I am new and really could use some help.. i dont know what to do, my husband is getting so rude to everyone. I am not sure he isnt developing vascular dementia. I took him to a dr. 2 yrs ago. because he couldnt remember where the restarant mcdonalds was, only one in the whole county. anyway, it was a female dr. and that put him on his guard. and another think he never could read so testing is difficult. she ordered tests and thought he was having some vascular dementia. seems to me he is getting worse.. as far as his memory i am not sure. he seems to know where stuff is and doing ok with that. but his tolerance of people is just awful. it is like he doesnt want people around and says the rudest and most unlogically things to them. like his reasoning is gone. wow, i never thought of that before and typing it has just struck me dumbfounded. you see the arguing is getting worse and worse and everything i do or try only works for a little while.. but if he is losing his reasoning. he cannot be reasoned with.. ok.. so what do i do. the dr told him to diet and start taking care of himself or it would only get worse. he has gained more weight. and refuses to diet. i cant tell if this is a marraige problem or if he is getting vascular dementia or AD.
How old is your husband and is he overweight? Did you take your husband to your family doctor or a Neuro. doctor? If it was your family doctor you may want to take him to a Neurologist. Did he have test to be sure it is vascular dementia.
There are vaious medications that can really help control what most of us refer to on here as bad behavior. That is why it is so important to go to the right kind of doctor to get him on right medication as soon as possible.
Early on when my husband (dh) meaning darling husband, I think, other days it might be damn husband. There will be others on here before long and they have had more experience then I have and they will help you too. Welcome and you have come to the best place in the world. Please stay with us because there is a lot of information and help you can't get anywhere but here.
(BTW, Judith, I have read dh on forums can mean dear, or darling or damn. Since my H is really none of those, I just say H.)
rierie,
Welcome. I am new to these forums and more experienced posters will likely be along to talk to you. I have found wonderful support here.
The only thing I know about vascular dementia is that it is probably the only form of dementia that H has not been dx as having.
His problems started in 1999 and starting in 2006 he was dx MCI, followed by FTD, followed by cerebral atrophy, mixed dementia, EAOD and back again. Currently, due to a change in insurers, the dx is again being evaluated.
For H I most strongly support the dx of FTD because it affected his ability to think before memory. What you said of your husband that reminded me of mine is this: "his reasoning is gone".
My husband was diagnosed with FTD in 2008. One of the first things we noticed was a change in his personality. By the time he was diagnosed he had absolutely no abstract thought processes. Memory is not always the first sign of problems.
I think vascular dementia is usually brought on by bleeds in the brain from concussions, strokes, etc.
Welcome to the best place on the web for spouses with dementia.
Yes vascular dementia is a bunch of little strokes that add up to brain damage. The "good" thing that the little places where the brain was starved for blood and now scarred generally shows up on x-ray images like CT-scans. This makes a little easier to diagnosis. No cure of course but at least you know what the problem is.
ALZ and other dementias (as mentioned above) essentially do not show up on x-rays or other exams. This means that you dont really know what was wrong until they die. . . . but you really do eventually know, just from their behaviors.
Getting a quality diagnosis is not always easy. It is very time consuming and involves a lot of tests to prove what the dementia IS NOT caused by. Not all doctors and health plans want to go to all this trouble.
Once you do know what you are dealing with, then the process becomes one of enduring all their bad behaviors while trying to stay sane yourself. The more you know about WHAT to expect (both right now and in the future) it becomes a LITTLE easier (if that is possible)
This a a place of full acceptance where nobody judges you or your reactions to this experience. Feel free to speak your peace (even scream & yell) we know what you are going through Sorry to say welcome Jim
rierie - do not blame yourself. For years I blamed myself for my husband's inability to have sex. I was undesirable, too fat, etc. when in reality it was the early signs of Alzheimer's.
My sister had a stroke and her personality changed to nasty and mean, so it is possible. Most important is to get a correct diagnosis. Depending on his age it may take more than one neurologist to take you seriously.
Oh Charlotte, Same happened to me. DH said I caused him to much stress to want to have sex with me. And I was undesirable too. This happened over 10 years before dx :(
rierie, Many personality changes, and mean to me mostly, but also to the kids. But once the dx and Namanda was added he became more like his old self. (Still no sex) But now I think of him like a child in need.
I wish you well, this is not an easy road we go down.
hi rierie. welcome. i agree that you need to try to get your dr to recommend testing by a qualified dementia specialist. without a possible diagnosis its hard to get the right medications that will help his demeanor. its very hard to live with anyone who is constantly raging and belittling, disease or not. my DH has vasular dementia and or a combo of AD. and it took years to geta diagnosis as well. the tests can show if its vascular as well and ours showed several small mini stroke type lesions over long term. the lack of apathy and changes in personality are some common traits. hope you get some luck in getting more tests and on the right medications. divvi
My DH's MRI apparently showed he had had a stroke and several mini strokes but the only diagnosis we have had is Alzheimer's. No one has mentioned vascular dementia, I wonder why.
