When I initially posted here I found such an outpouring of empathy that I was more than touched.
But within the last couple of days I found that my posts remained hanging.
If I have offended anyone I am truly sorry. I admire and respect you more than I can say.
But, my H tells me daily that I am the one who is delusional and maybe he is the one who is correct.
Anyway, thank you to all who have helped me, both in your replies to me and in your posts in general.
It is really disheartening to post and get nothing in return. I will continue to read because I think there is such wisdom here. But I won't post because truthfully I can't stand any more rejection in my life.
Abby, don't refrain from posting just because you think people are not responding to each observation, question etc that you post. Many of us post thoughts that are read by others yet no comment is made about it. Your posts and ideas, concerns etc are as valuable to everyone else here as ours seem to be for you. It could be that some of the things that you post are really thought provoking that folks mull over for a time. I post often and I do know my thoughts are read but often there is not a comment made at the time. Everyone's needs, thoughts, concerns, etc have merit. So I hope you will reconsider your position.
Abby, my comments are not often commented on,but that is not going to stop me from making my observations known.I still find any replies helpful and am thankful someone took the time to make them.This is a great site,I found it looking for something else.
yes, abby - many of our post are not responded to. Do not let that stop you from venting and sharing. There are many that lurk here and never post but are helped by our post. We may never know who our post will touch. You came to this site for a reason - don't stop posting now.
abby please think abut this. Everyone who comes here is inan identical; boatto the one yourin--leaky with a damaged rudder. Wwe are all hurting in various degrees a anytime. Sometimes wearein asituation whre we have time to reads, but things happen and our response gets delayed. Sometimes we defer to others to post who have xpeiencxe., or more expeience with thr issue presented. Participating on the Boards is a learning experience. Also, do searches,since some things have already been discussed and your answers may be there. Everyone here who posts, whether from newbies or from those with their *s, benefits from unloading their care problems, fears, or issues, or sharing their laughs, new skills, and good news. We read when we can; post when we can; and know we are here for each other no matter what.
I agree with the other comments, abby. I never expect comments to my posts, unless I start a new discussion thread with a question when I do hope for at least a few responses. I learn daily from reading what others have written on a variety of discussion threads even though I rarely add my own 2 cents. So please don't feel rejected, abby ... feel empowered that you can share with others who 'get it' and that you can learn so much here that you can learn nowhere else!
Abby, some of my comments are never responded to, but that's okay. People are in a different position everyday, every minute almost. As to your situation, I have never been in that position, so had no "advice" to give you, so deferred to others who may have more experience in that area. Nevertheless, this is a great place to come to. You will never be judged and always, always, supported in whatever ways we can. Hugs to you.
Just taking a quick glance at the last couple of threads you started, there appear to be 11 comments in the one on ALFs and 42 comments in the one you titled "Third Attempt." I'd say that's not bad for feedback.
Maybe you're thinking of comments you added in threads started by others. If so, that's just the nature of discussion forums. There's always a last comment. It's probably worth noting that if you post a question to which you very seriously want a response, it might go unnoticed if it's posted at the end of a thread that other people have already read and may not be checking anymore. So if you find you're not getting the feedback you desire, you might want to open a new thread with keywords to your question in the title.
abby, you've a valued member of the group along with everyone else--even those who read but never post who we, therefore, don't know. It's as those "up the line" from this response have written. Sometimes we read and have nothing to add; sometimes I don't read every thread, but pick & choose what might apply to my concerns at the moment. Please start a new thread if you have vents, questions, suggestions that you definitely need a response to so they won't be overlooked. You're an important member of the family.
abby--the last few days have been a Holiday Weekend and many have probably had extra activities going on and less time to post, period. I know that's been the case with me. Don't take it personally. There are many just reading here who never post at all; reading about your situation, though, may in some way help them.
