Can anyone tell me if you ever feel any happiness? I can't seem to get rid of this heavy feeling that is with me each time I wake up. We aren't far into this awful disease and just maybe I've been in denial up to now and it is finally hitting me that this is real and there is no getting better only much much worse until the end. I know I've depended on DH much to much all these years and now when he isn't able to do the things he's always done and it is my responsibility I just feel so low. Added to his situation is my 90 year old sister and dear daughter with all her ills. We have just returned from vacation at a place we've been going for many years. DH was confused while we were at the condo and that brought reality crashing in. Since we're home he still at times thinks we are still there. He doesn't remember where his clothes are here so he must think we are still at the vacation place. Everyone's LO is special to them and he is not extra special I know but when I see him like this and remember the brilliant man he was it just tears me up. We were married very young and have really grown up and now grown old together. He had a very successful career and managed our finances well. Now I'm trying and he gets so upset if I mention we need to watch our money. I guess I'm looking to a time when he may need to be "placed". I know what my sister has to pay in the ALF and I want to not have to worry if we will have funds if necessary. I know no one can make me happy or unhappy I choose so I must choose to get out of this funk. I must try to be more thankful for what is and not stress over what maybe. Thanks for letting me vent.
Oh, flo, we can all relate to how you are feeling. That is what this website is all about - we all struggle with watching the capable person with whom we have spent our lives, decline and disappear. It is a heartache only another spouse can understand.
Do I ever feel happiness? To be honest, not the way I used to, but I am able to find happiness in little things that occur. I am happy when I get to work out at the gym in peace. I am happy when Sid and I are able to attend and enjoy a show or a dinner out. I am happy when I visit with good friends and relatives. I am happy for the 2 hours I play Mahjong on Monday's with my Non-Alzheimer friends. I am happy when I knit. I am happy when I am reading a good book. I am happy when I lose a pound.
If your unhappiness extends into a depression that leaves you unable to function, I would suggest you see your doctor for an anti-depressant. It can't change your situation, but it can help you cope.
flo39, First thing DO NOT mention you need to watch your money. My DH is the one that mentions it as far as not having to use it all for him. I just tell him I have it all figured out and he doesn't need to think about it. Right now I am checking ALF's to place him and he is agreeable so I will start next week. I hope to find a GOOD ALF where DH will be satisfied at least and I will be able to relax and do things that I have let slide for over 4 years. Hang in there and do the best you can using fiblets or whatever it takes to get through each day. Good luck and God Bless.
I do experience what you are..I worry about funds but don't mention it, just tell him we are fine and I am saving. We are all brought low when we discover another strength our LO still had when we see it is gone or going..My DH was strong with math..not anymore...he was asked how long we have been married, He said" let me see we got married in 77..and what year is this? oh 2012..let's see that would be 27 years.." Now today we have our second day of our crew working on the outside of the house..facia needs new stain and some stucco needs patching and touch up paint..this is going to take more than a few days to do and there is a bit of roof work to readjust a few tiles that were upset by the winds..and in the house I want to get a wall patched that he has dinged up with his chair... He is driving m NUTS with how much is this going to cost? I can see in his face he is confused and worried etc and has said we don't need this done now...I guess this is the first time I have taken real control and made the decision to get this done NOW before things get worse..6 years ago we needed the driveway resurfaced. A Slurry coat would have done the trick but he said it was too $$$ so now the whole damn driveway has to be dug up and redone and how much is that going to cost? This damn disease does not get better it just gets worse and worse and worse..and no one but the folks here or who are not here but have gone through this particular disease ( dementia whatever variety) gets it..full of advice on how to make the LO remember..hell they can't recall if they even ate let alone what they ate. I find that when I get really frustrated or down I start to rebel..and then things that need doing I just don't bother with..sometimes to regret it later but hell, there is no peace, no personal space. We give up so much. First it is our LO then our home as we knew it..might be ramps put in, or we move to another bedroom, or we give up watching anything we like on TV so they can see Godfather for the eleventeenth time in 3 days..dinners out..they are done after 2 bites so we get carryout...well you all get it.. So not to worry about feeling this way we all do...but if you need a counselor it might help to have someone to talk to about these feelings.
