I can't believe I didn't look at the November thread until just now. Had a good laugh over Wolf leaving the Xmas tree up and the roofer's reaction. Decided I'd start a new thread for this month and keep up with it!
Oh yes...December. In addition to the fact that I have to go and update my decade in the "ages of spouses" thread (a task which fails to thrill me,) I expect a decent month. While many whose spouses are as impaired as Jeff could not imagine much traveling at this point, I AM planning to take Jeff on a short trip to Florida with me, in 3 days. While I must steer him around by the elbow, help him dress, and get him to bed early, he remains gentle-natured and cooperative, and fairly easy to re-orient. It has to do with PCA tanking your visual comprehension before it destroys memory...so perhaps of the bad choices--classic versus visual variant AD--this one's easier? (For now.)
I guess I'll keep it up until I can't, and then shift gears. I know so many of you have tougher situations.
December - it's winter here in Southern Florida now. Really. The days are clear, dry, and in the 70's. The nights are cool - in the 50's and 60's. It took me about 3 years to get used to Christmas trees, Christmas decorations, and Santa Claus without snow and freezing weather, but I'm okay with it now. You do get used to it. And who can complain about the weather? Spectacular.
It's hard for us to realize that it really is winter, in spite of the snow storm the day before Thanksgiving. Yesterday the warmest place in the United States was ----- are you ready? --------- Bangor, Maine.
It is feeling more like winter here in West Virginia too.About 24 degree here in the hollow this morning,frost on the trees and fog near the rivers. Christmas decorations are starting to show up in lots of places too.Not a good time of year here too much darkness and gloomy times.
I wish we had some of your rain, whoever wants to share. But despite the ongoing dry weather in my area, this time of year is the best. We are at 700 ft. elevation so not as hot. Cool high 60's at night, warm breezy low 80's in the day.
sometimes people I know give me the impression that living in Hawaii I am not allowed to have problems..all kidding of course. I do love it here, my husband is a native and was born and raised in Maui, an isolated little town. Just lovely.
Have I told you all how much I like you? well, maybe not today..
When our son lived in Hawaii, we visited Oahu (that's where he lived - in Honolulu), Maui, and Kauai. Maui was my absolute favorite. The mountains, the sunsets, the scenery - I loved it.
It is very dark right now, 18 degrees and yep snowing a little. Too bad the snowthrower is still not working. I am counting on this not sticking because I work this afternoon and will not load up snowthrower till at least Wednesday. College football keeping dh busy although he doesn't remember scores even while game is still playing.
Yes, December. Christmas parade this afternoon, Christmas on the Square, lighting of the town Tree, in our small town, but not for us! I miss that so. DH always loved going to the lighting of the tree and listening to the singing, seeing the children with Santa. Days, nights, long gone. How sad for us all.
Just got done mowing the yard and cleaning up the flower beds. Had a pork bar b q sandwich and coleslaw and now relaxing. Is it June or December! Rain coming in tomorrow and turning cold first of the week. It was nice to get out and work in the yard.
Very wintery in our little town. Predicted low temp of minus eleven degrees tonight. Today I was made so much more aware of how DH is failing. Tail light on car needed replaced. Before AD this would have been a piece of cake. He struggled with it for a few minutes, not even knowing how tool attachments went together and finally just went in the house.Well I'm feeling pretty proud of myself ---I fixed it!!! DH reaction was rather unhappy but glad it was done. We have so many more things we have to learn to do ourselves now. Life goes on.
I took advantage of a lull in the wind and washed my car. People tend to take a second look at a woman washing a car. If I can drive it I can wash it! My husband was so good at fixing stuff around the house. Bit by bit I am learning how to do the same. At first it was empowering-now it's just another chore.
I went to do laundry today and when I got back noticed the cable to the back TV was missing. We live in a motorhome and the cable that runs from the front thru the MH to the back TV is not working for some reason. So, we have a long cable we run thru the MH and connect up. I asked why he did it and he said it wasn't working. What wasn't working? We had been watching the TV back there for 2 months with the cable running thru the MH. He doesn't know what wasn't working, but I think it was that he didn't have it 'tucked' away as nicely as he did before we moved this last time. Basically he couldn't remember why we had it running inside instead of using the cable in the wall to the back. I made the comment that if he couldn't remember why to ask me. I said something like 'in 40 years you have never asked me so why should I expect you to now'.
