As a child I spent many hours sitting on the swing, up in the tree fort, up in the hay loft, sitting on the train tressle - anywhere I could be alone and feel safe crying out to God. IF I did not have Him to cry to I would not have survived my childhood. When my hb was unfaithful, faced statutory rape charges cause she was a minor, all that pain I spent many hours in our churches prayer tower crying. When I finally went into a deep depression mid 90s I shed lots of tears crying out to God and my therapist, now I have held most tears back but they do come. Scripture says he collects our tears so it must be a huge container for all mine.
I was raised in a Friends church and the Lord was always a part of my being. My hb was not and knew little about God. When we adopted our kids I was determined they would grow up knowing the Lord. He attended and made a commitment, but how deep it was I have no idea. Now he does not want to go to church, says he doesn't even know if he believes in God. When his dad was diagnosed in 1986 we had anointing and laying on of hands to break the generational curse of Alzheimer's and believed he was healed. That is probably why I denied the symptoms for 2 years before I could no longer deny them.
Has my faith been shaken because the prayer did not work? Yes, I wonder why after all we have already been through. I also wonder if God allowed this because of his sin of adultery. He was never sorry for it and I wonder if that was not early signs of the disease - lack of being connected to his emotions. He has always had that problem, just worse the last 20+ years. A lot of questions with no answers. BUT - it has not changed my love nor need for my Lord. He has always been a part of my being and I can't imagine Him not being. My faith is deep in my being and will always be even if I am not going to church, reading my Bible, etc. I talk to God all the time - pray without ceasing.
Charlotte, My DH hasn't been to church for the past few weeks. He said he doesn't get anything out of it but I think it's because he isn't following/processing everything or what is being said. He doesn't always get what I am saying and I try to speak slowly and clearly. So I am sure he he can't follow the sermon.
Jean, mine is the same way. I know he can't follow the service so I know he isn't processing the sermon, so therefore, gets very little out of going. I don't push it. I have to speak slowly and clearly also to him. My Dad was a minister - so I got plenty of church while growing up. I can worship anywhere, anytime - God is everywhere.
I don't think my DH really follows the service either but he really enjoys the fellowship before and after. People hug and talk to him. He loves the attention.
That was my husband dazed = he enjoyed the fellowship. In fact, for most of his Christian life he was an usher and head usher. When he stepped down from the position I was surprised cause it was his 'excuse' to not sit through the sermon. I do agree = I think he can't follow or if he does, he doesn't remember what was said. So sad, but as was said, I don't need to go to church to worship. My relationship with my Lord is without ceasing.
My faith in God and my spiritualtiy is the only thing that gets me through life. Period. I have many questions as to why things happen, but over the course of my life I have found that everything I have been through is to prepare me for something more. I could not have come this far with my dh in this disease if not for my faith that God will see me through this. He has slowly given me things over the years to strengthen me for this battle. God is my strength and my comfort in all that happens to me and mine. I think if we gave more to him we would do even better. As for praying, even when our youngest son had a horrible car wreck and was not expected to live, I did not ask God to let him stay here. I prayed for "God's will to be done" and to help me deal with whatever happened. Our son lived and we went forward and this disease with my dh has been our next test. Just like the others we will pass this one to. Stronger and a better witness than before. My faith tells me so......and my love for my God.
Loved reading this thread this am as I just could not face going to church today. I got up early, applied make-up, dressed and then I just couldn't get my "I'm OK face (brave face)" to stay on. Ya know, we can't go out without that! I am just too close to cracking today. Yesterday I faced a man that was so confused and disoriented that I was unable to talk him back into reality. Always before I have been able to talk him back into the real world. Yesterday he was agitated and confused beyond my reach. For the first time I felt a tinge of fear in my gut (something I know many of you deal with daily). It was so unnerving to not be able to get "control" of him. So for today....I will worship from home. I am desperately praying for more patience, loving care and better abilities and wisdom to deal with the day to day challenges. I KNOW that my Father carries me during these harder days because I just don't have the strength to do it on my own. Without Him I would crumble into a puddle of meaninglessness. I don't know how anyone faces this disease on their own. I firmly believe that DH will be restored to wholeness when this disease takes him from this world. It WILL NOT win the ultimate battle though because it cannot pluck us from HIS hand!!! It was also interesting to see comments from the folks from way back. I pray that those who fought the fight and are in the AA (after Alzheimer's) life have found peace and joy in their lives again!