Oh, Abby, I am so sorry you are feeling so down. In searching your posts I see that all had some response except for the one where you spoke about your parents not understanding. We cannot expect every post we make to receive a direct response. Everybody here is struggling just as much as you are with their own situations. I recall one of your posts mentioned you can sleep because of meds. Perhaps you also need something to help you cope during the day? Many here have found much help with antidepressants.
We have all discovered, sometimes the hard way, that we must first take good care of ourselves if we are to survive this caregiving role. If you don't ever post again, at least keep reading. There is so much love and wisdom on this site from wonderful, caring people. I wish you peace and strength in the coming year.
sometimes within the realms of being overwhelmed with the solitude and caregiving roles we become overly sensitive. there have been many replies after your posts abby and like others say not every single post has a reply.someones post is always going to be the last one in that topic. many just read and have relied on what others have said best instead of adding more. its not a rejection and everyone here is overwhelmed and trying their best to add what they can to subjects that they feel they can have some contribution. sorry you feel that way but like others have said maybe at some point you will feel better about posting. i know many here have said they feel the same about not getting enough reaction to their posts -it has more to do with how folks feel they have any input that may be helpful rather than ignoring the poster. divvi
abby, stay with us. As others have said, not all posts receive resposes and sometimes we get responses we aren't ready to hear. But when others do respond, it is hearftfelt and very helpful.
please don't give up on us. Believe it or not, everyone serves a purpose. When I started visiting this site, I could see that my dh was not as advanced in Alz like others. I was dealing with dh's memory loss, not all the other physical and dangerous symptoms. I felt I was just a complainer and shouldn't be. I kept reading the posts and it wasn't long before I saw there were others just like myself. Please stay with us and always say what is in your heart. No one here will judge you. We have not walked in your shoes. We are all dealing with non-supportive family members and friends. That is why we cling to one another.
Abby, I swear I hold the record for closing down more discussions here than anyone else!!!! <grin> You wonder if you said the wrong thing, or what happened...sometimes it is because they are waiting for someone more knowledgeable to comment, and sometimes it is because they feel there is nothing to add that hasn't already been said.
Abby: Don't go...I think you probably had more then the average responses. I have posted and had only one or two responses and that is OK too. Also, sometimes I think when people have responded to a thread with their own person experience others feel they agree with those responses and have nothing more to add.
Then also sometimes a person (including myself) ask for advice when what they really want is comfort and confirmation we are doing the right thing. The original In my opinion, those are the most difficult posts to respond to because the respondent may totally disagree with what the original poster ask about. It is very diffiuclt to disagree with others on here because we do not know or understand the total picture....we speak mostly from our own experiences.
Hope you rethink your position on posting here....I could not live without this site.
Oh, my goodness, dear Abby, no one here will every reject anyone who is going thru this travail. Some people develop close relationships, but most of us don't. Right now you are very wounded and maybe a bit more sensitive, but I have posted things that I thought about and worded the best way I could and -- NADA -- response, NONE. And I don't always respond and there are many topics I just skim over because they don't interest me at the moment. But I've wanted someone to say, 'Oh, what you said is just perfect and I thank you, etc.' But I check back and someone has responded to someone's post, but not mine. Auggggh! I think, nobody likes me! But likely they've just made a better connection with someone else at that moment. We're hundreds of people who really don't know each other, except that we've traveled the same road. You need this site, you have feeling and fears to express just as you did with your current post. Truly, dear, you are most welcome here.
Bettyhere* You said it well. I think all of us have posted with no response and vow not to post again-but we do. We all have the right to get in a snit. :-)
Abby, Abby, Abby .............we all care but a whole host of reasons stops of from responses. Me some days don't get to the sight at all, some days only get to read, some days to exhausted to write. But you are a member of this family don't take your marbles away and not play with us (remember that phrase?) . Abby let us know your not going to leave us, don't make us sad .............come back and be with us.
Mary posted, "I swear I hold the record for closing down more discussions here than anyone else!!!!" I remember when you first wrote that on this site, and I posted immediately back, just to break the cycle.