rierie - My dh has vascular dementia dz. Recently he had a CT/PET scan - usually a yearly test because he has Hodgkin Disease (in remission). The report was sent to us with the doctors comments one of which was vascular dementia. Our oncologist showed us the scans on his office computer and it was obvious that a front portion of hb's brain is dark and the rest still shows much lighter. It was sickening for me to see. Dh is at the place he didn't seem to notice. He cannot keep days straight or even the hours in the day. It is not easy to get used to after his being so self sufficient all our married life. His temper is short and he does go into a rage if I'm not very cautious how I answer some of his questions. I think he gets so frustrated and I have a hard time being patient. Everyday is a new challenge because I'm never sure how he will react to some things. I've learned so much from this site and I welcome you too. I never wanted to need to be here - no one did - but it is a big help to just be able to express my feelings and know that no one is going to judge because most have already experienced what I'm telling them.-
Welcome to my website. Some of the most common, but unknown early symptoms of dementia are personality change, irrational behavior, and inability to reason. It is vital to get a thorough evaluation and proper diagnosis from a neurologist who specializes in memory disorders. Look up "memory disorder clincs" in your area. You may have to travel a distance to find one, but it is worth it to find out exactly what is going on, so your husband can receive proper treatment, and you can receive proper education and support.
Go to my home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and look on the left side for "Understanding the Dementia Experience". It is an excellent resource that explains dementia.
Also, on that left side is the "previous blog" section, where you will find topics I have written about that I am sure you will be able to relate to.
Everyone here is a spouse, and understands each others' struggles as no one else can.
Hello. my husband is seventy yrs old.. when he went to the dr. it was a neurologist ,she said he showed slowing of the brain, not sure how she worded it, but i do remember that she mentioned vascular dementia.. of course all he heard was that i dont think you have AD. and his daughter went with us and that is all she cared about hearing also. i didnt realize what the dr said until i came home and looked it up on line.. and it is hard as i find in life we live a more and more isolated life.. until i get around other people then i notice that he isnt keeping up with conversations and is being ruder and ruder and more obnoxious. He will say anything to anyone.. my family can hardly take being around him. therefore isolating me more and more. and he doesnt have a good relationship with his children. I see where this is becoming a pattern that makes it harder for me to realize that he is getting worse.. he is taking me down with him. does that make since. He is not going to go back to the neurologist voluntarily.. and i need to find a male dr. i think that will be better.. and yes they ran some test lwhen they went... i believe either a cat scan or mri of the brain . so shouldnt they be able to compare them and see if more damage is there.. she also said something about a slowing of cognitive thinking... something i didnt know they could see in either scan.. i am uneducated in this...
My voice can only be one of many here, and many more experienced than I am.
I recall that my H was told (in my presence) "you don't have AD" BUT we don't know what you have; you have stumped the experts. So I understand, I think, what your daughter thought, because H had thoughts like that.
I can't comment on Vdementia because I don't know anything about it, other than H was tested for it by MRI/CT/PET.
Of course it makes sense that you are feeling more isolated. I think most of us do. No one is comfortable around this, or at least not most. Family and friends distance for a lot of reasons.
Usually the scans will show you where the damage and deterioration have occurred. Neuropsych tests will likely be able to give you a baseline from where your husband was and/or should be based on a lot of variables compared to where he is now.
In addition, the radiology tests, the ct, the mri, the pet, will be able to show which areas of the brain are affected. The doc will be able to show you the scan and what your loved one's brain looks like compared with normal.
To say the least, none of this is easy. I don't know about the doc's in your area, but I know that the care manager I have hired, who has done an evaluation, says that her firm offers male and female evaluators because some react far more favorably to one versus another.
In my H's case, give him a woman brunette with a nice smile, for care management, and that is that. However, he has had a better relationship with a male general neurologist than a female specialist neurologist. Who would know better than you?
rierie - if you have not done so, you need to get your legal documents in order: POA/DPOA is important because that will allow you to order copies of his medical records.I have a copy of all my husband's. It is too much to remember when there and there are things in the report that the doctor does not tell us - too much other going on. I would try to get copies of his doctor visits - maybe write a letter and see if your husband will sign it to the doctor requesting it.
My husband only had an MRI, CT and nueropsych testing. VA won't foot a PET without good cause. They based his AD diagnosis on family history and the testing mostly.
blue - my husband started have ED problem back in his mid 30s when he was diagnosed with detached personality disorder but after counseling deemed 'cured'. I honestly think now those were the earliest signs of what was to come.
Welcome to this site-it has been a lifesaver for me since dh's dx in 2008 with FTD or possible mixed dementia. Our realtionship was going steadily downhill for 2 years before his dx...I thought he was going thru a midlife crisis and not wanting to be married anymore. He became rude, indifferent and even physically aggressive. I went to counseling but nothing ever changed. I was getting ready to divorce him when it became apparent something was going terribly wrong with his memory and his behaviors. he was always very social and liked to be with people. Then he became rude, indifferent and not wanting to be with friends.
Previous advice is right on...get a diagnosis (not always easy) so you can get the right meds to help with the behaviors. It's very important but be prepared, it might take some time and trial and error.