Today marks one month since Clare's placement in her ALF, and she is continuing to enjoy herself there. She actually looks healthier than she has in years, probably due to the increased physical activity, nutritious meals, and active engagement in their many activities as opposed to sitting in front of a TV set all day ... which is what she used to do at home except for her 22 hours per week in day care programs. So, for us, it's definitely been a win-win.
I'm finding the same thing with my DH. He is eating better and sleeping better. No more nightmares. He is also very active and looks much better. Another win-win. Better atitude as well. Loves me again. At least for now, but who know for how long. .with this disease you just can't count on anything to remain the same. Can You?
Ditto for me. Husband has been in for about 2 months. He is having no more headaches and they started PT today due to his falling. Does anyone know if depth perception can be corrected with glasses or is that a brain thing. He keeps walking into furniture and cannot see changes when walking like curbs and steps. Have to take him again for blood work as his sodium is low again. Medicaid is moving thank the Good Lord.
C02 sorry to read your DH is having problems. I think the headaches can definitely be a residual from the metabolic issues at hand. I am no dr but if they cant stay hydrated enough the body and functions are impaired. my experience with my DH is everytime his metabolics get compromised he tends to falter and fail more. not sure the perception issues can be helped with glasses. the real only way is to have them accompanied while up and about by an elbow to help contain falls or possibly a meri walker which will help contain the tendancy to fall as well. I do know the eyes and vision change as well with the disease, maybe glasses could help but losing them or even getting the right prescription without their input can be difficult. good luck divvi
Nikki, thanks for the link. I bought a pair in khaki yesterday at the local walmart and plan on trying them. Do you buy the correct size or size up? I bought his correct size and they look big but I won't know until he actually wears them. I was looking for the navy and black ones but apparently they don't carry them in stores and are sold out on line. I prefer dark colors since he's now becoming totally incontinent and any mishap wouldn't show as much. Looks like he'll have plenty of room for his pull-ups. I am a bit apprehensive because they have a zipper and button and I thnk he'll try to use those rather than allowing us to just yank the pants down.
I just got a pair online from walmart,Khaki is all they had,They are much better material than Habands(which I returned),I am anxious to wash them and see how winkled they get.Since Sonny is in a NH he seems to get dark pants covered with crumbs so think the khakis will be best.Got his regular size,they look about right.
I'm good thanks for asking and I hope you are too. My wife is a tough nut although we have a fast pattern EOAD and the last comment by the doctor is that she seems 'brighter' even though she was unaware and uncommunicative in mid 2011 already long before I placed her into her 'home'. She knows no other home because the plaque has done such extensive work killing her synapses by cutting off their nutrients.
I'm very grateful that despite a few trips to emergency, her time there has been almost entirely without additional pain or suffering where only the visitors feel the pain of what she has lost. She herself has no memory of being anything but this where alzheimer's patients for a long time are making new memories while they're losing the old ones. She has come to recognize the nurse's voice whom I hired and may begin banging on the wheelchair instructing her to come at once. That's new memories made this year.
Accepting Alzheimer's is the hardest thing I've ever done by miles. My heart goes out to the Parkinson's spouses. Those poor souls go through what we go through knowing their loved one is in there fully intact but can't make the machinery do anything any more. I would be a complete mess if my wife was going through that. Instead she at the very least has the comfort of not understanding that she is losing everything while she is.
I'm the product of my upbringing. What has to get done gets done and how we feel about that isn't the guiding principle. What my Dianne was has long been destroyed and while she had even shreds of awareness left she always saw me trying to cope for us. That's as good as this gets for her and hopefully she can pass peacefully.
When I placed her the time had come to help myself where I was a complete mess (which everyone can relate to). I've described the potent combination of grieving, being alone, having events now begin crashing in when everyone isn't depending on you anymore, not recognizing yourself after many months of erasing yourself from concerns, and of course the depressions and mental reactions that now have time and space for impact. Good luck to everyone in that because you'll survive - but how is a serious question.