Agreed. My personal experience suggests that, as much as you may be in a quandary about the what and hows of your financial situation, you cannot share a hint of this with the ill spouse. It's just one of the fun aspects of this gig.
Yes, when your would is crashing and burning around you, it's hard to be the happy goody two shoes 24/7. But I found out the hard way, that when I looked to my husband to share my concerns, it only resulted in more conflict. Flo, all I can tell you is that it passes, you get used to handling everything and the finances work out one way or the other. I would say that it's normal to be unhappy most of the time when you become the spouse of someone with dementia--it comes with the job. However, it doesn't last forever and in my experience, it got easier to deal with as time went on (acceptance set in).
Flo, I am not as experienced as others here, just over one year into being a caregiver.
I think marilynMD hit it right on, I cannot believe it , but in some ways, it is easier. At first I was OVER THE TOP< mad at him, mad at everybody, no no no this cannot be true!!! I sobbed every night and felt hopeless.
Then I came to this site, and saw all the familiar things. And slowly, I came to accept. I still cry, I still get mad, but I have in some ways disconnected myself from him. When I think too hard what it must be like in his shoes, the heartbreak is too much, and then, the heartbreak for myself.
I am facing the facts, looking for respite, hoping that life has not had it's best, and now, this is it. Maybe, there still is some fun. Maybe I can get through this sanely, as I watch him deteriorate.
I still though, once in awhile, tell myself it is a bad dream and he really is not sick.
There is happiness Flo, I have had more than I thought I would, but, not as free as before. Each day, when I do feel a little brighter, there is always that lingering cloud.
flo 39 I too married at a young age and like you we grew up and old together and now she is gone. The helpless feeling of hoplessness is part of this journey, it comes and goes, but you just have to deal with it any way that works for you. There is no one correct way to travel this road cause every person and every day is different and you just do what you need to do for you to get thru. For me, prayer was my way of releasing some of the pressure and gaining some peace and wisdom and even joy sometimes. Before alzheimers struck I was not a particularly religious person I believed in God and knew Him as the creator of everything and that He loved us and wanted to help us live the life He planned for each of us and that was about it. But about two years into this journey I realized that I needed Him to be more in my life because as my wife's life changed and I could no longer depend on her having my back I needed someone there and God was my answer. He is always ready to listen to what I say and helps me through everything that I run up against in life. He has truly been my salvation and now as I go on alone He is my constant companion. I am actively searching for someone to share my life with but so far every lead has been a deadend. When I get discouraged I just pray to God and it helps me to realize that as long as I am open to listening to Him there is light at the end of this tunnel and I trust Him to guide my days. I pray that you like so many here will find and trust God to help you through the rough days ahead. God will never leave or forsake you. May God bless you today and in the future. Bruce D *
In my own personal experience education has been my best friend. There are two very serious afflictions that care givers for dementia sufferers have to endure. Ambiguous Loss and Situational Depression are both very real and need to be understood before they can be dealt with. I'd guess that most readers here are familiar with both, but if we're not careful it's easy to forget that we're suffering from them. I have to stop sometimes and, with a cool detached mind, remind myself that there are good reasons I feel as I do. There is much written about them. I believe the more you understand them the easier time you have coping with them.
You sure as heck can't will either of them to just completely go away. :(
I can only share my experience with you, Flo. I was in denial for about a year that my husband would not get worse. When I realized that was not the case I became overwhelmed primarily by fear of what the future would bring and financial issues. I could not get out of bed and things I normally enjoyed held no interest for me. I cried often. So, I got myself to my doctor who perscribed an antidepressant(was on them about a year) and sent me to a therapist. I consulted an Eldercare attorney regarding finances. I called a friend every day to avoid becoming isolated. It was a very low point but I can say I now try to have a life apart from my husband, at least for part of the time.
Am I happy with my life? Of course not. Every aspect of my life has suffered from this. Companionship, home, money, security. Nothing has been gained or made better.
I read about, but am not familiar with, another site that posters here have commented on. Apparently there posters say AD and related dementia's have made their relationships stronger. This, I cannot imagine.
Am I depressed? Of course! My PCP says I would be delusional if I was not depressed.
