Joan- I have experienced the same thing. When I pick DH up from Daycare he has had a great day, no back pain no limping...nada he gets in the car and starts his noises from the pain. We get home and suddenly his pain increases and says his pain has been bad all day. it is so hard to figure this stuff out!
My Paul also does fine at the DC but like you say as soon as we get home he starts obsessing about the bathroom issues and that goes on most of the evening.Of course he only goes a day or too a week so the rest of the time while he is home I am at his beck and call. I know he can not help it but I am worn out by the end of the day.I agree he has too much time on his hands but where we live there is NOTHING else he can do now. I can find nothing that holds his interest.
Same thing here. DH tells me his pain is so bad and he feels awful but I push him to go on to DC. I tell them he's in a lot of pain and to call me if I need to pick him up early. When I pick him up, he's having a good time and is in no hurry to leave. I know I need to think of more things for him to be involved in but we live in the country and there just isn't anything, especially in the winter. I don't think it's just dementia patients that actitivity works for. All of us would probably start thinking about body parts that hurt or bathroom issues if we were not able to do anything but sit in a chair all day.
I agree Dazed,but what do we do-like you we live in the country and there is nothing to interest him.It is either cold raining or snowing so can not even get out for a walk. My dh never had hobbies etc. even before AD,he was either at work or doing a little farm work.Since he can do neither now he is just lost in more ways than ever.
Bak,I know were you're coming from,we live in the country,,too.Now that the days are short and cold there is nothingto do outside and he was never a TV watcheR.He gets very bored and goes around sighing VERY loudly,I try to make no comment or let it get on my nerves.Hope I can make 'til spring.I hope he will still be able to do outside work.Any ideas on breaking the boredom?
I recently stumbled upon something to keep my hb busy. For the past 3 yrs. he has been doing easy word searches and they were becoming more confusing for him. At Christmas I started a difficult jigsaw puzzle to keep me occupied and of course it was too much for him, but he said if there weren't so many pieces he would try it. Well, I finished it and put it away and bought a 100 large piece puzzle from Walmart,the kind for kids over 5 yrs.I chose a animal one and took it home and got it dumped out and turned over the pieces and low and behold he was drawn to it like a magnet. He com- pleted it with a few suggestions from me and lots of praise and how it was helping his brain. He wanted more, after completing several of those I went online and ordered some 200 large pieces puzzles, that went so well I went up to 300 pieces. I help him sort and get started and then he just goes at it . Seems I found something different for a little while. This table is in the sunroom and can be dedicated just for puzzles. Don't know how long it will last.......we also live in the country and there is no DC in our area.
I have experience with the obsessive behavior. Last Spring it was the neuropathy, then we got medication for that. Then it was bedroom slippers. No matter how many times I took him to try them on, or DD took him, or I ordered different pairs online, nothing felt right. He finally forgot about the slippers. Then with a new medication came the constipation. Constant complaints about not being able to go. He told me he had not gone all week. Not so, He could not remember if he had gone or not. Finally I added lots of fruit, bran cereal, metamucil. Finally no more complaints in that area. This week, a minor dental appointment. On the way home he starts complaining that it doesn't feel right. After constant complaining, back to the dentist the same day. Fixed, back home but still complaining. The funny thing is he only complains to me. If other people are present, not a word until they leave. Some of this seems to me to get my attention. Yes, there are times when things feel bad. Maybe it feels better to complain to me. The frustrating part for me is that he thinks I can fix everything.
My dh doesn't whine too much, not much at all. I feel a bit guilty that I don't entertain him more and he sits in front of the tv all day long. I just don't know what to do with him. It's getting to the point now that when I engage him in whatever I'm doing or try to have a conversation, he just gets it all confused and it's an exercise in frustration for the both of us. I'm sure he needs more to do.