Any readers can have their own opinions. I can promise you my wife would set everyone straight that what she has right now is absolutely crap and that that skeleton in the wheelchair, while her, has nothing to do with what she is or was.
We all choose our truths. There aren't any truths much beyond physics. There are beliefs and opinions. I believe in what we were and what we are now; but, only one of those has meaning for my wife and I now. The other is responsibility.
My wife and I would agree whole heartedly that the only important thing for us now is to get Wolf on his feet again and get him involved with his life. That's the only way for 'us' to continue. It's one of those things that must get done and so almost two years later it largely is done.
I'm a very deep feeler. I've shocked people my whole life with my willingness to cry which doesn't mean I won't kill you. Feelings are amazing and connect with others the way words never do. Our spouses were realized because we shared feelings. The deeper we can feel, I think the more intense our experiences are.
But I'm not just a soul or a feeling machine. I have reason and so I have to choose what that means. It means I slog through depression. It means I grieve in a heap. It means years of pain fully realizing Alzheimer's. But with a purpose. Which is to search for that day where I have absorbed it and the pains and truths and I are in harmony with the greatest truth - I fight for what I decide my life means.
I'm monogomous. I marry once and there is only one. Numerous species such as swans are like that and so am I. I plan to have fun though. In fact having real fun is the guiding principle by which I gather things and throw things out. I'm working on the largest and most complex painting I've ever attempted by miles. I have memories any writer would appreciate because I was very fortunate in life. I was taught early that you never expect anything and you work for everything and if you don't you're actually planning to fail. My parents, the people I never fully appreciated, have a long reach. So I don't see myself as hard done by. I see myself as a fighter.
When I read this and I don't know myself, it's all quite dramatic and over the top. Except I've moved on. So it worked.
Glad you're back, Wolf. You were missed. Here’s one for you.What do you make of this dream? Eric died in Feb/11, and I very seldom dream about him, although I often feel his presence as I work in the house or garden. (Before I’d gone to sleep that night, I had felt very lonely and wished Eric was still here.) I dreamed that I decided to take Eric out of the care facility and take him back home. The next close-up scene is his face. He doesn’t look well, he’s very pale, and he’s outraged. I get him into bed, but he starts shouting at me. He is so angry that I am terrified. I find that the bed is wet, not from him, but from my TIG welder son who usually sleeps in the basement bedroom when he’s in from camp. (The rain had come in his bedroom window, so he had gone upstairs and slept in my husband’s empty bed.) I shout downstairs at my son and tell him, “I need some help around here.” Now Eric’s hungry, still yelling, and I go to the kitchen to make him something to eat. There’s only one egg there. I shout at my daughter, “Where’s all the food gone? No one seems to realize I need some help around here.” She takes the one egg, does something to it and offers it to me. By this time, I notice that I am very hungry, and I drink half this egg mixture and take the rest upstairs to Eric. He has, in the meantime, got out of bed and fallen down the stairs and is lying in a heap halfway down. It looks like his back is broken. I wake up shouting, “I need some help around here.”
Thanks Wolf, glad to know you're back...don't stay away so long, we worry about you. Yes, you are a fighter and you've so unselfishly shared your "journey finding Wolf (maybe rediscovering Wolf)" in such an emotional, elegant way that you help all of us look into our hearts and examine where we are, what's ahead and what do envision for our futures. I am not as introspective or as eloquent as you but I always appreciate your posts.
Hi Guys, You're welcome LFL if I say something that helps but I'm just telling my story. Over and over. Anyways...about that dream. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that dream is about "I need some help over here"
The question is who is talking to whom and what do the symbols mean. The pains and regrets are there like a tour through the wars (take him home...he's not well..things are wet..the strain and burden of that time). I keep saying that insufficient respect is given to the clinical things that happened to us. It's clear your mind still wanders through the events trying to make more sense of them. When I wake suddenly and remember a dream I pay more attention. It may be that I accidentally saw conciously something that is working on me subconsiously. In this case the horrors aren't all resolved. Not a suprise.
