I just came across this article, and to me, it was a perfect example of why I started this website. It's just my opinion, but the daughter's cluelessness about her mother's feelings explains why only spouses can understand what we are going through.
You can telll the daughter does not live with dad, but only visits.
"Yet, I’ve had caregiver spouses confess that they think Alzheimer’s allows and emboldens people to say what they really think (similar to being drunk), so they believe all the hurtful things said to them. This mistaken belief will lead to a world of woe. "
Interesting comment I had never before heard or considered. What pain this would cause if you actually believed it! Thanks again for the site!
I read the article. I'm not surprised at the daughter's reaction. So many people in my life (not my daughters) can't really believe what he has. "But he looks so good!" "He speaks very well." "I would never believe he had dementia." You know, though, unless you give a specific disease, such as Alzheimer's, I wonder how many people really understand the word "dementia." Many think it means you're "crazy."
I wonder if the two most common types of denial are this where they simply don't want to believe and my personal favorite, this makes me so sad I don't actually give a darn about you, I'm all about my own saddness.
My wife's best friend has never faced this. She's just too hurt by it. Which is to say none of her feelings ever make it over to my wife because the whole experience is entirely about her.
how about 'if i acknowledge the disease, i have to be sad with you about it, and i dont want to feel miserable along with you' so its your problem and i will stay out of it.
Read the article, this, is what makes me so depressed often. NOT that I have a sick guy, and have to make major changes, but, that SO FEW REALLY CARE. that is what put me in a tailspin yesterday, along with a really tough day for him.
My ex best friend would say, "It is so hard for me, I know what you are going through. My Mom is in a care home"
This , from the ones that are world traveling with tons of money, just tons, and when the drop an email, NEVER a word about him or me. Unbelievable really.