Yesterday our apartment manager came to our apartment and asked to talk to me, so I went outside and closed the door behind me and she proceeded to tell me that she had a complaint about my DH outside naked at 4 a.m. relieving himself. I don't know what to do, of course he denies it and just got upset with whoever it was that made the complaint saying they are wrong. I have been afraid to go to bed every since. A friend of mine told me that the Adult protective services would probably be called but that I probably wouldn't be in trouble because it happened while I was asleep and they would probably take him away. I want to ask the manager if I can have double bolts on the door where he would have to have a key to get in and out but I doubt that they will let me but I am going to try anyway. What else should I do? I am at my wits end with all of this!!! What else is going to happen next?!?!? (retorical question of course) lol I have to laugh so I don't cry but I end up doing both anyway. I hate this so much!!! I want to leave and never come back but that is what everyone wants me to do. I can't!!! Where would I go, what would I do, and with what money would I do it with? (retorical question of course)
I would try using a motion sensor. Put it near the door with the pager under your pillow. I use one beside my husband's bed at night to alert me when he tries to get up.
deb42657, do the double bolts on the door. Don't ask. As long as the apartment manager has access to the apartment, I don't see the problem. All you do is change the little twisty thigamajig on the inside to a key lock. It doesn't change the structure of the door. My husband never went outside to relieve himself, but he was a runner. OMG, the searches and the chases!!! Do it and you will not believe the sense of relief it will bring to you! We changed ours a year and a half ago and there is no more sneaking off and you can actually sleep peacefully. Sorry, Lori, but a motion sensor doesn't keep them in. I can't imagine laying in bed waiting for the pager under my pillow to go off. We all know that rest for us is critical.
Deb, if you already have a deadbolt in your door then it does not do in addition door modifications to chane it to a dounle cylinder deadbolt. Offering to let them key it to their master key system would remove one of their possible ojections. Since it will not damage te door and would be on their master key system I see no reason for them to deny your request especially since you are solving a problem they would like to have solved also.
if they wont allow you to key bolt the entry door i'd put one on the bedroom door where hes sleeps -and secure any windows.. and give them an extra key. you dont want it to happen again or yes you may be looking at the police being called out for indecent exposure or worse. our nightmare ESP if children are involved. a bystander probably would not call APS but the police. and you should look into a med change to try to get him something to keep h im down at night while you get your sleep. we never want to over medicate if necessary but in the situations where they are in danger of wandering (naked to boot) we do what we must to keep them safe and out of harms way.
Does the Landlord know DH has AD? Did you know he'd gone outside? As for locks, you can put a simple chain or slide lock on the door as HIGH as possible. AD patients rarely look up and/or one lock as low as possible. And change whatever handle or current lock you have to one w/a key. That's 2 locks & they rarely can manage 2 locks. Also put a dark or black rug--or something black on the floor in front of the door. This often works because they see the black rug as a hole.
As far as your hating AD, want to leave & never come back--we've all been there, done that. You're normal. We understand every word you say, every feeling you have, small comfort but at least you know others care.
Deb I get the feeling your landlord cannot evict you based on this. Stand your ground, do the locks, come here to vent, and keep your head up dear person! Sending good thoughts, hugs , and prayer your way.
(btw..when dh and I visited Canada in December, we stayed with my parents in a 50+ condos). They are on a ground floor. Dh went out in the middle of the day, right in front of anyone, and peed on the lawn in plain view. My Dad thought it was funny, I was upset of course.
Deb my "it moment happened at 5am today" Hubby comes down stairs all wet, yes "it happened". After ER visit sunday and Dr.'s appt today in the pouring rain......"when it rains it pours" at my house literally and figuratively. I with the rest, tell the manager you need locks changed and tell the person who complained "What are you doing up at 4am???" I learned that I can move mattress's between rooms all by myself and now after taking him to dentist then doctor I am off to Wal-mart for the mattress cover I should have gotten when Vicki mentioned it a while ago.
Deb - I had a "wandering" incident with DH, and Adult Protective Services were called. It was a pain, but they ended up closing the case. I installed motion sensors, and they have been a God send. They turn on the lights and make a noise, and it works to distract him into forgetting what he was doing. Best of luck, girl!
Thank you everyone so much for all your advice. I am going to see the manager today and ask her if it would be alright to change the locks, it sounds a lot easier than I thought it was. Bettyhere, the Landlord does know about his dementia and she has been very understanding and she even has experience taking care of people with dementia. I am very lucky to have had someone that understands but I think her understanding could wear out especially since she is not the owner she is the manager. Up to a point she can help but this might just be too much. The sensor is a good idea too but I am with you,LindaMc, I wouldn't get any sleep at all, I barely do now!
Hi Deb- this is my job I am an apartment manager. Here is my recommendation. Go to your landlord and request what is called a "reasonable accommodation" explain your request to put the extra locks on the doors, you may have to put it writing and get something in writing from his doctor. Persons with disabilities are protected with this. You will need to make sure the office has keys to the apartment. Being up front always works better.
Deb, you can purchase a portable alarm, they sell them in the travel section of major stores(kmart, wallyworld, walgreetns, probably most hardware store). They just stick on both sides of the door and alarm when the door is opened. Also you can purchase a flip lock at any hardware dept. it looks like a half moon. you put in high on the door and when it is flipped shut the half moon hold the door shut and it will not open. These are generally approved by most property managers as they do not require alot of work to install or remove. Looking on the bright side at least he peed outside and you did not step in it or have to clear it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, flip locks work great. Won't require any work by apt mgr, only works while you are inside, don't require a key and likely your LO won't know it is there or be able to work it, easy and quick to open in an emergency. We used these with small children for years.
What about something as simple as the childproof door knobs? These worked fantastic with Lynn. http://www.amazon.com/Mommys-Helper-Door-Safety-Cover/dp/B000MF518O
I talked to the manager yesterday when I paid the rent and told her about all the options that I had heard of and she said that there is a motion sensor that is magnetic and she had a tenent that used that while they were here. She said that is the only one she would approve of.(Ladida) Have you heard of this particular motion sensor? Weejun, very true, I am glad that he peed outside. I would have got up in the morning with a big mess.
She can't possible object to the childproof doorknobs! They just slide on and off. I like the idea of the dark rug as well. I never did try this, but I know many here swear by it. Best of luck!!
deb42657, we have a motion sensor that works great. I place the sensor next to the back door but it could be placed beside the bedroom door. The pager part is on my nightstand and is plenty loud enough to wake me up. A motion sensor plus the childproof doorknobs should keep him safe and give you some peace of mind unless he is up and down all night. My DH is usually only up once or twice to go to the bathroom but one night the pager did wake me up. I jumped up and found him near the basement door. He said he was looking for me and couldn't find me upstairs and was going to see if I was in the basement. Bless his heart, he didn't realize I was in bed with him.