I think we have all suffered when our friends desert us. This is what happened to me today. I noticed AD symptoms in a man in our community. I tried to say something but was rebuffed by the wife. This morning they were in our club house which was crowded with folks getting tickets for an event. A woman touched him and he turned and poked her in the chest. I kiddingly said-wow-a sexual encounter in our lobby. He hauled off and slapped me very hard in the face. I took it for what it was and let it slide. Others backed away in horror. It is frightening to "outsiders".
deb-I am fine. My point is-I understood why he reacted. How can we expect others to-we can't. The wife didn't react at all. As a matter of fact-she wanted to have him stand in line for tickets but was afraid he wouldn't remember what to ask for. I had just finished an aerobics class and she wanted to start hers. I told her to go to class and I would just stand by to make sure he got the right ones. I later found out that closer friends had mentioned his strange actions years before and the wife became belligerent-just didn't want to hear it. He has been on meds now for three years. I think the wife is still clueless.
Our closest friends, the husband is having some memory problems and when I mentioned what other things to watch for to see if perhaps AZ was rearing it's ugly head.My friend said oh, no, it's probably from anesthesia(last year) or something else. These are friends that have been close to us thru my DH"s illness but still don't want to think it can't happen to them.She said their DR. said it's definitely not AZ. to wait and see if it goes away.
wow bluedaze you reacted better than most of us. AD or not we have said that aggression in any form is unacceptable. i am sorry this happenned to you. i hope the wife takes strides to get him ironed out so this doesnt happen to anyone else. divvi
The wife won't...Divvi, I would bet because she is not admitting to herself that something is wrong. I wonder if this man has been abusive to his wife over many years and for her this slapping thing of her or anyone else is "normal" for her? From what blue said, this woman seems to think her spouse has no problem other than he can't recall what he is to do...He sounds abusive, she clueless and in the end, she could end up dead at his dementia afflicted hands. What a mess. I don't know that I would have let that slide..what this man did, dementia or not was assault and he sounds dangerous.
bluedaze, I can't believe that the wife did not have the courtesy to apologize for her husband!!! How rude of her. As you said, it is part of the disease (for which hopefully he will get the proper medication!), but she had to be aware that such behavior is not acceptable and offer her apologies. Like Divvi said, I hope she gets him medication for the agression quickly!
I know several women whose husbands have Alzheimer's, and they are in denial. They say that "he had a mild stroke," or "he is just forgetful," or "we have an appointment with a doctor for tests to see what is causing his problems." One will admit to dementia, but not Alzheimer's. THREE years ago, I gave one woman this site - and told her how wonderful it was and helpful it would be to her, and she has never come here....she has had her husband go on "walks" for hours before they found him; she has to speak for him (he smiles a lot); and she pretends that everything is okay. SHE is totally still in denial. Like accepting the diagnosis is giving up or something - not that it will matter whether she accepts it or not, he is still going to die from Alzheimer's whether she admits it or not. None of us know when, but it will happen (maybe several years from now), but both of their lives will be better now if the symptoms are treated and she doesn't get too stressed.
bluedaze* I was thinking about this last night. And if that guy had hit someone like my mom. She would have been hurt and maybe even have fallen over from the slap. Or worse yet if he hit a man, he could be punched back. Someone needs to stop him before he hurts someone or gets hurt himself.
There is no good way to handle this I know. I just worry for the wife and husband. She could be the next one to get hurt.