I find small moments of happiness; when I sit outside on my bench outside a small pond and feed the birds: I watch the little goldfinches and bushtits and hear the thrashers and jays. If I time it right and if the weather permits I catch the sunset and I feel happy.
When my companion animals crawl under the covers with me, I feel happy. Small moments.
That's all I have; those small moments. I try to treasure them because the big future is gone.
abby those are the same things that make me happy! Birds a twittering, hordes of butterflies, warm breezes, orchids and fruit, and ALSO when my spoiled cat, crawls under the covers with me.
And, still being able, to create and do my work through it all. I am certainly lonely.
Thank god for our cats...mine just gets up on my pillow and sings ( purrs) kitty lullabies and in the evening while watching tv she is in my lap. Did I tell you Ebonie can count? Well I just look at her and say One Two Three and she is up there. Tonight my DH wanted her to come sit in his lap and he tried the One Two Three and she just looked at him like Are you nuts? He just laughed at the situation and said " I am so glad she loves you too." Ebonie is a sweetie..
Flo, I too can relate. There was a time I felt little happiness, if any. Between the loss of Lynn and my Dad's suicide, I was consumed in grief.
I don’t believe for an instant that “time heals all wounds“ ….. I do however believe with time the pain becomes a part of you, engrained in you if you will, and it makes it a little easier to carry.
It has been 4 years since my Dad’s death and 3 years since placing Lynn. He is now late stage, but has at last found peace in his own little world. He is happy, content and peaceful. This has brought me great comfort. And now I can truthfully say that yes, I feel happiness every single day.
This past year is the happiest I have been in over a decade. There has been no grand trip or great event. "Just" the miracles in every day living. that I couldn’t even see before when I was consumed in the grief.
Do you have anything that you can do just for you? It doesn’t have to be big, something simple like a bubble bath, with perhaps some candles lit. Maybe get someone to watch your DH so you can get a manicure, or spend the day doing something special for yourself.
Looking back now, I can clearly see the reason I was so depressed is because I got no breaks from the heartache. We NEED to make time for ourselves. Our loved ones want us to be happy!! We are doing us both a huge disservice by sacrificing our happiness. I hope you can find some joy ((Flo))
Well said Nikki. Again, depression is something we all deal with and it seems everyday. Doing something for one's self is important..part of healing..sustaining us. We are not selfish people as demonstrated by how we deal with this challenge. But, at times, we may feel we are being just that..by taking moments just for us. I get past that by knowing those moments help me contine the journey..and help a great deal to sustain my health as well.
You said it well, Nikki..put a fine point on it when you said our depression, discouragement, rebellion or whatever you want to call it is caused by the day to day hard to get a break from the caregiving role that prevents us from getting as much ME time as we need and the realization that this is not going to get better until "The End" and the heart ache and heart break we see and experience daily that no one can begin to understand..it is not the same as losing a parent to this disease, as awful as that is and I have been there, but this is different..our soul mate is leaving us one day at a time and there is not a thing we can do to stop it, worse there is no hope....save for coconut oil!
Thanks to everyone who took the time to "talk" to me. I appreciate each one of you so much. When I think of the only way I'm going to have any real ME time I know it will be when these folks I am responsible for now are in heaven. My sister in ALF is past 90 now and has aphasia so a conversation with her is a challenge for both of us. I am her POA and of course responsible for doctor's visits and keeping her supplied with anything she may need. The ALF is very nice and she is satisfied to live there but she can be quite demanding. Our daughter has multiple medical problems and a very "checkered past" to put it mildly. She was out of our life for over 20 years and has been back in our town about 5 yrs. She also depends on me for transportation outside of medical trips which her state insurance furnishes. Then I also have DH and all his needs. A time for me seems impossible. The time I'm at the computer is almost stolen as DH will be in here in a bit to see what I'm doing. He has the local newspaper right now so maybe he'll get interested in it or fall asleep. Our sons were concerned I was at nervous breakdown stage and urged us to get away which we did. It was only semi relaxing as DH was confused at the condo and for two nights we had to keep the lights on (except in the bedroom) because he couldn't find his way. I got two night lights then which were almost as bright and he did better. I turned off the cell phone except for when I wanted to call someone. I was thankful to get away but here I'm back and unless I do something different I'm going to be back to where I was before. - Just as I said DH just came in to see what I'm doing. He gets lonesome - Anyway thanks for taking your time for me. I appreciate it more than you know. Oh yes I did go to doctor today I have strained ligaments in my right arm and possible carpal tunnel syndrome in my left hand. Wonderful - right. I think the right arm problem comes from lifting my sister's walker in and out of the car. I do have faith in God and pray for guidance. I know we're told He never gives you more than you can endure. Others have made this journey and came out and made a new life and I will too, I guess. Right now this tunnel is very dark and that tiny light at the end just may be a train.
