Lately, there have been two different men that have shown interest in me, it seems, in a "companionable" sort of way. One is a neighbor up the road, in that instance, I feel a bit creeped out, and offended. It seems like he is just waiting for dh to disappear, so he can have a chance at ..what? sex? no way! Money...hardly!
The other person is a man that comes to the weekly market, he and his wife live 2 hours away from here, where we go each Saturday. NOW NOTHING IS HAPPENING HERE! They are retired, and he is a caregiver for her, who has MS and is really having a hard time. I have not met her, he told me that she was diagnosed about 5 years ago. Ladies that I know at the market say she is one of the loveliest persons.
We just talk and laugh, he has a great sense of humor. He has a gang that meets at the market each week to drink coffee and eat all the great treats, they call themselves the "geezer circle". They are all an older gang of canoe paddlers and retired people that love the ocean.
I would NEVER NEVER NEVER do anything to hurt my dh, and, actually for many years now have pretty much resigned myself to that part of my life really over. Just trying to age gracefully. ( I am almost 57...feel older..)
However, that little bit of attention feels much better than I thought it would. Yesterday on the way home I found myself actually feeling kind of lighthearted and surprisingly remembering what it was like to feel attractive. I truly have felt like NO ONE really gives a crap about me. So though I know I cannot be anything like I was in my youth, it helped to life my depression, for a moment.
I just wanted to unload this. There is no hint of any wrongdoing, on anyones part. It sure is nice though to be able to talk to someone else that has a major issue with their loved one. Kind of different though, my man is losing his mind, and his mate losing her body.
I pray for her today, for him , for my darling, and for you all.
Thank you for sharing your special message. We are all facing the same situation and those of us w/a spouse away or at home have the same issues. I, for one, would just enjoy sharing a meal or conversation. Nothing prepares us for the challenge ALZ presents to us. And, likewise, nothing prepares us for the lonliness that we live everyday...sometimes this can be the greater challenge..hearing value for whom we are as a person from someone else. I wish I had an answer both for me and others. This, for me, is one of the many reasons this message board so important.
Several years ago there was a program on CBS Sunday Morning News that I believe was called "Jan's Journey". I think it is still on the net. If you haven't seen it, you may want to check it out.
i dont think theres anything wrong with innocent attentions either. i was at home depot checking out and a man behind me said. wow you smell reaally good!. i must have turned several shades of pink. grin.. caught me off guard after 12yrs of caregiving ! i hadnt really thought of that type of attentions in a long while and i have to say it felt good to be 'noticed'.
Thanks Coco for sharing your feelings with us. I can't see how these times of conversation and laughter can be anything but "good medicine" for caregivers. You are the same age as my children but even I would enjoy some platonic attention. I hope that is what I intended to say.
Coco.. Your post is most interesting. About 9 mos. ago my dear friend E. died. She and her husband have been my friends for over 25 years. I went to where he lives about 40 miles away to visit with him before the holidays. Well, much to my surprise...he told me how much he cared for me and had a special feeling about me for years which he discussed with his wife before she died. You could have knocked me off my chair with a feather. I was speechless. Then I was frightened. Anyway I tried to make light of it. Then he went on to say he had discussed his feelings regarding me with his wife (my dear friend) before she died and she said she hoped that the two of us could be together after she died and my dh died.
Wow...I can't tell you how shocked I was. This man is very good looking and very, very wealthy. But, I have no feelings for him other then as a friend. The thought of any thing between the two of us had never entered my mind. I have gone back to visit him once since then because I needed to get some papers he was keeping for me in his safe. He repeated the same thing. Now I am afraid to go back. But, I did find it very flattering and I have thought if and when the time might be that I have to place my dh or he dies it might be nice to have a gentleman friend to have dinner with or lunch. I am very fond of this man as a friend. I am not thinking of anything "personal" just companionship.
These type of things happen all the time I think. And, if nothing else it is nice to know you are still interesting to someone else. I would never judge anyone for any relationship they might have during this journey. After all we are all still alive...and our lives are slipping away while we watch your mate's life slipping away too.
JudithKB, some thought from the "Ask Coco" column...lol..
