I invite you to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read today's blog, which addresses my latest, albeit brief, trip into temporary insanity.
There is a difference between already having a pet when your spouse is diagnosed, and bringing a pet into the mix in the middle of the Alzheimer journey. Thankfully, I realized the difference before I did something stupid.
Please read the blog and then post comments here. Thank you.
I never had more than a turtle as a child. My kids started me off with gerbils. Our NE milkman delivered kittens along with our milk-still in glass bottles. We went on to a basset and always cats. As my husband progressed-regressed into dementia my cats were sometimes the only ones I could have a sane converstation with. Sadly I lost both my red boys shortly before my husband died. On a whim I peeked into Petco and came home with my much loved Gracie. She is an indoor lady. Uses a litter box. Has claws but doesn't hurt anything. I can be gone all day or even oververnight and she would be fine. I could not bear coming home to an empty house. She is with me almost constantly-overseeing everything I do. Her gentle purr is so calming. For me having a pet was a wonderful comfort.
I had to chuckle about the parakeet. When we were kids, my sister wanted a pet so bad but Mom always said no. At the dime store one day, we saw a pale blue parakeet. All the others were $4.99 but this one was only $1.99 because she was old. We scraped up the $1.99 (I think we collected bottles for the deposit) and bought "Susie", borrowed a cage from a neighbor and gave her to Mom for her birthday!!! What could she say? The novelty wore off quickly for us and Mom was stuck with cleaning the cage etc. For an "old" parakeet, Susie lived a long time.
while i agree a pet is more responsibility i also think its important to note for most of us the good overbears the bad. the hours of smiles and companionship that my pets have given me have actually helped lessen the burdens of caregiving . so i guess its a catch 22. added care the pet needs but the exchange for love and companionship that comes with it. in my book, i agree with bluedaze i couldnt survive this disease without having a bit of comfort and attachment for myself. call it maybe a sustitute affection that is no longer received from our husbands/wives. i cant imagine going thru the rest of my life without a pet, period. even after the pets leave me they will leave a hole in my heart as well for yet another to fill. i can also see that those like joan who are caring for more than one, it may be a bit overwhelming, but i surely would leave the door open when things settle down. petsforever. :)divvi
joan - you can always put bird feeders up outside. I get hours of enjoyment watch them. No cleaning of cages to do, you can still hear them chirping and if you are too busy to feed them - they won't die.
We also always had dogs but we were doing a lot of traveling in retirement so we decided not to get another dog when our last one died. We thought it wasn't fair for a dog to have to spend so much time in a kennel. Then came Alzheimer's. We don't travel anymore other than a few trips each year by car to see our son and family who live 750 miles away. Every now and then, however, Clare asks abooy getting another dog. I'd also love one ... but only if she'd take care of it, walk it in rain and show, etc. which, of course, she can't do and won't do. So ... no more dogs for us. We thought about cats or other pets, but when ya come right down to it, for us the only real pet was a dog. So ... like you, Joan, our pet days are gone, goodbye. One more dependent I don't need right now!
Not taking sides here. We'd always had dogs, but I did not get another after our Ridgeback died and DH got AD. However, a time came when I thought a dog would be good for DH & his AD. We got a big yellow lab and it worked out great for us. I had no other responsibilities, we have a home with a yard, but I can understand why the additional care of a pet would not work for everyone. I would like another big dog, but it's too much for me now. Never a cat person, my daughter's cat has lived with me for 3 yrs now. I was surprised how she relates to me, we are best buds, she's smart and 'talks' to me a lot. I just like the idea of having an animal in the house. Mother had canaries when I was young. Memory just came back to me, it was nice.
My neighbor has bird feeders all over the place in the back. I can sit on my patio and watch all the birds come and go, and I don't have to do a thing. It is nice, especially because here in Florida it's a year round thing.