You stay frosty there Aunt B. You're never alone. We got your back.
I said early on this whole thing is a spiritual journey and nothing has ever wavered that thought while everything has reinforced it.
We are not called upon to decide the fate or way of things beyond our own abilities. And while we speak different languages the bridges and similarities are in the word spiritual. My guiding spirit never left me and while much that is to be done must be done by me I get a lot of help from the same wellspring that I consider myself from - the wonderment and mystery that is life.
AuntB, thanks for bringing this subject up again. At Adult Forum at our church today we were discussing prayer and how it has, or has not, been answered. It was interesting to read back over this thread and find that I made a couple of comments back in 2008. A lot has changed since then, but my goal is still the same. Caring for my wife is now my "mission work". One thing I have worried about is running out of money. Last week a financial adviser and elder law attorney came to our retirement home for a presentation to all us "old folks". At the forum it was suggested that this may have been God's answer to my prayers about the financial cost of my wife's care. Now I have to take action and not just wait for God to settle everything.
While attending church at home, Charles Stanley ministered to me. His sermon was "How do we handle crisis in our lives"? He used Joseph as his example. Mammie eluded to it above. Everything we go through here is used to prepare us for the next situation/crisis in our lives. It makes us stronger and prepared to handle whatever comes our way next. We are also better able to have empathy to minister to others that walk in our shoes in the future. I know that has been the case in past painful circumstances in my life. I/we just have to stay focused on His will for us and be ever mindful that we are never alone. So, maybe it was His plan all along that I stay home today. The sermon better suited for my particular needs today was from Mr Stanley! Hope you all find little moments of joy today. So far, our day is OK. Thanks for the encouragment to fight to the end!
I just came across this thread for the first time.I am so glad I did,it is so enlightening. I am not a church goer, but do kive by what I learned growing up Catholic(12yrs.Catholic SCHOOL)I feel closest to God out doors looking at all the womderful things He has given us.My Dad always said everything is a gift from God and we must never abuse these gifts.Like Mary said, I pray every day for Gos to show what He wants for me to do and show me the way to do it. He always comes thru when it comes to my DH( stage 7 AZ)I have always felt my Mission in life was helping others as much as possible,I have been a full time volunteer for over 50 yrs.
3 things help me on this journey: 1. Psalm 91 " God is my fortress and place of safety" which I say twice daily. When I'm rock bottom I reach out to God and ask for help. It always comes 2. A little saying, I am not sure where it is from, "God never gives us a burden too heavy for us to carry" Again when I am rock bottom this allows me to find inner strength and carry on. I realize I have this burden because I am strong not because I have done wrong or been wicked. 3. A poem my Minnie Armonier "I will seek beauty all my days" Has a line about finding the wonder of infinite patience. It's what we all need, not just for our spouses but for ourselves! I haven't anything like achieved that yet but I'm on the road!! All the best
I was born, and a practicing Catholic for the first 26 years of my life, mass every Sunday, holy days, I followed all the rules, etc. I believed without question. After a failed marriage (including rules about no contraception even when the marriage was totally failing and I had a child in the mix) – I have a very strong conscience - I was either in, or out … not wanting to be a hypocrite. When divorce was not permitted, plus the above, I stopped going to church, but still believed in God – but I think, now, that I took the blinkers off. I learned about other religions, and have come to the conclusion that there is a God, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, etc., and, no matter what path you take, all roads lead to one God.