I really enjoyed reading about your experience. I had small alarm bells though. The idea of you having a lovely companion down the road is awesome. However, this man obviously is interested in much more than friendship, ( I can see why he loves you!), and if you do not ever feel that way about him, it could be uncomfortable. I know you will know what to do.
It was just so nice....to have someone actually really enjoy me and not shun away because of my lifes circumstances. I used to be quite fun, if a bit wild. Now, the popularity has disappeared and people drifted away, those fair weather friends.
Oh Coco! You know how we read different posts here & we think, Wow I’m glad that she wrote that because now I can write how I feel. Well that’s how I felt when I read what you wrote. I have said here more than once that after this is over I do NOT want to get into another relationship because I NEVER want to be a caregiver again to someone I love. But even now when I come into eye contact with someone I find attractive I smile & wonder what it would be like to go out to dinner or to a movie with someone “normal”. Someone here said that I was naïve to think that I could have a relationship like that because men want more than just dinner & a movie. Well if that is true then so be it. Yes, a little bit of attention can be refreshing & good for the ego. Thanks for sharing Coco, it is nice to know that people here understand & that we can say pretty much anything! ((HUGS))
((((((HUGS))))))) to you too ElaineH! Yeah, there is nothing like someone really liking you, and maybe,,,even desiring you...to make you feel good...and for me, to know that I am now at this age, a decent respectful woman and would not do anything wrong.
Coco: have not been here for a while. Things have been steady and a bit worse. I'm in all your camps and quite so with ElaineH. Seven years into Alz. my wife is truly truly sweet and thoughtful every moment in her own way. She can't forma sentence but still loves me so. I'm tired, she's been gone from our relationship for three years now. It's funny how our minds work, even when we don't want them to. These little grimlins come in and say when this is over your alone. More and more recently this keeps happening. Sometimes I've thought once she doesn't know me anymore I might enjoy a friendship. A friendship! My wife is/was my best friend and I'm lonely beyond descrip. Other times I think, I'll take some time and get used to being truly alone then proceed with caution. This stuff just happens, it life. I will respect my DW to the end lonely or not. Truthfully, if I found a friend to email with where there is a connection, I suppose I might do so as I've totally gone this alone; no help and I'm worn down. Was so glad to see this subject come up. I'm sure others will have additional insight. I saw that piece on CBS that Tom mentioned. I'm a guy and don't cry much but seeing that, I did. What an eye opener. If any haven't seen please do. Thanks to all!
Coco..I'm not good with writing how I feel, so it's lovely to read everyone's thought here on this thread.. We are all human and need to feel wanted and loved..to feel special to someone, to have someone to share our lives with. It lifts our spirits and self estem to know someone would find us attractive. A friends husband made a pass at me, she just goes on living her life, lunches, outings with her friends, not caring about him, even when he had a open heart surgery, he was left to fend for himself There's nothing wroung with wanting an after life after this is all over to feel special again...at this stage, all I want is to find me again, to do what i want, when I want to, not answer to anyone, if someone does come along that sets off that spark in me, then it may be different. It's good to dream...of what could be.
Coco, I would love to just sit down and talk to a lady for about an hour or two while having dinner or something. I used to think it was wrong to think that way too but a few weeks ago I was sitting alone one night and thinking about what mine and Kathryn's life was like now. I realized that Kathryn's life pretty much started over everyday now because she doesn't remember yesterday.
Then I realized something about care giving that I hadn't realized before. And it's this: That being a care giver is almost like being in solitary confinement. When we are home with our LO it is pretty much like being alone. There is no conversation. It is as if there is nobody else there at all. I think that everybody needs to be able to talk and interact with others in some way.
I think because of this we think about how nice it would be to be able to have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Not a sexual relationship but just a relationship period.
I think it would be great to have a friend of the opposite sex to talk to about anything other than Alzheimer's. If they played golf it would be even better to just play golf and ride alone in the golf cart and talk.
The only problem I can see in it is that there is always a chance that one or even both might begin to want more. That is why I avoid it. It scares me that I might be the one that wanted more.