The food symbol is more interesting. It is rationed even though you are hungry and must set aside half. Even though that's not true. Who is saying that to whom? Is your sub concious mind trying to work out what you are entitled to now? Isn't the answer to that "a full portion" just like any other human being?
The help symbol may be a sense of still struggling and part from lonliness perhaps. It sounds like perfectly normal dream ideas where "you" are trying to work out how 'you' feel about all these things that worked together to affect your life so strongly.
I prescribe an ice cream. If pralines work better take those. It's your job to find the interests, the smiles, the tastes, the movies, books, places, people that you want. It's your job to hold meetings and find out why some of the staff thinks you don't deserve a full meal even when you're hungry and you own everything.
Thanks,Wolf, for your thoughtful response. Very interesting and pretty much what I have decided to do. Had an ice cream cone after supper and am watching a movie (on pause right now). The strongest emotion I felt when I woke up from the dream was the extreme anger directed towards me by Eric. It was terrible - I felt in danger of my life. The rest (the wet bed, the food all gone) seemed frustrations put in my way as I tried to diffuse his anger by setting things right. I think I put down the all the anger that was directed towards me through the years of caregiving by busying myself trying to make things right. My other interpretation is: since my last thought before I went to sleep was, "I feel so lonely; I must make an effort to get out more; do more things," the message might be, "Don't try harder anymore to make things right. Be glad you no longer have all those responsibilities (care giving, providing food and shelter for family). Loneliness seems to be a small price to pay for the absence of anger."
"Loneliness seems to be a small price to pay for the absence of anger."
That's one outlook but I think society trys to make our females eunichs. The real reason boys prefer virgins is that there's less fear she will know more than he does. It's cowardice on the part of men because men should then also be virgins if virginity on the wedding night is a good thing.
I know that's not directly germaine but I believe women don't learn to hone anger and literally manage anger the way men do because men go out into hierarchies with piles of testosterone and must manage it. I also believe managing anger is one of the stepping stones out of depression and that IS germaine.
Anger is one of the temporary antidotes to depression because depression presses down on you but anger presses outward from you.
We have to understand what is going on in there. Well, we don't but let's do it anyway. It is trauma to the soul to see our loved one turn on us. Never mind that we understand the disease. This horrible wrong is endured. It's wrong because it's abuse and under normal circumstances we would leave or fight back when such attrocities to "love" are committed in our previously valued relationship.
What is the mind supposed to do with the truth of all those experiences? Not your concious understanding but the reality of what such behaviour actually does to the soul of the person turned on. It keeps it in an unresolved bin because even though we say we understand - the mind knows we haven't dealt with it and it is in fact what the mind knows it is - unresolved but important. Our mind doesn't get screened out by our concious screens. It's working those 'chinese walls' at the same time.
It's a nightmare to have our loving spouse turn on us and that nightmare achieves the state of trauma. That's why the mind continues to try to find a way to resolve for you and safely in dreams unless you wake up and peek.
That's what I believe may be happening.
People who avoid knowing too much keep their brains busy. The brain has to process all the real things that have happened to you and keep the hand puppet saying the right things. The brain actually stores both sets of realities and keeps the charade up as well as it can. Both are 'you'; it's just that the brain is where all this stuff actually gets done.
I do this too. Everybody does. The brain comes up in the language you know with dialogue that works for you because it is part of you. That's exactly why people bristle when they're reminded of a fact they conveniently 'forgot'. It's easier to control our own dialogue than it is to control what others are allowed to say.
When we are trying to deal with horrific events our brain has no trouble distinguishing the red, flashing lights of the worst things we don't have the cycles to perhaps endure conciously or resolve. That stuff sits unresloved in an area of the brain where unresolved but should be resolved things sit.