Dear Flo, it seems to me that you are carrying far too heavya load: sister, daughter and husband. I think it was Nikki who suggested, maybe on another post, that a counsellor can be helpful in sorting things. Just because you have been a highly functioning person doesn't mean that all these problems are your responsibility. Maybe a social worker can step in here. I don't know how your system works in the States, but I think you have Community Health Services, and that could be a starting place, or your doctor would know. Please tell him that you can't handle it anymore. There's no way anyone can do all you are doing without putting themselves at high physical, mental and emotional risk, and I feel that you should refuse to do this to yourself. Read Carosi's posts. She put her foot down. Something's got to give, and it's not going to be you. I see your responsibilities in this order: you first, or you're not going to survive; your husband second because he's dependent on you; and your sister and daughter will have to be taken care of by another relative, or the system. One way or another, but not by you. Think of it this way: if something happens to you, others will have to step in and take care of your sister and daughter, and these others will have to be found. So let it happen now. The good people here will be along with suggestions on how you can reduce this triple load to one load, which can be plenty heavy as it is.
Way too much for you to take on dear Flo..i totally agree with all said already. mary75* has put it all in the right priority order that it should be..
flo39--Check with yourArea Agency on Ageing. Theyare an excellent connection for finding services, and may havestaff who can help you get connctd. Our's handled thepaperwork for DH's Medicaid Waiver, andorganized the help in the home. We started withpersonalcareand in-home help for DH 8hours a week in Nov. 2006. AsDH progressed, that help was increased until wewereat 16 hr. a week when DH went to the hospital in January. Ididn'thave to do dishes, showerDH, sweep, mop,vacuum,run the laundry(sortbefore and fold after is all). I made the grocery list, organized the coupons and money, and he took DH to the store each week(DH got coffee and people watched while the helper shopped). I could take care of setting appointments, making calls, doing my lymphedema treatments, or come here, or read for a little while.
No one can take care of one Dementia LO all by themselves, let alone 2other very needy Carees. There ae 168 hours in a week. Onvce I got old enough to ualify , myself, we had a total of 20 help hours coming into our house for our personal care and household care. The remaining 148 were my responsibility, and toward thea end my DH was fixated on going after cigarettes--eloping to bum from the neighbors, trying to walk down to the tobacco store (involved crossing a 5 lane street). With VaDand smoing he was having TIAs ffrequently, and falling.
Get on the phone flo and get some help. The cliche is the truth--- in a plane crisis put your airmask on first. You'll be no good fo anybody if your passed out. It is not selfish to take (yes--TAKE) time for you, TAKE care of you, so you can take care of your LOs. Supervising care,is also Caregiving. And forget having ev eythingdone up perfectly. Thre's not much that won't wait, and I'll guarantee, it'll still be there when you get there.
Fzlo 39. So many similarities, albeit from the male prospective. Married at 17 &19 both enjoyed careers providing financial success far beyond our dreams. We live in a spectaclator ocean front condo, sadly with few smiles these days. In short I can relate. Thursday was my 71st birthday. First time since I was 16 years old I didn't hear Happy Birthday, I love you from DW. (her expressive and receptive communication abilities are minimal). Our cleaning lady arrived, I told her to watch DW, I went to exercise room and and rode a bike with a vengeance for 45 minutes and then went to the beach, found a spot in the dunes and "lost it". A few minutes of wave watching and the realization that it could be a lot worse. DW is always happy and we're living in paradise and we're financially secure it was time to gonfdeal with reality. Venting/sharing here, knowing what you're experiencing is not unique, that rthere are a lot of us feeling the same is a great source of solice.