At my house it is being alone and I too feel like I am in solitary confinement. My dh sleeps most all day and not only do I not have anyone to talk to I can't leave him alone thus=solitary confinement. When he is awake, he doesn't understand much of what I am saying. He just looks at me like I have lost my mind...and maybe I have.
Thank you for opening this door. If it was opened before it was before I was here and did not come up in the topic searches I have done.
In my case, it has happened a couple of times. Now, please understand, I don't go anywhere exciting. I am not clubbing or even lunching in hotel dining rooms. (I have been told, for women of a certain age (my age) this is where to go to find, well, you know...
In a supermarket, and in an outdoor market, maybe something like where Coco has her booth (sorry if that is not the right term). The second instance more memorable. I passed this man a couple of times. Then there was this touch, very light, on my arm and he said he had to turn around to talk to me and gave me the nicest compliment. Not lewd or anything; just nice. He asked if I wanted to have a coffee with him. There is a food and vendor area so it would not have involved driving anywhere.
I declined, buy my heart fluttered. I really, really wanted to. I will, for sure, never marry again. This is said knowing H could even outlive me; anything is possible.
But, I go home everyday to a H who looks at me either with a blankness or with the expression that I am a fly he would just as soon swat away.
So, I was on air, that someone SAW me. I have often, and usually think that part of me has died but then something like this happens and I say "still alive".
Right on Abby....and you and Coco both are too young to not be concerned what may be in the future for you. And, why not. This road is lonely and hard and there needs to be something to look forward to.
You gals sound like you have great personalities and would enjoy conversation with a man...and, again why not.
I am sitting here reading post after putting my dh to bed. This subject is one of interest to me as I wonder the same things,,,, does anyone even notice me, do I look nice, do I smell good, etc...... When I am at the store and look a man in the eyes it embarasses me to know he is actually looking at me. It makes me wonder what IS after this horrible disease? I don't want to remarry either but would love to find someone to travel with, have fun with, hugs, and spend time with. I don't even mind if there is no physical attention. I just want to relax and live. We are all so tired of being alone, I miss my dh's arms, his voice, his personality, and yes, our personal time together. But I am scared no one else could possibly measure up to my wonderful dh. And I definitely don't want to be another caregiver..... I know that sounds horrible but so be it. Coco,,,thanks for your post and I hope you know we all understand. We understand the unspoken and the thoughts of each other. They are all our thoughts..... thanks for putting a voice to them. Praying for all to have a blessed week....
Right, the sense of isolation is terrible. That this thread seems to be picking up a lot of attention is reassuring that we are still normal people with a need for feeling connected to others. I don't think our loved ones would want us to become hermits and just stop loving life.
your comments are all so amazing....to each and EVERY ONE of you I read your words and it has touched my heart so.
So great the men are here are commenting too. You know, I am quite a tomboy, and in many ways think a bit more like men. After reading this, I realize how much the sexes really do think alike, and how loving and wonderful we are to each other.
I was trying to pinpoint my feelings a bit more. You see, lately, I have been a bit bitter toward humanity, of course I cannot blame it ALL on fighting this horrid disease my mate has, but, caregiving for him has brought most of it out.
I have felt so so isolated and wow how many of you say the same thing. I have felt disgusted with people , and that includes myself.
Like JimB, feelings toward the opposite sex, in the way that it could be a "relationship", scares the heck out of me. WHY? Because people are hurtful, and mostly self centered. AND, you know how it goes, wonderful feelings in the beginning, then waning, then often, not much. (my experience)
So, when I got that attention the other day, it was more of an ego thing, like, oh I am still desirable. I WISH it was more that way with "regular" people, that they just wanted to spend time with me because they liked me, and enjoyed me, and did not let my circumstances ruin that. (like having dh sitting in the car while we do things, or sitting in the shade under a tree looking out for my every move)
Remember when we were younger, and fell in love? We walked on air, we skipped and laughed, and our faces reflected an overabundance of joy. Now, I feel alot of that is not real, and I don't want false expectations in my heart and mind.
I did that little skip thing the other day, and then I remembered WHAT had made me feel that way. Then I felt a bit stupid..lol..
Love you guys, and thanks Gourdchipper for reviving the other thread, going to read it now.