Here are some ideas. Conciously pick from this menu and discuss pointedly:
1. The things I went through actually were traumatic and genuinely really scary. 2. Those things were changed into bizarre unreality because I chose to endure them and fight the disease. 3. I need to resolve inside whether he really was or really wasn't responsible and settle that in my mind. 4. All this was one of the worst parts for me. I want to accept my decisions or understand more about my feelings. 5. I acknowledge how much I've been hurt. I'm ready/not ready to start absorbing this and truly let it go. 6. I get these ideas but they're not for me.
Thank you, Wolf, this is truly insightful and helpful. It will take me time to absorb and put into practice what you've said. There are certainly some hard truths there that I need to face (and accept). In the meantime, please know I am grateful for the time and thought you've put into your answer. Thank you, friend.
Wolf, your comments are so insightful. So much of what you wrote applies to more than just the relationship with our spouse and the hurts that have resulted as their dementia unfolds. What you wrote can apply to all relationships - change the words "fight the disease" to "fight the situation" and it could apply to almost any situation with someone we care about. This really hit home to me, because right now I am on the "outs" with my DS. Its over something really silly, she got angry, I got hurt, and perhaps because I am dealing with my DH and his AD, that hurt has cut deeper than it should have, or would have under "normal" circumstances. So right now, I can pick number 5, and say that I acknowledge how much I have been hurt. I am not ready to start absorbing this and truly let it go. I may never forget the hurt, although I will forgive. I have too many other things to think about to move the hurt from the unresolved area of my brain.
My DH is having trouble deciding how long and how often I should visit. He will ask me to stay but after about a half hour he gets restless and I know he wants me to leave. It's an hour drive to visit so I can't just go for half an hour everyday. He also finds that if one of the children visit he gets agitated if they stay to long or sometimes if they come at all. Since only one lives within 20 min, most 1 or 2 hours drive, it makes it difficult for them. We just never know how he will react. He also can't tolerate more then one visitor at a time. I'm moving into the same city December 01 so that will make it easier, I hope, as I will be just a 10 minute drive away so I can just drop in for a coffee in the cafeteria or lunch then go away again. The staff are now able to avoid aggression by the way they talk to him, so that is getting better. He is also starting to write down the situation rather then confront someone and he sends it to me. Just the writing it down relieves the stress and he soon forgets it. It's then someone else's problem to deal with. He gives it away. Very strange but it works for now.
its my own personal opinion that I would be the one to decide when and how long I could visit. esp since they tend to forget things so easily. we have to take in consideration our own conveniences as well when long commutes are in the mix.
Dado has 11 more days in his Adult Foster Home. Then, he will be , if all goes well, going to the Veterans nursing home in our big town, 2 hours from here. So much to think about. There might be a lapse between his stay there and I will have to bring him home briefly, I mean yikes. I have asked his present caregiver if I can hire him to come in each day to help bathe Dado, he has agreed, as they are just right around the corner.
So keep us in your thoughts and prayers for a positive resolution to this outcome. He was just approved for 100% VA disability due to Agent Orange exposure, so we are expecting full pay for all of this.
Last week I became part of this group. DH is extremely depressed and agitated; he begs me to take him out more insistently every time I see him. He has declined noticeably and this is all so heartbreaking. I want to go and reassure him and sooth him, but he makes it too difficult to leave. He is very ambulatory. Our case worker told me that it would take 4-6 weeks for him to acclimate but at this rate he may be well into the last stage by then. This disease takes everything; even with placement it may take me down too.
hoping the transition goes smoothly for you coco with your Dado. in the longrun he will have more adequate care as he progresses so its a good move. marche sorry to hear your DH isn't adjusting very quickly. but its early, and like you say they need time to work into the ambiance and get more adjusted. I know its difficult to leave him. hugs. divvi
Marche, I don't know what that's like. All of my experience with my wife in the NH is with no possibility of communication because she's so advanced. Even when she was ambulatory almost two years ago she would just turn around and walk away unaware that it was me
At least she stopped biting people. They do adjust more to their surroundings and do need time to settle down just as anyone would in a new place. It really is a wringer going through all this.
