Bad p.m. here today. DH became upset when rerun of Fox program on az came on. I turned it to something else but I could see he was upset. He said I told the doctor what he had. I didn't know what to say because of course I never have. Then he said once again he'd rather be dead. He has said this several times lately. He went on to do some yard work and the cat was with him, I thought. Later he came in and no cat to be found. We live on an acreage and all neighbors have 5 or more acres so lots of space to roam. This was very upsetting to him. We ate supper and he once again accused me of telling the doctors. He was wanting to drive someplace and I told him we'd go tomorrow. He said if what I told the doctors was so it would be on his drivers license and I was the only one who said he couldn't drive. Ate supper later he wanted usual popcorn and coffee - wants this every night. Then daughter came with her drama and he became very agitated. I took care of her stuff and she left. He said he was looking for the cat again. Went to all outside buildings to be sure she wasn't shut up in one of them. No cat. About an hour later he said he felt sick and sure enough he was very sick several times.. So unusual for him I can't remember a time he has chucked up since he took chemo many years ago. He is given something now before chemo and he doesn't have nausea at all. But, Oh Boy, did he ever. Got that cleaned up only to have it happen twice more. He is now sleeping in bed. I hope for the night. No shaving, teeth brushing or anything. I just wanted him to get quiet. Now what do you think. Is it the realization has come to him that he has this awful disease, was it something he ate, the loss of his cat, daughter's drama? How would you handle if your LO told you it was your diagnosis not the doctor's. He has appt. with pcp tomorrow and I'm going to try to get message to him before time that dh thinks I'm the one who diagnosed his case. PCP is personal friend. I used to work for him. I had appt. with him last week and talked some about what was going on. He told me he would prescribe meds when I thought he should. How am I supposed to know. DH has appt. with neuro in a couple of weeks and he doesn't want me to go or our son. I told him son needs to go to drive. He doesn't buy that as I just drove from our vacation spot and also drive in the big city. But son will go so he can hear what doctor says. Any suggestions will be much appreciated. I'm struggling. I usually know how to get around things but I have no clue here. New ground for me.
Sorry I have no advice. Could be he really did have a bug or something he ate did not agree with him. Or as you suspect, he could be really upset with the realization of his illness OR could be daughter. It is really hard to say.
I would definitely get a message to both doctors so they know what he is saying and thinking - not that there is much they could do except maybe medication.
Flo39, I know it is hard for you to hear him say that it was you that diagnosed him. But him saying that and him meaning that are two different things. In his mind he knows that you were there when the doctor diagnosed him so he does connect the two together but his mind is probably not able to put them in the right order. He probably doesn’t really mean that he believes you diagnosed him.
It is like my wife Kathryn knows that I am Jimmie but doesn’t remember that I’m married to her. She thinks I am just a nice guy that takes care of her. However when asked she does know that she is married to Jimmie and if asked she who Jimmie is she will say her husband but is not able to connect that Jimmie and me together in her mind.
Our loved ones minds are for the most part not able to process information properly any more so don’t put much into his saying you diagnosed him.
When Kathryn first got her diagnosis she said she want to kill herself too. She said it again when told she was diabetic. I hid the guns and took her to lunch and she did finally stop saying it. It took a while the first few times because she was only in the moderate stage of Alzheimer’s. Now she never says anything about wanting to kill herself. I wish I could tell you your LO would stop soon but it may come up in the future until he is farther along in the disease.
Only thing I can say is try to understand his confusion and if he will let you give him a big hug and do your best to redirect his attention to something else. This isn’t much help I know but it is all we have.
flo for sure get that info to the dr prior to the appt, its very tricky now with the hippa laws about drs discussing a persons health without the release forms signed and persons named who they can discuss with. maybe since you are on a personal note with the dr he will be more willing to help you out with how to proceed. even if your son goes and sits with him in the dr appt if your spouse says he cant go in then they probably wont allow it if he makes a fuss. you should discuss it with the dr prior to appt just in case. i know its hard when our kids are issues but maybe it would be best to ask your daughter with the dramas to call prior to visits to see if its a good time or not. and if necessary you could meet her somewhere other than the home if DH is upset by visits. sometimes we have to make hard decisions and place priorities in life which are for our best efforts first. sounds like you DH may also have some paranoia or delusions starting as well so maybe getting him on medications to soften his demeanor would make it easier on you. good luck. this isnt an easy disease to manage. divvi
Just and update here - Cat showed up about noon today. Just walked right in like she hadn't been gone all night. Tail up and nose in air. She was looking for her food dish for sure! She is spayed so I don't think was looking for a boy friend. I guess she went to a "sleep over". DH was so happy he got her brush and gave her a good loving & brushing. :0)