I HATE myself when my resentment seeps through, but I got an e-mail tonight that burned to the core.
Did I really need to hear how WONDERFUL it is to rent in The Villages ( a huge retirement playground - is its own town in central Florida) for a month? Do I need to hear how all my friend and her husband do is play golf every other day, take dance lessons together, ride their bikes together, go to fitness classes, make lots of new friends.
Oh, they also have a lot of Alzheimer support groups. What? Does she think I can pick up and move there? No clue. No #*&^% CLUE what my life is like. Even though she thinks she understands, she doesn't. Not one single bit.
Okay, I'm through venting. I really hate to be the one with sour grapes in her mouth. It's not like me, but that e-mail infuriated me. It was insensitive and cruel. IMHO.
I was happy for my friends and family members who shared with me their stories of their trips or events. Yes, sometimes it hurt inside-- that was supposed to be our life and they didn't have a clue---they really didn't, because I didn't share with them knowing it would be joy buster, downer if I told them how it really was. I had to tell my adult children not to curb their enthusiasm and to share with me their wonderful experiences when I realized that they were doing that so as not to hurt my feelings.
It is one thing to get a email Christmas card where you get sort of brought up to date with friends. The good ones are short and to the point and not too much on how much wt junior can bench press.But there are others that are brag letters..flat out bragging..about all the trips around the world they make, or the trip to Europe where they bought a new Mercedes and are shipping it to the US... I guess it is ok to highlight say one trip ( if you make many) just the one where it is exciting and fun and share some tips but who wants to hear they went on10 trips and filled up the passport and now have to bother to get another one...poor them...
The same goes for folks who know we have ALZ in the house and go on and on as if we can just pick up and join the famous ad.
I'm getting group emails from a P/work group I supposedly belong to, but can't go. Emails going around how wonderful christmas lunch was today, who had what for lunch...lovely gifts exchanged, the laughter and chatter, my name never mentioned....really, do I need to get these! A bit of resentment here too Joan...feeling very left out, it's like I don't exsist anymore.
I agree with jerseymamma-sure it hurts to read the fun others are having-but we can't. As I have said before-no one who has not lived through our nightmare can understand how terrible it is. Wasting energy on resenting them does us no good. I see lots of older couples in my community going to dances, cruises and other activites and I wish my life had turned out like theirs. But it didn't. When my husband was still with me I learned early on not to dump on friends or expect them to "get it".
Just yesterday I got an email from my BIL. He has not talked to DH in some time, but I do give him email updates. To be fair, he is taking care of their father who can be a full time job some days. But here is part of what he sent me.
They (Music and computers) are still great ways to exercise the mind and develop new neural pathways.
It makes it sound like I am letting his brain turn into mush. I was sick when I read this. I know he was just trying to help.
blue--I don't think that sentence should upset you--it does sound like he's trying to help and to me it sounds like a quote from something. My husband is late stage 6, and music is one of the few things he can still enjoy. Develop new neural pathways...I'm not counting on it...all I care about is that music is still a pleasant experience for him.
Re Joan's friend and others' comments on people who rattle off what they are doing: I experienced this too with one friend. I think she was a completely clueless that it was upsetting for me to hear--in full blown detail--about all the wonderful things going on in her life. Let's face it--this was not a 6-month period I was going through--it was more like 6 years without any ability for me to "have a life". Yet, she thinks she is a supportive person (and she is, to the extent that her personality allows her to be). Some people are just more sensitive to others' feelings, and some aren't, period. Joan, I think you need to evaluate whether the friendship is worth continuing, and if so, be honest with your friend and tell her that in your situation, hearing how great her life is would be comparable to a wealthy American telling a poverty-stricken third world resident about multiple cars, homes, vacations, etc. or some other dramatic metaphor that would make an impression. Or perhaps, she is simply too dull to understand even that?
this is just another reinforcement that the outside world doesnt get how lonely and devastating this disease is for the surviving spouse. i know this is hard to hear but some folks love to rub it in that they have the ability to live the good life - its good to hear that they are enjoying the golden years themselves0 but i'd rather they keep it down played around those less fortunate and not rub it in the face. i believe what goes round comes round at some point. divvi
What was hard for me is when some of DH's siblings stopped by a couple of years ago. They had just taken a trip of a couple of weeks to scout out retirement locations. They were full of plans, and spent the whole time here telling us about what they were going to do after retiring.