I was ticked and should not have said it but if we are going to make it thru this, he is going to have to ask. I know - his reason button is broken and I should not expect that. After this encounter, within minutes of each other, he asked me at least 5 times if he had put his clean clothes away and was getting up to do it.
I have not gotten a call from the park we were at that my mail has arrived. It has been taking a week to get it from a place 6 hour drive away. I will call tomorrow at 4 if I have not heard from the manager. We are scheduled to leave here on Wednesday.
Just caught your Hawaii comment Joan, and that you liked Maui best. I lived there for 28 years, my husband born and raised there.
I was wondering if you got to the town of Hana, where he is from . I once read a preacher was driving the windy Hana road, and he said, well, here is a garden of Eden on earth. Then they stopped to check the view, and the mosquitoes attacked, ha ha.
We had a wee bit of rain, still not enough but we will take anything. This island, (the island of Hawaii), is quite different from the others. You have a choice of desert or rainforest, farms or the upscale Kona coast, hippies or yuppies or even the rich, Kona or Ka'u coffee, ocean or mountain views, and viewing a spewing stinky volcano.
It is very large compared to the other islands, people that like a little more space and wildness come here. Maui was awesome for me all those years, and now, something new this past 6 years.
He does not want to go back there, no matter what I say. His family is very non supportive anyway..so I am exploring respite here.
Poinsettias, white, red , and pink, are in full bloom along the Kona Highway!
My grand-niece was married on the beach in Maui November17. It was just her, Wayne, the minister and a photographer. They loved Maui and are ready to go back. It was the first time either of them had in Hawaii. The pics were gorgeous and I would love to go.
Today our friend from church took DH out to lunch & then to the library to look at books so that I could go & do some Christmas shopping by myself. What a blessing. It was such a relief to be able to get out of the car & just go into the store without waiting for him to catch up to me. So I was rushing to get my shopping done & I was walking in Kohl’s department store when I noticed an elderly couple talking to some people & it was apparent that the older couple (I’d say they were at least in their 80’s) were very mentally there. I looked at the older couple & thought to myself that that should be me & my DH in a few years, but it won’t be. It was almost like a slap in the face. I hate reality checks like that. It might have depressed me more, but I was so busy trying to get my shopping done that I didn’t have time to think about it, but now I do, so I am bummed. Well at least I have tomorrow to look forward to. DH is staying with our daughter a few hours so I can go grocery shopping by myself. I thank God for my respite Angels!
Coco--years ago we drove the road to Hana. It seems to me we rented an audiotape and the narrator told us when to pull over and what to look for. Beautiful scenery--what stands out in my mind are black sand beaches. We ended up at the Hotel Hana and had lunch before we turned around.
We took tour bus on the road to Hana. It was a beautiful trip but challenging for anyone with motion sickness! I did fine by nibbling on a piece of bread but another woman on the bus made the whole trip with her head covered with a blanket - she was so sick. We loved our whole trip (literally) oh we should have gone back just as we said we would. Too late now. ;(
Winter in mid Tenn - cold drizzling rain - dark by 4:15 - gloomy.
Same here in WV,Flo39-cold drizzling rain that may turn to snow tomorrow.And dark way to EARLY. Elaine,I kow how you felt seeing the couple in Khol's----I had to take the car in for an oil change and while waiting ,of course there were several men waiting on thrie cars also.They were laughing and talking about their car troubles and comparing repairs and then started talking about hunting and camping,I just sat there and listened -that is what MY PAUL should be doing and talking about. Instead of having to be told how to use the toilet or to wipe his nose, I got so upset and YES jealous that I just started to cry.The men got quiet and as hard as I tried to hide it they noticed,I stood up to got to the restroom to be alone when one man said "you don't have to leave,can we help?" That made matters worse because that is what my Paul would have done before this hell of a disease! I just sat back down and told them my sad story even though I did not know any of them.They were nice and a couple even told of some not too happy things going on in their lives . Bet they will think twice before they ask a crying lady what's wrong again.I must say I felt a little better afterwards.And one of the older men even went and got me a cup of coffee.
