My DH has been saying for the last two years that he doesn't want to live past the age of 75 and I always ask him what he would do if he lived past that and he says he would not do anything. Yesterday it came up again and this time I said what are you going to do if you live past the age of 75 he said "I don't know, I will probably get a gun." Then I said, "Where are you going to get a gun?" He said, "There is a pawn shop within walking distance I think."
Normally I take every suicide talk seriously even if the person seems to be kidding so what I would normally do is tell the persons doctor or family or even call the police but in this case I am not sure who to tell, or when to tell it. His personality has been changing drastically in the last few months and I can't get anyone to believe me. I think all I am going to be able to do is to wait until something bad happens before I can get any help. What do you think I should do?
deb-if a person mentions suicide and actually has a workable plan I would take it seriously. Easy first step would be to visit the pawn shop and see what the requirements to purchase a gun would be. If you think your husband could actually carry it off I would alert the store owner and if you don't think they will abort your husband's plans I would alert the police.
It is a hell of a situation when we go to the doctor with the LO and tell them what has been going on and then someone from a health agency comes out to access the situation and they put on such an act that WE are made to seem the one who is not tightly wrapped.
In your situation, is there a chance your DH could get to a pawn shop? I think to purchase a gun you have to have ID etc..and background checks are needed...I suppose you could alert pawn shops about this..then I would also notify the police and his doctors..can you record him saying these things? Maybe that would help in getting other professionals to understand what you are dealing with. I hope someone has better ideas.
Mimi, I think that the only way I am going to get anyone to believe me is to record him so that is a really good idea! Thank you! He would not think of taking his ID with him because he doesn't even use his wallet anymore. If I called the police what would I tell them? My DH has a plan to kill himself but I don't know when or if he can pull it off! My opinion is that everyone is capable of doing it if they want to bad enough. Is the objective in calling the police just to alert them to the possiblity? I have already called them to let them know that if he ever hits me I will be calling them but not wanting them to put him in jail but to evaluate him and possibly put him in a nursing home.
deb42657--- Talk of suicide and a viable plan are loud signs of depression. Talk to his Dr. Even if his ability to carry through is questionable, it is still possible. Many of our LOs surprise us with what they can manage to do long past when they used to be able to. If he were to attempt to carry out the action, the Police can be called to take hium to the hospital for med evaluation because he's a danger to himself. However, Police only act on actual happenings, otherwise it's just warnings or advice.
If you don't think the Dr. will take your work, definitely make the tape and take it in.
Doesn't the Alz. Assn. have a hot line to talk to about suicide?? The VA does. Maybe call them and talk to them. They probably know the best way to handle a situation like this.
Duh! I forgot all about the Alz. hot line, and I even have it on my speed dial. Thanks Judith, it is amazing what stress does playing with the mind. That's why I come here!!! :-D
Early on in the disease(7-8yrs ago)my DH would say he felt like blowing his brains out.After several months he stopped mentioning it. I did have our son take all the guns from the house except mine(well hidden).When DH asks where the guns are he is satisfied that I gave them to our son. I did get him a handgun that uses blanks to start races, he is very happy carrying it around the house.Once in awhile he will have it when we go somewhere,I ask him if he has his permit along,he smiles,"Yep". I can only survive by keeping him happy.I do what it takes.
Last summer a woman I knew casually developed AD. She wrote a column for the local paper. When she found she couldn't write anymore, she walked into the river and drowned herself. Since she was a good swimmer, no one is sure how she did it.
Because no one really believes me when I tell them about DH walking, which I admit can be better on some days than others, I began using a video when he is not aware of this. The camera I have is one of those small handy cams ( Sony and it takes great pics) but my only complaint is the viewer is such that I have to be a fair distance from him to get him all in it..those long skinny viewers make it hard to get the whole picture..maybe there is a lens for that I don't know. The camera I have keeps each session separate and dated! So when necessary I can show the PT or the Doc.
ps..changes the Party Girl ( sounded a bit well you know..so planner per Judith's comment made me do it..well ok the devil made me do it...the little rascal was sitting on my shoulder and the angel on the other side said " go for it"...☺
Carosi's suggestion is a seriously good one as his attempt to do himself in could take you with him and that needs attention..Alert the doctor and if he won't do something for you and your safety you may have few choices..You have to protect yourself foremost!
The guns..if there are guns get them locked up or out of the house. When DH was DXed I got his firearms,and locked them in the armor plated gun safe ( which is used for all sorts of important things) and they are hidden in there behind all sorts of papers and my jewellery box etc. No way he can get in there he does not know the combo and I have it well hidden and he couldn't work the dial anyway..I carry day key with me so when I have to get in to it, I can without all the fuss..Liberty makes great safes by the way. Ours in a different brand but he cannot move it..weighss 600 lbs and is bolted to the concrete foundation in the bedroom.. Also if you have swords or ceremonial weapons get those tucked away from him too. Not much we can do about kitchen knives other than a lock box on the counter...there are so many ways they can hurt themselves or us.
All Gord's shotguns were long gone but he had dozens of knives. Some of them more scary than others. Bit by bit, I found them and hid them. Once I had a bunch, our son took them away. Then I started on finding more. I think I found more than 20. I still find some that I had hidden and hadn't given to our son.
When our place was checked out by the physiotherapist and occupational therapist before Gord came home from rehab, they said that all my knives had to go in a locked box. I bought a tool box and a padlock for it. I never used the padlock as he couldn't undo the simple catch that closed the box.
I just got done talking to the Alz. hot line and they asked me what my DH was doing right now and I said he was asleep and that he said he wanted to use a gun from the pawn shop if he lived past 75 and that is a year from next month. The reason they wanted to know that is because if he was agitated now they would call 911 for me. They also said that I should, before his dr. appointment, tell the dr. or his nurse somehow that this is what he is thinking about and then the dr. will talk to DH to see if he needs a psych. evaluation. Then I told the hotline that even though he is not agitated now I called because I wanted to find out if there was anything that I could say or do (accidently) that would make things worse. They said the only thing that I could do is for myself to not bring up what DH said. If he brought it up that is one thing but for me not to mention what he had said to him.
So what I learned from that is that the hotline will call the police for me if need be and that they are concerned for me as well and said that I should probably try to call from the neighbors house instead of our apartment. This is really scary to think about but unfortunately we need to know these things because the lady on the phone said that it is very common for them to feel like doing something to themselves because they are losing control and it is making them agitated.