Today's (9/26) Blog is about a book project that discusses how spirituality can help one cope with AD. Depending upon how you define "spirituality", what are your thoughts? Are you spritual? What does that mean? Does it help?
I believe we are all spiritual beings with bodies and at the end of life we shed our bodies and remain spiritual beings. I could't endure this existence of ALzheimer's for my sweetheart if I believed in the only now life. God, who is a spirit, made us in His image and we as spirits shall live forever....this life is only a small interval in our life. That is why I know that the essential soul of my loved one is intact and at the death of his life here on eartht he will be restored whole again.
you know....I don't know how I would survive my husband's illness if not for my relationship with my Heavenly Father..... I think it would be next to impossible.
So, yes...I think my faith is an essential component in dealing with the stresses of this disease.
Does spirituality help me cope with AD? YES, YES, a thousand times YES! I am a born-again, spirit-filled (Holy Spirit of God), praise the Lord, BELIEVER. I am happy to say that my strength is my faith in Yeshua (Hebrew name for Jesus), Who walks and talks with me every single day of my life. Couldn't manage this AD journey without Him.
We both have become closer to God through this ordeal. I can't imagine being a non-believer and going through this. God blessings continue to shine though.
I'm interested that the author's book title is about one foot being in heaven. It's often struck me that as our AD people fade, the aspects of them that we so miss must have gone somewhere. (conservation of energy, conservation of matter, conservation of personality/spirit?) Sometimes I picture them as having segued partway into the transcendant world of spirit, where our perceptions are no longer bound by the limits of physical bodies. Certainly I would be more troubled by life's difficulties, and the loss of my partner, if I didn't have a tremendous sense of the connectivity of everything--as being of a common source and substance. (a notion which I've been fascinated to discover is so well supported by modern physics.) Lately I have not been able to fit my thinking comfortably within the framework suggested by my religion of origin, but still...I can just sit on a log and feel a part of the whatever-it-is that you might give the name God to. And this is a supportive thing to feel.
I have to agree with many of you. If it weren't for my faith in God and the knowledge that we are where we are meant to be, I don't know how I'd survive. I am blessed and this is part of it.
I have just begun to r ead a book entitled, "God Never Forgets, Faith,HOpe, and alzheimer's Disease It is for family members, friends, and clergy hoping to find help and insight into the spiritual aspects of the disease. I don't know if it will be of help in my quest to find how my husband still has a spiritual life with God but at least the authors are trying to to address the subject. Do any of you have a book or other material on the subject of spiritually in the person with Alzheimer's?
I am a catholic and I do believe in God. I also tell myself that there is a reason for everything that happens in your life. But sometimes I question Gods motive. How can he let this decease happen to so many people. The one that has AZ; the caregivers; the families. But I guess that I sill believe in the holy spirit, becouse I still pray and beg him to not let my husband suffer so much. To give him and me the strenght to go on and make the best out of whatever is to come.
I've just finished reading Max Lucado's book "Facing Your Giants". It's about applying how David battled Goliath and other giants to how we battle our own. He touched on the topic of keeping promises. He put a different spin on the why question than I have ever thought about. It was very interesting to me. A lot of times we ask why did this happen - what did I do - am I being punished - am I supposed to learn something.
He said this about keeping your promise to love the unlovable.... sometimes we go through this (a spouse with a mental/medical illness or a troubled child) so that we can learn to love the way that God loves. He also said that it could be so that we can show others the way that God loves. He talked about his mother caring for his father with ALS and how she bathed, fed, and dressed him. He said that he always thinks of her caring when picturing the love of God.
I don't know. I just had never thought of it this way. I do recommend the book. It just gets you thinking...
What would I do without God/Jesus/Holy Spirit in my life? I would be empty. What would I do without our faith community? I would be empty. I cannot imagine dealing with Alz. without some sort of faith and promise that eventually all will be well for our dear one who suffers now. Every night I read a short devotion by Max Lucado out loud to Chuck. Almost every night he thanks me for reading these devotionals to him. Most nights I read a chapter from a light-hearted book to Chuck. We just finished one of Philip Gulley's novels which are full of Christian-based humor. Chuck can no longer concentrate enough to get through any kind of reading material himself but with me reading to him, he can still enjoy the pleasure of reading (even if he doesn't remember it 15 minutes later).
