We hear this from everyone who arranges for help with caregiving or places their spouse. "I should have done it earlier." Or "I waited too long."
I've heard it here numerous times, and I heard it from the lady (a former spousal caregiver) who founded a place I'm planning to look at. "Should have done it sooner."
Can someone explain this too me? If it is so common to wait too long, then what are the signs that we should be making a move now? What if I'm managing ok, and don't seem to be totally burned out? (Maybe just a little.)
If we don't wait until we're really hurting, then how do we know we're not acting prematurely? What if we act now (because everyone else told us that they waited too long,) and then it turns out to seem like a stupid move?
Emily, when Gord was in rehab a year ago, I almost came to blows with the psychogeriatician. He insisted that Gord should be placed. He said that would allow me to return to being a wife instead of a caregiver. I insisted that he was coming home. I was determined that he was wrong. Now, a year later, I am a widow ( what a hard word that is to say) and I think he was right. I am sorry every day that I stopped being a wife somewhere along the way. I was a caregiver. Had I listened, I could have been a wife for the last year of his life. Maybe we only know in hindsight. I am sure there are some less stubborn and smarter than I. hope so.
like everything else about AD i think this is a very personal issue. more than likely you will know when the time is right. in hindsight we usually know we waited too long like getting outside help only after we get it and see how much easier things are. :) no right or wrong. if you find yourself looking and thinking that your spouse AND you maybe ready then it may be a good opportunity. while many here have opted for placement the general concensus is they should have started the process earlier. the tensions, anxiety of caregiving can add up to burnout pretty quickly. some due to their own personal restrictions find it necessary earlier as well. we do what we must for ourselves as well as our spouse. i am sure others have a much better input as to 'when' is best
Others are more objective and if telling you that it's time, that it's harmful to YOU, then you should listen to them. I waited too long because I did not want to admit that my life with DH was over as I knew it--altho it had been for years. Finally my body screamed out--NO MORE, I CAN'T DO THIS ANY LONGER. I waited until I was in danger before I was forced to act. I harmed myself and when I placed DH, in the long run, it did not harm him.
Was it hard on both of us at first? God, yes. But soon he did well and eventually I rebounded. But I didn't want to separate us--it was that simple.
It's my opinion that getting some in-home help in early is the smart thuing to do. The earlier you get your LO used to others coming in , the easier it will be if something hap;pens that requires them to receive some help from someone other than the Caregiver. Examples:Cargiver needs a Colonoscopy. Caregiver wants to attend a funeral. It could be anything. The other reason is that getting help in lightens the load on the Caregiver. Early on the caregiver may feel they're managing okay, handling everything themselves, but realistically they have gone from carrying the load of their own contribution to the household to carrying both their own load and their LO's and an added load called Dementia duties--medical, legal, financial, PT, entertainment,social, etc. The caregiver has no business doing chores anyone can do, when there are chores only they can do, waiting. As to waiting too long, it's possible. What I know is that I decided to look into it in the Fall of 2010. In the Spring of 2011, I had found 2 acceptale places and put him on their waiting lists. In the Fall IKstarted actively seeking Placement, but wasn 't having much luck unless I was willing to send him y70-80 or more miles away--too far for me to manage visits or advocacy easily if at all. Finally was ready to naildown Placement in Feb, or March. We had a major endangerment event and there's been all kinds of tranferring him because of treatment n eeds and added complications. It appears he'll be temporarily Placed about 45 minutes away early next week, then tranferred to the Place I've cholsen when a bed opens. Did I wait too long? His is a compiicated case with 3 major mental conditions involved. The Mental Illness went Off. It was not expected. I am not a newbie caregiver (24 years, almost). You just never know. All we can do is the best we can, and hang on.
Emily, I agree with Divvi entirely. It wasn't until after I got outside help that I realized I should have gotten it sooner (6 to 8 months earlier. I think that as long as we are able to handle it we don't really know we needed it sooner. In my case I just couldn't not take care of my Kathryn. I felt like I would not be doing the right thing by her. But in hind sight I know that would not have been the case. Now I truly believe that my feelings got in the way of me doing what was the right thing to do for both me and Kathryn.
Once I got the help two things happened. Kathryn gets better care than I was giving her because now the young lady that comes over for 5 hours a day Monday - Friday understands better what a woman's needs are and is better able to provide them than I was.
