I keep trying to find non childish things for my DH to do. My daughter is a theraputic rec consultant and even she is running out of ideas. I have tried large picture books, puzzles of 100 pieces and magnatized letters which worked for a while on the fridge door. I feel so bad when i visit him in his ALF and he just sits and stares. The staff is great but there is only so much they can do. He is still my husband and I want to do something.
I have wondered about coloring books. Actual coloring books, but with pictures that are much more adult-level, even though the basic picture may be somewhat simple.
In fact, I have thought about trying to make afew myself -- using people's historical pictures in order to make a personalized "storybook" to tell a simplified version. Big pictures, coloring book style (bold outlines, no 'fill') and a few sentences underneath is one.
Would such a thing be used, is what I have wondered. Or is just another one of those interesting ideas that actually are not practical?
Buy a coloring book from Dover and see how it goes. I'd try either colored pencils or washable markers rather than crayons. I like coloring some of the time. Haven't done it for a while, but used to enjoy it quit a bit.
I would say, if your daughter is running out of ideas, why frustrate yourself? I know you are well intended. How about just relaxing with him, maybe play some soothing music on a headset, just be there. He is probably much more comfortable than you are. Think you are causing yourself stress. In the old days, when I was a medical social worker, they had these sessions called "reality orientation." Today is, the week is, this color is, etc. Who the heck cares, certainly not the patient. When you leave, he is just going to sit there & stare. I think, all correct me if I'm wrong, your are getting yourself worked up over something that is beyond your control. Just be in his presence. Think good positive thoughts while you are there. Hold his hand if he lets you. You just need to be, that is all. Live & let go. You are probably expecting too much. Relax when you are with him, that is more valuable than giving him activities in my opinion. He will feel your vibes.
You are very welcome. As they say, "Let it be." Remember the Beatles? A friend of mine sent me the CD Love by the Beatles for no special reason, & I have enjoyed it. We are all in your neck of the woods thanks to cyberspace.
Val, what a valuable outlook. Sadly, they do not have the need, nor the ability, to do something meaningful. When I would visit DH, I'd bring cookies, candy, whatever, sit next to him, thigh to thigh, on a little couch, share the goodies, talk (one-sided, of course), put my head on his shoulder, hold hands, but he seemed to enjoy it and aware that I was there. Let it be is the best thing right now. He knows you're there, he knows that you love him.
Last fall my granddaughter was at the table doing her 2nd grade somework. DW sat down at the table and watched for awhile. After about 5 minutes, DW reached out and slid Erin's homework away from her and to herself. Erin slid it back. DW waited, and then took it back again. Erin slid it back a second time. (I had been watching from the kitchen) So I told Erin to scoot over a chair to put some more distance. Erin finished her homework, and left the table. When she came back later to put her homework in her folder, we discovered that DW had taken the homework and a red pen and gone through re-marking all the answers! The paper was pretty much destroyed with random markings and letters. She had been a teacher 30 years ago, so we're pretty sure she was trying to grade it!
I told Erin that her teacher has probably heard "The dog ate my homework" or "My baby brother got my homework" plenty of times, but this would be the first time she'd hear "My grandma got my homework"!
Anyway, after that we frequently gave my LO a paper to work on while we were doing homework. She crossed out and marked on quite happily.
Maybe sometimes we just want to live their lives for them since we see they cant anymore-make the days count, give them a purpose, keep them active, when really like Val says =they are in their own world where things, like we need, are not possible or necessary anymore. in my case, the childish things are what he loves best -i dont see it as demeaning because hes at a level of intelligence that just doesnt offer mor than that and it makes him smile. divvi
Yeah, these activities probably seem like "work." They'd probably rather have someone just sit and be with them. Just be. Anything other than something challenging. Childish is o.k., as long as they seem to enjoy it. If not, skip it.
Trisinger I love your stories, please keep sharing.
I enjoyed this thread and all of your answers. I got some good suggestions too! So far the only thing Lynn really likes to do, is "count" and roll coins. Of course he doesn't do it right, but who cares? He enjoys it! Every time he rolls the coins, that night I unroll them and put them back in the can for him to work on the next time.
Way back in the beginning, in stage 2-3, when my daughter came in with the laundry, DW would offer to roll the socks. A few days later, my SIL came out and asked my daughter to stop letting the kids roll the socks, as they were all mismatched. Thsi was one of our "aha" moments, when we realized what going downhill was going to mean.
Anyway, after that, my DW got to roll the socks, and it was the grandkids' job to unroll and rematch correctly (later, and out of her sight).
That right there is why I love your stories so much. Inspiration. A way to do everything, without injuring their pride, showing compassion, and understanding. I pray I can do as well you have.
As we tell our friends, "Your two choices are to laugh or cry, so might as well go with laugh."
I think our friends started asking how DW was just so they could get a chuckle for the day. OK, here's one we always liked:
We got an in-home caregiver while I was in the hospital, and DD was at work. (have I told this one already...I can't remember...lol)
So Jane comes in to watch her for a few hours a few days a week. My DW was NOT happy, and spent most of the time sulking quietly. Jane was very nice about it, and just did housecleaning while chattering to her. Jane is 75, a grandma several times over, and incredibly religious---singing hymns my wife liked, and just being really warm to her.
Anyway, one day my DD come to relieve Jane, and when she came in, Jane said, "I think she's getting used to me! She was very nice to me all day." DD was glad to hear it, and went to hug my DW. DW pulls her aside, and whispers quietly, "This woman has been here all day, and won't leave. I think she's..........a HOOKER"
Oh, my! Talk about earning your pay the hard way... yhc
I can't match Trisinger's stories. Today was a somewhat different problem. Ever since we moved into this retirement home DW has been "the coffee lady". The waitresses would bring her a cup of coffee as soon as she sat down, and keep if filled throughout the meal. She would drink up to 4 cups of coffee (not decaf) with dinner, and then sleep like a log. This morning she didn't even touch the coffee I made for breakfast. When I commented that she liked the Inn's coffee better than mine, she started to drink it, then spilled the whole cup in her lap (fortunately it had cooled down). I don't know whether it was an accident, or her method of not having to drink my coffee.