Coco, your nerves must be frazzled! Sure am hoping everything goes smoothly with the transfer. I too think in the long run it will be the best move for Dado. I am sure they will be able to give him the therapy we were talking about in earlier posts. This will help his poor muscles and ward off atrophy and contractions. Please do let us know how it is all going and how you are coping ((Hugs))
((Marche)) Speaking only for myself, the transition period was the hardest part of placement. My Lynn was like your DH, they had to distract him and I had to RUN to make it to the exit so he didn't try to follow me. It was indeed heartbreaking. He did transition right in the time frame they told me he would and I hope your DH as well. I am sorry for your heartache ((Hugs))
I am sorry for all you are going through. I hope there is some way Dado can transition from the care home where he now is to where he will be placed in Hilo. I imagine that coming home for limited time would be so stressful for each of you. Then again, it might give you each the opportunity to say good-bye to your home together, the cats and the garden.
I don't know!? I know that for myself even the afternoon my husband was last here I did not know it was the last. From here to the hospital to rehab to the ALF was all without plan. Is that better than saying goodbye to a previous life together?
No answer, just the wish that it is the least difficult for you that it can be. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. You are more than wonderful Coco.
Coco - look after yourself with the move...last thing you need to happen is for you to hurt yourself some how. With hubby's placement happening the realization that I have to take good care of myself because I'm the only one here now has become something I have to take seriously and moving on from the caregiver taking care of everyone else to now looking after and putting myself first will take some getting used to.
The hospital is now just waiting for a bed to open up at the LTC Lodge that is attached to it to move hubby over, Monday is the day he was booked in to go. I hope it is soon because he is becoming antsy and I showed him the lounge where the TV is because he won't let me get him a TV for his room because "he isn't going to be here long and I'll get the doctor to release me today". Haven't the heart to tell him yet that this is it and he won't be coming back home to live anymore. Once they move him then I'll talk to him.
From being fully ambulatory one day to dizzy and barely being able to walk without holding onto something and shuffling and his legs shaking when he walked the next day is such a quick down turn.
aw thanks everyone for your generous love. abby*, in some ways things are really good, not sure if you read about our Agent Orange compensation but I am holding my breath that it really will come in. And along with that, we got the 100% VA coverage at the nursing home, this will save me the $420.00 a month that I have been paying out of pocket for the Adult Foster home.
The toughest part, is hoping that he will adjust to his new place and not miss his current caregivers. I just have to KNOW, I am doing the right thing. The physical therapy at the new place is very important, and also, in the town where he will be there are many Hawaiian aunts, uncles, and cousins , hopefully they will visit now that he will be so close.
I am not rushing in to things, but as he is now going to be 2 hours away, I may rent a room close to him. For now, I will just do a lot of driving.
Waiting to hear the final decision for a YAY, and for just when. There may be a lapse of a few days when I have to bring him home....and the current caregiver says if that happens, he will come and help me once a day to bathe Dado, as I cannot get him in the tub by myself.
transitions...
marche my heart goes out to you too, how I hope things will smooth out soon. If I may....I am sure you know this...when it all gets to be too much, find an old tree and lean on it, and look up to the leaves and the sky. Picture peace coming down to you and somehow, the answers to lifes messes being revealed. Hugs to you.
Coco, I found that my husband adapted very quickly to a new care facility. The doctor told me it was not surprising; the patient does adapt better than the families imagine. If possible, if you could visit the first 5-7 days, they know you are the constant in their lives and soon get into the swing of the new place, staff and activities. (It is a change of scenery - maybe it is interesting to them.) His visiting family is a big plus, too. How's your mom?
wow Mary that is so encouraging, thanks dear friend!! And that was my plan, I will be camped out near him the first few days.
Yesterday his nurse came to give him the physical for his admittance. Was so odd, he answered her questions quite clearly, the clearest I have seen in ages. yet the other day he was totally out of it. Strange strange disease. His vitals are perfect, his health is perfect, although despite the fact he can eat he has lost 5 more pounds.