Part of the beauty of these conversations we have is their sincerity, honesty and absence of feeling "on guard". I haven't heard this sort of thing since before ability to communicate was taken away from my DW by her AZ. We gentlemen miss you ladies out there.
I see three very important things about this topic for me.
The first is that I have to understand my life is changing because both what I do and what will happen become inevitable. My life will slowly transform from being a partner in a relationship to being a nurse and protector. As that develops I become increasingly aware that our lives are going to branch. My spouse is going to wither and die and I will no longer be married.
When I take that first truth on board and finally come to assimilate it enough, the second part is facing myself and what that is. Being yourself is it's own form of relationship and every spouse here is going to be faced with that truth. Who am I? What do I do? What am I about? Coming to some kind of terms with that and then learning how to go out there and be that is coming or has come to a theatre near you.
The third and final part is authorizing yourself to live your life. If we come to understand what is happening (out of denial) and we deal with the thoughts and questions about what we ourselves are, then we still need to give ourselves permission to live our lives without always refering to what we were or what we had or what we don't have now (baggage).
That last sentence is a teaser because it will illicite some reactions that their spouse or their life is not baggage but that's a defence shield against penetrating the truth. Our spouse is not baggage. Our memories are not baggage. Us trapped by a past which is no longer is baggage. Not in the sense of our honouring that past of course but in the sense of living the present.
There are also three behaviours that we don't generally discuss. The first is shyness or perhaps reticence (reluctant). Our nature may be such that it is very difficult for us to in any way 'put ourselves out there'. The second is having no ideas. We may be better at reacting than initiating what we want to do or will do. We just don't know what to do. The third is the preponderance of geezers to talk themselves out of pretty much everything. Listen to yourself sometime doing it because most thousand year old's don't even know they're doing it. Oh well I'd have to put on a coat. Oh well my coat is old. Oh well I don't know where my boots are. Oh well it's getting late. Oh well I might not have a good time. Oh well so and so talks so much.
I'll tell you one thing. Anyone who's my age which is 61 is weird and if they're not they're still weird because 61 (insert number here) years on this planet means you've either earned your weirdness or by not having that are weird by default. Caveat emptor (buyer beware).
As of Thursday my wife is in a nursing home. Horribly tough as we all know. However, I have been working on this for several years and the proofs will now be revealing themselves. I held on to her and our lives as long as I could. Now the road has forked and down one I have to endure that I did this and see to her protection and care the rest of the way. But down the other one I am a completely free man in the same way an apprentice one day will be. I live alone. I eat for one. I make all decisions. I have to entertain myself.
My lifelong love of women and drawing them in has heightened alarmingly this last year. I find myself having thoughts that are so intense in comparison to the limited interplays before that they are frankly a bit desperate. I size up all sorts of women I see without meaning to as though the back of my mind is trying to 'help' me (down tiger! down!) . I don't mean thoughts like mounting some poor thing in the frozen food section, I mean shopping for a mate. It took me a while to realize that's natural. The need to have a mate is very deep in humans as it is in many other creatures. Many animals never take a second mate if the first is lost. Rabbits not so much.
My life has changed. I need to learn how to engage in it. Part of that is talking to women and being around women as a single man. I'm not yet but I will be. I refuse to explain how much I love my wife to anyone and I refuse to give Al Zheimer my life too. I can laugh and cry in the same day and not get confused. My poor wife is dying. And I get to live. So I have to answer the question "is it alright for me to laugh while she is dying?" Yes. It is and it must be because a full life includes laughter and happiness as well as saddness.
You know what my Dianne would have done if I told her that if she died I would never laugh again? "Don't be stupid." she would have laughed. You live life. That's why it's there. So I'm starting to lift some weights because I can see I'm going to have to beat the women off with a stick. That may not be exceedingly accurate but then that's not the point. Me having some fun is. And that's not disrespectful of my wife. And THAT IS the point.
Thanks Wolf for expressing my sentiments exactly. I am 66 next month. It has been a year since my wife was admitted to a Memory Care unit. Knowing my lovely wife is where she needs to be getting the best care every hour of every day, I too want, no need, to begin living life. Life's for sharing. Be it a relationship or just having coffee and conversation with a woman would be such a gift for me.
