Does anyone else HATE the bathroom experiences with their Alz spouse???? We do fairly well until after 3 in the afternoon thn all H-- breaks loose,he goes to the bathroom every few minutes and you have to right by him because he WILL do something WIERD everytime! This evening he has already took the shower stool -put it over the toilet and sat down on it and yeap made a mess!!! now this was done in the seconds that it took me to come from feeding the cat on the porch to the bathroom.Another trip I sat him on the toilet turned to check clothes in washer and he lifted the seat ring and proceeded to sit back down annd fell in the water!!Another mess... Now I kown this all ounds trival but when you multiply these by 10-12 times an evening it sure gets on the nerves.And then you add in all the other Alz. traits and you have the making of a LOOOOOOOONG DAY! Sorry for the whinning but I need to YELL and that does not help here
I'm tend to scream (seriously only alone in my car), but the bathroom!
I told myself I would only be on the forum until the clock hits the hour. Then I must either 1. Do the Suze Orman "start of the year snapshot", OR, 2. his bathroom.
There is little I dread more than the bathroom. He generally does not allow me in there but before refuse pick up I have to get at least somethings done. It is disgusting beyond words. My only reward, so to speak, is that I use Method menthol on the glass and their cucumber cleaner on the vanity area. Simple green for the floors and storage area, thankfully all tiled, so afterward it at least smells good.
I am not kidding, I wear disposable vinyl gloves and one of those disposable masks like they have at the dentist.
So far only one incident of peeing on the bathmat in the middle of the night, and one of somehow smearing poop on the side of the toilet, floor, and bottom of shoe (which then tracked it around the bathroom a bit.) Not sure how that poo thing happened since I wasn't watching, but he was very sorry and chagrined when he realized why I sent him straight into the shower before I started cleaning up the mess.
Most of the time...so far...it's just a matter of him doing weird things with the tp, like bunching up 3 or 4 feet of it and draping it over the towel bar while the other end is still attached to the roll.
I do have disposable gloves under the sink, but they're leftover from when Jeff did work, and for some reason when I reorganized the cabinet some time ago, I decided to leave them there. Now I guess I know why.
My dh LOVES the toilet paper!!!!! He decorates the toilet and the sink and makes neat little piles of it. I try to remember to remove it by around 3 in the afternoon,but when I forget or do not supervise EVERY visit I just never know what to expect!
Yes, I hated the bathroom experiences w/hb; but there weren't so many as you're dealing with. Getting him in the shower after he'd made a mess was no easy task, either. In fact, nothing was easy with him; he wasn't cooperative or compliant or satisfied to sit in an easy chair for long. I often stood on the deck and screamed to the woods around us--thankfully we are in the country. Or, cried and cried and he'd be disgusted w/me. Hugs, bak.
Zibby -we live in the country too and our trees get yelled at a lot.I have even been known to throw a few rocks(not at anyone). My dh does not like to shower either but has to do it quiet often because of the messes he makes in the bathroom.He can not shower on his own so I am usually as wet as he is and the bathroom always has to be mopped when we are done.At least with an Alz. spouse one thing is for sure around here the bathroom gets cleaned more often whether you want to or not. I tend to cry a lot too and he just looks at me and says"are you mad at me?" Kind of hard to answer that one.
bak I hear you! My bathroom either smells like bleach, lysol or urine/poo. Never just neutral. Sometimes I go in and think wow it is still clean but put the seat cover down and there it is poop! I learned to check this because for some reason he sits on it at some point and leaves poop on it. It is a mystery.
One time I drove into our garage and there right in front of the door was a giant turd. It was weird that other than that there was no other evidence. Like the times he tracks it to his room. Ahhhhhh
If i mention it to him he totally denies any knowledge of it. I used to cry, threaten him etc now I just clean it up.
aww grendelsma. its the nature of this beast to deny:) my DH even blamed it on my chihuahua alot! :) its good to be able to just move on and not dwell on it as all that does is makes US feel worse. you were lucky not to run over it.. grin. haha.. omg. i know it can be very distressing, remember my title poop queen. i think i still wear it too often.:)
grendelsma, I had to laugh when I read your post. I don't think anybody outside the AD world would believe what we go through. I like your statement "Now I just clean it up." Apparently this is just part of our job.
I agree I do not think people outside AD would believe all the horror stories of poop and pee that we as caregivers have to endure. I just do not understand why so many of our LOs have such weird bathroom behaviors.
My husband had poop smeared all over the back of his pants and insisted it was mud bad part was I didn't notice it until we were walking into walmart. We are already the laughingstock of the small town we live in so what the heck got what we needed and went home. I learned to let so many things go that would have bothered me before.
sweetsu, that reminds me of the time (the evening we STARTED using Depends!) that we were in Linens and Things, and I looked around and saw that his pants were turning dark. I walked in front of him and dragged him out to the car, opened the back door, and stood in front of him until he finished, grabbed an old blanket from the trunk to put on the seat, sat him down, and drove home.......from then on, I made certain he went before we left home, and I checked his clothes and made certain everything was in place, and made sure we were home in two hours. Just in case!!!
