I just finished a book that I would recommend to anyone in the early stages of this journey: “Ten Thousand Joys and Ten Thousand Sorrows” by Olivia Hoblitzelle. She describes the course of her life after her husband of 40 years was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. (May/December couples may relate well as she is 14 years younger than her husband.)

The couple practiced Buddhism and the book describes the application of their practices up through his death 6 years after diagnosis. Though I do not ascribe to Buddhist theology, the Buddhist mindset does have much to offer Alzheimer’s spouses. It gives a whole new meaning to the word “acceptance.” I also like that she was very frank in admitting that all her “practices” were sometimes meaningless as the burden and sorrows she was experiencing were just overwhelming.

This is not a happy read, but it was helpful to me. I am of the “control freak” persuasion and generally not accepting of what is happening to my DH, and to our relationship. I’m getting better, but I sometimes get the impression I am making this harder on myself than it needs to be (if that’s possible). Anyway, this book provides a perspective that helps with that.