I believe, also, in reincarnation – I believe there is a reason for everything … when terrible things happen, there is a lesson to be learned, patience to be learned, etc., which advances us, spiritually, in this life and the next. While totally stressed by problems, I always feel there is a lesson to be learned. It’s a strong feeling I have, and through the rough times it carries me through. Illogical to some, but my gut feeling is that it's right for me.
I think I may have something to say about this subject. .....As I read this thread, I'm amazed that everyone here has jumped to the conclusion that spirituality is a belief in god without reading Joan's explanation for how this thread came to be. (search "spirituality" for the thread Joan is talking about) As I understand it, back in the year 2008, a member by name of Barbra Cohn was writing a book on spirituality, and was asking for help from anyone who practiced meditation, philosophy, yoga, ect. .....So I'm going to answer Barbra's question and leave god out of it. Back in the seventies, after our kids had all left the house, Helen and I joined two other couples and took Werner Ehard's E.S.T. training which was considered a cool thing to do in those days. After that we got somewhat involved in Transcendental Meditation. .....I can't say that we really benefited from any of this at the time, but it was fun and we made a lot of friends doing it. Also it started me thinking heavy thoughts about the meaning and propose of life itself. And has given me a lot to think about over the years. As far as it helping me go through the dementia journey with my dear Helen, I think it was of great value...........GeorgieBoy
Reading this thread from the beginning was a spiritual experience for me. So many old and dear posters here from the beginning. I know what and how some are doing-but wonder about the others. Once I got over being angry with G-d I started to have some peace.
I've just been reading through all of this - how interesting.
I've often wondered just what is meant by "spirituality" - how does one define that word. I know what I believe, but I wonder what others think about it. I have a relative who believes she is a "spiritual person", but I don't understand what she means - what makes her think so.
When Joan started this discussion, she said: "Depending upon how you define 'spirituality', what are your thoughts? Are you spiritual? What does that mean?"
Here is what Wikipedia says (with footnotes omitted) about the definition:
SPIRITUALITY
Traditionally spirituality has been defined as a process of personal transformation in accordance with religious ideals. Since the 19th century spirituality is often separated from religion, and has become more oriented on subjective experience and psychological growth. It may refer to almost any kind of meaningful activity or blissful experience, but without a single, widely-agreed definition.
DEFINITION
There is no single, widely-agreed definition of spirituality. Surveys of the definition of the term, as used in scholarly research, show a broad range of definitions, with a very limited similitude.
According to Waaijman, the traditional meaning of spirituality is a process of re-formation which "aims to recover the original shape of man, the image of God. To accomplish this, the re-formation is oriented at a mold, which represents the original shape: in Judaism the Torah, in Christianity Christ, in Buddhism Buddha, in the Islam Muhammad." In modern times the emphasis is on subjective experience. It may denote almost any kind of meaningful activity or blissful experience. It still denotes a process of transformation, but in a context separate from organized religious institutions, termed "spiritual but not religious". Houtman and Aupers suggest that modern spirituality is a blend of humanistic psychology, mystical and esoteric traditions and eastern religions. Waaijman points out that "spirituality" is only one term of a range of words which denote the praxis of spirituality. Some other terms are "Hasidism, contemplation, kabbala, asceticism, mysticism, perfection, devotion and piety".
It's a good question Mim. I've wondered the same thing about the wide ranging meaning around the word 'religion' where opposing beliefs often see each other's spiritual beliefs as evil or at least misguided. I suspect spirituality broadly speaking is belief in what someone sees as the truths about life where it would have to include the pursuit of that in some way.
Is it wrong that the constitution which says 'we the people' when written meant 'we the white males who own property'? It was what they believed were the truths and at the time those were the truths. Also that document is the spearhead of women now having equal rights under the law and men without property and the not white people where not even an albino is white.
