Flo39, and others who need help - as Carosi said, check with your local Area Agency on Aging. Ours has a position called "Family Caregiver Navigator". This person evaluates your situation and helps you find the help you need. There may be a charge for the service, but it is worth it. Although I am quite familiar with the resources in our area, I found the navigator a big help in bringing things into better focus.
Worth a try? Many caregivers experience stress that can turn into depression. About half of dementia family caregivers are depressed, Lavretsky says. Caregiver depression tends to be double the national average, highest for family dementia caregivers.
You can search "Kirtan Kriya" online to find videos of the practice. Whether you choose to fight the risks of caregiver stress syndrome by taking up a chanting practice, joining a yoga studio -- or just trying to put your feet up and listen to instrumental music for 10 minutes a day, one thing's certain: Anything relaxing a caregiver does for himself or herself is a very good thing.
Image by Flickr user Muffet, used under a Creative Commons license.
flo39 ... others have already said what needed saying. Suffice to say that all of us have to deal with depression at times in our own ways as we all struggle to keep our heads above water and avoid being totally overwhelmed on given days. Some receive satisfaction from prayer, some from medication, some from finding more 'me time' (which is what has worked for me) ... but we each need to do whatever it takes, with apologies to no one. There is no judgment on this site. Frequent visits to this site in and of itself is yet another way I personally deal with some bouts of depression. Whne I find myself going under, I can almost always come away from reading one or more message board threads by saying to myself, "How can I complain? I have it so easy compared to ....
Depressed. Does that word even describe the never ending pain of an Alzheimer Spouse!!
I just reread all of these old posts. We all face this gut wrenching pain day after day with only the knowledge that it will get worse. Right now, my DH has been going downhill fast the past year but especially the last 5 months! I am scared, no terrified, of what the future is going to be like. I know I remind myself to live in the moment, take a day at a time....But the moments and days are full of new reminders that he is slipping away. I see that he has descended into Stage 6 . Aphasia makes it difficult for me to even figure what he is trying to say. Then he gets angry and frustrated. He is forgetting names or unable to retrieve them. He calls his daughters ..the girls. Can't even tell me how many children or grandchildren he has and couldn't name them.
I awaken each day and force myself to put one foot in front of the other....to pretend all is well...to smile...to encourage..to be patient..to hold back tears...to take care of his needs ...
Yet, I too have much go be grateful for but that doesn't take away the pain.
I'm sorry Lorrie. I remember all the parts of this painful road and each has it's own kind of pain. I hope you can stay strong and I recall reading comments years ago here by posters saying they remember the earlier parts more fondly. I thought that had to be wrong when I was where you are - but it was true.
Yeah, how to move forward somehow, maintain your sanity, and not be destroyed even though the situation is robbing you of everything you ever wanted to do with your life and of the person you wanted to do it with. There is no one and no support that really provides any very meaningful help--you (I mean we, all of us) have to do it yourself/ourselves somehow, to pull life and crumbs of happiness out of despair, loneliness, fatigue--the whole bit--the only thing in the universe that supports me at all, really, is this website. Hospice is a godsend in terms of the equipment I need and the five showers a week the aides give, but I can tell that, as hard as they try, (the SW, the chaplain, the nurses,)--that even they don't really "get it." They think they do, but they don't. What helps me is just sitting on my screened porch for a few minutes in the morning when I first get up. I have my cup of coffee and just blank my mind for a few minutes. If he stays asleep, I play my whistle or my harp for a little while. (In the cold months, I am at the kitchen table…but the porch is better.) Then begins poop patrol, urine quest, whining-listener duty, and the interminable transfers…bed to chair, chair to toilet, toilet to shower bench, shower bench to chair, chair to couch, couch/W/C/toilet, toilet toilet toilet. Well, I don't need to drag on…you all "get it."
Yes, lingering ongoing depression for lack of a better word. We are all changed with this disease and the many years we have to put our spouse first. I know we are to put ourselves first but I didn't for a long time. I still try to and struggle even though my husband is in a facility. There are ever ongoing advocacy work that needs to be done. And the constant watching of more and more losses that often break my heart. I fully agree with you Elizabeth, the professionals don't really get it. They try very hard and only us here get it. Like many have said, this site is my primary support. Well other than my psychologist, only support. Many friends have gone sick of hearing about this disease and tired of me being so tired. Lorrie - for me the pain never goes away. It does ebb and flow fortunately. I range from sometimes laughing at my new kitten to down and out chest heaving sobbing while falling to the bed. And on, we all solder.