I sat there and just looked at them. What I wanted to do is pull them to one side and say, "Do you not realize that your own brother has no future? He can't make any of these wonderful plans that you are making. Do you have any idea how you are hurting him? Do you even realize that at one time he had dreams of his own like this?"
I have found that sometimes isolation is a good thing. That way I don't have to deal with things like this, and neither does DH.
DH was diagnosed at the age of 54, but he had been dealing with this for some years before that. One morning he was fired from his job and told to clean out his desk and go home. That afternoon his doctor finally told him that he thought he might have dementia. (I think you can understand what that day was like.) One of the brothers who stopped by on that visit later told DH on the phone, "Boy, it must be nice to not have to get up and go to work every day". Sure, it's a dream. I'd like for him to experience it for himself, frankly.
It reminds me of those Christmas newsletters that some people print and send to all their friends....full of good news and bragging. I often thought after reading one of those...maybe they would appreciate a nice newsletter from me describing what my DH and I do every day? You know...how we start the day with me helping wash him in the shower, or how, each time he has to use the toilet, I show him where the bathroom is, help him sit and go, help clean him afterwards...the list goes on. Perhaps your friend would appreciate that Joan...just tell her everything...don't leave any of the "fun" stuff out.
Actually, she has been here many times when I'm jumping up and down waiting on either my father or Sid. We have been to her house, and she "sees" it, but really doesn't want to hear about it. The last time she was here, she asked me how things were going, and I told her. Her response - "Well, let's talk about something thats not so depressing. I don't want to hear depressing things all of the time." She and I have been friends for 40 years - she's married to a close relative of mine. But she lives in an isolated world of country clubs, golf, and money.
Nothing I can do about any of it, except vent to all of you when it gets to me.
OK..Joan, I'm with you and you have every right to be ticked (putting it lightly).
Does she every just come to see you, like just a drop in visit? If she does, this is what I would do. The minute she walked in the house I would say.."So glad to see you. I need to run to the store and get what ever"...Something important and I just can't leave dh by himself. I know you won't mind staying with him for just a few minutes while I go get whatever." Then..leave and drive around the block a few times or whatever. This will just shock the pants right off her. And, it probably will make you feel really good. Pay back is always so much fun.
I like the explanation I read somewhere about building new brain cells/pathways. Puzzles and other activities do that but eventually the disease will destroy faster than new ones can be made. My husband is building new memories, remembers some stuff but I know the day will come when the disease will rage in his brain faster than he can build and retain. Maybe that is where they come off saying puzzles, exercise, music and other activities will slow the progression. I don't think it slows it, just creates new ones until the disease overtakes.
Yah.Joan, VENT. We all need to sometime,especially dealing with this disease.I have(had) two friends who only wanted to hear happy things,notice I said HAD. They forget I was there for them when their husbands were dying.
I guess I must know some pretty unthoughtful people, you have read about them . I am getting MUCH better at just sluffing them off.
Here is a good one...the other day, the people visiting next door, she said, "We hurt just as much as you, you know we really miss the old "D" too."
and...whining and complaining about all their millions they inherited, and how hard it is to do the wills, stocks etc. Whining about the price of things here.
We live just above the poverty line, and are honestly grateful for the many blessings we had. I got so tired of their whining about the restaurant prices, when we went out with them the other night I INSISTED on paying, and eat whatever you like.
AND! Bought my husband the new bed, and even though she kept telling me, don't spend so much you don't know how long he will be around...ARRRRHHGHHHHHHH STOP SAYING THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...
I bought him a real nice pillowtop and we are awaiting delivery, spend the extra $250 to get the best one.
poo on them
lol
I do understand Joan, I am sure you are mostly ok with it all, but sometimes you want to choke them.