My Mom is sad of course, I sent you a link to Dad's obituary if you like.
I now have the link, thanks, and have added a message of condolence. He's an Irishman for sure. Wish I could have heard all this fisherman yarns. You two look alike. Your mom will miss him, for sure.
thanks for everything Mary, I look forward to reading your note. And thanks every so much for making my day with your uplifting comment about Dado's move.
Hello! Yes, I had followed your news about the Agent Orange decision. What a process, to say the least. I think you are making the right decision. Even when the stress level was at its highest you always carefully considered things. Your love for Dado is evident in every post you make.
.....deleted.....
So, on Joan's thread about the reporter, I posted a long rant. Pretty promptly I felt ashamed of myself so I deleted it. I think only blue saw it and she posted a message of kindness to me. For me, just a sad little snapshot of a terrible week.
So what have I learned in the last three weeks? That there is only one direction to go and that is forward - however slow and painful it is. DH is adjusting, sort of. He roams a lot at night, but that is why they have staff at the ALF. He has declined, just like the case manager said he would.
I have slept, and slept some more - guess I didn't realize how tired I was, both mentally and physically. I think that grief is tiring - being awake and facing it is more than the body can bear. I mourn the person he was, so competent, compassionate, funny. Cleaning out his office has given me a glimpse at the person he was and whom I forgot. I sort and cry. And sort and cry some more. And then just walk away and close the door until another day.
When I go out, to the grocery, for instance, I feel so oddly detached. It's like I am there but not part of those people and that crowd. I gather my things quickly and hope I don't see anyone I know. I don't know why I do this. Perhaps because interaction just requires too much energy now.
I was always independent and rolling up my shirtsleeves to do whatever needed to be done that he didn't have time to do. In some ways I was preparing for being alone, I guess. But I still feel like there is a huge gaping wound in my side from where the disease plucked him away. That awful disease. You know, the one with no hope. That is what most other people with diseases have - some hope, even if very slight. This disease even takes away the opportunity for a mutual heartfelt farewell. No Love Story ending here, just an erasing of mind and body that I must be witness to. Who wrote and orchestrated this horror show, anyway? And why was I chosen to be the one tied to a chair being forced to watch it?
I tell myself and the children that this is the new reality. I need to believe it. I need to move forward and put regrets away. But how do you do that when the slow motion train wreck is happening in your front yard?
Tomorrow is a new day until a visit to the ALF. Then it just becomes another page in this sad story. I hope this phase doesn't last the duration of the disease.
My DH has been in placement for about 6 months now. I love the peace & quiet of being in my own home but I am not comfortable anywhere else. I thought I'd like to learn to play guitar or piano, maybe take some college classes and, perhaps, even do some temp work. Emotionally, though, I cannot handle any of that. My life consists of getting up & wandering around my house until it's time to go see my DH, which I do most days. When I do see him, I put all my energy into letting him feel my love. And then I go home and cry. When I don't see him, I feel very unsettled and slightly anxious, as if my center of gravity is missing.
As you may remember, he went from the 1st ALF to the geri-psych hospital stay in early October and was placed in the 2nd ALF on the 18th. He's been sick for the past week and is greatly declined. He was put on Zyprexa in the geri-psych unit and he suffered some severe side effects. While the new ALF (God bless them) is trying to get him back on track and stable, he is incontinent, does not speak much, does not sit long enough to eat much, & has more severe sundowning.
It is heartbreaking to see each decline. I feel like he is disappearing right before my eyes. But what I personally feel awful about is that after he went to live at the ALF I cleaned my house and put things away and now it's like I erased any trace of him from our home.
I cannot balance the world of "normal" with our AD world, so I'll just stay as close to him as possible until he is not aware anymore. The world of normal can just wait.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Losing him in small pieces is truly agonizing. I remember feeling the same way. What you're doing day-to-day is what I did, too. It helped me cope. God bless.
