How you were all on my heart as we yet moved on to a new stage yesterday. I had DH at my weekly Farmers Market, trying to keep an eye on him and do my sales. I noticed a wet patch on his shorts, then, he could not make it to the restroom and peed all over soaking them. This is new, this is something I thought would come much later.
So of course I have picked up the depends and insisted if he does not use them I simply will not be able to care for him anymore. I got the kind with straps, so you cannot even tell he is wearing them under his underwear.
I am sad , so sad for him.
Also, we are taking a last minute trip to Vancouver Canada as my Mom is real depressed without my sister Dianna there for Christmas, many of you know she passed away a few months ago. Also my Dad is poorly.
DH has not traveled in some years. THANK GOD the flight is direct from our island. So here is where I need advice, please.
The flight is a red eye, from 11 pm to 6 pm. I will have him set up with depends of course. My fear is , that he gets up SO MUCH to pee in the night, how hard is this going to be on a plane??? I did make sure to get aisle seats. Should I give him a low dose sleeping pill? Oh I may not have done it if I knew this incontinence was going to happen.
I am taking this difficult trip, as my Mom really needs me, and she is so excited that I am coming. I called her and made her realize just how changed he is, they have not seen him in at least 3 years, well before the changes. I said if Dad says ANYTHING at all to hurt DH feelings and is impatient with him, we will not stay there. They promised they would be patient.
So any advice please, Thank you all so much. Yesterday when my heart was breaking, I knew I had this place to come to, where I could tell you about this and he would not have to feel ashamed.
To make your trip as smooth as possible, check out the Travel Tip section on the left side of my home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com. However, I did not include incontinence tips in that section, as it did not occur to me at the time. Please, everyone - please give as many travel incontinence tips as you know, to Coco under this thread, and I will then add them to my Travel Tip section.
My husband uses a condom catheter and leg bag--that holds quite a lot without being messy. But now he is having occasional bowel incontinence--this at a stage where he can still go to the Sierra Club meeting with a friend. He has realized the wisdom of wearing protective underwear when he goes out. My worry about travel with my husband would be his sudden need for a bathroom and the long time he spends there. You might prepare a card to give to the cabin attendant so they don't complain about you hanging out outside the bathroom.
A sleeping pill sounds like a good idea to me, if it won't have a perverse effect. Even Tylenol PM can cause confusion. I hope once you get there your mother will want to help you and your DH, and that will both give you a break and give her something to pull her out of her depression.
Coco--this sounds like a challenging situation. Personally, I would not give any new medications, including over-the-counter sleeping pills, while attempting to take a trip. You never know how it will affect someone with dementia. Pam mentioned that even Tylenol PM can cause confusion--it is because any medication with the active ingredient dyphenhydramine (not totally sure of that spelling)should not be given to people with dementia. It is in many sleep aids, also in Benedryl and other allergy meds. People with AD have a shortage of one of the brain chemicals and this ingredient exacerbates that problem. It can cause increased confusion and disorientation--and you certainly don't want that on a trip.
I am wondering if his freqent urinating at night is due to lying down (it seems to me I have read that) and if he's sitting up in the plane seat, he may not get the urge as often.
Under Joan's Travel Tip section, there used to be a sample letter from a doctor that was great to take on trips. I took one along on several trips and let the TSA personnel read it, so that I wouldn't have to explain--in front of my husband--what was going on. My husband's doctor also pointed out in the letter that I should not be seperated from DH during the screening process, since he was easily confused and I could reorient him if that happened. If you don't have time to get one signed by your husband's doctor, you could just write one yourself and show it to the TSA personnel and the flight attendants on the plane. Good Luck!
You can double up on the Depends, or put a night-time pad (like a sanitary pad) inside the usual one. I, and others on the board, found that when our spouses were still up and around that they could manage the pull-up kinds better than the ones with straps - pull up pants outside and briefs as well. The strap ones are for when they can't do it themselves. There are a lot of incontinence threads on here. Just search.
I second what Marilyn said about carrying an explanatory note. And make sure that you have along with you his DPOA/healthcare and DPOA, in case of problems as well as his med list.
coco pants without zippers or buttons. just elastic around the whole waist will make it easier and faster to get him to the bathroom both on the plane and off. and use a DARK pant so if it does stain it wont show! like the others say double up on a one of the overnight pads inside of the regular pullup depends. no straps. they break and if they do he will pee his clothing. the regular depends are elastic tops and are very easy to get out of. i also wouldnt give any new meds on a trip. a travel letter is imperative for security and his wanding. dont let him out of your sight for a minute. even to go to the bathroom try to find a family style. keep tabs on him all the time at the airport. they can get very confused with all the hustle and bustle of such busy places. also if you can get an airport personal with a wheelchair to get him to the gate its MUCH better. they can get you and him there much easier. give him a nice tip upfront!! and tell him your issues. they can maneuver thru security alot faster sometimes. and once you get to the gate you can get on early with handicap and not have to wait in line which can lead to anxiety. take lots of things to keep him busy. extra snacks he likes is a must, something to entertain him/ music etc/ that will be long flight so do your homework on packing stuff for his needs. be SURE to roll up an extra pair of pullon pants and a couple of extra depends in your carry ons and wipes. you never know but want to be prepared.
hope you have a wonderful trip! i know your parents are thrilled to see you/DH. best of luck!!
