Well I have been given the news I have been dreading..to contact family that my husband is showing signs of decline...and they are not sure how long it will take but there are sure signs they see now. Pray for me. What do you tell family and friends...do I have to do it or can I have someone else do it?
I agree with Sandi*. Make the first call and repeat what Hospice has told you. Beyond that you can't say...other than " it appears he doesn't have long" and this could be days or a couple weeks or even a month or so..but you don't know, it just looks like the time is now to make a visit if you can make it. If there is someone close to you that you trust, perhaps they can make the calls to help you.
angelb--I'm not there yet, but when my husband's time comes, I'm not sure I'll be able to make the calls. A close friend sent out emails when her husband's time was short, alerting us that hospice had given her the same type of news you just received and we should keep watching for a published notice. I thought that was a good way to handle it, and it spared her from making the calls.
angleb, all good suggesions. Since it appears you may have sometime, an email might be an efficient and effective way to communicate to family and friends. if your family tradition is like ours and there needs to be a person who calls other family members then I would call 1 or 2 family members you are close to and ask them to make calls to designated family members. My prayers are with you today and always.
Having just gone thru this a cpl months ago,I only informed family an pastor,she held on for aweek,I figured most "friends" never inquired when she was in ALF so they could read the obits like everyone else,the family was there the last cpl days but two of my daughters an I were with her when she drew her last breathe
Ok this morning they are giving me a choice to either let him die at home or admit him in Hospice IP unit....of course this is really hard because I know once he goes into the IP unit if I decide this he will be heavily sedated and wont come back home on the other hand my father who is also a pastor told me today that if I plan on living in the home..which will be alone he doesnt think it will be a good idea to let him go here. I have not contacted my husbands family as of yet because they have a family funeral planned for this Sat and also my DH brother is also on his death bed
What would your DH want? Would he want to be at home if he could decide? You have to decide how you would feel about being in the home when he is gone. My parents died at home, I realize that is not the same as a spouse. Still I found a comfort in knowing they were around the things they loved, it was home not a clinical environment... Is your DH at all aware of where he is? Can he communicate with you on some level? As to contacting your husband's family, while it is not easy to predict anything with certainty, have you been given any kind of prognosis as to how much time he has? For your husband's family this is a terribly stressful time. That said, I rather think that someone in his family should be told of your situation..I understand people can't be everywhere at once, at the same time, they may need some time to prepare themselves too for this . Your family and his are facing some dreadful days. In the end the decision is yours.
When I reached this point, I decide that I wanted to step away from the role of caregiver and just be there for support. I also did not want to look back and think did I do this or that wrong. You have given of yourself this entire time, now is the time to think about what you will be most comfortable with. I know the next few days will be tough, rest if you can.
Speaking just for myself, I would take him home. I have spent many nights and days in the Hospital with family members and it just wears me out. Of course I already had my dh home and there was no decision for me. His final 10 days were spent in a hospital bed in our family room. He was in a coma-like state -without the sedatives. He had oxygen and a catheter. Hospice aide came daily to bathe him and a nurse came occasionally and I called them a few times - once in the middle of the night. My children and part-time caregiver was in and out and I could rest in my room in my bed if I wanted to. I am still in my home alone. I had a baby monitor in my room that I could see and hear. Most nights he and I were alone in the house, because there was no need for the kids to be here.
What a terrible decision to make...but you know better than anyone what would be best for you and your husband.
My husband died at home after being bedridden and nearly catatonic for five years. It was a personal decision but seemed right to me. He was at home and I don't know how much he heard or sensed, but life was continuing around him and even though he couldn't participate, he was part of it. Yes, I am still living here and that seems right, too.
Just do what feels right....don't second guess yourself and remember to take care of you...
my husband has been at home the entire time other than when he went in for surgery jan 2011 for a month. He cant verbalize what he would want right now...but I can surely see that he is comfortable at home. I guess I could opt to have crisis care around the clock. The hospice RN called this evening and said he would discuss it in person tomorrow/..
WE had this crisis support for my mother in her last days..it was wonderful..they were so supportive and they educated us as well. And when the time came, they made calls for us and they were there even after our loss. Do what you feel is right for you and your DH and that brings both of you comfort.
We have read the cases where others of our now * community have brought their loved one home at the end. Blessings on you and your whole family..I am so sorry for the decisions you face and the days ahead as well.
Anglb, praying that God will grant you peace that passes understanding at this time and in the coming months. You are a strong lady, you will make the right decision for your loved one. Let you family and his family come and support you and surround him with their love no matter what location that might be. We are all here for you.
Angel, I am so sorry..... I couldn't say it better than moorsb* "You have given of yourself this entire time, now is the time to think about what you will be most comfortable with."
You have been an amazing caregiver, continue to trust your gut instincts, you will make the best choice for you both.