We have lots of birds that fly over our house early in the morning and who knows where they go and then they fly back just before sunset to go who knows where to roost. I mean lots...100s. However, for the past six months or so there have been two of these birds (pigeons I think). Who spend most of the day on top of the roof of the person across the street. I know they are the same ones every day so I named them Mr. & Mrs. P. Mr. P flys off sometimes during the day, I guess getting food for Mrs. P. They seem to clean each other. They also fly off several times during the day and fly around in circles, leave for a few minutes and then come back and perch on the roof. My dh loves to watch these birds and so do I. I make up stories about them and he seems to really like these stories. Very interesting for both of us.
Geezz...I just re-read this post and only on here could a person post such a stupid post and not feel that anyone reading would think not only had my dh "lost it" but I had too. Strange the things we do to make them feel good.
I wouldn't get another pet right now. I do have a pretty betta fish named Louie. He comes to the top of the tank whenever anyone comes near. Hoping to be fed. At one time we had a beautiful long haired calico and a lab/border collie mix who thought she was a cat. I do miss them. Old age took them both from us a few years ago.
I watch our daughter's cat (my furry grandson) whenever they will be out of town. He's on a restricted diet and needs to be given meds daily. I have him from Thurs to Thurs, this time. They are going to Austin for business. My husband was always a cat person but now he doesn't seem to have any feeling for them any longer. The cat pretty much stays out of his way and comes to me when he wants something.
JudithKB I love your story about Mr and Mrs P. We do the same type of thing. Often with our pets, making up silly stories. I am glad you posted it :)
I had a betta fish named Ricky. He would get excited if I walked into the room. It was only me he would do that for. Our cat would lay on the counter and bat at him. And Ricky would swim to the cat like it did not worry him.
JudithKB Thank you for sharing your beautiful story.It brought tears to my eyes as the experience transported me to a wonderful place and feeling of freedom thinking of the birds flying.
I have a little 6# dog that I got when my LO started his long goodbye. I don't know what I would do without him. Thanks for bringing brightness to my day.
judith - I bet if we knew the statistics, a large number of people make stories to go with things. We do with the clouds, our animals when they sleep (like doggie/kitty dreams), and including where the birds go and do. We have guinea hens that run around but they love to look in glass/mirrors and talk to their 'friends'. We watch birds playing and make up stories. Watch sea gulls 'floating' in the wind and dream of what it would be like. So - you are not that different - keep it up. Imagination is a gift.
Speaking of birds. This is a rather funny, but true story. Years ago my dh and I were camping and one day we looked out the window and here was this couple with a fishing pole and they had a peanut on the hook. The husband was throwing out the fishing line and then reeling it in with the peanut on the hook. The wife was standing close by with a camera taking pictures of her husband doing this.
My husband and I laughed and laughed and I said, "I can't stand this I have to know what in the world they are doing." So, I went out and asked them. Their anwer was..."We are trying to catch a blue jay with this hook and line"... I ask them, "why do you want to do that"...their anwer was...."We want to catch the blue jay and send the pics into the program...America's Funniest Videos and hope we win and get to be on TV"
We have a calico "garage cat". Her sole job is to keep the mice away! But what she does is snooze in a lawn chair on a pillow no less. Dh has begun to warm up to her but it has taken awhile. His big tom named Boomer (all 17 lbs. of him) left one night never to return and dh has missed that cat something awful. He would go all over the yard with dh and that's the way I knew where dh was because Boomer was always nearby. Our first Granddog passed last fall at age 12 fairly old for a dachshund. We used to dog sit when son and family went away for weekend. I miss her - she was a sweety. We have bird feeders and dh keeps them filled. He used to log all the different birds that visited but he hasn't done that in a year or so. When kids were home we always had a dog and our daughter had mother cats so we had kittens that she loved to play with. No kittens for me now garage cat already had trip to vet to assure that.
judith - a few years ago we were fishing sitting in our paddle boat by our favorite rock. There were people on the shore across from us fishing. As a guy was bringing in his trout an osprey flew down and grabbed it. I could not tell if the hooked pulled out of the fishes mouth or if his line broke. But after that each time someone caught a fish, that was the warning - look out for the ospreys!