I see this as a challenge for me on many levels. Just meeting someone...someone that understands that I am and will continue to be married but understands the circumstances of my life. My wife is happy in her existence..in her mind she is in her home even though home is the ALZ unit. For me, it will be one step at a time, one breath at a time while continuing to live a lonley life as I search for friendship.
Since this thread came up, I have been thinking about selling our home and moving into Senior mobile home park to be around people of my age and to enjoy the activities they have avaialable if and when I need to place my dh.
Some of my senior friends that live at the place I am thinking about, who are widows, have the complaint that the married women are very resentful of the widows. The married women don't want their husbands talking to the widows. This seemed so strange to me, but when you think about it there probably are alot more widows then widowers and the married women want to be sure to keep what they have. I'm a very friendly person and I'm thinking, I wouldn't need that kind of stress having to be careful who I could or could not talk to without offending someone.
I wonder if it is not so much that the chat group is men or maybe a mix of folks as much as it is just being able to be normal for a little while. To really have something other than explaining for the umpteenth time what a scam is or that this item is a birthday gift for someone but actually an opportunity to have a normal hour or two of chat and coffee and life away from the drudgery of As The World Of Alzheimer's Disease Turns( now wouldn't that be a title for a new soap opera). I wonder how many of us discover that when we find ourselves in this situation we yak and yak and have to be careful not to dominate a conversation? It is like when someone dies, the one who lost the LO has a NEED to talk a lot, more than friends and family have the ability to listen. I wonder a lot about us falling into that situation too.
I thin it is fine if you have someone to talk with and a group could be that much more fun..I would suspect that the fellow whose wife has MS goes through much the same things we do.
Judith, I thin the sentiment your dear friend E expressed is touching but I think he spoke way too soon about such things with your DH still in your care. It leads to confusion about so many things. Could be this man is now finding himself needy and since his wife expressed her approval he felt safe to bring this up. I would not burn any bridges but I would keep things light. Down the road, who knows what can bloom...it might be a wonderful relationship later on..with someone who also understands this kind of loss, the loss of a dear much loved spouse. What he needs is time and you will too. But who knows? Life is full of twists and turns.
Just the other day, in a note I wrote to a friend who was asking how DH is, I was telling of the changes in the past year and said " and so it goes..I hate House Arrest".
Wolf it is so good to see you. I am sure we have all been thinking about you, and wondering how it was going. I know you are really busy lifting weights etc., lol, but please take the time to accept the well wishes.
I liked you comment on the geezers.
JudithKB. funny yeah, that even as we age the jealousy thing never really goes away. Even as a mate, when I find myself conversing with married men, I try to look the woman in the eye too and include her. There was a tourist couple asking me some questions at my booth the other day, and no matter how much I tried to include her, daggers came my way. I say, poor thing her, no need to feel that way.
I mean to mention, on a light fun note. There is a tent of two lesbian vendors at our market , selling yummy jams. I have just gotten the cutest short haircut, also I am built quite solid and have Tahiti tattoos on my arms. They keep telling me, when you are ready to "switch over", let us know...(lol,,,ummm...NO)
We won't find new friends in our living room. That's our furniture not other people. And it is the mark of both age and experience that we race way ahead and define things which is both a defence and slightly mentally ill. Talking and having dinner or going somewhere together is not a transgression. It is normal social behaviour. The crux is because we actually feel open to enjoyment of the moment without preset limits we feel the tremendous burden of our minds racing ahead and judging, judging, judging. Authorizing ourselves to live our life is much more than going to dinner with someone of our chosen sex. It's learning to be in the moment. Learning that racing ahead with your strange ideas is just that and not only useless but almost certainly innacurate. Stop planning. That's like pushing a stick into the spokes of a moving bicycle. Nothing to do with riding the bike.