He liked to take a square of toliet paper and fold it into the tiniest squares you can imagine! He would have a tall stack of them when I would go into the bathroom! And, if he finished a roll, he would tear off the cardboard and flush it down the toilet. He loved to flush the toilet! And run water at the sink!! Thank goodness for vinegar and my mops and my plunger! <grin>
Ahhh, bathroom challenges, we know them well. DH uses almost a whole roll of tp and still can't get himself clean. Won't allow anyone to assist with cleaning him without a major fight. there's always poop on the toilet seat because he doesn't understand that you have to sit over the hole and have your poop drop into the toilet-just sits back on the seat and poops all over the toilet and of course himself.
I have a 24/7 aide for DH and they insist on going to my monthly hair appointment. They don't go in, but sit in the car waiting the 1/2 hour. Well one day I came out of the hairdressers and the aide stopped me 1/2 way to my car and said he didn't know what to do. Apparently DH got out of the car (while the aide was sitting in the back seat [most likely on the cell phone]) and when the aide went around the car to check what DH was doing, apparently he had pooped on the parking lot black top and pulled up his pants when caught. You just never know. Now we carry tp, depends, underpants and a change of regular pants as well as plastic bags and gloves in the car.
Thanks for the thought marilyninMD-been another one of those days around here.I am thinking of putting a TV and a recliner in the bathroom and we can just spend the evenings in there and be a little more comfy.I have come to HATE that room!!!! I know there are those that have it sooo much worse BUT !!!!!
My husband has very little interest in sex but it always happens when we are out in public that he grabs my breasts and rear end in crowded stores when women and even children are around, so embarassing. No interest at all at home but the inappropriate touching in public makes me so embarassed.
Thank-you divvi,that is one title I will pass on to anyone if they will spend a cpouple of afternoons and evenings at our house!!!!!!!!! sweetsu-mine does not do that yet,but sometimes he will say something in public that will make me turn quiet RED faced.
what is it with the toilet paper fascination?? My guy likes to take the tissue out of the bathroom rubbish and fill up the toilet with it, flush, and of course, plug up the toilet. I have tried to tell him not to do it, you know how that goes. So....moving the can away to another location...
I hope I do not get the poop queen crown,,,,,I see many here who should have it, including some kings.
We now have depends, he has had two accidents. I honestly thought we had more time until that. His new bed is rigged up with all the plastic underneath.
happy to see you made it safely back coco. i hope your visit went well. its never fun traveling with our spouses under stress. yes depends come on alot quicker than anyone likes to think. i found it a plus to move DH into them prior to any real embarrassing issues in public could happen. i read here how they have poop on the back of pants or visible pee stains or wet thier pants in public. i cant see how this would be any worse than going ahead and having them in the protective underwear before it happens but its my own personal opinion. i am glad you took pre-emptive measures with the protective mattress as well. and no --- everyone is a candiate for the poop crown :) i hold it in waiting til a new poor soul is deserving. it has changed hands a few times but always comes back to me as nobody wants it for long! divvi
Just wondering...does anyone know the percentage of the people that actually become incontinent? I read that some place and I was amazed at the low number.
I asked that question of the person who owned the first ALF me husband stayed in. He said most of the residents were incontinent. Even the ones alert and conversant. I was shocked when my husband matter of factly peed on the shoes of a nurse friend of mine. He was totally alert at the time. I think it was a lack of inhibition rather than lack of sphinctor control.
Welcome home Coco. Thank goodness for the DEPENDS. My Paul does not have much trouble when he is awake but if he goes to sleep-be prepared to change the underwear! Hope you all do not have it toooooo bad.
I have to help my DH every time he has to go poop. At least he tells me when he needs to go. But I have to stand there while he goes and then tell him how to wipe etc. Ick!! So disgusting. I just stand there gagging. He only goes every couple of days (not good for him I'm sure, but I don't want to deal with them more often!) so they are HUGE. Ack, I think I'm going to puke just thinking about it.
My husband still uses the bathroom on his own but doesn't wipe very well. He also doesn't wash his backside (anything in back) while showering. I now do that and use wipes to clean him after he uses the bathroom. I don't have it bad now but I just think about the things we have to do....
I was told that you can postpone or even eliminate incontinence by using a toileting schedule (every 2 hrs). I did this while my husband was home and he rarely had "accidents". I think that the reason most people in dementia facilities are incontinent is because they don't toilet the residents frequently enough. When I visit my DH I always ask him if he has to go, and sometimes, he does (which means he still recognizes the urge and holds it in). He just doesn't have the verbal skills to tell someone.