I would like to recommend a good book to everyone. It's title is "90 minutes in Heaven". The author often talks about a "new normal". That is how I look at my life only the term normal is constantly changing.
crstrob That is so cool that you read to him. I know Den is always wanting me to lead in prayer. I never was good at this but I could never refuse. Yes, without my knowing there is our Heavenly Father watching over us, I could not cope.I know Jesus is our safe and strong tower, our deliver from all , and I pray for His grace and mercy. I know that I tell him all the time I am not the one for this job but I know we have come this far and His Word says He will not leave us or forsake us and I believe it to be true.
Oh did I forget to say I struggle every day to fight anger, frustration, and want to give up but remember my beliefs and faith in JESUS and know I will survive.
This is the way I look at how this disease affects my spirituality, and my wifes. First of all it is written something like: You must become as little children to enter into the kingdom of heaven. My wife is acting like a little child in many ways, so I think she has one foot (or more) in heaven. As for me, I am much more kind, forgiving, loving, understanding, compassionate and respectful than I was before my life was affected by this disease. I believe those are all qualities of the Spirit of God, and the more I practice them, the closer to God I will be. It is my belief the purpose of life is to grow in peace, love and understanding, and this disease have given me many opportunities to practice them. I am not perfect, but I am getting better. Just putting this into words makes me feel better. Thanks for all the replies, it's good to know I am not the only one in my shoes, as I sometimes think.
Hmm- I feel so differently than most of you. Alzheimer's has given me and absolutely rock solid belief that life is totally random, and while I belive that there is a Life Force that drives the universe, I no longer have even a shred of belief that there is a god who cares about individuals on any kind of personal level. I don't feel bad about this, it's just the way it is. I see death, as the next step in the journey and, for my husband at this point, would welcome it as a friend.
As a kid I would have occasional Pity Parties and really get on a crying, bemoaning jag because of my handicap. And then some how as I grew up I realized that was a waste of time. I am me, CMT and all and I may as well be the most and best me I can. Sure, I'd still have bouts of selfpity--especially when a new loss popped up, but they were less severe and traumatizing. When my husband, already deaing with braod spectrum learning disabilities, had a mental breakdown, I had a couple "freek your mind--can't function days", but realized I had to find a way to deal with his potential suicide and it's potential aftermath on our daughter and I. I was so exhuasted--2 hrs. sleep 2 nights running, I realized nobody's going to make it at our house if I didn't pull it together. I said a prayer, something like, "God, I'm doing all I can. I need some sleep so I can keep going. He's in your hands. I'll take my shift in a couple hours." I then mentally walked through all the steps of what would happen and what I'd do if hubby succeeded in suiciding and I found him. Then did the same if our daughter found him. I worked out a plan for every possible step of dealing with it. If you can figure out how to handle that, you can handle anything less. From that point on, I have put hubby in His hands every night. And cool things have happened. Solutions to problems have arrived on the heels of the problem, a couple times even before. Bad crap came into the world when Adam and Eve got too big for their britches and everyone since then has been vulnerable. Somethings happen because of choices we make, but some stuff just happens. What God has promised is to be with us. He is with us always. Often he lightens the load without us knowing and sometimes we have to let him know we could use a hand. He sends us angels--often without wings, who come along just as we need them. We can so easily become mired in the day to day hell of Dementia, but we don't have to let it beat us down. There are so many miracles around us everyday, we just need to take a second and look and remember that He has caused every one of them to happen big and small. When the load gets too heavy, He'll carry us, and he has a place just waiting for us when it's our time to join Him in Heaven. Our LO's are just farther into the journey and our job is to get them through. The man I married is all but hidden inside the shell that his VaD is entrapping him in. He knows it's happening and occasionally a flash of his old self slips out, but those times are becoming very rare. I miss him. But, I will remain true to the vows we took 34 years ago-- "in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live." I'll do everything I possibly can to see that he has the best care possible until God takes him home.
