I invite you to log onto my home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com- and read today's blog. I am sure many of you are in the same position as me. Do you find it strange? Please post comments and experiences here. How are you doing navigating non-Alzheimer friendships as a "single"?
Please note - This blog/discussion is NOT about forming friendships or "more" with the opposite sex. That issue will be addressed in the next blog. Thank you.
Despite my thread I started on opposite sex attractions in our situations, it is only really a fantasy and not much of that right now.
I try to forgive some of these people, try to see what would I do if I was them? It seems only single girlfriends are the ones that will do any things together as pals. Mostly that is, there are rare examples.
In fact, a married gal friend at our weekly market has asked if I would like to go down for a quick dip after that sweaty break down of tents and tables, just after lunch time, each Saturday. (In the gorgeous blue Hawaiian bay) She says when she does that the rest of her day is so much better. She would like to learn stand up board paddling too which is something I would love too.
It means we will get home on our 2 hour drive a bit later...but...so what?
I am really going to try to find a way to do it, without having to have dh sit in the car, and this is no fun for me anyway, looking every 5 minutes to see if he is ok.
One thing through all this that I realize now Joan, is I MUST find another outlet, and LET GO of the idea of just staying home with him being a bit of a martyr. The martyrdom will change in to insanity and deep loneliness eventually, and then, what good would I be? No longer a martyr or a good caregiver, but just another deeply depressed person.
My never again moment happened in Tar-ghet; just a few days ago. I passed by the Valentine displays, the cards, the candy; all of it. And it struck me- never again will any of this be validated by H. It wasn't last year, and probably was not the year before. For some reason, never did not strike me at that time as it does now.
The holiday season was especially tough as it includes my birthday. Nothing then either. I have a lot of mixed feelings about all of this. I guess mostly I wonder, how long is never?
I want to do something for myself too, something other than ponder when and if H will go to AL because much of the decision making regarding that is out of my control.
I think I want to take voice lessons. I miss singing so much and H cannot tolerate noise. If I cannot do it here I want to do it somewhere other than in my car. I want to make my own noise!