I am not a poet and I am not as articulate as Wolf or some of the others here but I went to bed thinking about this and I thought I would share it with you:
I force myself to go to bed at night...because I have too much to do and it is the best time to do it.
I force myself to get up in the morning...because I don't want to face what the day has in store.
I force myself to be a wife...but I am not.
I force myself to be a caregiver...but it doesn't say that on my resume.
I force myself to be myself...but I can't find myself any more.
I force myself to think of myself as having a future...but I am not sure that I will.
Yes, I have the "force" with me...but is it enough!!!!!
Right here with you! I was just thinking how sad it is that it is Christmas Day and I have to sit on a web site (nothing personal Joan:) to hope to have a conversation with someone...
Usually it is I who write what is in my heart, and I hear from so many of you that my thoughts are yours. This weekend, the tables have been turned. Sheri's poem about the "eyes" hit a bullseye with me. Now deb's poem says exactly what I have been thinking. I am soooooo exhausted; so worn out. Yes, I am forcing myself to do all of those things, and losing "me" in the process.
Several weeks ago a friend was here and she ask me what I did on my computer because she knows nothing about using a computer. I even surprised myself with my answer to her. I said: "I blog because that is my only contact with the outside world most days."
What would we do without this wonderful site? It is our life line, our force, our contact with others. I even moved my computer into the living room since my dh has a problem using the remote control and I can help with the controls while I check my blogs
And the absolute worst part of this disease, as Joan has noted many times, is that on those particularly difficult and long days ... and nights ... when it is such a stugggle to just get through with what's on our plate, the one person we would most like to talk with about what is happening is the one person we can't talk with about what is happening. The one force we want to be with us is the one force that can no longer be with us. Tomorrow I'll be going to a funeral home yet again. In my weekly support group, this will make the 3rd person whose spouse passed away in the past 6 months. And just a year ago, all 3 spouses were supposedly 'only' in early to moderate stages. That final fall off a cliff can sometimes come so damn fast.
What strikes me is that of all the people in the world who need a helping hand or encouraging word, it is us. Yet of all the people in the world who give the helping hand or encouraging word, again it's us. We must have a mighty force of love within us.
No, we can't Mary*. We need all of us! Yes, Mary75*, we do have a mighty force of love within us. Thank you to all who have helped me over the past few years.
I have been on other support sites for other things at one time or another in my life and they were all very helpful but this is the only site that I have been on that the members stayed on and helped others after their reason for being on the site was over. I feel a huge force urging us on from all of them also. What a wealth of experience we have here.
i agree that its such a relief that although the need is gone the friends who have earned their * stay on and help those who come behind. we lose so much within the confines of caring for our spouses, its the one force that stays with us though thick and thin-- we forge so many relationships here and it would be yet another loss to suffer if we lose contact with folks we have come to care for. divvi
Thank you for the wonderful poem! This place is truly a great place sometimes I even have to force myself to come here because I pretend that I am not among the afflicted. But once I come I realize we are family and I wonder about you all when I have not had time to be here. Star Wars is one of my dh's favorites of course....coming of age during the beginning. We actually saw the first movie while in the peace corps in Korea.