I do not have to worry as much about UTIs because she is a certified nurse assistant and keeps a very good watch out for things she knows to look for that I didn't. Taking care of all the lady things were a big problem for me. I did my best but as it turns out I still missed some. They are no longer missed.
For me, I am more relaxed and am better able to enjoy whatever time I have left with Kathryn. It's hard to enjoy time with your spouse if you have to be prepared to handle anything every second of every day. I am able with a little planning to get out and do something on my own once in a while now too.
I read everything everybody said about wishing they had done it earlier too and I am writing this myself. But if you took this and put someone else's name on it and put it right in my hand back when I should have gotten outside up, would I have gotten it earlier? Probably not because I would have still had all the same issues and feeling I had then and would still not understand until after I got the help.
I don't think we have the knowledge to make the decission at the right time until after we do make the decision and bring in the outside help. Then we understand.
I think there is so much involved in each one of us making that decision that there is really no way for anybody to help us know when it is the right time. I think our hearts get in the way of our thinking process. I know mind did.
For me the indications are to do it now. However, H is not willing so all I can do now is plan for "plan B" which is me leaving the house if he continues to insist on no aides, no daycare, no placement. He is in that place, aware, I guess it might be said, that this is his house. So, the balance is, he cannot be forced to go, but to what extent am I forced to stay?
The other variable is how much and for how long? I started a topic on this last night and it disappeared; maybe for a reason?
My question was how do most afford this? It seems like many posters here have LTC insurance and we do not. Applied for, yes, but denied for markers back to H's 40's. I know of only two ways to get it. One is to have applied very early, and even Suze Orman says few (few!) ever need it before the late 50's. The only other way I know about is to be a federal employee or be eligible to be claimed by one.
H applied, but the markers were already present and therefore he is not insurable.
ALF that I have looked at: about $5000 per month.
As an aside, the care manager has asked me if I am interested in a totally holistic facility @ 12500 per month. Oh sure, I am curious and would like to see that but why? I could never afford that. Yet, those places have full occupancy and waiting lists. I guess I live in another world.
Abby...maybe you could do what I did a few months ago. I knew I needed to get out of the house without my dh and I also knew I couldn't leave him alone. So I hired a very nice cleaning lady that had been highly recommended. After a couple months and my dh got use to her comming in to clean the house every other week. I paid her an extra fee if she would also watch my dh while she was cleaning the house. She readily agreed. Now, every other Wed. she comes in at 9:00 a.m and I leave to do whatever I want and return at 1:00.
It has been good for all three of us...she needs the money, I need the relief of time for me and my dh likes her alot and doesn't mind at all. He objected about me hiring someone to come in and watch him. But, doing it this way it kind of fooled him because he thinks of her more as the cleaning lady then the caregiver. Actually, she does little to no caregiving except to keep an eye on him.
Thank you for your suggestions! Back in the halcyon days H and I spent more on services than probably anything. I always had a housekeeper, but she always came during the day, (1 x per week ) and so H never saw her.
Now, he does not relate to how bills are paid and certainly not to how the house is cleaned, which I do and do not do well. I have not been able to maintain most of the services we routinely had.
(My favorite was having someone come to take care of the cars; they would come with a mobile wash/detail unit once a week. Good Lord those were the days!)
Now I cringe because more than an aide I really need someone to clean without having a fit over the state of the bathrooms. I had a service and they were like, "this is disgusting" well, yeah, tell me something "fresh". Yes, according to House Hunters they (the bathrooms) should be blownout and redone but some things are just not on the long list with dementia.
May I ask what you pay her and how did you find her? Do you have companion animals and how do you deal with that? Even when I had the housekeeper it was a task to either have her bypass the garage or not go into the sunroom where they were sequestered. I could (then) only be away for 3-4 hours at a time and worried about the pups and kitties.....
Honestly, I don't know how many people afford it. Creative solutions, in some cases, like Judith's hiring of the cleaning lady. Some are financially fortunate enough to have a nest egg to deplete, and some can't do that without putting their futures at serious risk. I think we should all live in communal housing, where our LOs can wander around safely and there will always be someone around to step in when needed. That's my solution. Too bad I can't instantaneously implement it.
It is said that 75% of ALZ patients are cared for in the home..less anyone think they are alone in this challenge. A decision for placement outside the home is an emotional challenge. The overiding issue for many is the cost...and also, are the memory unit residents with medical assistence cared for the same regardless of their ability to pay the same as private pay. Some facilities purposely limit the number of Medicaid beds available..often to just 3 or 4 to limit their revenue loss .