Today was up and down. The up was that while my wife was at day care I went to a course by the local "colloquy downeast" on "The Origin of Chinese Xenophobia". It was very interesting. The down was after I brought my wife home. I took her to an "ice cream social" where she had a dish of ice cream. When it was time to leave she refused to get out of her chair. The son of another resident offered to help me lift her up, but she resisted. At that point the woman serving the ice cream, who also helps get DW up in the morning, came up and "sweet talked" her into getting up. Because she was being so stubborn I was concerned about the volunteer caring for her in the evening so I could go to Rotary, but everything went fine. As others have said, this disease is a real roller coaster. Thank goodness (and Joang) for this site, so I know I am not alone.
First semester is finished, and I wrote the exam today. Got an "A" on my essay and couldn't help but think that Eric would have been proud. After 15 visits to physio because of whiplash etc when my car was rear-ended, I'm back to 80% of being pain- free. Have another lunch date with this mellow fellow, friend from 30 + years ago, coming up, so life does go on, however creakily.
We finally made it to my sister's. It was a trying day. We were about 1 mile from the park when we heard a noise of metal hitting the pavement. We pulled over when we could cause I knew what it was - the big wrench we use to tighten the belts on the car dolly. Art told me to stay with the MH while he walked back. I told him it was near that big white sign -maybe a quarter mile back. I watched him and when he went to far, I went out after him but he disappeared. I walked to the sign, could not find the wrench, went back to the MH to phone him. He had walked all the way back to the park and was searching around there. I don't know if I was more worried or furious with him. It was my fault - I let my guard down and did not make sure the wrench was where it should have been. We both checked the road (both sides) and grass and have no idea how a big wrench could just disappear.
When we got to my sister's setting up was hard on him. He was having trouble remembering how to do things. I felt so bad for him cause much had to do with the stress of looking for that wrench. I think due to the fast clip he walked at, he has been coughing the rest of the day. He definitely got his exercise!!!
Nice to be back where I have good internet. My sister is sick so at least she was not up to being nasty. Saw the grandkids tonight and they were so excited to have us back nearby.
I decided today while waiting for him to get back that after next summer's job, unless he something changes, that will be the last of our RV traveling.
Charlotte - I've thought you are so brave to continue with your motor home travels. There are not many things with our camping days that I dreaded more than a road side break down. We have tow insurance but sitting by the interstate waiting is not good (we've had this experience). I'm sorry you lost the wrench- how frustrating - you can't think of everything you know. Have the best holidays you can, enjoy the grandkids and hopefully your next camping experience will be as good as possible.
Had my first day of the care giver staying with my dh for 4 hours and I went on a shopping spree. First time I have been shopping by myself in 2 years. I spent one and half hours in one store. Then I just sat in the car and people watched for another half hour before going to several other stores. I had thought about getting my nails done, but didn't think that was a good idea for my first outing because if my dh acted up I might have to leave in the middle and that would mean only one hand done looking beautiful with the other hand looking terrible.
When I told him the night before that the (cleaning lady/care giver) was going to be staying with him while I went shopping, he pouted like a 4 year old. But, every thing at home went very well and I will be looking forward to going every other week for 4 hours.
Last night we played 20 questions which happens a lot lately..Dh said "I want to go to the place where they have that stuff" I asked him if he meant the swap meet (like a farmer's market). He then said " No..you know, they sell those things that I use to like" Hmmm. I then asked him what he did with those things. His reply was "I made those things with them" I then knew what he meant, because he use to make things in the garage, like little stools, bird houses, etc. When I asked him if that is what he meant, he said yes. And, now this man wants to use power tools??
OK...Now...how do I handle this? No way can he use his power tools like he use...he can't even put a nail in the wall for me to hang a picture without me standing right beside him. He would probably cut his hand off with the power saw if he even tired to use it. I am hoping by today he won't remember where that place is to do things he use to do. I am going to tell him I am going to be too busy before Christmas to get involved in anything else. Hope he has totally forgotten by then. Just one more thing now to worry about...like him going into the garage to try and do that thing that he use to do to make those things.
I thought of that...but some of his saws he has attached to his work bench...others are on free standing frames. Also, that might prompt the rages he had a year ago when he kept thinking our son-in-law came and stoled things. That I really can't handle. I think I will just have to keep putting him off...telling him we will go next week, whatever.