Wolf's Guide to the opposite sex:
Out of every 10 people you meet they will fall into these categories:
1. One is infatuated with you beyond explanation 2. One is clearly taken by you 3. One is happy to see you 4. One is fine with you being around 5. One has never had a single thought about you 6. One would just as soon you weren't around 7. One is not happy that you are there 8. One despises you 9. One if you were the last man on earth and they were the last woman, would buy a vibrator
and 10. You never pay attention to the signals others are sending making this list irrelevant.
Understand that when you enter a room full of people, it is virtually impossible to make everyone like you, and it is certain that some people will like you. Let it be.
Wolfs list sounds very true. I am so sick of my insecurities in needing everyone to like me. blah. However, dealing with AD and fairweather friends and awful family, I have toughened up somewhat. you guys help me not to become a bitter old bag. (lol)
We are all emotionally vulnerable as we seek others to support us as we give care ourselves or attempt to make new friends while our spouse is being cared for by others and we visit, still caring. All I think I can do, while I worry about clinical depression entering my empty world, is to treat every person I encounter as a friend or a friend to be. And, yes, I too often find myself just blabbing on and on because I have someone to talk to. But I need to be vulnerable and understand I may have friends that would rather be someplace else rather than with me as I try to find friends that would want to be nowhere else but with me. I'm not a person that frightens easily but I need to overcome my concern of being hurt or rejected in hopes of having more caring for me in my life. Am I selfish? Maybe so.
I don't hold much hope of ever finding someone else if something happens to my dh,and I don't know if I care. But, I have never lived alone and I know I will be facing something that will take alot of adjusting to. I live in a large 4 bedroom home and I just know I won't be happy living here, but what type of move I will make that will be more pleasant for me, I don't know the answer to that yet.
My problem that is unique to me compared to other women on here is that I am so much older then my dh. He will soon be 65 and I am 78. I am just going to state a fact, and I am not bragging or whatever. But, most people think my dh is older then me. Even when I told my dh's doctor how I was so concerned something would happen to me and he would be left alone, the doctor couldn't believe I was that old. I owe it all to a face lift I had 14 years ago...had a great doctor there. I had good skin to begin with and have always taken care of myself. I am small and peppy and withit so to speak. I don't lie about my age, but I would be hard press to ever find someone young enough for my 78 years. If you know what I mean. And, once again, I don't know if I really would care.
If I am left alone I think I will force myself to do alot of traveling even though that may be difficult too. But, I will do it. I have a friend whose husband has been dead for years and she has traveled all over the world. Now she can't do it because of ill health. Of course, I may be long gone before my dh. But, we probably all need to think of the future. Everything else (the present) is so much more depressing.
My wife and I cared for her mother (AD) for several years after my father in law passed away unti we reached the point that even with help we were overwhelmed. That was in the late 80's. In 2006 my wife was diagnosed with AD.
Knowing exactly what she/we were facing she set forth her wishes loud and clear..when a move to a home would be made, her DNR , etc etc. and among many her many other directives were how much she wanted me to continue to enjoy all aspects of life when she was no longer capable of functioning as a loving wife. A priceless gift from loving DW. We're not "there" yet, but guilt will not be a factor when and if I face the decision u
I think a lot of us feel the same way. I know that I will never marry again. I have been married twice and both wives became sick. My first had Hodgkin's disease and now Kathryn has Alzheimer's disease. I will not take a chance of getting married again and having to be a caregiver again.
I don't know what kind of relationship the future will hold but I do know it will not be marriage. It may sound terrible to say it but they will have to take their toothbrush home with them in the morning. If it involves a sexual relationship I will be upfront about it and tell them how I feel about not getting married so if that is what they are looking for they will not waste their time on me.
I do not view sex like most others do. I think it is like playing golf. It's fun and I enjoy it but that is all. I do not consider having sex as making love. If that were true we would not make love much. Sometimes sex may be part of making love but I made love to Kathryn dancing in the kitchen or going for a walk and holding hands etc.
Love is all the time 24/7 for me. Not just a few minutes of something.
Here in Jacksonville there is a singles golf club (not a dating service). I think I will join it when the time comes and make some lady friends I can play golf with and talk to while playing golf.
It would be nice to meet a nice lady to do a little traveling with, maybe go to a movie or out to dinner with. If we both wanted to have sex that would be ok too but not a requirement. I can live with out sex but I am not sure I can live without female friends.