I couldn't possibly add to this. So many similar situations in our little world. I'll just say that you all should take what you can from it for your own keeping and that is: you are stronger, more giving, more thoughtful, more caring, tougher and more compassionate than they will ever know. And you have such an army of like-kind friends it would truly jingle their bells! Sorry it this sounds caddy but what else is there?
Joan why are you apologizing for venting,,,,,, isn't that one of the luxuries of this site.... we come here for help, a place to vent, a place to learn, cry, laugh, and meet others in the same boat we are in?????? Vent away we need to know we all have this feeling. Sorry you have it but glad you are human like us........ lol...... yeah,,,,, human,,,,,, Relax and let it all out... You will feel much better.....Hope the Christmas season gets easiser for all of us.
Maybe we are going about this the wrong way. We need to sell our lifestyle, do our own newsletter for the Christmas cards.
Sample....
This year has been full of adventure for our family. Learning to juggle work, home, school for DD and caring for DH has pushed me to new heights. We often takes trips to our local flea market where DH can spend hours looking at the same stuff he looked at last week. Eating out is always a fun time as he never seems to know what he wants and trying to guess is the best game ever.
DD is looking forward to a lean Christmas and is happy that I at least put up a tree. She continues to help me watch her father, something not every young girl gets to do! Family time is fun as now DH is not always sure who that young girl is in our house.
Working to fit all the doctors appointments in is a thrill. They always seem to run late and that adds to the excitement.
Still never really hear from the older kids, so their life is still a mystery to us. Never knowing if they will call makes answering the phone kind of thrilling as we hope it will be one of them.
Right on, Blue, I love it! I've always thought these Brag Christmas Newsletters were a pain even when things were "normal" for us our kids never were so outstanding I wanted to bore other folks with their many accomplishments. Now grandkids accomplishments well that might be different ;)
Oh Joan I know how you feel! It is already starting with the Christmas letters...then there are the people who just heard that dh retired and ask how is he doing then immediately their eyes glaze over so before I finish saying "fine", I know they don't really want to know. Blue hahahafalaalaaa. You said it so well I was writing my own letter in my head but it was too full of poo and pee to really share. I love your letter!
I wrote one like that two years ago, and was much more detailed in what had happened that year. I re-wrote it and made changes until I got it just like I wanted. I printed out a copy. I read it one last time. Then I hit the delete key. And shredded the paper. But it made me feel so good just to put it down on paper!!!! <grin>
I knew that no one I would have sent it to would have "gotten" it, and would have had proof in their minds that I was imagining things! <grin>
I was resentful of the two I have received this year. Yet, they have their lives, and maybe (I DID say maybe) they feel that it will make us feel better to hear of their good times! NOT!!!
grendelsma. I wonder sometimes, if I would be so uncaring on the other end of the phone, if it was me.. I don't think as bad as some.
When I talk to our visitors next door, even when it is matter of fact, their eyes glaze over and he just grunts and rolls his eyes, honestly.
I was having a drink with them and keeping and eye and ear out for my house, as dh was alone, and awaiting me to come back for making dinner. I was only gone 15 minutes.
The visitors said oh he is fine..RIGHT!! Oh I felt SO bad when I got home, he had a big chunk of frozen chicken in the frying pan with a ton of grease spattering everywhere, forgetting he is not supposed to cook. (He used to be a great cook) Things were spilled everywhere.
SO that is it. No more leaving him for even a short while .
It is true that some certainly care more than others, and at least reach out a hug and love and sorry.
Coco, welcome to my world! I can’t leave my DH alone anymore either. It’s been almost a year now. I was going to quit my job to stay with him, but when I gave my notice at work my boss asked me if I could just come in one day a week (he was a wonderful boss). When I told my daughter that I was going to quit she told me that she would keep him on the day that I worked. So we did that until this past April. Then I really did quit because my daughter was pregnant & due in May. She lives right across the street from me & she tries to keep him one day a week now so that I can go shopping. (in fact I am taking him over there as soon as I finish this!) You are very tolerant of your neighbors. I know they have been your friends for a long time, but for them to be totally ignorant of what you are going through & roll their eyes……well I just couldn’t handle that. We have some couples that we have been friends with a long time & when we see them they are very patient & understanding, BUT we don’t see them very often at all. None of them ever comes to visit or even calls to see how we are doing, so I think that their kind attitude when we do see them is part guilt feelings. I’m glad you joined our group, you have brought some Hawaiian sun to the mainland!
