I guess I should have started this sooner and not posted off topic. Today will make day 5 of no food or fluids. She is in a coma like state. Her breathing is clear but labored. I guess that is the benefit of not having fluids or food go down the wrong way, it does make things easier for them. Her body continues to have problem with temperature regulation. Vitas has a great booklet they give you about the dying process and what to look for. I feel like at this stage she is already gone and we are just waiting for her to body to shut down. Her son is supposed to visit from Austin today, but he is too late to say goodbye.
I know the many struggle of this disease, I would glady accept her asking where is the bathroom.
My heart is hurting for you, moorsb. I pray that you can/will stay strong as you say goodbye. We all must go through this in time and it isn't easy. Love and hugs to you.
My heart is with you moorsb, I will be praying for you and DW as I go on my journey today.
I watched my sister go through the last process like you describe, the nurses coached me along. I know this is not the same as losing your mate dear one. But I wanted to say...the fact that she is sleeping, (like my sister was), she will most likely just take a soft breath and go in to a peaceful place.
I am so sorry for your pain and suffering. Wish there was more we could do.
As you are sitting with your beloved wife tell her all the loving glowing things you can......I believe she can hear you and feel your presence, keeping telling her you love her and know in your heart you did all that was humanly possible. Your heart will ache and knowone can take that pain from you. You have done all that is humanly possible. You are a Man among men. Prayers and more prayers are being sent to you from this family caregivers.
moorsb My prayers go out to you and yours today as the end of the journey comes to a close. Just know that we here have all either been where your at or will be facing the same ending sooner or later. At this point of the journey it is harder on the survivors than it is on the person who is near the end. They will soon be complete and well again and we have to finish our trip without them. Deepest sympathy to you and please whatever you do keep in touch cause we really do care. Bruce D *
moorsb, my heart goes out to you as you wait for her to take her final breath, but as you know when she does finally fall into that heavenly sleep she will wake up in the arms of Jesus. God bless you for being the wonderful caregiver you were.
moorsb I am praying for a quiet and gentle passing for your wife and peace for yourself. You have been devoted and constant in your care for her. Know that I am keeping you both in prayer throughout the day.
moorsb, I am so sorry her journey is so close to ending but am glad that she seems to be comfortable and not struggling. Like others said, stay close and tell her how much you love her and how important she's been in your life...I know she can hear you. As I said in another post-you have been a wonderful husband and devoted caregiver. My love and prayers for both of you.
Bob....remember what you said to me 6 months ago...
At the end of the Journey there is a doorway to pass thru, we are so afraid of where that leads we choose not to talk about it. We live in fear of the day, when we find the passage point before us. We go alone thru the doorway. The end of the journey should be as joyous as the beginning. We entered this world alone and were greeted to family, I believe their is a great cloud of witnesses that have gone before us to celebrate our journeys end and our passage thru the doorway. You are in my thoughts Bob, and want to congratulate you for your exceptional spirit under duress. And I think you might find that your dw can still hear..so it's always good to keep telling her you love her, and help her thru the doorway to heavem///
So very sorry moorsb...it has been a long, painful journey for you and your wife...I wish you both peace. May you find comfort in the thoughts and prayers of all of us. Stay in touch.
moorsb, your statement "I would gladly accept her asking where is the bathroom" hit me hard. Just this week my DH is confused about where he is in the house and I have to show him where the bathroom is. I'm sure when I get to where you are, I also would be glad to show him where the bathroom is again.
oops sorry Moorsb,having lost wife this week I was with her nearly 24 hours a day an the booklet that hospice had available was called Gone From MY Sight,pretty detailed an everything seemed to happen as booklet stated,sorry for what your goping thru,even tho we know whats ahead its still a big shock to watch them draw their lost breathe,LO was comatose for 6 days but opened her eyes an reached for my hand took a cpl deep breathes an passed away,I believe they do hear whats going on,as Terry 54 stated,tell her how much you love her continually,wish mine was still here so I could
I am so sorry for your impending loss. I know God will give you the strength needed for your final goodbye. Like others have said, the hearing is the last to go. Keep talking to your dh and running the back of your hand along her cheek. The physical touch is so important also.
