I invite you to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read today's Valentine Blog. Honestly, I hope it does not sound like whining. I am not whining at all. Just sharing my feelings with you.
Not whining at all, joang. I think we all share those feelings.
Even after that good conversation this morning, we went out to a nice restaurant for lunch. After we ordered, the first words out of his mouth were, "I think I'm about ready for my demise". Talk about putting a damper on things!
These were my thoughts this morning on this Valentines Day posted on my blog. Right there with you Joan...
Sheri tells her story to the unknown each day, but thankful someone is listening to what she has to say. She draws strength and courage from the comments you share, because maybe your burden is to much to bear. Maybe like Sheri this day makes you feel sad, hearts, hugs and kisses...(she may cry, just a tad) But she will remember that God's love kisses her life, His heart keeps her focused and His arms hold her tight.
Joan, you summed it up 100000000000000000000000000000000% for me. I could not have expressed it as well..so I copied and pasted it to my desktop. Is it ok if I copy your words, giving you credit for the beautiful expression and send this to our kids? They need to know this and it would be more meaningful, just like telling kids something by one other than the parent, what they need to hear. I'll wait for your reply. Somehow you hit the nail on the head squarely every time...don't know how you do it!
i dont see how any of us who had a halfway or better marriage could not feel this way. changing the gears from wife to caregiver comes at warp speed it seems and without alot of real time to mourn the loss of what was. until a holiday where 'love' is mentioned and then we reflect on how each of us showed how much we were loved and appreciated. candy to represent the sweet life together, cards of love to express the messages in our hearts, and maybe red roses to show that passion is still aflame. all that traded now for full time care around the clock. lost are loving words and gestures. no wonder we get depressed at holidays. the days of now vs what used to be is a reality shock.
My son stopped by a little while ago with a bouquet of flowers which he handed to his father with instructions to give them to me and wish me Happy Valentine's Day. The past several years he has taken my husband for a ride on special days (birthday, anniversary) and come back with flowers. The time for "rides" has passed.
Lori, how sweet! My daughters used to take their father shopping for me for birthdays, Christmas, etc. but since he doesn’t even know what the holidays mean they don’t do it anymore. I guess they didn’t realize that it was for me too.
This was ALWAYS a very special day for us,candy,flowers a beautiful card and a 'special' new nighty for me. He would say the best was yet to come -well we all know what the best was.Today he gave me a card and a pretty necklace {that our daughter helped him purchase}.As he gave them to me it was like a child giving a gift. Then I fixed his dinner-cut up his meat-butter his bread and placed his napkin.Again just like a child.Then he said I want to go to bed ,so I got him ready for bed-gave his meds and tucked him in just like a child...He says I love you and I kiss him and tell him I love him too.. Then I leave the room and cry again -because while my husband is still here -my VALENTINE<my LOVER<and my Soulmate is gone. I will love him and care for him as long as I can but on days like this I do not want to care for him-I WANT MY MAN! sorry just feeling sorry for myself
Monday night, Son showed up with his woman-friend and a gift for me. stuffed toy, card and candy. It was very nice. Last night, I went in to get my PJs on and there was a card and flowers on my pillow from HD. I was so appreciative and told him how thoughtful that was of him. The card was very special and the words couldn't have described better our life right now. After a couple minutes, he told me that Son had come over in the afternoon and reminded him it was Valentines Day and offered to shop for him. DH told me that it was Son who picked out the card and flowers.
Ann, you took the words right out of my mouth! The past few days I’ve been having an extreme pity party for myself. And then of course Valentine’s Day came & went with no one acknowledging me as their Sweetheart. I knew that DH didn’t have a clue about Valentine’s Day, but I was hoping that my kids would remember especially since they know that their father can’t. I think that hurt me more than anything. But I’m better now.
The only valentine I got was from my deceased son's partner's (also deceased), sister and her boys. She put a note in it that she knew my son always remembered me on Valentine's Day - and she did too. It was a bright spot to my otherwise 'normal' day.
She is a very special person. She took over things for me when the tragedy happened and I couldn't travel with DH - and just took care of business. And. she works with ALZ patients, also. She gets it! Unfortunately, she lives 500 miles from me.
I'm slow to listen to my feelings, only today am I unhappy that there was no mention of valentines day yesterday. We were out of town for a doctor's appointment with a specialist, got back mid afternoon. My husband wanted to shower when we got home and was barely done before I went out to a 7 pm meeting, so I left a couple of valentine's presents with his supper. I guess I thought it was too much for him to manage to get me something yesterday but there might be something for me today. Nope. Son (21) is clueless.
We never "did" Valentines Day since our anniversary is Feb. 10. This year my dad bought me a lovely bamboo plant in a really pretty lucite cube. Told me I was too nice to not get a valentine. :)