I hadn't planned to comment on this thread because I'm very deeply in love with my DH. It's a "till death do us part" kind of thing and I plan to devote myself to his care for the long haul. However, I did think about this thread when we went out for lunch today. How nice it would be to go out with someone who could buckle their own seatbelt, cut up their own food, eat with a fork instead of a spoon and who wouldn't ask over and over what the name of the restaurant is. Of course, I would like for that someone to be my DH. As for the "after"....yes, I would like some kind of relationship. It's heartwarming to read comments from some of you guys here, how you miss female companionship. Makes me feel kinda special. (smile)
The wisdom and thought all of you have put into this just amazes me. There is something in each thread that I find helpful. Thanks to each of you for writing your thoughts, dreams etc., for me.
As a man that has posted on this before, I will be brief this time. I am 78 also, been married all of my life, find it difficult to go places alone and am very lonesome. My DW is in an Altz unit and will stay there. The one thing, from my perspective, is that there is nothing on this earth that can compare to a beautiful (kind-not shapely), clean, intelligent woman with nice perfume. And I mean literally - nothing.
I don't think I have thought about this very much at all since H's dx of ftd (2009). Reading this thread prompted the thought, the question: will I be celibate for the rest of my life?
Celibate in terms of unmarried. Yes, with no doubt. But in the other most common context of the term?
I think about OMG (organic market guy). What if I had gone for coffee with him? Not the beginning or the end of the world for either of us I would guess. I think he was in his mid 40's or about five years younger than I am.
So, the flirt is on (and it was) and you have that initial interaction. I can't imagine a first question other than "what do you do?"
"Well, my husband was dx with MCI in 2006 and then FTD and I relinquished my license and pretty much have stayed home with him."
"What do you like to do?"
"I try to get out of the house for a few hours each day. I stretch errands and otherwise drive around in my car listening to satellite radio. Sometimes I sing along; sometimes I scream."
abby, sometimes when I have had more than one beer, and dh is laying down...I go out to my car, put in my Tahiti music, and dance in the dark like a wild woman. I dip and bend and do the Tahiti waltz as best as I can. It is a bit of madness, a bit like your screaming maybe, but thoroughly enjoyable. I dance until I am exhausted, check the car battery..and go in to bed.
I am due for that again. I don't really need a drink, but it helps a bit.
Oh how I love you men too, reading your responses has made me realize you are so much like us, us gals.
Dazed, move over, we're in the same boat. I'm giving this all I've got and when it's over I have no desire to risk another go around!! Lots of friends, the more the merrier!!
abby--Enjoyed your fantasy conversation with OMG :) if I'm lucky enough to meet someone I'm interested in, I'm going to describe myself as an Alzheimer's advocate. It's true--I am active with the Alz Assn, have testified before a Senate subcommittee, lobbied Congress, been in the newspapers with my DH, etc. This is something I'm going to continue forever, and something others may want to look into when/if they have time. Since my husband has EOAD, I feel strongly about educating the public that younger-onset dementias exist. The more of us that get involved can only benefit in the end--and make our lives more interesting, to boot.
Can really relate to Dean Haywood, "been married all my life". Met DW when she was 14 and I was 16. We married several years later. We still have the ability to laugh at her deficits..Today.. While I was in the shower she removed every towel from the master bath, guest bath and linen closet, folded them neatly and placed them in the trash room in the hallway. (the door alarm going off told me something was amiss) Must have been quite the sight, me running around soaking wet, her laughing at me thinking it was the funniest thing she's seen and nary a towel to be found .. A bed sheet toga was the remedy until I found out where she had hidden towels. I didnt bother asking her why.
ok nelsons, now you know to take a towel with you before you get in.:) we found it worked best to sit DH in the bathroom with a bag of candy if i bathed as he would get into too much mischeif in a very brief period. its good you have the alarm. divvi
Nelsons: Only one of us can really understand and enjoy your comments. I think it is funny now, but, at that time it might not have been. You were very smart not asking Why. It took me a long time to learn to stop asking why and unfortunately I caused some unnecessary arguements and un pleasant situations.