Is that what you mean by spiritual? I never have been very churchy, but always have believed you do all you can to help those who need it, and when you need help it will be there. This works. Pay it forward.
beenthere - I wondered if I should speak up, but thank to you I will again state that this is easier for me if I don't have to think a loving god thought all of this up. I'm an agnostic married to an atheist - coping as best we can.
I am a born-again Christian. I know that God will never allow me to carry anything I (or DH) too heavy to bear. I like the idea that the fading spirit may be partway into heaven already. That's comforting to me. We made vows 58+ years ago. "In sickness and in health". We had many years of good, vibrant health. Had 5 wonderful kids--10 beautiful grandchildren. Should I praise God and thank Him for all of that and curse Him for something 'not so good' that has come into our lives. God did not cause this. Sin and Satan caused this disease and all disease. There was no disease of any kind until sin entered the world. But, He does allow it to come into our lives and when we have reached the stage where we depend completely on Him to get us through the rough spots, our lives will be easier and we will be comforted by the Comforter (the Holy Spirit). This it truly believe.
I havent been 'churchy' either for a very long time, but i find myself praying alot these days, asking for patience, guidance and the ability to get thru this devastation for my sake as well as my DH. i am believing more and more in the power of prayer esp when you are down and out and need a helping hand. divvi
I am the total opposite of a born again Christian. I am not religious, I am spiritual. My spirituality has helped me through so much. I don't favor religions, because I think that separates people rather than bringing them together. I believe that my soul has lived in the past and will continue to live. That makes me very conscientious about all my decisions. Reincarnation was actually a part of the Christian faith, before they deleted it, fearing that the masses couldn't handle it. I have been on a spiritual path since my 20s. Look at how many wars have been fought over religion. I am a pacifist. I made a conscious decision that I would take my son out of this country if a war would call him to it. I don't believe in sin & satan. I believe in being the best person you can be in this lifetime. We are all different, live & let live.
I grew up in a strong Christian family.I pray that I will have the strength to make the right decisions. I pray for assistance on this AD journey .I pray for inner peace. I have no idea if spirituality helps since I have never lived without it.
I grew up in a faith that went to church faithfully, but I never 'understood' my own faith until i was 37 years old. We attended a Bible Church in Fort Worth, TX before it became too difficult to keep going each Sunday. We still have a bible study group that includes us in everything & helps us faithfully. I love the Lord my God with all my heart & soul & I try very hard to be the best I can be each & every day ~ I agree with George (see above) that I am not the best I can be, but I'm definately better than I used to be with regard to patience, love, kindness, etc. towards my DH and in dealing with this disease. I think that when the AD was "beginning", it caused serious conflict in our marriage...now, I am more understanding about it (most days!). If we know that someone cannot help what they are doing, surely we are better off if we "accept" that and try to do our best each & every day to work with them ~ praying for strength DAILY as things go along. God is truly a loving God ~ I believe that with all my heart...and for this season of my life, He has allowed AD to be a part of me and of my DH. When my DH was diagnosed (6/10/04), he prayed for our dinner that evening and his prayer was "Lord, thank you for your Son, Jesus and for His death on the cross for our sins...Thank you that because of Jesus, we do not have to fear death..." It was the most beautiful prayer I believe he ever prayed, and I am so THANKFUL for his words that evening. He doesn't remember it now ~ But I know that God remembers, and I do too!! Very comforting ~ My faith keeps me going day in & day out...many times thru tears I cry out to God for His help and mercy. He is faithful, always!!
The closest I ever came to relegion was the Zen experience in the 1950's. Ever since when the going gets rough, I close my eyes and concentrate on inner peace for a while. Seeking inner peace with meditation on nothing in particular has helped me deal with M's AD.
My son may have said it best of all when he was a high school band student. He posted a note inside of his clarinet case that said "Don't panic!"
For awhile this past year, I was losing my belief in my God that I had lived with for all my life. My husband had been ill for nine years and I was so tired of not hearing from God and not receiving (so I t hought) any of the promises given to the child of God. However, as I was sinking in the quicksand of my unbelief I found some messages (podcasts) by RavI Zacharias ,a Christian apologist) on the subject of Faith and Christianity. My soul was quickened while listening to the messagess. I now am researching the connection between Faith and Hope and their opposition to despair. If one has not known hope he cannot experience despair. I would love to be able to hold onto my renewed hope and faith even though God asks us to keep on believing even though this jo urney appears endless. I don't know about the possibility of reincarnation but I do think that at some level, I have agreed with God to subject myself in this life to such a difficult and arduous path. I always felt my husband and I were meant to meet, love, and have a life together. This may be the ultimate destiny of us both meant to develop our souls in the likeness of God. I cannot believe that our lives are lives of no meaning , we must be part of a design I cannot understand bu t hopefully will some day in eternity.