Since my dh and I moved to a new location less then two years ago to be near family, if I needed help, we have all new neighbors. Actually, I kind of like it this way. When outside they all speak but I have made no effort to get involved with them and they have done the same with me.
I honestly think people are afraid of the word..."Alzheimer". I think it makes them very uncomfortable because they don't know how to respond to the person that has the condition. They don't know what to expect from that person responding back to them...it puts them in a defensive mode. Many people have never been exposed to a person that has Alzheimer. They just as soon forget they ever knew the spouse (you) and the Alz. person too. This is terrible for me to say, but I really think it is true. You and your dh are not the same people to them any longer and they don't know how to handle it.
I really think if I had friends of a long standing that treated me like some say has happened to them. They would no longer be my friend. I use to always say..."With friends like that who needs enemies." You really don't need them if they are causing you stress and unhappiness.
I would send them a letter and explain why it might be best if we put our relationship on hold during this journey you are on. Explain, that you cannot handle another stressful situation at this time and that it not personal, but you seem to be uncomfortable being around my dh and myself. I don't fault you for this and I do understand and because I think this is diffuclt for you and I know it is difficult for me...as a friend, lets just put this friendship on hold and when this nightmare I am enduring is over, perhaps we can go back and be the friends we once were.
I'm working on a Christmas letter now. Here is most of it, leaving out an initial paragraph about my daughter's successful start in college, more about her graduation, and part of the last paragraph about my job:
"It is difficult for J to write now, so he won’t be able to add handwritten notes. Parkinson’s disease slows him down more and more, but he can still mostly take care of himself and he makes the best of his situation. He has extensive testing with an occupational therapist once a year and so far is still cleared to drive locally. He enjoys organizing wine dinners and participating in a local group called Drinking Liberals. He helped out with a church project to do oral histories of local people’s experiences of 9/11.
Travel is becoming increasingly difficult for J, but we did all attend E’s graduation, where the picture on the card was taken...
College didn’t work out for P at this stage of his life, so he is home helping with his father. P doesn’t know yet what he is interested in and what he wants to do, and organization and self-discipline are very difficult for him. It is a huge help to have him at home. He willingly assists with even the difficult parts of what J can’t do for himself. J and I are very grateful.
I am still adjusting to not being in control of my own time the way I had hoped would be the case in this stage of life. Caregiving for a spouse over the long haul is such a shift in the balance of life. In addition, one of this year’s projects is taking over guardianship for my sister S... "
My husband very much wants to still send Christmas cards to his friends himself--I will print the addresses on labels so he can address them himself. He likes this letter. He was the one who always wanted to send a letter, and ten years ago he usually was the one to write it. My daughter thought it was a little depressing. Have I found a decent balance?
DH's adult children just returned from a ten day vacation on a Carribean island. I heard how uncomfortable those narrow airplane seats were, how the snacks served on board were unsatisfactory and how it rained for a bit every day on the island. No one asked me how I was bearing up.
Brooke, I would like to ask, how are you bearing up?
It is not going to stop is it, the callousness of people? I made a vow to forgive , a renewed connection with God, and how it helps so much.
But the resentments are still there, it is just that everytime now, when I feel them surfacing, I ask for strength from divine intervention, to help me, and it does.
My "best friend," and her husband, are on a 6 week vacation at their house next door, paid for in cash, retired, inherited millions, honestly. And yet, it is a constant everyday, how much things cost, as they swill back their $75 bottle of tequila.
I, happily, balance our Social security and my meager income, and praise God I have been meeting the bills, and only want to afford medical insurance for myself.