My Paul usually knows WHEN he has to go to the toilet,just does not always remember what to do once he gets in there,so you must accompany him each time.And he certainly has no idea how to wipe himself so --guess who gets that job???? I really do not mind ,at least he does not get it all over himself that way. As for toileting every 2 hours,that might be ok in the daytime but at night he is so out of it that I could never get him awake for that. Any way you look at it -IT IS A DIRTY JOB AND SOMEONE(meaning us)HAS TO DO IT
that is an excellent idea marilyn, my problem was once in the bathroom the 'death grip' on the pants to get them down so he could sit was the issue. you know the white knuckle syndrome. that could take the 2 hrs. grin.. i still have issues taking the pants off even now hes in bed most of the time! thats a whole nuther issue trying to wipe them too. i had bruised hands as i had to do it while he was sitting and very little room from behind. if i tried to wait til he stood the pants were up before i could clean him... and then he had his grip back on and a dirty bottom.. sigh. oh my those were the days. i dont envy you all doing this.
abby, just type f---, d---, sh--. It's all good. Then you should be offending no one and still getting your point across!! Aaaah, the bathroom! Well, Lloyd needs to be taken there on a schedule. If he has to go any other time, he usually is grabbing himself. I have to pull the pants down, wipe, and pull the pants back up. Love the challenge when I know he has to go and he spreads his legs so I cannot get his jeans down without a fight. Showering - I just go in with him. There is no other way to do it. Besides, I need the shower, too. Remember the saying "Save water-shower with a friend"? Well, raspberries to that! divvi, I still deal with that death grip on the pants. I usually end up smacking his little baby fingers when he does that. Am I bad.
this is where a candy bar comes in handy. trick them into losening the knuckle grip long enough for the candy..:) or show it to them and say once they sit down they can have it. the smacking the fingers only tightens the grip here, and my DH doesnt respond to anger but coaxing much better. even now in late stage 7! and its tough to do when you are standing in a bathroom over a toilet with poop running down the legs. get a bowl of those little hersheys and have them handy when you need to jerk the pants down. and you need to be very fast when you jerk while they are distracted. haha and they will still have one grip on the pants while taking the candy but its easier to jerk with only one.. grin goshit makes my stomach ache to recall all this frustrating times. i guess if we rationalize if someone was trying to pull our pants down watch us poop and then put their hands on our privates with cold cleaning stuff, i probably wouldnt be too agreeable either.
Linda Mc-no you are not bad sometimes "smaching" the little fingers is an attention getter-I have to resort to that when asking to please leave the toilet paper alone does not work. I think we will move to Scotland(isn't that where men were skirts) would be so much easier than Pants!!!!!!
Divvi, I have to laugh when I read your posts about how to handle the poop issues. Please don't ever leave these boards. You're a great teacher and we need detailed instructions on how to do this stuff. Love you. bak, yes, skirts would be much easier but we'd still have the shaving issues. Oh, those neck hairs are hard to deal with.
So true, Dazed, about the neck hairs! DH shaves, but sometimes not too well and I don't fuss. Even I have a hard time with the neck hair (on him- not on me!)
So what are we doing about the nose hair? The moustache is my challenge. I try using the trimmers sometimes and the scissors other times. The only difference is the trimmers cause a catastrophe faster. I do all the shaving. Have been for almost 2 years now. Gimme kilts!!!!!! I could so go for that! I smack little fingers even more in the car driving with him alone in the front seat. He just wants to touch everything in my space....steering wheel, gearshift, car keys. He has grabbed the keys right out of the ignition a couple times and the car dies right now! When he is really really bad, I put him in the back seat with the child locks on. Boy, does that piss him off!!
OK, I got one too! DH got a haircut last week. Well today he started obsessing about how long his hair is (he grabbed the hair on the top of his head & pulled it up & it probably was 2 inches long). He didn’t like the way the back felt where is baseball cap hit the back of his head. He kept saying he wanted to get his haircut. I told him that it looked fine & he settled down………for a few minutes. Then he started all over again. I told him that we’d go next week & get it cut. He kept on & on, so I called our hair salon & talked to the girl who has cut our hair for over 25 years & she told me to come right in & she would fit us in. We went in & she cut it really short & then she wouldn’t let me pay for it (almost made me cry). She knew him back in the day & she has seen him decline).
Ladies, I haven't laughed as hard in a long time as I have reading this thread. It wasn't the least bit funny when I was going through it but it sounds it now. I know it isn't. I remember waking in the night and wondering what that odd sound was. It was Gord standing in the bathroom door, peeing out the door all over the hardwood. I have no sense of humour at all at 2AM.
Sweetsu, I almost fell off my chair laughing at your comment. Not at all funny when it happens to you, I know.
I have threatened to use Nair(hair remover) on Paul's face and neck-I have a tough time shaving him,we can not use electric razor just will not cut his whiskers.As for the hair every where I use the nose trimmers,they work on the ears too.And eyebrowers too. Elaine I understand about the hair-Paul had his cut 3 days ago and this morning he wanted to go get it done again.For him I think he just wants to go somewhere. I told him they were closed today so he stopped at least for a while. I wonder if we put skirts on our guys it would start a new trend. Hey you guys on here,maybe you could start the trend for us you know we would do the same for you!!!!
This is my first visit here. Right now, I'm way too exhausted to extensively read what looks like stuff that may help me. I will be back for sure. Me 65, her 62, her diagnosis 5 years ago. In years past ,earlier on in my wife's disease I expected to be stronger than I feel right now. I want to say that I'm one of (and with) you and understand. Andres.