CoCo....I have not had this problem yet. But, we have done air trips before as well as cruises. You might want to pick up a couple of those pads for sheets. I always buy and take one that is used for dogs in training. They fit real nice either under or over the sheet when we are on a cruise. never had an accidenet yet, but I like to be prepared.
You might want to prepare a note to give to the flight attendant when you get on the plane and ask them to not give him anything to drink. Tell them to just say to him..."Ok Sir..but, could you just wait a minute and I'll be right back". He may forget about it and it won't be a problem.
Take a small zip lock bag to put all the stuff in his pockets (if he still carries stuff in his pocket) so you can put it all in the bag and it is quicker and easier to get out of the little tub they will tell you to put everything in. This is the worse part at the airport because there is so much confusion and they want you to hurry up and move on. Also, if he wears slip on shoes it is the best way to go because you have to take your shoes off.
At the screening area, they always tell me "move on move on" and I just tell them I can't because my dh has Alz. and I need to stay near him. they have always been very nice about it.
I have opened up the travel tips site and printed a bunch of it out.
Sorry guys I should have gone there first, I was just so out of it after yesterday, and of course, longed for the comfort you all give me.
No pills, none, just his regular meds. I had a strong feeling about NOT giving him any sleepy pills.
We have to go through customs, so , I am going to put a note on his passport with that simple saying,"My spouse has Alzheimers, please be patient with him"
AND, that airline has a cart guy that drives disabled people to the customs, I will request this.
I will keep my eyes on him every moment!!!
Hopefully he can sleep a bit sitting up, I will limit late liquids, and just walk with him to the bathroom each time. The good thing about a red eye is most people will be sleeping.
This will very likely be his last long trip to the mainland, and I hope he can enjoy it a bit. I will be emailing from up there, and I am home for two more days so keeping in touch. (I need you guys...)
I wish my heart did not hurt so much. My spirits have been pretty good lately, got to hang on to that.
CoCo...If you are taking your computer with you, you will have to have it available in tote bag or whatever and you will have to remove it so you can put it in a tub. It has too be seen by the crew that is screening.
I always take my lap top. It is a great way to kill time in the airport. My dh just sits beside me at one of the tables or even on the floor...whatever, and watches me on the computer.
Just don't let him get out of your site in the airport. It is a zoo. Don't let him sit at a table alone while you go get the food/drinks...make him get in line with you.
CoCo...I don't mean to sound negative, if I do. But, just wanting to help you because most of the things I have learned at the airport I learned the hard way.
Also, I have learned to use our passports even when going through the first station at the airport...it is so much easier then trying to get your drivers license out.
Get one of the travel folders that fits around your neck for any documents you will be carrying. Much easier than having to reach into purses or pockets.
thanks again, yeah, I think I will look for that folder, I bet good old Walmart has them.
Dearest JudithKB< no negativity in your posts, all good as they say. (I hate that saying lol)
Just called the airline and they are going to have wheelchair assistance at each end. Especially when we arrive in Vancouver, it is a real long walk to customs and his legs are shaky, and slow.
It will be ok.... I really hope he has a nice time, and that all the changes are not too confusing for him. I will have him stick by my side like an "OPIHI", it is a Hawaiian limpet that clings on the rocks and really hard to get off!
Coco, you know that I live in Vancouver, Canada, so that if I can help you in any way while you're here, please let me know. I think that there is a way of putting my e-mail address on my profile if you want to know my unlisted phone number.
I prefer Tena briefs. They seem to be super absorbent. Of course, you'll have extra briefs, wipes, etc. Just like carrying a diaper bag when you have babies. The briefs w/straps seem to not stay in place so well for my hb and straps sometimes get loose. Looks like you've covered the "waterfront" and possible needs. Have a safe trip and enjoyable visit.
I've suggested this before. Go to the home page, then click on The Alzheimer Store. In the store click on "incontinence". Then look for the "overnight" depends-type briefs. They hold much more than the usual and might last the entire flight. Also, getting it through the home page helps Joan with paying for the site.
mary75* my email is in my account, check it out or anyone here that needs it. I will delete it as soon as you let me know. Yours did not show. I will be staying the last part of my trip in the Kerrisdale area, maybe you live near there and we could have lunch! The first part of the trip I will be in Surrey.
Thank you too Marsh, and as soon as I return from my trip, I am going to order Depends, and some good books, so as to help this site. Even if it is only a bit.
Your e-mail doesn't show, either. I live in Dunbar, 10 minutes away from Kerrisdale. There's a White Spot restaurant on West Boulevard in Kerrisdale, about 38th-39th Ave.; it's the only one in the area. Unless Joang can fix up our e-mail postings on our personal sites, maybe you could give me an idea of the days you'd be here in the Kerrisdale area for starters, and if you're posting on this site when you're in Vancouver, we could arrange to meet for lunch or coffee or whatever would suit you. It would be so great!
Yaaayyy Mary75*! I got your mail, and I cannot believe how close we are, we are at 41st and Yew after the 26th. I will call, let us meet up and "talk story" as they say here. Sadly I did not get enough time to cook up another batch of coconut candy to bring you some!!!
Just unpacked 2 funky suitcases he had packed, with all his dirty work clothes, silly guy. It seems despite his challenges, he wants to take this trip. I have to keep telling him TOMMORROW!