My mom dropped by the ALF to visit Jeff yesterday, and met the Reminiscence wing director, who happens to be a former H.S. classmate of mine. Mom said, "Emily told me you were the director of this unit." Karen replied, "We like to say 'neighborhood,' or 'community.'"
My hair person works part time at another ALF nearby. Her thoughts on this topic..."Yes, it's always 'community' or 'neighborhood.' 'Facility'...that's our f-word."
Not that I think we'll stop using the word here when we discuss this in general terms, but it makes sense, doesn't it?
Yes, you will learn a new language. They usually use a euphemism like "memory care" instead of actually saying the dreaded word Alzheimer's. Patients are referred to as residents. Where Steve lives they use "houses" instead of units.
My hb's wing is called the "special unit." Those who live there are "residents." Euphemisms are good sometimes.
Remember in the old days the reading groups in elementary school were sometimes called "redbirds," "bluebirds," etc. I've learned now (I substitute teach) in the school where I've been anyway, it's A, B, C, D. We were smart enough to figure out the "birds;" so I expect kids know what the letter designations mean.
I have no problem with this terminology, except for Memory Care. I think it may reinforce the myth that the general public believes that loss of memory is the main symptom of dementia, when it encompasses so much more.
I not only have no problem with the terminology, I would expect nothing less. To use words that could only harm our loved ones is beyond cruel in my opinion. Lynn has been in the nursing home for 3 years, never once has the word Alzheimer’s been used to describe him. He is an individual, not a disease.
This IS his home, so it only makes sense that is what we call it. It is set up much like a home, it has living rooms, dining rooms, entertainment rooms etc etc. His room is not referred to as anything derogatory, it is what it is, his bedroom. Though still to this day he and I both say “our room”
Oddly enough the only people I ever had trouble with was when Hospice came. They talked about Lynn right in front of him. They used terminology that could only cause undue stress and I politely but firmly asked them to leave and not come back until they learned some common decency and to NOT talk about Lynn as if he wasn’t even there. Lord but that just pisses me off!! I sincerely believe on some level they do still know what is going on around them. They may not be able to communicate it, but that doesn’t mean they should be treated with less respect and dignity!!!
I can adapt to any of the new terms that anyone wants to use. My DW is in a 'Memory Care' unit and she could care less what they call it. She doesn't even know where she is anyway and that makes me sad. I just left there and she wanted to leave with me.
Interesting responses. I'm observing that the men here seem less patient with the idea of the more "therapeutic" terminology. And I sense the anger and frustration we all have toward the nasty monster AD to be underlying this lack of patience. (I also think that thoughts being expressed here frankly, are not indicative about the words you might use in a place with your LO.)
Still, I can't help but feel that it's the absolute right thing to do. As Nikki observes, it's one of our imperatives to bring no harm. I can't imagine going in to visit Jeff and saying "oh sh** buddy, you're in a facility now." Not only am I going to refer to the other people as his neighbors, but that's truly how I want to think of it. I do think that. This is not delusional. I know why that's the right neighborhood for everyone there, make no mistake. But everyone deserves a real life at the level he/she is capable of experiencing it.
i dont think the name of the unit would be as important to me as the care and quality of living experiences. i also agree it may be marketing idea to increase costs. things that sound good are more acceptable thus more easy to sell.
It isn't so much what one calls it, it isn't about just putting a name to a place or a room. It is about making our loved ones still feel viable and worthy of common decency and respect.
Let's face it, we simply do not know what our loved ones CAN understand. How awful it would be if they heard people talking down to them, if they had the word facility or nursing home, or Alzheimer’s shoved down their throats every day! Lynn was just so lost, and now he is able to communicate better, he still shocks me some days by saying things that blow my mind. Like his full name, or my name, or where he was born.
Most days he can not do this, and anyone who didn't know him as intimately as I do, or who didn't care about him, would think he was "just another demented person" And they might see no harm in talking openly in front of him about things that could potentially hurt him. I wont allow it. I would not accept anyone talking down to me, why would I accept them doing it to Lynn?
It isn't about money, it isn't about the words, it is about the love we have for our spouses and our want for them to have the best possible quality of life we can give them. This is his home, I want him to be treated as I expect to be treated in my home. Where is the harm in that? It can only bring comfort and peace to their lives to treat them with kindness.