I am sitting here with tears streaming down. I really thought I was better than this. but it is my 65th birthday. My DH, of course, did not remember, but that's OK. I reminded him so he could wish me a Happy. I gave him some breakfast, which he didn't eat. he did take his pills, I told him to take a shower and wash his hair because we are going to my son's for dinner. He of course balked, and told me he had done that last night. I pointed out that it has been a week since his last shower, at least. He tld me I was lying, and why do I say these things. Then he just sat there with his eyes closed. I asked what was wrong, he said he couldn't hold his head up, he didn't feel well. Then he went back to bed. he couldn't eat, shower, even stay up. Why am I upset? This is not a surprise, but I am, just I guess because it's my birthday. When does the hurt end.?
I have no idea when the hurt will end . . . I know I can't see anything but more of the same ahead. . . . However "Happy Birthday" get yourself fixed up and go to your son's and have a wonderful time. For once take the advice that we always give "Try to live in the moment" and make it a good one.
The hurt never really ends, of course. But reading your post ... I wonder if we can learn to celebrate the "good" days, when our spouses tell us they love us and do something nice for us, and not expect a "good" day to fall on a particular date that has some other special meaning.
My husband fussed about wanting to take me somewhere special for my birthday for three full months ahead of time this year. But when the day came, he couldn't figure out what it was, and he wasn't having a very good day. I didn't push it -- he had cared enough to WANT to do something, after all. Then, a few days later, he suddenly decided that day was my birthday, and we had dinner at his favorite restaurant (it was the only restaurant he could remember that day), and that was very unexpected, and very sweet.
They say we should try to enter the AD world. Maybe it will help if I can learn that my birthday falls on the day he remembers it, not the day on the calendar.
(It's your birthday on MY calendar, though, so Happy Birthday Chris!)
Happy Birthday to youuuuuu, Chris. I'm glad you vented here. Also sorry this couldn't have been one of the 'easier' mornings especially since it IS your day and you are planning something special. Hopefully, you cango ahead with your plans and things will be better than you expect!!
Many thanks. I just needed to vent, and just doing that made me feel better. yes, of course, it's not important what day we celebrate, and it's not even important at all. Just got overcome today, who knows why. i haven't cried in quite a long time. Well I'm fine now, so thanks.
Happy birthday Chris. My 65th was the pits. It was all about him. It is now 5 years later. On July 4th my family and I celebrated my birthday without DH. He is in a dementia facilty. My entire family flew in to surprise me. This was the first time we were all together-grandaughter hadn't yet been born on my 65th. Hubby was not with us and sadly not missed. Ten years of evil behavior is difficult to get over-I don't care if it is the disease.
Oh, bluedaze. How sad. Of course you can't get over something like that. And maybe some of it really wasn't the disease, who knows? I so wish you'd had a better time of it.
And Happy Birthday to any lurker out there who is having a birthday last month or this month. We know you are out there and you are welcome too.
My husband had no clue as to why there was a cake and candles burning on it in April. No idea at all. He is so uneven that it is even weirder when he does something like not understanding birthdays and then he goes out and takes a 2 hour walk with no problem. Just weird.
Wishing you a very happy birthday. It can't be what it could have been, but it's still your day. We are with you in spirit. I read a book about Aboriginals. They don't celebrate birthdays, because they rather believe everyday that something special happens is a day for celebration. I kind of like that. Celebrate when something good happens, not just the calendar days.
A good cry can be good, and I haven't had one yet. I'm just not a person who cries. I don't know why. I just intellectualize everything.
Val, I'm not crying either. I think I'm turning it all into anger. My therapist said I might be turning it into anxiety and I think she might be right too.
Now, who the heck wouldn't have anxiety with this to deal with? I think for sure we all have anxiety. Is there anyone on this message board who hasn't had anxiety?