He's just not ready for DC, at least I don't think he is anyway. Our AD Support Group splits off into 2 groups, 1 for caregivers and the other for the memory impaired, and he never likes to go into that group. He truly doesn't seem as far along to me as the others in that group, so I'm not surprised that he feels uncomfortable there. I would like very much to find some ways to stimulate him, though. He's never been into hobbies, unless they were boats or airplanes or skiing or golf or something physical, not into crafts at all. He used to read a lot, but that was always financial stuff or politics and he can't go there anymore. I would like for him to have something to look forward to, I just don't know what that is.
mothert, I am going through the same things now too. TV is his companion. If I say would you like to go for a ride..not much of an answer but if I were one of his pals then it would be a go. He cannot tell me what is going on during a program if I ask " what just happened" but he is interested in the movie..Last night we saw Rob Roy and he was really into that...He seems to like all the films or tv shows with violent scenes, like Cops, or Stupid Criminals, war, Hitler, WWII, and aviation..he flew jets...military channel, that sort of thing but now and then he has syfi and he never liked that.I don't think he knows sometimes what he is watching it is just action, moving people, car chases, Clint Easwood flicks etc. He used to read everything and In notice now he glances at his magazines and at times will read the paper, really read it but not so much.I am letting magazine subscriptions lapse now. I have tried to get him to do word search but he was never interested in that sort of thing...his loves were golf, fishing, panning for gold not necessarily in that order..walks, bike rides nah things I liked to do he couldn't care less about.
I think many (or maybe just some) of us are going through this…..not knowing what to do with our LO’s. He (we) weren’t into board games, card games, word searches or anything like that. Now he has visual agnosia to the degree that his brain can’t process many things so I don’t think he could even play a simple game or put a simple puzzle together (& I don’t think he would even be interested in trying!) If you want to know the truth (& I know I can tell it like it is here) I KNOW that I should sit with him & look at photos. I should sit with him & listen to music & dance with him. There are probably other things we could do together, but here is the truth……. I don’t WANT to. Terrible? Yes. But it’s the truth. I guess its part of emotionally divorcing him. I still love him, but it’s just so different now. And he is so dependent on me, so while I try my best to take care of his needs I am emotionally distant. (Talk about feeling guilty!)
Don't feel bad ElainH, My DH isn't interested in anything either and I don't have the patience to try and teach him any games. It would be like trying to explain brain surgery to him and the only thing I know about the brain is that AD causes havoc with it!
I got chastised by those "friends" for letting him rest and watch movies so much. WHY can't he have a hobby, an art project they say.?
Well...here is his day, get him out in the morning for an hour to husk coconuts as well as he can. (not well) Rake the yard, (kind of ), and after these two hours have passed he is back in his little cave watching movies...he CANNOT WAIT to get in there and be left alone.
I work at home. When I try to have him use the dremel to cut and sand gourds, it turns in to a mix up and injuries and I am constantly having to put down my work and check on him.
So he does get his little assignments, and then, gets to do what he really wants, to be left alone. It is so obvious to me that having company is such a strain and his answers are all mixed up and conversing is near impossible.
So , when those "friends" that know so much on how to take care of him are here, perhaps they can sit with him and help. THAT is the kind of support I need.
I am with you, and I have had more than one person make me feel guilty about it. Maybe I am supposed to keep him occupied all day long - helping him sort pictures and put them in albums, take him for rides, play games with him. I worked in Special Education for 25 years. I was a language therapist for 11. I was an expert in all types of games that stimulate language, teach learning and memory strategies, encourage brain stimulation. Sorry, but I don't want to spend my days doing that with my 69 year old husband. If that makes me a bad wife, then I guess I am a bad wife. I am running two businesses from home, handling all of the home stuff, and managing my father's care. So I let him sit in front of the TV until I found the Day Care for him. He likes it; he gets stimulation, encouragement, and self esteem building from it, and I get a break from waiting on him, answering his endless repetitive questions, and tending to his every need.
Six years of active AD, and every day I lose a little more of who he used to be. Getting him out of the house to Day Care lets me concentrate on other things instead of dwelling on my mourning and grief for the husband who was.