Medical Assistance/Medicaid eligibility and the amount payed by the each state varies widely. In NC, my spouse would not have beem eligible. In MN, where we grew up, she has family and she became eligible for MA, cost to me is her monthly Soc Sec check. Fees are set by the state and dependent on the level of care needed. Private pay and Medical Assistance residents generate the same revenue for the facility so everyone is treated w/the same dignity and they do not ration the beds.
An Elder Care attorney is invaluable and can assist w/helping prepare eligibility documents for your state and, if necessary refer to an attorney where eligibility is more accomodating.
I'm trying right now to figure out when is "too long". My therapist (who took care of an Alzheimer's patient in her home for six years, so she does have some insight into this process) is getting more and more insistent that the time has come, and I have to admit that my body and my emotions are agreeing with her. My therapist also said that everybody has a breaking point, and she's not sure that I'm recognizing when mine is. That seems to be a fairly big hint that I'm either there already, or very near.
Bettyhere, you said exactly what I've been thinking: " I waited too long because I did not want to admit that my life with DH was over as I knew it--altho it had been for years." I think I need to write that sentence down and read it every day, to remind myself what this situation truly is. Every time there is a tiny glimpse of the man my DH used to be, it pulls me back in to hoping. But those little tiny glimpses are getting much smaller and much farther apart.
I know it's nearly time. In three months I will start my tenth year of caregiving. That's a long time to do this. Mentally, physically, and emotionally I'm completely exhausted and burned out. But then I see one of those little glimpses again, and think, "How can I do that to him?" How about to save my own life? Maybe to save my own sanity? Are those valid reasons? What a hideous disease this is. It destroys the person with the disease, and in many cases also destroys the caregiver.
You can't compare EOAD, AD, VAD and other slower forms on the same basis.
As of yesterday my wife is in a NH. The first really visible clue of EOAD was in August 2006. Three months earlier she was running a department in Gillette. One and a half years later she couldn't drive. Three years later she couldn't talk coherently. And she is likely to be dead within three years probably sooner. All marked from August 2006.
While my experience is relatively relentless those that have a slower form have other considerations because they are doing the caregiving for much longer and both burnout and the right time almost certainly are different experiences (remember the frog in the water who never has the signal to get out as it slowly rises to a boil).
I believe Emily in situations like yours and Carol's for example you are faced with making a conscious decision based on no evidence. The changes come that slowly.
And yet you are under more strain in a serious way because you have are under duress for much longer than someone like me.
I never got any clear signals either but I would have within a few months. And I don't agree with putting them in in the first place - even though I did yesterday. We have to make choices. Not making one ends up also being a choice.
The difference in my mind is that you will have to make a conscious choice unless a bigger event occurs whereas I reacted to visibly occuring events that changed month by month. Remember you are under more strain because you are under the same strain but for much longer.
My wife has been going to day care for the past 3 years and has had someone in home on Sundays for the past year. Thus, when I had my surgery (shoulder replacement) a couple of weeks ago, she was already used to someone coming in to care for her. Now I have someone come in the morning to get her up and take her to day care. Then either the same, or another woman, picks her up at day care at 2 PM and brings her home. That person stays with us in case she needs to go to the bathroom, etc, untl we go to dinner at 6. I then have her care until 8 when an aide from Assisted Living comes to put her to bed. Once in bed she stays there.
Since I have been doing this, I feel confident that she will do well with the women she is used to caring for her for 5 days in March while I go to Florida to visit our daughter.
Thanks everyone for all your invaluable input. Marsh, glad you shoulder surgery is over, and that you are getting some help. Wolf, good to hear from you, I along with many others I am sure have been wondering how you are faring. I am sending warm wishes and good hope your way.
My husband was diagnosed Dec. 2010, (at 62, EOAD), of course he was showing symptoms for at least a year before. He seems to be going downhill SO quickly. In the past year he has stopped driving, stopped working, (used to be SO active), stopped talking, stopped cooking, and sometimes he can barely get himself up. I miss him so.
After reading so much here, I know, that it is likely I will not want him in a NH for as long as I can hold off. However, I do have a Medicaid specialist that has been talking to me, and is "in the wings" Here in Hawaii, as long as you do not make more than $2800.00 a month combined as a couple, (including what is in your bank), and, do not own more than one home, you are eligible.