I would turn off all the plugs in the garage -that way if he tries to use them, they won't work. If he tries and there is no power, just tell him you will have to call an electrician in to find the problem.
I agree with Charlotte. First thing our doctor suggested was get rid of the power tools or make them in operable. I had to do some talking to convince DH we did not need to buy a new chainsaw.
or put a key lock on the door that leads to the garage. out of sight out of mind so to speak. power tools are a nono for AD = its a disaster waiting to happen.
DH keeps talking about making some more furniture and I cringe. The idea of turning off power is a good one. His shop is a detached two car garage and I could just flip the breaker. So far he is just talking -- so far. He bought a battery operated chain saw which will only cut very small sticks, etc. Of course fingers are like very small -------- have to watch when I think he isn't capable to operate that. It will be one struggle to keep him from using it as he loves to go to the woods in front and clear brush. Always something as the girl on TV used to say.
Judith, my husband, who couldn't remember anything, but would get an idea in his head and he would be like a dog with a bone - and constantly bring it up (I think it was like a stuck record in his brain) and I had to come up with a dozen excuses and fiblets and try to redirect him to something else that hopefully would take hold in his mind. We locked the power tools in the trunk of the car and hid the trunk key. <grin>
On the subject of December, and Christmas, and all that is going on around us in this world...we must look to find love, friendship, things to be joyful about, and remember the meaning of the holiday season. This will be my first Christmas without my husband and my third without my daughter, and my second without my best childhood friend, and my first without my dog. I am thankful I have three children left who are wonderful people and are here for me and will be with me during the holidays. I have up a table tree decorated in my den, and have placed a lot of decorations around the house, and tomorrow I will put up the big tree in the living room (since the kids will be here). I am determined to try to celebrate with fond remembrances of those who have left us, knowing that they remain in my heart and will forever.
I am determined not to turn bitter, not to feel deserted, not to feel lonely, and most of all - not to feel sorry for myself!!!!
I wish for all of you a wonderful and busy next few weeks, filled with all the love and good cheer you can muster considering what we have gone/are going through! While each day brings new pain for some, we must stick together and overcome.
We must try not to dwell on ourselves, but think of those less fortunate, and there are so many who have it a lot worse than we do (somehow that really doesn't make me feel better - I don't know why people always say that!)
Remember that only you can truly make you happy....and when we are happy, our spice are more at peace. (((((((((((HUGS))))))))
Yes, December. Last Oct. a year ago, I lost my Mother. Last Dec. 23rd, I lost my son. His birthday is next week, the 14th; our anniversary is the 23rd; then Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I pray to God I can get through the next couple of weeks. DH keeps wanting to know when my son is coming home. Has no concept of birthday or anniversary coming up. I'll take him out for lunch on the 14th to celebrate my son's birthday; then on the 23rd for our anniversary, then Christmas Eve - (we can't do dinners anymore - he's in bed by 6 p.m.). Christmas day will be long - nothing's open here, so will stay home and hope he will be in a good mood.
To quote Mary*above, "I am determined not to turn bitter, not to feel deserted, not to feel lonely, and most of all - not to feel sorry for myself!!!! thank you Mary*.
I am so sorry you have had to suffer so many losses within such a short time. All without the moral support of a husband. You can be determined not to have those feelings mentioned above but I don't see how you can escape it. After all you are human. You have a lot of strength just to desire that. Please know you are in my prayers and I will be thinking of you.
Christmas is a time for emotions to run in two different directions. Happiness and saddnes. My heart goes out to you that will have a difficult time making it through the holiday because of your losses. It is difficult for me and has been for many years because my mother died on Christmas Eve. But, time has healed so much for that terrible memory that I faced for a number of years with total sadness, but now it is much easier.
I want to share a story someone posted on another blog I read. Maybe some of you saw in on TV or read it in the newspaper. It was about the man who wanted to do something for people who had less then he did. He didn't know what to do or who to help. So, he went to Walmart and ask the clerk to pick out two or three people that had lay aways for children and had had these layways for many months and he gave her the money to pay off the layways for these famlies...How great is that??
its friday!!! haha.. and my sweet spouse is over in his bed having a one man party by himself. clapping and talking to angels?? aww. it may be a long night. :)