Bob, you're very much in our thoughts and heart during these difficult hours. And I agree with others that she may still be aware of your presence and loving words in some sense -- I know that as I held my DW's hand as she went through the hard work of dying, anytime I had to leave momentarily I'd find her hand back on the arm of my chair, waiting for me, when I returned.
The only sign of life in her is her breathing. She is totally non responsive. I am finding it harder and harder to stay with her. I hear her breathing stop for a few seconds and my hearts sinks, this is happening about every 30 minutes. I feel that she is not here, just a body that is hanging on.
Bob, I am really sorry to hear this. I can't tell you how much hearing this bothers me. As we have been dealing with this over the last couple of years our wives have seemed to be on the same track. Other than age they have been at what seemed the same timeline even if we know there is no one timeline. Watching your post have provided me a great insight in my caring for Kathryn.
I know you will be able to find the strength to get though it as you have shown how great your strength is over the years in caring for your wife.
My prayers are with with you and I wish you the very best in the days to come and on into the future.
Bob....you are in the final lap of this disease, and this is the last opportunity you will have to be with her. Just give it your all...you will have plenty of time to rest after it is over. And she is still with you, regardless of her condition. Only when the urn is on the shelf will she be gone in body, but never in spirit.
This is what our Hospice did for us when my mom was in this very same situation.It had been days and the only sort of "food" was to use a little tooth sponge to moisten her lips and mouth but the food thing and now the picture you describe is identical to what we saw. When my mom finally died, her last breath was as gentle as a butterfly lifting to flight from a flower..so gentle and peaceful....no struggle, no noises, no sounds at all..just final peace for her. WE have our collective arms around you and yours..Give your lovely wife a gentle kiss from all of us as she begins her journey to renewed health. She will always be with you, she will always look after you but from a higher place of grace.
Phranque* I just read your last post and you expressed that thought so beautifully..Indeed as you say I would stay with my DH, as I did with my mom, every second she was still with us. But my dad could not do it...but in his mind he would be there and he would tell everyone " she died in my arms" when in fact she died in mine....it was the last thing I could do for her..hold her as she drifted to her final crown and reward.
The funeral has been planned, and I am not sure what purpose an obituary serves these days. As I sit here with her she seems to just be sleeping, I do not seem to be able to stay away, even has hard as it is to watch this. I can only say that Vitas Hospice is a class act they have been doing this for over 50 years and they are taking great care of her. Thanks for all of the kind words.
hold her hand an tell her you love her,my wife was in the same position for six days but when the time came she reached for my hand an held it as she drew her last breathe,I'm convinced they still hear us
They gave my LO codeine every two hours because of her struggles with breathing but the last few hours nothing so they saw other signs that the end was near,I just held her hand,prayed an mostly cried,they say it gets better but I'm a week in an it hurts like sin
dear ol don, I really think it gets worse before it gets better. Even with witnessing her struggles at the end, she was still with you-you could touch her, pray and cry but she was still here. It's the reality after they pass that you are now alone and have lost your purpose for being after so many years of devoted caregiving. You are in my heart and prayers as you go through time of great loss and grief. (((HUGS)))
They were giving her morphine to help the breathing, but she is now pretty much drug free for 24 hours. I am sure once they pass the real pain will set in. Ol don I hope that soon you can feel better, knowing you did your best for her.
This makes my throat very tight and difficult to swallow. As I lay with my DH to settle him for his nap, I looked at his quiet sleeping face and tried to imagine how I would ever deal with the loss of this person, so important to my well being and happiness even now. My thoughts go out to Bob and Ol Don and the rest who are struggling with the imminent loss or already dealing with the loss. I can only imagine how hard..........
jules i feel the same way/ everytime one of us loses our spouse i get panicky. ol don i am so very sorry you are going thu such pain. we all reach out to those of you who are in the loss stages. divvi