Yes sounds awful for me to be so crabby. This is what I did this morning, I took down the picture of her and me in our hippie garb in 1979, on a trip here camping. I told her goodbye, I still love you, but I have to cut this friendship, after 42 years. You drag me down, you judge me, you mock me, you gossip about me, and pretend you love me to my face. They do not wish the best for me, and I see the satisfaction that I am suffering, and not having such a wonderful life. They treat my dh like he is a handicapped child. One knows these things.
She says, oh it would be better if he died sooner, that way I would be free. HE IS IN STAGE 5 , HE STILL IS HAPPY, HE STILL BATHES AND BRUSHES HIS TEETH!!! Just because he stutters, stumbles, and cannot carry conversation, means it is time for him to DIE???
And I know, that she is insecure, and needs to drag others down to try and look better, she has always done that. However I just can't handle it anymore, and also I am at the brunt.
They get back from a 4 day concert trip to Maui, tomorrow. I am praying, and contemplating, how to be honest , and kind, and to tell her that things are different between us now.
The good news is, there are still a couple of old friends that do care, and my remaining older sister who calls me 3 times a week and LISTENS and CRIES with me. (We also lost our sister Dianna 5 months ago Dec. 16)
I love you guys.
PHRANQUE!!! we are awaiting the delivery of dh new bed today, a good cushy expensive comfortable one!
Coco, I don't know that I would even seek her out to tell her anything. You took her picture down and told her picture how you feel. While she is insensitive right now, don't burn any bridges but at the same time put distance between you. For the reasons you listed for your distance are some of the same reasons I have not been to TX in now 11 years..My now deceased sil had some of the same issues you describe with your friend yet before she died, things did change and without a word, she never knew how I felt for which I am grateful but in our way we made peace and she died never knowing some of my deep resentments and we ended up friends..real supportive friends.
I have seen "friends" vanish but I am finding that some of the gals I work with at our Church for funeral luncheons are much more supportive though I don't see them often..At least they ask how DH is and relate to cases they have known or have had to contend with too and sometimes have good suggestions that are helpful.
If your friend from umpteen years ago is in your life a lot, I would just tell her that your workload of caregiving has increased and you don't have a lot of leisure time now. If she is so well off maybe you could get her to give some suggestions for house hold help etc..
I have a step daughter who is not the least interested in anyone else's trip news etc and after 5 minutes of listening she "zones out"..it has annoyed lots of family members who now do this to her when she goes on and on about her favorite interest..funny she expects the world to hang on her every word of her adventures...so now she gets a bit of what she doses out...we zone out....If your "friend" expects you to hang on her every word, zone out..just zone out and change the subject to something YOU want to discuss be it weeds in the yard or Swiss Cheese on the moon.
Good luck and let us know how you dealt with this.
Good advice, Mimi. I had a first today, and it shows that time eventually takes care of all things: I was at lunch with a group of women friends I hadn't seen for about 4 months, and in the two hours we spent together, I carried on a normal, happy conversation with everyone. This is such a contrast to my care giving days when I was in such mental and emotional (and physical) pain, that I was afraid to speak because the horror of it would all come out. I feel like I've been let out of prison.
coco if its any consolation i had to do the same with a friend of close to 50yrs. i cut the relationship as well as she was not a person that could be a benefit to me and DH at this time. sometimes its just best to steer clear of unhealthy relationships as we have enough on our plates without others trying to stir the pot. our goal is to survive and try to come out of this on the other side intact and sane. negative influences are not needed or wanted. they just dont seem to understand the trauma of it all. today i had a me day and had a salon appt. as soon as i walked in the ladies i know there who had also done my DH hair asked about us and DH. she had cut his hair for 15yrs. how sad is that our hairdressers seem to care more than our family members and 'friends'? sometimes you just have to wonder! divvi
Coco - it is not right for people to tell us 'it would be better if they died sooner' but it is OK for those of us that feel that way to say it ourselves. Of course, not to outer world, but many of us have said it here. I will repeat what I have said: I pray something takes him before AD or AD will progress rapidly and not linger. MY FIL had a 25 year journey and that is the last thing my HB or I want for him.
thanks for all your great advice everyone. ! You pals you. What I am going to do, is of course continue to be kind, to accept calls when she is back home etc. However I will not make a big effort anymore to try and make her understand, and the hardest thing is to zip up when she says really dumb things.
