit more often,but I realize they probably wouldn't.Can't depend on it. Just when things are going good something has to change.I am so tired,as we all are.
Which chain. If Emeritus do look elsewhere, they have a poor reputation for when they take over LTC facilities.
Sorry about this change since the NH was going so well. You have to wonder if the previous owners made money with the larger staff why does it need to be cut.
She sold to Guardian Elder Care ,Inc. It is a PA based company mostly soft coal areas.They have 30+ facilities mostly 1 and 2 star ratings.They are only in for the money.It is a shame,the 3 sisters were nurses whom owned it and so proud of the care they provided.
yhounley, the same thing happened here. Rivera (also in the USA) took over a well-respected care facility, and patient care went down markedly. That happened to a care agency, Nurse Next Door, started by a nurse, sold to a franchise, and no longer one I'd choose. Ol don had a similar problem (check his old postings of the name if he doesn't happen to check in and comment).
I heard a few PSWs talking … saying how lucky the patients at this facility were … one mentioned Caressant Care, where there were directives from management to cut back on the diapers, and unless all ‘lines’ were full, they were not to be changed.
My DH seems to be adjusting. ..the last two days I visited NO SCREAMIng or CRYING!! I brought lunch and his best buddy yesterday and we sat outdoors . He even smiled and laughed. He doesn't get why he's there but is not only focused on that.
He greeted me with a smile and a big hug. When I was leaving I brought him to an activity and he went right in waving goodbye.
I still MISS HIM every moment and cry at home. BUT, I can feel sooo much better if he is ok.
I think the new meds are kicking in. He also has become familiar with staff and residents.
Of course, they reminded me there will still be difficult days and on those days I should leave him to them.
Going to see him later today and hope and pray it is a good visit.
That is such good news! I hope he continues settle in. I agree that you will feel much better if he is OK. The only reason I am able to bear living apart from my husband is knowing that he is content and even happy.
That is such good news Lorrie. I wish that was happening to me. As I said he is in the psych ward and I have been there about 4 hr a day looking after him. They had him so out of it that he was at first semi comatose, later he couldn't swallow and now about 2 days later, still can't feed himself. I am sick with worry. I took a perfectly healthy man into care and now he is a mess. They are playing with meds to get it where is calm and functional -they're going to have to get the overdose out of him first and I sure hope he will be back to his abilities he had. He seems pleased that I am in there showering and feeding him. Everyone else in there are self sufficient but nuts! I hope he doesn't annoy anyone.
Lorrie, this is wonderful news. Hope you can enjoy the good days. I've seen so many patients who are content, sometimes a little bored, but the staff try to have concerts/programs/exercises to keep them happy. Hope this works for you.
Abauche, I fully understand the 'sick with worry', but hope things work out for him and you. So stressful for you. Wishing you the best.
OK, WHY is my heart now breaking all over again. My Dh is in the psych ward now for almost a week and doing very well on Risperidal and my sweet husband is back and I can't take it. I should be happy but not so. We held hand and went for a lovely walk along a creek and it was like it was before he got agitated and angry. It was easy to be emotionally removed from someone with anger, but now the sweetness it back, it is torture for me and I all can do it cry now he gone from my home and from my life.
He is gone from your home but not from your life. My husband is sweet like that, too. The reason I visit him 6 days per week is because I miss him so much. It's for my benefit, not his. I only stay for 1½ hours but it makes me feel better just to be with him. I'm glad that your husband has calmed down, for both your sakes.
abauche, I understand the heartbreak you are going through. When going through the med adjustment phase it does try our souls. I agree with myrtle that he is not gone from your heart. I hope that he will be settled soon and you will be able to enjoy your visits with him and then be able to go home and enjoy your life. Everything about this disease is cruel but we are here for you as we journey onward.
abauche, my DH has been in placement for over a year now. He oftentimes is really sweet now, but never was at home for the last 1.5 years. I firmly believe it is because he is in such a structured setting in this facility with people who take very good care of him. He could not handle the real world but feels very safe where he is. Because they feed off of our emotions, he was as stressed as I was when I was trying to take care of him and the house while working full time. Now, he finds peace and I can come to him full of the love I have for him with none of the pressures of taking care of him. Celebrate the moments of peaceful contentment that you can share with him and try not to second guess yourself. All the best to you as you both adjust to this traumatic change in your lives.
Just when I thought he was settling in, the aggressiveness and sobbing are back full force. Yesterday's visit was a mixture of sobbing and sweetness. Then, like you said Abauche I feel heartbroken again. It is definitely more painful to feel the loss of the sweet husband we knew.
Then last night and this morning, the nurses called to say he was throwing things and threatening because he wanted to get out. I had to talk to him on the phone this morning. He sounded confused and wanted me to get him. Tonight his daughters went and said he was good. I almost am not looking forward to going tomorrow. Today, I just recouped from five days in a row of visits. As I'm writing. This, dr just returned my call. He still encourages visits and will check with nurse about his behavior.
He is very empathetic and encouraging. This is a roller coaster ride of emotions. I WANT TO GET OFF!
Boy do I hear you Lorrie! I'm not sure if it was less stressful having him at home. The running in and out to see my husband are exhausting and I am getting nothing done. The stress of worry if the visit will go well and if there will be a reaction to my leaving. At least they didn't send him to a psych ward and shoot him up with powerful sedatives. I hope that doesn't happen to you. I can imagine how they must feel.....like a caged animal and they are just reacting. I hate this so much and just want this 'adjustment' period to be over. Now the dr. tells me he is not in the right facility for him and I have to start looking at other places, as he is too 'confined there'. He is too young and used to being 'out and about' and this is making the adjustment harder. Now I have company coming on the weekend and just don't want to deal with making the house nice, cooking, and making up a fresh bed, I just want to sleep!
My husband is in a Memory Care Only Assisted Living. The layout is spacious with walking paths and landscaped outdoors. But, I have to drive over 100 miles round trip. So, I agree the visits are exhausting. But, as I sit here now At least I am not worried and half awake at night.
I don't know where you live but my husband is in Arden Ct in New Jersey .
I, too wish he would adjust comfortably and I could just visit without anxiety.