IF the person gets placed in this circumstance, it is covered 100 percent.
I found this out a few months ago, when I was at my lowest. I thought then, there was NO hope for help of any kind, except the upcoming 12 hours respite a week from VA. yet, I do not want to get hopes TOO high.
So though the thought of placement is on the back burner, for now., this person really helped me to have some hope. It is $3500.00 to have his help, to me, this is a drop in the bucket compared to trying to do it all myself, and being refused. My brother in law in Canada is going to help me if, and when, this happens.
Aside from so many comments here on WHEN and IF, man, it sure is hard to do my work and make enough money to cover the bills. Surviving though, and thanking God, for the strength, stamina, and smarts he has given me to make it work.
Abby: My granddaughter recommended the cleaning lady to me. I live in Ca. so most things here are more expensive then other parts of the country. My cleaning lady charges $75.00 every two weeks. I was paying her $60.00 and when I asked if she would be willing to watch my dh for the time she was here 4 hours cleaning she said yes and I increased her pay to the $75.00.
We are very fortunate that we both have good retirements and ss along with investments we made. Then when my dh got his VA disability payments it was just icing on the cake and I have been keeping that in a special account to help supplement what we will need if he has to go into an ALF and he still has his IRA.
He had kind of leveled off for the past 9 mos. Now he seems to be on a down hill slide. He has a new look out of his eyes, he doesn't seem to understand most anything I say, his sleeping is increasing, his not hearing me seems to have increased. He doesn't seem to get enjoyment out of going out to eat or anything. When we go shopping he doesn't want to get out of the car.
Abby, in your post you said “The only other way I know about is to be a federal employee or be eligible to be claimed by one”. I am a federal employee and could not get it because my wife was already diagnosed. I am wondering if there is something you know about Federal employees that I might be able use to qualify for the LTC?
Wolf, what you say is so wise. (I half chuckled/half gasped at the frog in boiling water metaphor, because I find it very apt. I've just started noticing recently that my guts and intestines may have reached the parboiled stage.)
The honest confessional truth is that sometimes I wish for the kind of dramatic downturn that a more rapid case is filled with, because then maybe I'd know what to do. On the broad timeline, I can mark the changes from earliest signs (2003) to now when I can't leave him home alone. Still, it is easy to imagine that he might remain "easy" enough to care for, by one person at home, for years and years to come. So the question becomes how long can I stand it? And if I'm running out of ability to stand it right now, is that temporary? Can I recover my caregiving equilibrium? Because he's not, objectively, a tough case.
Wolf, I think you were right when you said each type of dementia brings with it its own uniqueness, timeline, etc. In my case (i posted yesterday under another topic to report my dh's death on Jan. 17) my husband went very quickly. I began in home care at the beginning of August 2011 - i could have used it sooner but just had no idea where we were in the process. Guess I worried that I was giving up too quickly, thought I was wimping out. My dh became incontinent in early August and I realized I had a new reality. As I posted, I believe my dh to have PSP, dx'd in 2008. After the incontinence, his speech was more effected, began roaming at night (trying to get to bathroom - even tho he had on pull-ups, he felt he should take them down to urinate anywhere and everywhere), began falling more, speech became more affected, myoclonus jerks and parkinsonian symptoms became worse. By Thanksgiving he could no longer feed himself. I eventually found a dr. who could set up hopsice for us (which I felt was too soon and wasn't sure they'd take him) but my dh was so much worse than I could see or admit. Just after Christmas, his legs would no longer support him. Even with the help, I was struggling (emotionally) with whether to place 'cause I could no longer physically handle him. Had him on several lists for placement but he died about a week after doing so. We didn't have medicare 'cause dh was only 60 and had just gotten ssdi in November 2011. June was earliest he could get medicare. Our health insurance covered but I haven't seen bills for deductible/co-pays. I have no idea what to expect. I at least had some help - I don't know how those without insurance make it. It's a conundrum that has to be addressed in this country. These diagnoses are all too common and can financially devastate. I pray for all of you. Thank you again for all your help. Maybe I can provide some insights for others - because I know I looked for answers in all your posts.
Glad I have't had to make that decision yet, but I have found the place where I probably would place my dh. However, what I have done is draw the limit lines of what I know I can and cannot do. Maybe this will help me, maybe not when the time comes. My children will insist I do it...that I know for sure.