I am practising my "zoning out" as we speak...as my Mom would say, when Dad was driving her crazy...just become "one with the universe" lol.
They have been gone only 2 days and already I feel so much happier! you know, with that couple being here, it has really made me appreciate my life so much more, when I see the things that matter to them, like clothes , fancy furniture, expensive wine. And sadly, they bicker and are not happy.
Life has odd lessons. I am grateful, though it is SO hard to take care of dh and make all these changes, I am grateful that I truly want to be a better person, and to help, to not be so selfish.
Coco--I know it hurts when people who should be giving you support through this ordeal are not only unsupportive, but actually add stress to the situation. I was told by a psychologist to end a relationship--it was a family member and I wasn't able to do that--but I did cut contact way back and it helped a lot. Bottom line, if you are getting more negatives from the relationship than positives--regardless of your history--it is time to back off. Dementia caregiving takes superhuman mental strength and outside stressors just add to that burden.
simple solution mary75*. that is what I will do, simply cut if off when it gets mean. You guys probably think I am exaggerating about some of this,,,but I am not. So sad that it is my friend of so many years that is the worst.
They get back today. I am ready lol! My sweetie pie slept on his new cozy bed last night, it was so sweet he kept thanking me over and over. (so glad I did not take their advice, because he won't be around long?, to buy a crappy bed)
It is amazing but all this junk with them is making me a stronger person, I know I always say I want to be a better person and that can get over the top, but really, I think not only will it make be that way, but maybe them too.
I am willing to bet (admittedly NOT having seen the letter) that Joan's friend did not mean to be insensitive. We know that people not in our line of work rarely have a clue. And note that she did point out the AD support available at that lovely place. She probably truly imagined that you could conceivably experience it too.
Not that we can do much about our envy...it can be triggered regardless of what anyone does purposefully. Just seeing a happy chatting couple is all we need to feel bad. So I try to assume the best of people unless they come across as piggishly insensitive.
As for how to compose our own holiday letters...I would strongly advise against total negativity. My aunt, who has a variety of health problems and a tendency to depression sends a yearly update which is often downright wretched. Not fun to read, though it's usually short.
I have aimed for being realistic, injected with a touch of humor. People appreciate it, generally. Heaven knows, I have no wish to be an abject wet-blanket, but I think I could appreciate it if someone carried the realism idea into the realm of parody. (even though it would probably still be literally true!)
Knock knock. "Hello. And you are?" "I'm Piggishly Insensitive." "Hmmm. I don't seem to see you on the guest list." "No. No. That's the name of the band. I play the sax." The butler at the door looked down through his nose which would normally not have been an easy thing to do except for years of practise. "Piggishly Insensitive Sax?" he asked. "Yes, how droll." replied the bohemian at the door. "You should get out more. Or once even. We're quite famous unless you're living in slavery. Oh. You are. Or would that be a step up for you?"
The butler let him in. He wouldn't have but then he would be let go and there weren't that many super rich so full of themselves they wanted an english butler. Usually it was an ocelot or a learjet. While eating cheeseburgers he sneered to himself shutting the large door so tired of rappers with their learjets, cheeseburgers, and well endowed Biafrans he'd be back to Stratford-on-Avon in a flash if he had any money.
It wasn't on Avon of course. Avon was a river and cities don't do that well in rivers; but, it never once dawned on him the name was ridiculous. After all he was distantly descended from the great bard just as those distantly descended from the Mayflower included - well, almost everybody.
Yearnie had made his money in bread. Another tired joke so beaten to death it gave people a toothache to say it but they did when it was expected. After all, if you wanted to be invited to the best parties, it wouldn't do to guffaw at the host. The sax player couldn't care less, he was making the moves or trying to, on a lovely piece displaying her mammaries over the baby grand. Not playing or singing - just trolling her fatty ducts to good advantage knowing they were worth their weight in gold.
