As I sit here this morning and reflect on the past six months since the passing of my spouse, I realize that I am halfway to completing the year of what I call firsts. First came our 51 anniversary without her to celebrate with, then the family holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and Valentines. Now her favorite time of the year is approaching, springtime, when the birds return and the flowers bloom and instead of snow we get the spring rains and everything wakes up from the winters nap all refreshed and ready to be alive. The good news is that most of the truly sentimental days have passed including both her and my birthdays. And I realize that God has brought me thru these tough days virtually unscathed and ready to go out into the world and finish the life He has in store for me. I don't know where I will be even tomorrow, but I KNOW that He will be there guiding me because that is His promise to all who have faith and follow His guidance. If nothing else this journey has given me enough faith and belief in our Creator to go forward no matter what and even enjoy the plan for my life. I wish all of you here at AZ spouse the best of what God has to offer and never give up cause your faith will carry you thru anything life throws at you.
Bruce D...I so sorry to hear about your loss. We have been married for 46 years last December. My wife did not even know if was our anniversary. She doesn't recognize me a lot of the time. It is so hard..I too have the faith that will get me through. Take care..
Bruce. I hope that everyone going thru the trial of AD will read your post. I lost DH years ago, but it is within us to go on, Nature takes you whether you want to go or not. And, yes, yes, yes, you enjoy life again. AD seems like it's the worst thing in the world, and it's up there in the top 2 or 3, but it's not the worst. The CGing is harder than most realize, and I never considered it a 'privilege' but I'd do it again in a heartbeat for my DH if I had my youth back. We were married 53 yrs but I have a good life today. I'm old enough to say that life is just part luck, part attitude. Bless us all.
Bruce, i am sitting here on Sat morning enjoying a cup of coffee while my husband takes his usual morning nap. the only difference is that i am able to sit here and read and not be at my desk working 8 hours. so thank goodness for Sat. morning, naps and wonderful uplifting insightful reading!! tears came to my eyes. i get so overwhelmed sometimes with work and caregiving and how much more can i do but the time will come when i will be in your shoes and i want to be able to thank God for what he has done for us as i do now and what he will do for me if i come out on the other end of this still alive! God bless you for opening your heart in words!
Bruce, Your message was just what I needed to hear. I feel so guilty sometimes because I feel sorry for myself. Although, I have never said "Why me?" I need to remind myself often that my Creator will lead me through this and what comes after it. This is a really really hard road to travel. My faith and my family give me the strength I need right now. I have not been on this web site long enough to know your story but you sound like you were a very caring and loving spouse. God Bless you.
Bruce: Your words give people like me hope and encouragment. You have finished the journey that, me and the others, are still on. Thank you for writing your thoughts and giving us your best wishes.
Bruce, thank you so much for your words. I am so grateful for those of you whose spouses have passed who have posted about their final days, what happens and how you feel and react. Just having a glimpse of what will happen is so helpful. I can’t tell you all how much I appreciate it. And I guess I personally don’t know how someone can handle it without faith in God.
It has been 3 weeks since my DW passed on, and I am just now starting to feel like some relief from the stress. I think when you are going thru it, the stress builds gradually and you adjust. Then all of a sudden, you find yourself in a new world, and you start to see what life was like before AD. I wish those on the journey the strength and courage to see their mate to the end and help them pass, knowing that they were loved. It was the disease that you hated and not them.
As this journey continues I am beginning to realize that while I don't necessarily want to continue this journey alone, I have to remain patient while God reveals His plan for my life. I tried it my way and did not fare out too well. Of course the setbacks have really knocked me for a loop but I am realizing that I have a timeline to follow and it has to be His timeline because mine did not work. I thought that finding a companion even for friendship and nothing more should not be too hard, I was not expecting anything more but it did not take long to find out that a lot of people who are single are already very busy with other things and really are not interested in being available for activity outside of their already busy days. They say one thing and do the opposite. Just saying when you say your looking for a companion to spend time with just be honest with both yourself and the others who you interact with.
FayeBay * Thank you for your kind and comforting words. I know what your saying is very true, but knowing and having the will and strength to do it is something different. After over fifty years of someone beside you and having your back and now being alone makes for a very difficult and lonely journey. I know God is here for me and I just need to pray and be patient and He will guide me where I am supposed to go, but He does not promise an easy trip only that in the end it will be the right trip. May God bless you and you go forward in your life. Bruce D *
What would have been our 53rd anniversary is coming up on Thursday. No flowers will be appearing as they always did. No-I'm not going out and buying some. It will be my day to sulk and I have earned that right.
Bluedaze* what you are doing on that day is remembering the past and what was. That's not really sulking it's just wishful thinking of days gone by. My prayer for you is to remember with fondness the good memories and none of the bad ones. May God bless you with love from heaven that day and every day.
Blue...hope you can find the good thoughts and memories on the date of your anniversary. To have so many years together with the good and and bad is something to be so proud of and you were blessed. Find whatever comfort in the good times and know that your dh is at peace now.