Fiona68, oh my goodness how I can relate to this statement of yours..."I cannot balance the world of "normal" with our AD world, so I'll just stay as close to him as possible until he is not aware anymore. The world of normal can just wait."
Yes, this is the way I see it, for myself. We are all different. However, I have some insight in to our pain, which I am going to put on a thread I am starting about my husbands new placement. I hope you might read it. Hugs and love and prayers for you, and marche, and all of us.
Once again I reflect on your comments on "the world of normal", Fiona68. What a strange normal this has all become.
Dado has been one week in the VA home now. He has really changed, though the good news is he still eats., (with assistance). He looks at me like, he is trying to figure out who I am. And now he has a new thing, he just sits there with his eyes closed, not sleeping. I think I would close my eyes too if I were him.
It is a nice facility though, as nursing homes go it is probably one of the best. For that, my heart is grateful.
Coco, my DH started to do the "sit with his eyes closed" thing too when he moved into this new (and wonderful) facility 3 weeks ago. I sit there holding his hand (which he holds right back) and sing to the CD that is playing, thinking he's asleep. Then he will start tapping his foot or nodding to my comments and then I realize he is still awake. I just hope he is comforted somewhat.
I think it's because everything around him is just too confusing to figure out. New surroundings, new people, new schedules & food. He just has to shut it out. He also looks at me like he does not quite recognize me, and then he will turn and say "Hi, Babe". It makes my day.
I was at a retirement party for my brother today and had a very nice time. When I got home, I felt guilty because I just couldn't switch gears and go to spend the evening with him. Normal world was clashing with AD world. I feel like I'm suspended between worlds and cannot resolve anything.
Nikki said once (and I'm paraphrasing this badly) that her Dad told her that maybe God was giving her a long time to say goodbye to her husband. I think of that every time I'm with my DH and am still able to tell him that I love him. And I'm so grateful for that chance.
I hope that you and Dado both can easily settle in to your new reality.
Fiona68 that was my diagnosis too, that it is just too hard for him to look at! How I hope he will come around , just a bit, and open his eyes more. When he does, they are so beautiful, big shiny innocent pools that seem to look right through me.
I have had to come home to my "regular" home for a couple days to catch up over here. The cats are running between my legs and driving me nuts. The yard is going to get mowed and weed eated, water filters changed, floors washed,(NOT DUSTED with foot dusters lol), and then tomorrow I go back for two days and one night. I have a little room I rented very close to him and wow what a wonderful thing. I can actually put on my sneakers and walk down. It is a beautiful tropical little town.
Greetings to you all my beloved partners in this journey.
I have now joined this group. DH was placed this afternoon in nursing home. Hospice is also on board for him. Hardest thing I've had to do, but had no choice. He cannot do anything, just lies and sleeps, cannot even roll over now. He opened one eye this afternoon after I called his name, told him I loved him and kissed him -but then closed his eye and went back to sleep. So heart breaking. God bless us all.
VIckie I am so glad the transition has been made. You of all people have been so courageous and classy under fire. We all experience the heartbreak don't we, what an apt word that is. It really feels like it is breaking. Please take care of yourself Vickie and I hpe so much for something for you and all of us, to look forward to.
Vickie, All of us here know that you gave your all as a caregiver. Now it is time for the professionals to take over. I hope you can get the mental and pyhsical rest I am sure you desparately need. Heart breaking describes placement so accurately. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take it one day at a time and take care of yourself because knowing you were a caregiver on this horrible journey makes you a very special person.
Heartbreaking and soul crushing, so sorry you are experiencing this pain Vickie....but very glad you will be able to get some much needed rest. I wont say relaxation because still, and we are going on 5 years in Feb, I still have had no "relaxation". It is a different stress than having the 24/7 care we had when we cared for them at home, but it is still stress and the worry only amplifies. Well, for me it has been that way at least.