Yes! And I remember the "story" you started when I deleted a discussion I had started, and you wanted me to write what I said....and that was the best story! Everyone contributed a few paragraphs to it! That was fun.....<grin>
Abby: First, let me say, there is no way in the world I want to offend you with what I am about to say. I only speak from years of experience and a life of many difficult decisions.
I have found that when someone has been told (especially by a professional, like an attorney and/or medical professional) how to handle a given situation and they have a difficult time in agreeing or just totally disagree with the advice from the professional and then they go to friends, etc. to ask their opinion on the situation. They really are not seeking an opinion from the friend...they are seeking confirmation that their decision to go against the advice of the professional is the correct way to go.
When I first read your post, I thought to myself....ohhh, this poor gal is hurting and it is so difficult for her to make the right decision for both her and her husband.
So, here is my true advice to you....you probably already know what you should do you just haven't totally come to grips with it. Take your time, you will make the right decision because you already know what the decision is. The one thing maybe you haven't considered that has been a great help to me in knowing how to handle things with my dh...is....I now look at him as a child not as my husband... Face it, that what an alz. person is... a child in a grown up body.
Abby, Don't give up. Several times I have posted something and no one says a word. Yes, sometimes it has made me sad. But no one did it on purpose, it was just no one had anything to add.
Our world can be a sad and lonely one for us. But we are all in this together. Remember we are here for you, (((hugs)))
Abby... I am still learning about this journey myself, so I can't add more than what's already been posted. I read alot here, learning about the meds etc...I don't comment on everything. I don't know of anywhere else that has such a compassionate and caring group of people. If it's really urgent...I would start a new thread, that gets attention ...there's always someone to help, who's been through it. ((hugs ))
I know what it's like to feel fragile. I'm 6'5" and over 200 lbs and I cry like a little girl at times.
I know it's terribly hard; but, you must try and join in. Everyone has these times and that's the most important time to try and reach out - exactly when you feel all alone and that there's no light anywhere.
Abby I read your post yesterday and felt that I needed to respond to you. I have read all the responses that were added and I know that the people here are the best medicine for you. I hope and pray that you will reconsider leaving cause the is best best place for you to be right now. I have been where you are and share all the emotions that you are feeling. While I realize that everyone is different and each relationship is different and each alzheimers case is different they do share commonalities in regards to suffering,physical pain, mental pain agony and many others. I am sure that if you decide to stay you will realize that you do fit in because as varied as the people here are they do have a common bond and that is they are all alzheimers spouses. It is OK to feel the way you feel but please do not let your feelings control your life and future. While my wife was alive yet we done a lot of grieving together and that has allowed me to grieve and now move forward in my new life alone but optimistic about MY future. Even though I am presently single and alone most of the time I am going out meeting new people and even starting to become comfortable. May God bless you and everyone here and give them strength, wisdom, and the patience to allow them to be happy in their choices they make for their future. Hang in there because there is a LIGHT at the other end of this tunnel. Bruce D *
Abby, we care not only for our loved ones but for each other and that includes you. Please stay,,,,, know that you matter,,,,,,, we need you and you need us......thanks for the consideration of staying with a group of loving, caring, people,,,,,, the best in the world.....
Abby, I don't always comment as I think there are more experienced members that could advise better than I. Please stay! many of us read all posts, I add my two cents every now and then.
blue and Julia thank you for your good wishes. You know, well, I guess I should not assume that, but with radiology, I can't be really reassured that it is OK until I have written confirmation. When they checked my phone # and birthday for the record they thought I was five years younger- that's the good part. The apprehension comes in when they have to repeat a view, which did happen today.
It is what it is and to be blunt- I am praying for myself too!
My lawyer said I have to plan in case I am not able to be the caregiver. I hear her but I don't really listen. She also says "to fail to plan is to plan to fail". And the tech today said "no news is good news", so I'm going with that....
nellie- thank you for your post on the "to be in need" thread.