I believe spirituality was the force in all those changes. I believe it's a hard word to pin down because while groups might agree something is spiritual or it's not - I think the truth of it usually plays out alone. We realize we believe something and then we try to act accordingly. That's a very wide array to capture in a single word.
You said you know what it means but are interested in what your friend means by it. I have used a phrase here for years saying that I saw the Alzheimer's journey as a spiritual journey and there what I mean by that I can answer.
When I said that I meant the disease centers around what I do. How I react. How strong I am to pursue that. I know exactly what that meant. I dedicate myself to caring for her knowing it's hopeless knowing it gets horrible beyond my imagination and responding by facing it. That to me is spirituality in a nearly pure form. I get nothing I only give I lose everything but I put that aside and when I fall down I get up and try again.
I face serious hardship at great cost to myself because it's what I believe which I think is spiritual and that also fits into numerous religious tenets.
It may not be a leap when we see how many forms there are of deep spiritual convictions to see that spiritual conviction is the common bond and the form of the religion isn't germaine to the concept itself. And from there that a religion is not necessary to form deep spiritual convictions.
When we use the word spirit we often mean the soul or the seat of where we reside which science has never specifically identified a location for but has migrated from the heart in roman times to the brain in 'modern' times. It is your sense of self which every person our age knows is real. You are here now and there is no denying that. For me every word with the root 'spirit' must be about self something.
So I would describe spirituality as beliefs from the self. I think it's less important what scripture whether the talmud, the koran, or the king james bible, or ethics, or political belief accompanies it.
I suppose no one else has shared that moment where we have had our tantrum or our cry where we left the poor soul after the stress on the rope was too harsh for too long and we snapped - but we came back and promised ourselves we would try harder. I suppose that was only me. I would argue that right there you have a PHD in what that word means.
We say we made vows which means we made sounds in the air decades ago. It is the spirit which seeks meaning beyond the base of things and it is the spirit engaging in spirituality which is the soul's expression.
Thanks, Myrtle, for the definition - I think that helps me a little to understand what folks who say they are spiritual mean.
Wolf, I understand most of what you said (have to admit sometimes you go completely over my head, my problem - not yours!). The only thing I must correct is that I said I know what I (personally) BELIEVE, not that I knew what the word spirituality meant. I know what I believe to be spiritual for me, i.e. my relationship with Almighty God & His spirit in me - that's the only kind of spiritual experience I know (& all I need, I might add).
However! I'm not trying to preach!! To each his own-we're all in this thing together :)
Being raised as a Southern Baptist I do believe in God. I feel that spirituality is the natural things on earth that give me contentment, including chirping birds, butterflies, strolling in the beautiful forests on trails in the Blue Ridge Mountains, and wading in a cold babbling brook. Man didn't place those on earth. A higher power did to help uplift my spirit. The simplicity of the golden rule to "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" (I try) is good advice for me. The Serenity Prayer: God granting the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change to the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference, helped me with caregiving decisions. I definitely know that I cannot change the ALZ monster. So yes spirituality helps me. Without it I would have been locked up in a mental institution a long time ago! I may still wind up there if my attitude about NH care doesn't change. (LOL). I hope all have some thoughts that lift their spirit no matter what form it comes to them in.
I personally do not know how people get through this without a belief in something greater than themselves. I believe everything happens for a reason and that there will be a greater good arise from the experience. I know that I have become much stronger and have dealt with things I never thought I could. Life is not easy. I have learned it is best to take each day as it comes and be grateful for the many blessings. Focusing of the good things in my life helps me to stay positive.
I too do not know what I would do without the belief in something greater than myself. my faith and spirituality has been the only thing that helps me get through each day, and I am not even dealing with the really hard stuff yet. My emotions run in such cycles of anger, and frustration, self pity and hurt that I need the steady hand of God to remind me I am not in control and there is a plan in this somewhere. We did not have a close relationship before "Al" moved in, grew apart when kids came along so forth and so on. So I have had to learn a different expectation of love , I could not do that with out my spirituality.