Happy birthday Chris.I celebrated my 70th in April. DH had no idea it was a big day for me. The neighbour ladies had a luncheon for me , which was fun, and one of the husbands came to "sit" with Dh and play his version of cribbage. Its hard to remember the good days when Dh says I love you and does something nice. For me that must have been at least five years ago. But thats what happens as AD progresses.I hope you have a nice day with your family.
Oh, she wasn't suggesting that I wouldn't be having anxiety anyway. What she was suggesting was that I was giving myself an extra helping of anxiety. And I think she might be right.
Thank you so much all of you. Funny how some birthdays, I guess the ones with 5's and 0's seem more important. Anyway, the blues have been chased away. We had a lovely dinner at my son's last night, and believe this or not, My DH beat me at slot cars. Can you imagine. he had total control of his car, and went around the track 10 times to my 4times, I kept running off the track. That's probably why he thinks he can drive better than me, and honestly, he always could. but we all know what AD causes. Anyway, it turned out to be a lovely day, and I thnk you all. and I wish a most happy birthday to all of you who needs one. love ya,
Happy Birthday Chris, and everybody else in July. I'll be 60 on the 29th. I will have a cake (store bought). I'll plan something special for supper. Other than necessary chores, the day will be mine, even though I won't go anywhere, away from here. He won't remember it's my day, or say the words. He used to get me a card, no matter what, and he has never been able to read. Long ago, for any holiday or special day celebrations, we would talk over what gifts we'd give, and then I'd make it happen. When our daughter was little I persuaded him to take her shopping for a gift for me, and for him to get 1 for me as well. I explained that having even just 1 or 2 things to open, that I didn't know what they were, and knowing they'd chosen them special for me made my day special. I've let that go, because he no longer has a clue. I'll recieved a gift from our daughter--probably a gift card from Amazon---fun to shop there!
His forgetting does hurt, but it's not intentional, and I can let it go because I know that. As I said, it will be my day, and I won't let the D spoil it.
Last Christmas I wanted a present so badly, and at one point he wanted to buy me something. In the past he had a gift of finding something I would love to read that I had never heard of before. In a way he did it this year too. He bought me the second season of LOST. I'd never seen the program, but decided to watch the 4th season and loved it. My daughter bought me the first season so I could start at the beginning, and I've watched the whole thing.
In a way he did what he had always done, opened me up to something I would never have looked into on my own. One last time...
Starling, I've watched 1 though 3, but I thought the 4th wasn't coming out until Dec 9, 2008. Please let me know, are you sure it was season 4? I LOVED it, it is total escapism.
Starling, what a sweet sweet memory for you to have...If you are keeping a journal, be sure to 'post' it with that so you'll always have a SMILE :) I am trying to keep my journal more & more because these kinds of 'moments' are so very very special anymore.
I never thought of keeping a journal but now wish i had-after we found out about the AD dx, the following anniversary I told DH that all i wanted from him was a 'love letter'. he would always bring me expensive jewelry for almost all occasions and a reg card and 'sign' it. this time i wanted something special for keepsake. He isnt one to usually open up to his feelings, but I saw him sitting at his desk and 'briefing' (the lawyer in him:) what he wanted to say -cross out and redo til he got it just right. I cried for many days each time I read that card after he handed it to me, and today it is one of my most valuable assets. sometimes when i have a bad day I will bring it out and reread all the treasured things he said, and how much I meant to him. he hasnt been able to write anything since that is meaningful- so this one final testament of his love is my treasure chest to keep forever. divvi
Val, I saw season 4 on the air. Although I had the first two seasons on DVD in the house, I didn't watch any of them until after the season 4 finale. Now that I've seen season 1 (not 2 as yet) I'm aware that I missed a lot when I watched seaseon 4 on the air. But I enjoyed it so much it just does not matter.
Season 3 is out. I don't own it yet, but I will. Season 4 comes out in December and I believe season 5 startes some time in 2009. There will also be a season 6. The writers and producers have been promised time to finish the story.