Tonight was the first session of a 30 hour class put on by hospice. I wanted to share a bit with you. Just got home from a very full day. Had the last session of the computer class. Barely got home in time to turn around and head for hospice. The class is---terrifying. We will go deep into ourselves to rid ourselves of preconceived knowledge and start over. Abberant behavior in dementia patients usually has a reason. The fortunate of us will find the reason as we work with our "buddies. There will be lots of sharing of feelings and thoughts-lots of trust involved. Goal is to get into the heads of our buddies and try to give them peace and to feel less isolated.
bluedaze, I admire that you can do that. I wouldn't be able to. I am not good at sharing my feelings with others. Never have been. I thank it is great that you can. The only reason I can share here is because I am sharing with a peice of glass connected to a computer and not direct interaction. And to be honest I would have never looked for or found this site. Joan found me wandering around the enternet looking for infomation and sent me an email inviting me to come over and check it out. I am very glad I did but this is the only support group I have or want.
Sometimes I wish I could attend a real one but I can't talk about Kathryn with a person because I will do nothing but cry and be unable to talk.
Jim-that's why the course is so frightening. To trust a group of strangers enough to share your feelings is quite a new experience. We sit in a circle and share where we are coming from. The program is well structured. Masters level instructers facilitate. Participants are as varied as can be. Teen agers, nurses, social workers, chaplains, several interns, hospice patient visitors and several others I haven't really met yet. I think they want us to figure out where we are coming from and be open to experience what the dementia patients are saying or why they are acting out.
Great for you blue and I am sure you will get alot out of it to share with all of us. I don't think I could do that. I would rather just research, read everything I can, and read every word others post on here and express my feeling and experiences through this blog.
I hate to say this, but I don't think I could open up to a group face to face. I could do it with a close friend, or someone I might not even know on a one to one basis, but not a group.
As strange as this may sound, and as tired and as stressed that I am from time to time, I like being a caregiver. I like the responsibility of this job, I like being in charge of everything, I like knowing that I am doing a good job and my husband appreciates in his own way what I am doing for him. Sorry to say, but if I were in a group like that by the third session, people would hate me because I dont have a lot of tact in group situations.
Bravo, bluedaze. You are doing wonderful work. Will look forward to more from you on this experience. Curious. Seems to me that most everything involved with hospice can be very intense, I was surprised to see you mention teenagers in the class. How much of a role do they play in this particular hospice?
Weejun-the teens have no preconceived ideas-thus go bounding in with enthusiasm. They work well with kids who have lost a loved one. They also bond well with seniors. Lots of training available so no one is "thrown to the wolves". As far as being intense-not at all. This hospice focuses on the spiritual-staff as well as clients. This morning they well be serving us a light breakfast and later on lunch. Guess they don't want any of us escaping :0). I think we will be bussed to our site locations. One is the facility where Bill died so I will request not going there. Doubt I could handle being there again. More later----
So very interesting bluedaze...this must be difficult for you, but I think it will prove to be very beneficial for all the participants. I look forward to hearing more about it...
I had my first "buddy" visit with my patient today and it went well. We told to expect nothing and be open to whatever happens. Not to second guess anything but live in the moment. It is very hard to still your mind and not plan ahead about what to say next. Get into the mind of the patient and accept what they say or do. Easy when you are a visitor and the person is not your spouse. Tomorrow we will share how our visits went. The intensity of the program continues. Imagine sitting in a room with over 20 people and not a sound except the speaker. All cell phones are confiscated at the beginning of the session. Moderator puts them in what he calls a sleeping bag so the phones can get a rest.
I don't know where to start after another full day of class. Lots of sharing, introspection and tears. Premise is that we have to know where we are coming from to be able to reach out to others. We have learned to still our minds and hearts to be able and open to communicate with dementia patients. As spouses we often believe there is nothing behind the blank eyes of our loved ones. That is often not true. Deep down many are still very aware of what is going on around them. They need to be made to feel that they are still human beings who have worth. Though they may not be able to answer-keep talking to them. The teens in our group related well to the patients. We all went in with no preconceived expectation. We were open to experience anything-no matter how seemingly insignificant. Our closing exercise was traumatic to complete and terrifying to share. We each received a large sheet of white paper and any media of pencils, paint---. We were to create our life events. It would be up to us to share or not. I chose at the begining not to share. No pressure. By the time most had shared I also chose to-with tears running down my face and arms around me. The trust of the group was something palpable.