I haven't written for a while but I'm finally getting my life back one step at a time. Let me update you as to what has happened since I last wrote. My hb was walking to the gym and slipped and fell breaking his wrist. I got a job finally at the end of October which pays well. He called me at work yelling his head off to take him to the hospital. I left during my lunch which is the time he called and dropped him off at the emergency room. We back at 5:00 after work to get him and they still had him waiting. We finally left the ER at 10:00pm after finally placing a cast on his left arm. All this happened on our sons birthday January 4, 2012. A few days later he was sitting on the dining room table writting something and I was lying on the couch not feeling very well. He stood up and threw me his note he had just written and I just crumbled it up and threw it on the floor. I already knew this was somthing bad b/c that is the only time he writes me notes. He picked up the note and began yelling like a mad man and threw the note at me punching me on the arm. That was the last straw for me. I called the police to remove him and they took him to the hospital where he stayed for a week and then his guardian placed him in a skilled nursing home. I could not take it anymore having to work, take care of the boys plus everything else. I have taken his verbal abuse for years but when he punched me that was it. I will not tolerate physical abuse. I have not seen him since b/c he has a new guardian/therapist who advises me not to see him until he is stable. He doesn't him MY hb to be talking to me and saying that we are getting back together and that I want him home again. He is never coming home again. Well that's my story. I don't feel guilty any more. I did all I possibly could do and more. I need to get my life back on track without distractions and get healthy again. Taking care of him has taken it's toll on me mentally and physically. All I was doing was crying and I didn't want to go home after work. Now I can finally sleep and concentrate on my sons. I salute each and everyone of you who is taking care of your spouses and seeing it until the end. Maybe I'm not as strong as I thought or I just had it all sucked out of me. Anyway I am on my way to having peace of mind and finally just taking care of me. I wish you all the best on your journey. I will stay in touch. Bye for now.
Don't ever think you are not strong. You said you "did all I possibly could do and more". Probably much more. In the end, you did what was best for both of you, and that takes strength.
I wish you the best on your new journey to get your life back. You certainly deserve it, and don't ever think otherwise.
Don't think you were not strong...you were stronger than most and the smartest thing you did when he hit you the first time was to get the police involved and get him out of the house.. Your kids do not need to see any of that, it would hurt them even more to see their day hit you..and you needed to do what is necessary to protect yourself and your kids.. A+ from me.. Good to have breathing space and unload that guilt...if you have more peace on seeing less of him once he is "stable" that is your right too. Take care and Arms are around you from all of us here.
You did what you needed to do. It is never easy and you had to look out for yourself and your boys. Once someone is hit in my book all bets are off. The game needs to change. I would have done the same thing faced with what you had. It is hard when you have children. And you sure don't want them to see one parent hitting another parent. It started with a punch on the arm. Sadly, I am sure it would not have ended there.
My DH also threw notes he'd written at me! Never heard that from anyone else before--what a weird disease--how can anyone understand. The man who would take a bullet for me when we married turned, eventually he became violent and was confined to a lock-down facility. You did the right thing. No one can live like this and no one should be expected to. Too often we think about being strong for our LO, but it takes greater strength to be strong for ourselves.
Agree with all above - you did what you had to do. It was the best for you and probably for your hb and definitely for you children. Take care of yourself, get your health back and make a new life for you and your kids.
I want to thank you all for being so supportive. Now I know I made the right choice. I will still be reading and keeping up with your journey's. May God bless each and everyone of you. Stay safe. My prayers are with you all.
lee012--Am I remembering correctly, were you divorced from your husband and then remarried after dx? If so (or even if that was someone else) you went far above and beyond what many would do. Coping with my husband's EOAD alone was horrendous for me; you have been living the life my MIL did, when FIL dx'd in his 40's with EOAD and kids still at home, violence, involuntary admission to a facility, etc. My heart goes out to you and your boys--please stay in touch.