Carewife has said it well. Ravi Zacharias is an inspiring speaker. I agree completely with Carewife's last 2 sentences "I always felt my (wife) and I were meant to meet, love, and have a life together....I cannot believe that our lives are lives of no meaning, we must be part of a design I cannot understand but hopefully will someday in eternity". As the Apostle Paul said "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." (1 Cor. 13: 12)
I haven't known how to reply to this. I've always believed in God, but I've searched all my life for the right way for me to believe. My belief is still strong, but I belong to no church, synagogue or other religious organization. Still, I have to answer yes, my own personal beliefs really do make me stronger and more able to cope.
I just went looking for the blog and realized that it was a very old one, almost a year old, which explained why I hadn't read it. The book and the blog is not about organized religion or anything else like that. The book's author has a definition of spirituality that is a lot like mine. So I guess my answer is yes.
I think prayer has helped us both cope with the situation. It can't make the condition go away. Also, I talked to my pastor because I did not feel going to church was relevant when the big topic was 'mission and outreach'. I have all I can do to work full time, manage my DH's time, take on the higher level family responsibilities. Bless her heart, she told me that taking care of family is outreach to them. I think that believing there is some purpose to all this and even finding purpose which (admittedly) might be totally bogus, has been helpful to me personally.
Have you ever heard the saying that "to have a good relationship with others, don't ever talk about politics or religion? " <grin> I'm very understanding of people who don't agree with me in politics or religion and with this group, I think we can do that and still love and help each other.
Like Anna, I grew up in a strong Christian family and I'm very thankful for that. I made the decision for myself at an early age to follow Jesus Christ. I don't think you have to go to church to have a relationship with our Heavenly Father but the Christian fellowship and love I find in my church is precious. Yes, my spirituality does help me cope with AD and everything else in life.
I had an experience similar to Libby. DW and I had done many mission trips to the Dominican Republic. I mentioned in Bible Study a couple of weeks ago that I felt I was not doing the mission work I should since I now have to stay home to take care of her. One of the women in the group, a retired UCC minister, told me that taking care of DW was now my mission work.
DW and I have just listened to a DVD debate on "The God Delusion" between Prof. Richard Dawkins, an atheist, and Dr. John Lennox, a mathematician and a Christian. I'm not sure how much she got out of it, but Dr. Lennox did a good job of explaining my position.
Marsh and Libby, taking care of your AD spouse is truly mission work. in my opinion. It would be pretty awful if you left your spouse unattended to do "mission work" for the church.
Dazed, I agree with what you said: "I don't think u have to go to church to have a relationship..." I too miss going for the fellowship & encouragement from being with other believers. In the book of Hebrews (NIV) 10:25 it says "Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching." As some have said above in various ways, for this "season" of my life, I am called to do what I'm doing -- taking care of my husband. I am thinking of joining a bible study during the morning hours (Bible Study Fellowship) when it begins again in the fall. Prior to AD, and until May of 2007, I was in BSF for 7 years. What a wonderful way to study God's word, altho it is a commitment, and LOTS of homework. BUT, I so need the contact with other believers -- just to hear someone else talk about it & be encouraged, along with reading it for myself & "thinking" about the Word & focusing on it. It truly has always been my lifeline for just dealing with life, and now with AD, even more so. It is 'easy' (sadly) to just go through our days of AD without any Word, but my heart longs for it, and I know that is really God drawing me close to Him. I love that about Him.
Marsh & Libby - I worked in a Pregnancy Center associated with our church for years & truly miss that work too!! But, it was there that I was reminded that, for now, for this season of my life, my work is to be at home. Perhaps one day, I will be allowed to return to the Mission field there. For now, I can still pray for them that do the work, and for those who will be touched by their work.