Nelsons--don't downplay the "DW is always happy". The agitation/anger/rage, when it happens, is almost too much to bear, especially when it comes from someone who was formerly the love of your life. I realize you know this.
Yes, MarilynMD when a formerly cool and collected fellow clinches his fist and hits the wall beside my head and I tell him I'll call the police if you ever hit me is the saddest I ever am. This has happened several times. The pantry door has a big hole where he punched it instead of me. No. 2 son asked what happened here? He was shocked because DH never, never was violent and never a harsh word to me. So DH isn't happy all the time. Frustrated is the word I think for him most of the time.
I mentioned in my post further up that it all seems like a bad dream.
Very strange dream last night, my take on it, is that I need to be aware, and not get my guard down, as there are times still when I think it is still not true.
Dh and I were out in the little town, he saw a pit bull and was teasing it, I had to drag him away as it was going to attack. Then, I let him drive the car, we had someone else with us. (He has not driven for many months) He was driving like crazy and running in to things-the other person in the car was freaking out.
When I woke up, what went through my head was, this is true. It is going to get worse, face it.
I met a woman who will "watch" him when I do my market on Saturdays, so I can get a little respite. It would be 6 hours for $100. I will try to budget it in once a month., IF IT WORKS. We are planning a trial run two weeks from today.
Maybe I can enjoy a few hours at the beach, and shopping. The weird thing is, BEFORE this, I never went to the beach. Now I cannot wait!
Many hugs to you. My dreams have become increasingly vivid. All kinds of things, alot of them to do with H but always as he was and as I start to wake up I dislodge the cats and go for the ativan.
Where I am located is part of my frustration and part of the emotional distance between us.
If I had a beach I could get to (bad grammar I know), believe, me, I would get there.
I hope your trial is successful. In my youth summers were spent on the ocean and I think there is nothing like it. It is my dream to get back there: I have several locations in mind and now can think only this: someday.
I probably should stay out. I have no family, I'm younger, I have no help and it just goes on and on. Have been taking anti-depressants so long I've forgotten. This will end and I feel deeply sad for my sweet wife. She hasn't a clue. My advice: don't think, don't think, don't think, just do, do, do and don't look up. It's dark down here but it will end and that is very very sad. Sorry.
I am, I think, among those here who are younger. Both H and I are 52. I have no siblings, no children, and parents who are discouraged by my life choices (to say the least). No help either because we are too young? have too much income? and no social service programs are available. ALF for H is, from what I have seen, not close to accommodating someone his age. Not that he is anywhere close to going to one anyway. It is recommended that he go, but he will not go.
If you read this, please know that I am here to listen.
Soolow, I am sorry you are hurting so deeply. Forgive me if I overstep, but I am only trying to help.... would you consider going back to your doctor and telling them the medication isn't working and you are still depressed. Depression and this damn disease seem to go hand and hand. Perhaps there is another medicine that might be able to help you better? Please post when and if you want, we care and want to help. ((hugs))
Mary22033 Thanks for the Bday wishes, I'm not usually so vunerable, just a tough period... eye surgery not healing as planned, older daughter unable to visit with family as usual due to her recovering from surgery and younger daughter, who was elected to public office last November is learning how demanding being in government can be while having a young family, a husband and parents vying for time. I am lucky to have a number of real friends, of 20+ years nearbye They are real friends, not acquaintances), but thry're not intimates or family
MarilininMD Believe me, i know how lucky I am. I think the daily walks on the beach, relaxing in sun and just watchuing the sea contribute a great deal to to absence of anxiety and rage. ( Lorazapan + Melatonin help too without over sedation, plus an Ambien at bedtime is a great aide
Abby, thanks. If I had had just some tax relief I kwould have spent the extra money showing my wife some of life's treats i.e. visits to the Twin Cities. But gas, hotel, meals is not on our menu. This will one of my great regreats. A few thousand dollars in tax relief would have helped. We do what we can. Thank you for your kind thoughts. Be strong.