It is now Saturday morning 10am east coast time...and this has been a rough few days . My DH is now hospitalized since yesterday because they cannot control the bladder and abdominal spams...pain throughout his entire body and the gurgling/secretion issues. He has been given Morphine every 4hours and Haldol every 4 hours opposite of each other which is every 2...fentanyl patch was increased from 50 to 75 to 100mg...belladonna supp...bentyl capsules...seroquel..and ativan and seemed being home it couldnt control the spasms coming every 10 to 20 minutes ..to say the least neither one of us have gotten any slleep this week.. Yesterday was admitted in the hospice IP unit and now we can hardly wake him because of increasing meds to help with pain ..he is sleeping more. his output has been 300 for the last few days..which is troubling...I havent contact his family as of yet ..just waiting to see what happens today...my family was with us for the past 2 days and have always showed support...It really doesnt look good for him. Two nights ago I was awaken with him sounding like he was drowning in his own fluid...he was the worst sound I have ever heard I thought he was dying in front of me..this happen 3 times during the night...I ran to the bathroom and started praying my bowels broke..couldn't control ME! and yesterday he had another episode of that..they say it is secretions...something to do with swallowing..anyway I know we are getting close just so worried about how he will go..praying he wont suffer trying to go. The other day when oour first grandbaby was brought to the hous 5 days old he looked at my daughter and said It's Time....I think he may have been holding on..just to know she made it here.
Prayers and hugs are for you today. Your post made tears come to my eyes. We will all probably face what you are sometime in the future and know this is so difficult.
Angel B, I think it's time you called his family. I urge you to do so for your own peace of mind afterwards. This is how my husband died, and, in my opinion, the end is very near for you.
I too think you should call his family now...I realize they are going through a lot now too but your very brave DH is too and they need to know now rather than later. Better to tell them, even though it will add another heavy burden on them than to have them have any reason later to be resentful toward you for holding back even though your motives are as pure as new snow. They may not see it that way and they may cause troubles later on..we never know how in laws will react to what we do or don't do..
Is there someone there now who can help you? Even little things like fix a cup of coffee for you or make something to eat...or just sit with you..I hope your family is still with you..
I, too am so sorry angel. your post brought tears to my eyes too and brought back painful memories. It sounds like Gord's last day. I wish you strength for this very difficult time.
Well yesterday was actually a whirlwind.....husband had started shaking all over with tremors....sweating temp of 103.8...no urine ouput...stop swallowing...they said he only has days to live. I did contact his family of course the sister was away at the family funeral...the brother and his wife did come to the hospital and stayed for 8 hrs....contacted my husband daughter spoke to her and left 2 voicemails and text...she said she would be here at 4pm yesterday...guess what she never showed up only live 1 1/2 hrs away..she first said to me she had to get her taxes done..I could nt believe that she said that.. I asked her about contacting the brother which we hadnt heard from since Aug of last year she replied he is in Arizona for 3 months for the Army training..whatever that means. I had 2 hrs of sleep last night slept next to my husband holding his hand ...the rattling was so loud and hard to handle because of secretions. they put on the scopolamine patch and gave atropine drops. I went home for just an hour this morning to shower and I am back he is heavily sedated because the seizures kept coming back to back
Dear AngelB, Having been through this, I know how hard it is. Where and whenever possible, please take care of yourself and get enough sleep and good food to keep your energy up. Survival is the name of the game. It sounds as if everything is being done for your husband, and you can afford to let the hospital take over while you take care of yourself. You've got a ways to go yet and need to pace yourself. As for his kids, you've done what you can there. That his brother and sister-in-law visited him is a good thing, and I hope that they gave you both some moral support. Keeping you in my prayers and love.
AngelB, this is one of the hardest periods you will go through, and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband. Hospice is a big help during this time, and if you have a minister/pastor/priest, you might want to call him to come as well. You have done all that you can for him, and now he needs peace. ((((HUGS)))
Today is Thursday April 19, 2012 748pm est it has now been almost 6 days with no food no water, it is a matter of time now just waiting. All the family was notified and did come to visit my DH ..he has been heavily sedated since his admission fevers have been the issue along with respiratory distress. They really dont understand how he is still hanging on ..his blood pressure is good and that is probably because of no prior heart conditions and prior to getting sick he was very active they said he is like a athlete in training. To look at him now with his eyes open..not seeing and mouth open gasping for air..he really looks like he is gone forever just the heart is beating. I will keep praying for my strength now. Thanks to all who have offered support through this four year process of learning of his diagnoses. I dont know what is instore for me after this is over/.....just will take one day at a time
This is what it was like for my husband, too, such a strong heart that kept him going past the expected time. It is so hard. The family will always bless you for including them in. I add my prayers and love with the rest of your friends here.
angelb, I am so sorry for what you and your husband are going through. I can only imagine his distress and how you feel being a witness to it. I hope and pray his passing will be peaceful for him. God bless and ((((((((HUGS))))))))