Physically I know I cannot lift my dh even out of a chair or wheel chair, bed, off the toliet...etc. I am too old and too small. I also know that I cannot handle "poop detail". I could hardly tolerate it when my kids were little. Since we have been on this road 2006 and dx 2007...probably the time will be here in a year or two at the most. Meanwhile, I'm doing the best I can.
Wolf, I am so sorry to read that you had to place your dear wife...so sad and so hard for you.
I am dreading having to make that descion, I know it's coming, I think this year will be very hard. I know Family will stand by me and help me take that step. DH is declining a little each day, just yesterday he asked,"what ever happened to his old girlfriend" I said who, he said her name was Julie, or Julia, her dad didn't like him...that's me! What do you say to that. He also thought our place was a hospital, and wanted to go home....every day, he wants to go home! Bless you all for being there, and sharing this together.
I am guilty of trying to take care of my wife to long. Why? Because I didn't know that I couldn't and I didn't know that things were as bad as they were. When she declined rapidly and her dr asked for a meeting with me and the children, I really found out that I couldn't take care of her. I mean they told me so. It came as a relief because, deep down, I knew it, but, I needed someone else to tell me. They were right and I am glad her dr was wise enough to tell us the truth. He was kind and blunt.
I've been trying to find this wonderful comment from bettyhere about waiting because we can be reluctant to give up the idea or memory of the lives we had with our spouses; maybe she deleted it or maybe it is on another thread.
Anchor 20,
I want to respond to your question about long term insurance for federal employees, but can't do it without my story. I will try to make it short. I have often posted here about H's problems beginning with a bad career decision "way back when" in 1999. I've also posted about how it made my parents apopleptic and that I tried, to them and myself, to write it off as hey- anyone can make a bad decision.
I certainly made one. I had a permanent gsa 11 positon that I left to marry H. Years passed. Then, when things were getting "complicated" I went on the internet and found my old position, now gs 13. There was a vacancy in a location where I would be comfortable. 48 hours until expiration, and I applied online. I was #2, had a telephone interview but was not flown out. Mostly I remember filling out a ksa(?) online until I fell asleep here at my desk.
I remember that the package included long term health care insurance for me and my claimants. Once rejected; notified by email, that was that. I don't know how specific it is, to grade, to agency, to location? I only know that that job could have saved my life and could have made a world of difference to H. But, I missed that boat!
Judith, thank you for the good advice.
Wolf, I anticipated from your posts last week that this week would be challenging to say the least. I am sending kind thoughts and affirmations to you and Dianne.
Coco, I wonder after reading your post if your expenses with your consultant might be tax deductions? You mentioned the cost was not a concern, but I just thought I would suggest that. In the state where I am located if the consultant is licensed as a medical evaluator, it may be a deduction.
I've been kicked off this forum once tonight so I will end this post now....
PS- I found Bettyheres* comment upthread. My apologies: denial and exhaustion evident here!
Betty, that was a beautiful post. Sometimes I think I am so ready for H to go to ALF but then, let there be a good day or two and I am back to what for me is escapist mode. "It is not that bad"; "it could get better".
I know, I know, but these are the tricks my tired mind plays. As JanK said- I need to affirm your statemtent over and over.
Placing a spouse in a nursing home is possibly the most difficult heart breaking decision that a person can make. My decision not to place my dw was based on my experience watching how my dw had cared for her own mom with AD, and observing others who had placed their loved ones in a nursing home. The general opinion is that the nursing home is better, and takes the stress and strain off the caregiver. But how wrong they are. I have seen caregivers who run to the NH several times a day, trying to deal with all the emergencies, then come back home to face the guilt, the loneliness and the pain of separation. The pain of having to say goodbye after each visit is horrible, and I wonder which situation is better...There is no better; each is equally worse. When you add the financial consideration, now you are broke and your loved one is still in the nursing home. At home, you have the less expensive option, but the more physical aspects of caregiving. I have realized that there is no easy option, and the choices that you have to make are both horrible. There is no right choice and only a decision of what type of pain do you prefer...the physical caregiving pain or the pain of separation.
I don't know Frank. Good points. From the get-go I've insisted that I will make no premature decisions about what tools I will use to manage this. And I still don't know.