Nikki: Thank you. You needn't step lightly. I did tell the doctor and he inceased the dosage to the maximum. I don't like to be in a fog as reading is one of my joys. Any more anti-depressants, at least for me and the reading will be difficult. I have just found that when you are on the bottom, one gets used to being there knowing there is no point at looking up for something bright. Every minute of every day I look at her and try to blind myself from the thought that she is almost onto stage seven. Others too, here, feel the same. I'm walking on the bottom of a lake where it is dark and cold with no end in site. It's a place I can live with for now. I read the postings here on this wonderful site and just feel heavy in my chest because I know what you know and it is what it is :a terrible terrible thing.
((Soolow)) it is indeed a terrible disease. Medicines alone are not a "cure" for depression, but the right one can maybe help you see some light at the bottom of that lake you are walking on. Just as we must try different medicines to help our LO, there are many different medicines that could help you. It isn't necessarily being on a maximum dose, just maybe you need to try a different one? If you don't mind me asking, have you had your serotonin levels checked?
Are you getting any breaks? And I don’t mean “just” from the care giving… I mean from the relentless heartache. I can almost feel your pain, and it takes me back to where I once was myself. You said I needn’t step lightly, so here goes….
I cannot know the depths of your personal pain, but I do know how gut wrenching it is to watch helpless as you lose the love of your life inch by devastating inch. I think we get so consumed in the grief, that we forget our spouses love us, just as much as we love them. They would be so heartbroken if they knew the levels of our sadness. Don’t you think your dear wife would want you to find a little joy?
If you can’t find the “light” for you, try digging a little deeper and searching for it again secure in the knowledge that your wife wants you to find some happiness.
Even in the deepest depths of the ocean there is always light, it may just be an angler fish, but there is always light. Sometimes we are just in too much pain to see it. I pray you can find even a small measure of peace and comfort……. ((hugs))
I also feel the same way, "Am I every going to be happy again?" I feel that way a lot. The only thing I know is that there is a difference between happiness and joy. That is the only thing that is keeping me from going down the deep end. Maybe the further into the future we think the unhappier we become. If we think of the present only we can better control our emotions.
deb42657 - We only have today anyway so no need to worry about what's coming - I've heard this always and know it is true. But sometimes I just want to feel that old feeling of happiness with dh. He tells me several times a day how much he loves me so that should make my day. Well that's completely out of character of the old guy I knew. It could be worse he could say he didn't want me around. So just day by day getting the most out of each.
Be thankful you hear the words 'I love you'. It has been years since I heard it from my husband and I do not see that changing any time soon.I envy all you who have a husband/wife that says sweet words to you - cherish it.
My husband has started something that really bugs me - at night when we go to bed he will put his hand on my thigh and go in circular motions with his fingers. I hate it.
flo30--hitting the wall beside your head is unacceptable behavior, even for someone with AD. My husband had a lot of frustration, anger and rage at times, but he never threatened me and I was never in fear that he would hurt me. It sounds like your husband needs some medication to calm him; if he's already on psych meds, then they're not doing the trick. Please get in touch with his doctor asap.
flo i have to agree with marilyn. hitting the wall anywhere especially next to you in not safe. doing it more than once is telltale that he is out of control. these guys- even if they 'appear' like they react to our threats of calling police etc..well sometimes they just become irrational and cant make judgement calls and can actually do you harm even when we think they arent capable. several of us here had very non aggressive spouses turn on us in a minute when we were n ot prepared. like y ou mine pulled his fist back and i was in fear that he would hit me. it was the only time he did it as i got meds asap. i think it may be in everyones better interest to try to avoid that happening before it can happen if the tendancy is already there. please check with his dr and let them know what hes doing. a dr would not find it tolerable behaviour either. divvi
Nikki: That was nice, thank you. Yes, I've tried various antidepressants. The one I'm on is the best so far. No on the seratonin level. Your comment, that my wife would want me to be happy is spot on. She would and that is a comforting thought. I'm not despondent. Most people in this small town wouldn't know how bad I am. I keep it hidden and I try try try to be upbeat for DW. When its all said and done I like others here am just fully spent. She is getting worse fast now and I'm close to getting some donated help for several hours a week. Like all of you, we'll get through. Thank you for reminding me of something I'd forgotten.