"And what's your name?" Piggishly Insensitive Saxplayer asked being one of the only people nervy enough to move in on miss low cut dress/blinding teeth/big breakable hair. "Charlotte", she cooed with that breathy soft voice that comes from hours of practise in front of a mirror. Normally she wouldn't have looked twice but at a party like this you never know. "Charlotte Webb."
So...how does Yearnie handle the holiday letter conundrum? (btw, when 3 members of Piggishly Insensitive end up in the slammer for abusing a hotel mini-bar and the retro "Magic Fingers" machine, Yearnie's going to find out that the band "Conundrum" is his next best bet for the NYE bash.)
"Absolutely," the crazy canuck typed furiously. And there's nothing like a retro "Magic Fingers" machine and a mini bar to help beat the letter conundrum to death.
Edit - I'm going to give one a shot. Fire away though Gridley!
Oh god it's that time of year again where everybody sends those nausiatingly boring christmas letters droning on and on about their trip to a roller coaster somewhere or what their grandchildren ate every single day and I haven't been out once. Oh well, where's that paper?
My first annual christmas letter:
Well, it's been quite a year up here what with half the people I used to know running away screaming just because my wife was eating their carpet. "Easy girl." I encouraged slipping her some sugar as I rode her across the living room. That reminds me of the cute thing she did at the specialist's office when I told him I was making good money hiring her out as a furniture mover. He looked at me like someone lost in a forest of fourteen letter words oblivious to the fact that my wife was trying to move the bolted down examining table. "We should weigh her." he adivsed. "You weigh her." I suggested and sat back. He reached for her with the reflexes of an ordinary mortal and cried out louder than I would have guessed when her teeth sunk into his meta carpal. He didn't weigh her although at one point trying to get away it did look like he was carrying her. Maybe he can estimate weight that way I don't know.
Lets see what else happened this year. Well, the people at the respite center got all lathered up about her behaviour. It seems she was moving and having checked that the people that were always sitting in the same chairs actually were wearing something different week to week, I could see how that was a problem. "More meds!" they cried out together like some christmas carol gone terribly wrong. I gave them some sugar too with chocolate around it and they thought that was sweet.
I see we had a fabulous summer. I know because I watched it out my window. Keeping my wife going is such a time consuming thing you see; but, the pay is good. A difficult sell really. What would the poster's say? Join the caregivers and see your living room?
We do have our adventures though and not all of them involve poop defying gravity. When the boys came over recently to play cards they were shocked at seeing my wife's purple and grapefruit colored eyes, the huge bruise on her forehead, and the scrapes on her face. "Oh my god." one said, "Are you alright?" And as creepily as I could I assured them I was because I could take her. Not Walt DIsney's World or the opening of the Fledermouse, but we get what we can get.
What else? Oh yes. While your letters are full of the fabulous places you're eating we have started eating with our hands. I'm really looking forward to the invitations to dinner pouring in. We especially like things on other people's plates and don't worry we're not fussy and eat glue or teabags with the same enthusiasm as the napkins.
Well, and it's christmas time again isn't it? What was it Timmy said? "God bless us every one." And so we are with my christmas schedule so full you could shoot a canon through it and not hit anyone. Just me and the space alien tugging back on forth on the tea towel she's trying to eat. Life is a banquet on which we feed and just a tiny bit of advice for the new year. Quick squint at the menu first. No! Put that down!...
Not to worry. We're all fine here. "WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE CAT!?"
Next door we have the honor of Boorish Blowhard and Callous Magee.
terrible but I don't care, I am having fun, without anyone around but my honey and me, him in his new cushy bed, looking like he just received a million dollars. (Or, swallowed the cat?)
Put up a wee tree and manger scene, mostly for him. I get the feeling he is not planning on checking out anytime soon, and by gum by golly I am going to make him as happy as possible, maybe it will rub off on me.
Holidays might be ok after all!
PS did you know that the word Canuck, is associated with the Hawaiian word "Kanaka"? Do your googling and you will see.