There was a segment on tonight's news about how people are turning away from SUVs & going for the hybrid cars. My husband asked, where have I heard that before? I said, well it's on the news just about every night, people are having problems unloading their gas guzzling SUVs. He replied, no I don't mean recently, I mean about 10 to 15 years ago. Well, that would be about the time they started becoming popular. I had no idea what he was talking about so I just said yeah.
It's really difficult to have these non-sensible conversations. Talk about starved for intellectual stimulation!
I find myself doing much the same thing. If he initiates the conversation I don't have a clue about what he is talking about at least half the time, so I do a lot of ah-hah noises. If it is me, I realize after I start that he doesn't have a clue about what I am talking about. It is just plain the way it is.
I respond to the tone of voice and what is happening around us and forget about trying to figure out what he means by the words. I must be doing something right because he usually seems to be happy with the answers.
Sometimes if he gets agitated like he is looking for an answer I just say, I don't know about that but will check into it and get back to you. That is usually enough to settle him.
My DH doesn't say things that make sense often any more but I often feel like there is a person inside him that wants to get out and communicate again.
Its a good thing that there are many vague answers that work - we just have to remember to not get confused by how and what they say (old habits are so difficult to break).
i find just agreeing and the uh-hus too but with lots of facial 'featuring'..big eyes, smiles, etc really works and poor DH loves it and thinks whatever hes saying is very worthwhile. intellectual stimulation??, clue me in, i have forgot even what it means anymore:) i talk to myself and answer at times too, just to hear a voice sometimes...how sad is that! divvi //but i do have to say i get calls from family./friends all day but its not the same as having your everyday somebody to talk to
Val-That is one of the saddest things for me to accept, the loss of conversation. We used to talk for hours about anything and everything. Now I am lucky if we get to string together more than 2 sentences. He either doesn't understand what I am saying or I can't figure out what he is rambling about. The uh huh response causes the least anger. He can sit and talk about the traffic below forever, on and on about who turned left and shouldn't have. How he knows this I haven't a clue as we live on the 40th floor. He just rambles on. It just breaks my heart one more piece of our relationship is gone.
In March, I wrote a blog called "The Disappearing Conversation". I received so many response to it on the Message Boards. It was, as you say, one of the saddest, loneliest aspects of the disease for spouses to deal with. Below is the link to the blog, and you will find "The Disappearing Conversation" topic on page 12 of these boards.
This morning I had trouble getting DW up and dressed. Then she wouldn't eat her breakfast - just sat there looking at me. Then she started talking about how much she loved me and needed me. This is nice to hear, but we had to get going (take her to day care), so I really wanted her to finish her breakfast. I finally started feeding her, and that got her attention. She finished most of the breakfast. When I picked her up after day care, she was back to what has been normal lately. I'm having more and more trouble understanding what she is talking about. I agree with ASY, and others, that one of the hardest things to accept is the loss of conversations. I used to "bounce" ideas off of DW and she would guide me to the correct decision. Now I can tell her what I am planning, but there is no meaningful response.
Joan-Yes I reread it and it says it all. I remember the first time I read it I cried. It just hits home. That was in March, this is now the middle of July and I am crying again over the same thing. It just goes on and on. We deal daily with losses not treasured conversations.
The conversations are what I also miss. My daughter-in-law has been coming to our house for the last 5 weeks on Monday & Wednesday's to take a class over the internet. She commented the other night, how she noticed that while watching T.V. we never comment on anything, or I talk, however, never get a response.
We went out to lunch today with our senior group from church. A friend picked us up. There were 10 of us there. He asked me what he wanted for lunch. He asked me if he wanted a glass of wine for lunch. He asked me if we had to pay for our lunch or if someone else was. (we were all going Dutch). Other than the questions to me, I noticed he never said a word to anyone at the table. However, he was very friendly to the lady who drove us when we got into the parking lot. We used to talk constantly. People used to comment on how much we talked to each other. Our kids couldn't believe that after all those years we still talked about everything. The other day I told my daughter how lonesome I was for adult conversation. And, bless her heart, she said "Yes, but Mom. You have lots of friends and you guys still go out." She didn't get it and I was too tired to explain it.
Just kidding! Since my husband is down to five words, more or less, I do all the talking between us and it is so lonesome!!!! I do work, so I get to talk to co-workers and a couple of friends. But it isn't the same. Not at all.
One friend just told me that her father-in-law was a physician who kept silent about his wife's AD because he didn't want anyone to know and he wanted to take care of her himself and did for 8 years - until she was almost totally bedridden and he had to put her in a NH - 10 years ago - and he goes every morning and feeds her breakfast and goes after work each day and feed her dinner and stays until she goes to sleep at night. TEN YEARS!!!!! AAAAAAGGGGGGG!!!!! Please don't let that be me....please..
Mary, yes, you do count. You go under "forums." Human contact is face to face, and occasionally a voice on the telephone. <grin> I've learned the hard way I need both.