Soolow, you are most welcome. I am glad to hear you will soon be getting some help. My hope is that even if it is just a few hours, you take that time for just you. No errand. Just time spent on something you really use to enjoy. The first time I got a break, I had no idea what to do! It had been so long since I had been out anywhere I was a bit overwhelmed and felt lost even. I ended up at the library and then a little shopping. Nothing grand, just blissful alone time. Healthy alone time, not the encompassing alone we feel when we are home with our loved one.
So many people wont talk to their doctor about feelings of depression. I think it courageous of you that you do. My doctor once told me “if you weren’t depressed, THEN I would be worried about you”. It made me feel better and gave me the push I needed to “fight” for me. It still hurts so much, and I do still cry at times. But, it is better than it use to be…….
((big hugs of understanding))
Coco, have I ever told you how easy it is to really like you? Such a sweetie you are!! ♥
Since I started this thread with being depressed I've been trying to look for the things that dh can still do. This p.m. he has gone fishing with his old "fishing buddy". He can still take care of his personal needs. He still enjoys a few things he used to. He seems happy. I have this p.m. for me! The first time I've really had this. I know his fishing buddy will look after him and they may even catch a fish. It is a beautiful day in Southern Middle Tn. Too nice to be depressed. I'm in my Scarlet mood "I'll worry about it tomorrow"
Flo, that is just great! Glad your DH is getting an outing and you are getting a break :)
I am glad you are able to look at what your DH can do. Once I stopped dwelling on what he couldn't do, what had changed, and instead focused on what he still could do, my whole outlook became better.
Even today with Lynn in late stage, unable to walk and needing total care, I am so very grateful for what he can still do. His smile fills my heart.
I still have to work hard to try to stay upbeat, but life does seem better when you can appreciate even the tiniest thing.
It's been over 3 years since Lloyd's dx and what I find to be humorous is that I still find myself carrying on a conversation with someone who has not a clue! Humor and family and the good Lord Himself are what get me by. We are entitled to feel however we feel! Try to have the feelings and move past them. I have a dear old friend that I think of whenever I am depressed. She is 61. She has buried 3 husbands, her brother, her father, and her sister last week from cancer. She has had breast cancer, had her job phased out, and her home is in foreclosure. Her life now revolves around taking care of her mother 24/7 who has (you guessed it!) Alzheimer's. My life ain't so bad. I have a home, a daughter who moved back with her family so I could quit work and stay home and my husband. There is always someone somewhere who has it worse. There is always something for which to be grateful.
Oh Linda Mc, you said a mouthful! I also try to count my blessings when I get depressed (& I have MANY….blessings, that is!) You are also correct when you say that there is always someone who has it worse. Sometimes I think that we focus on the people who have it better than us………but do they really? We don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. Money doesn’t always buy happiness (but I’d sure like to give it a try!) The ONE thing I CAN count on is that when I come here I have a shoulder to cry on if I need it or someone to be happy for me when something good happens & just plain understanding on any & every issue. Love you guys!
So well said by all. As for me, during the winter months, I felt depressed, unhappy and given to pity parties..yes, men have those too. But like a warm blanket, Spring made me realize I too have much to be greatfull for in my life...to stop being jealous of those that have a partner to share life everyday and appreciate more my memories from the past but to become accountable to myself to move forward with a positive hope for the future. Not easy, I assure you, but I'm confident my life, while not perfect, will have perfect moments. Spring and all of you are my warm blanket.
I need a warm blanket so badly right now. Today is my birthday but it is overshadowed by dh and his problems. His problems have become my problems. No end in sight.
Happy Birthday, Shirley. I hope you day is much better than you think or expect. My DH doesn't remember birthdays, anniversaries or any holidays. This morning he asked me "Who owns this building" (the house) I told him we did so he was satisfied. He keeps thinking someone...to him..."THEY" are going to put us out! Whatever your comfort food is have some today. Again Happy Birthday.
Happy Birthday, Shirley. My 66th was 3/5. As Pices, we have a caring nature and seem to struggle more when there is nothing we can do. Now go get yourself a big cake and enjoy.