I think those of us who have placed our loved ones can agree it was the hardest thing we have ever done. We are here for you if you need to talk, or just need a few ((Hugs)). Much love Vickie ♥
Coco, I am glad the transition to the VA went smoothly, but I am sorry to hear of Dado's decline. I am hoping with time he can rebound some. Do you know if they have started therapy with him? I am also hoping this will help him as much as it has helped Lynn. Poor buggers.... I know we all wish we could just scoop them up, rescue them and take away any suffering. My heart goes out to all of you ((hugs))
My heart goes out to you. I am still adjusting to having Sid in the nursing home, but my best piece of advice to you is to REST, REST, AND MORE REST. Your body needs it, so sleep as much as you need to. And then sit and rest and do nothing if that's what you feel like doing. After I placed Sid, the nurse practitioner who sees me for my back in between doctor visits, told me that I wasn't running on empty. I was running on a deficit, and it was going to take a long time for me to catch up to "empty" before I could start to regain my strength. It has been 3 months and one week since placement, and I am just now beginning to regain my strength (with the help of PT) and adjust. So give yourself time.
Thank you, Joan. I know what a hard time you have been through - still are, somewhat. I know I waited too long - but not as long as you, and I am doing ok. Not sleeping as long as I thought I would, but when I wake up I feel rested, so am able to do what I have to do. I went over to the NH early this a.m. to see what happens when they try to feed him. He wouldn't/couldn't/didn't eat anything, so I tried to feed him - nothing, except a little milk through a straw, but not much. Just talked to the hospice nurse and meeting with her at noon. Hospice doesn't think he will survive the month and neither do I. Therefore, I am not pursuing the medicaid route -spent 4 hours with them yesterday and have now decided to forego that. I will somehow just get the money to pay the nursing home what I will owe them. There are several medicaid issues that caused me to decide (just this morning) to do it this way. I have to look out for me - for the 'after'.
The Medicaid issues are tough. I was in the process of filling out papers when Cordis passed. You can always go back and do it later if he starts improving. I did not like having to spend down money for things I didn't need and as it turned out it was the right thing to do. praying God's Blessing for you and Stu.
I recently had to put my husband in an assisted living facility. He took a turn for the worse like overnight. I belive he had an TIA and he wouldn't listen to me anymore and would rant and rave at me and wouldn't shower. I knew I couldn't take care of him all day and night anymore but I feel so guilty and lonely and don't know what to do with myself. Any suggestions?
Welcome Susieq - What to do with yourself? It depends on...are you retired or still at working age? If so are you working or can you work? Do you have children? and if so are they close by and involved? How long have you lived where you are and do you have support of a good circle of friends? Any hobbies? Please tell us more about yourself.
Vicki - I hope you are kind to yourself, it is your time to look after yourself.
Hubby will be permanently placed on Monday. They are going to leave him in the room he is now in so I can now go and decorate it so it isn't so Spartan. His meds have been adjusted so he is much calmer. I found out how he is able to call me so much. He is waiting for the nurse and care aids to be busy some where else then he goes behind the nurse's station and sits himself down and picks up the phone and calls!!! I bet if he ever called a 1-900 number they would stop it.
His phone calls goes some thing like this "you have to get me out of here, I can't stay here any longer"...to "your not come to get me are you?"....then "Well F*** you!!!" and hangs up! And you have a nice day too. You just have to shake your head.
I just learned that veterans affairs is going to pay for his care. That takes a worry off my shoulders. The first week of work went well though I sure am out of shape around looking after him. It feels good to be back out into the world again. The only thing that ties me down now is my dogs, I'm going to give a lot of thought about what to do about it. I just want to be able to go and not be tied down by anything any more.
Still in a snow storm here, about a foot of snow has fallen and it's still snowing and blowing, -8C....lots of shoveling and snow blowing ahead of me! Plus I need to pile more firewood up on the patio. Good to be busy and working at my pace.
Welcome to my website. I am on my way out to go to the NH to see my husband, and, will write a lot more to you when I get back. I just wanted you to know that I saw your post, and support for you is on the way. You are not alone.