I'm with you, Joang. Not so much TV here because he can't follow the programs very well. He does cross-words - somewhat. He plays golf on laptop, as well as a few card games. But he's always "wanting to do something to help me". This morning I was repairing something that required a phillips head screwdriver- he wanted to help, so I handed him the screwdriver. He said that wasn't the right one, so I told him to find the right one. He looked all through the refrigerator and kitchen cabinets where the dishes are. By the time he had finished looking, I had it repaired. But I thanked him for his help and handed him his laptop.
Yeah Vickie, It is easier to do it ourselves to begin. If DH is looking for something I tell him where it is and he goes somewhere else. Lastnight he wanted to fill the candy dish so I told him the candy was in the drawer in the kitchen. First he goes to the wrong set of drawers when I get him to the correct ones and tell him the send drawer down he opens the first one. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
I am the same way, just can't seem to bring myself to do much extra with DH. I do try to plan "field trips". I try to do 3 or so a month. If we have a doctor's appointment I add lunch after and count that as a trip out. We still have DD at home so I think it is important to do family things. So we do lunch after church once a month. For now seems to keep DH happy. He mostly wants to spend his days playing on his computer and watching TV.
I guess because I spend every waking hour with or helping or planing for DH the last thing I want to do is spend more time with DH. It does sound bad :(
Count your blessings. DH does not want the TV on. He thinks they are here in the living room and especially if it is news he yells and shakes his fist at them. Sometimes I feel like doing that. LOL. I added the music channels because I thought he would enjoy listening to them but noooooo he does not. He just wants me sitting on the sofa and it is driving me crazy. Have not eaten out in years because it is too hard for me to get him in the car. Not only that but he lost a year somewhere. My daughter and I were talking about his age and lo and behold he was 89 last December and not 88. Did I feel stupid???? I am still waiting until I can sit on the front porch and rock and wave at all the cars going by.
We're attending our Support Group today and I will ask about the local Adult Day Care, if anybody has attended and what they think, etc.
Dh is now finding it difficult to see the buttons on his tv remote and he asked me last night how to turn the tv off. Lately, I've been seeing significant changes in his memory and his ability to see. I think he has that visual agnosia. I actually noticed a couple years ago that he was unable to see many things right in front of his face and decided then that he would be a menace behind the wheel. He only has one eye to begin with and he has a cataract in that, as well, and macular degeneration (although his doc says his meds are treating the MD well). So, with his next visit I will ask the doc about removing the cataract, although, I'm wondering if his vision problem isn't more the agnosia. He will be totally blind until his surgery heals, if we decide to do it.
Yes, I identify completely, but it is also exhausting to schedule activities/ amuse him all day in addition to all the other caregiving functions. My husband obsessed about his feet for some time. I had to cut all the labels out of his shirts. Now he constantly checks his hands and arms! But, I must count my blessings, because he is mostly happy. His every need is taken care of. I try to have a life outside this disease. I am in a support group with other wives. I have help 3 days a week so I can go out!
Am very lucky residing in a condo with a great deal of neighborly support. My wife is very cheerful and upbeat, sometimes inappropriately so, but that should be my biggest problem. Due to her cheerful attitude oure neighbors enjoy helping out, its really not a chore to stay with her, My wife's faux pas are usually very funny.
The one obsessive behavior I have yet to develope a strategy to deal with is the moment I'm out of her sight she becomes quite frightened and just keeps asking where I am. It doesn't matter who is with her, our daughters, a neighbor or an aide. I have to have 3 eye surgeries over the next 8 -10 weeks and would welcome any suggestions. (glaucoma issue replace cataract lens implant and a corneal transplant ).
When I had bypass surgery two years ago she ended up sleeping in my room once i was out of the ICU. Two of the nurses on the floor had parents with AD, recognized how distraught my wife was and made the arrangements.
Has anyone else experienced moments of lucidity. Last night at the conclusion of the State of The Union, my wife blurted out..."wow he can really deliver a good speech, but too partisan." That was it, no other discussion forth comming. I'm like... Say What? She hasn't been able to complete a full sentence in two years! let alone initiate a rational thought. She can still respond appropriately more often than no, but she's totally unable to initiate a conversation not for several yearses
Joan, I totally agree with you. My husband is so much happier when he goes to Daycare (although he can't remember what they did) and sleeps so much better.