Pat, welcome to our little family. These are wonderful people. Despite the miseries of having spouses suffering from dementia, these dear folks can still make you smile on your worst days. They touch my heart in so many ways...
Thank you for the welcome. Looks like I forgot to say I am 70 with my own physical and probably mental problems. Why do I keep trying to correct him when he does not realize I am the same person that just took him on a ride or was in bed with him, or a couple of minutes ago was on the couch. There are only two of us and he is always asking where are the rest. Ed is probaly just trying to figure out what he is perceiving. Maybe a hug would be better than correction but I so want to know I am doing the right thing even if I cannot restore his memory. Pat
My husband is 71, officially diagnosed with AD at 68, but the family is sure we saw signs several years before that. Despite a nursing background, and my own father having AD, still I find myself angry that my husband does not remember things we did 5 minutes ago. The times something is sticking in his memory he will keep telling me every couple of minutes, most of the day, of what he saw, heard, or did. It's frustrating. I tell myself all the time I should know better, and once I accept the losses the better my attitude and patience will be.
One of my more recent threads has to do with the losses we spouses go through. Though there are MANY, we have times when specific ones really impact us. Like taxes at tax time when "he used to handle that." Or the overgrown yard where "he used to love yard work." And the equipment "he used to always handle." Most of us find ourselves doing it all, and realize the relationship seems more one-sided every day. I miss that guy that wouldn't dare start the day without a shower and shave. That guy who got all excited over every sports event. And that guy I knew I could count on to handle the taxes, and business issues, and decision-making. I too live somewhat rural, and I have no immediate relatives living near enough to visit daily. I recently began trying to attend a support group that only meets once a month, but wouldn't you know, this month and next the meeting dates conflict with other important appts, etc. That is why I just love having message boards to participate in where everyone has a good idea of what the rest of us are feeling.
Pat, have you read "Understanding the Dementia Experience" by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller? Joan has a link on the home page, under a picture of a woman in a boat holding a sign "NEED HELP". This is an excellent article that helps understand what is going on in the ADLO's mind, and has great tips on how best to communicate with and help them.