Coming to the party late on many of these threads.....time restraints as we all know. Frank your words ring so very true......on all accounts. In the EOAD world $$$ is a huge consideration. For us (caregivers) life will go on and being pennyless for our Golden years only adds to the stress of doing for all. Today I am bringing in a new person for daytime hours. My 2 hour guy is leaving and hubby can't be alone all day anymore. The decline in the last month as been BIG, of course the killing part of it all is he knows. Hopefully she will work out, when your young Daycare is so awful if your aware, pride and dignity are what I always want for him. work calls
When I read posts like yours Phranque, I do really waver about future decisions. (dh really seems to be declining)
For me, a lot of it is financial, how can I work....we are living very simply and need my meager income. And then, sometimes I tell myself to just LET IT GO....if I have to stay home, cut way back, (cable internet etc,), then, I can do it.
And reading ones saying how they wished they had been kinder, more loving...these are all incredible hints. I am listening.
Coco....I am just wondering about your situation financially speaking. Since you love what you do at your market place and the contact you have with the outside world, I know it would be so hard for you to give it up. If you think you have to give it up because you have to be home with your dh and then you will lose the income you so need why wouldn't it be better for you to try and find
someone who could care for you dh so on your market place day and so what if you have to pay them everything you make at your job...wouldn't it still be better for you to continue to do it so. At least you get that free time and contact with the outside world? better for you to continue to do it so you get that free time and the contact I know you love so much with the outside world.
Phranque: You make some very good points inre visiting the NH and the pain etc. of leaving. In my case, my DW had gotten so unruly and impossible to take care of that I longed for some relief. Any relief. In fact, she had tried to hit me and my daughter said that if the situation had been reversed, they (the children) would have had to 'have me removed from the home'.
It is hard to describe the h... that I went thru. So, why do I want her back. I miss her terribly and would love to take care of her again. However, I know that it is not possible.
I admire you, and all of the others, who took care of your loved one. My sis in law is taking care of her 91 yr old mother at this time. I know how difficult it is and I see her get tired and irritated at times. I did too. But, overall, she is doing a good job because that is what her Mother did for her Mother and on and on.
Well, I did both....when my late husband was in the middle stages....the aggressive, unruly, mean, and dangerous stage, I had to find a place for him. It was a bad situation for both of us and I sometimes wondered if I was going to kill him or kill myself. Not a good place to be. I found a dementia specific small home that housed 6 AD affecteds in a home atmosphere. They each had their own room and bathroom...he was sufficiently drugged to keep him from harming someone. It was a hard time but I knew that I couldn't do it on my own any longer.
Part 2: After two years in the facility he became bedridden and immobile, completely docile. I made the decision to bring him back home. He was easy to care for at that point. I was paying over $7000/month for his care and I figured I could hire a lot of help at home for a lot less money. So, that is what I did. I had him home for over three years until he died at the age of 61.
Did I do it right? Who knows....? I just know that I did the best that I could and that is all that anyone can do. I never felt guilty about my decisions....I didn't cause his disease and I couldn't fix it....what could I do? I could take care of him the best I could however I could and make sure that I survived.
This is a difficult topic for me to read or think about. Even now my eyes are brimming with tears and there's a lump in my throat. This decision is so personal for each of us and we can never know ahead of time where our breaking point will be. I don't want to have to make this decision and I keep praying that I never will. We buried my hb's mother last week, she was 92 and died from AD. She lived 17 yrs. with this dread disease and 10 were spent in NH. I have to focus on just today and ask God to give me strength to do whatever I have to do.
and JudithKB, your thoughts on my market are spot on. Without that, I would be totally home bound, and being depressed and lonely is not going to help anyone.
I'm catching up here after a vacation--I'm a retired Fed employee. We went to a presentation on the Federal LTC ins around 2003, but decided against it because it wasn't as good as what my DH was offered at work. I can't imagine any LTC ins plan anywhere that will cover someone with a dx of any type of dementia. I understand that currently, the companies that sell it are doing cognitive testing before they will approve an applicant. We were so fortunate that my DH bought the insurance, only 3 years before he needed it. At that time there was nothing in his medical records, nor was any cognitive testing done.
It really doesn't matter to me about getting the LTC insurance or not because I plan on keeping Kathryn at home as long as I am able to provide the care she needs. That being said she would have to have other medical problems that I could not handle based on her needs. In that case my regular health insurance will cover her stay at a nursing home for a while, and combined with what medicare will cover under the same circumstances will add up to 270 days and I can afford then rest.