I was born and raised Lutheran, but am not on particularly good speaking terms with God these days, after nursing my first husband dying from cancer, my sister from Crohn's, my mother from AD, and my father from a broken heart ... and now dealing with my beloved second husband's AD.
However, I saw this on one of the other boards, and it touched me. I do believe many of you will like it:
An agnostic walked into his doctor's office. As he was leaving after the physical examination, he turned and said, "Doctor, I'm afraid to die. Tell me what lies on the other side."
Very quietly, the doctor said, "I don't know."
The man was astounded. "What? You, a Christian man, do not know what is on the other side?"
The doctor was holding the handle of the door; from the other side came a sound of scratching and whining, and as he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room and leaped on him with an eager show of joy. Turning to the patient, the doctor said, "Did you notice my dog? He's never been in this room before. He didn't know what was inside. He knew nothing except his master was here, and when the door opened, he sprang in without fear. I know little of what is on the other side of death, but I do know one thing...I know my Master is there, and that is enough."
That's beautiful, Sunshyne. Thank you for sharing. Hope you get back on speaking terms with God soon. I do sympathize with all you've been through. Bless your heart. Wish I could help.
The Dog smells his master and know what to expect from his master, based on the previous relationship. I think this would make the agnostic very uncomfortable.
I am saying that those who believe and have a relationship should have no problem going thru the door. The agnostic does not have that relationship and hence the analogy does not bring comfort to him.
I haven't read all the posts here...but just know that I take comfort in the scriptures (old AND new testament), other wise individuals from history, and music. Otherwise I'd have trouble releasing emotions and keeping contact with "life".
Also, as I drove slowly home this evening, I couldn't help but notice the moon and the effect of the clouds around it. Beautiful. I thought of John as "the ultimate adventurer" as he shed his skin. I have great comfort in the thought that he is now meeting his first wife, Evelyn, my son, Ger, my brother Jimmy, my grandmother, ALL of those that have traveled this brief path called "life". And, having all of his questions answered. he's sitting at the feet of the Master RIGHT NOW. Facinating, to me.
In Hebrews, there is reference to a 'cloud of witnesses' which has always reminded me of a sort of 'cheering section' that gives me courage to 'press on' when times are tough. I was reminded of my own cheering section of family and friends now, as Jen described those who have greeted her DH now.
Over the course of my life I have always been spiritual. I was raised Catholic and practiced as a Presbyterian for many years as an adult. Over the last ten years I have drifted away from belief in god as a "Being". I believe deeply in the spiritual connection between all beings and the natural wold... I find my peace there, in Nature. For me to believe in "A God", I would have to believe that he hated me.
Thunder--I am so sorry for the cloud you're under, but glad you find your peace in Nature (the greatest of God's creations). I respect the view you currently hold that if you were to believe in God,you'd have to believe he hated you. It follows that you can't believe in God, because to believe he hated you would be unbearable. We have been placed in the most untennable situation possible, and we struggle to endure. None of us have come to this hell by choice--and it is hell. But I don't believe hell is a part of God's work. He created us; we are his children and he is present for us at all times. We are his children, and just as we will go though fire for our children he will walk at our side and carry us through the worst of this hell we face. I know this becaus I've experienced it often in he last 22 years of caregiving. Because of my own disability, if DH were to have an emergency event, II'd handle it as quickly as I'm able. Whn I go to bed, if he were to have an event my response would be delayed while I put on races and shoes before I can even leave my bed. I've thought this through thoroughly, anbd there is nothing that can happen to DH during the night, that can't happen at any other time. So, rather than fret or shorten my sleep even more, I put him in God's hands from bout 1 a.m. until about 7:30 when I'm dressed. And in that time I sleep. Spirituality has definitely carried me through. If you'd care to discuss this further, my e-mail's in my profile.
I acknowledge God is in control, I just wonder what is the purpose of this disease. Why does he allow it? I wonder why my prayers go unanswered. I think we are both good christians, we go to church regularly. Yet God allows this to go on. Why do some claim to be cured. Has anyone been cured of AD? Most people do not know what we have to endure. If we are to be an example people would have to understand the daily test that are put before us. That does not seem to be a logical explanation. If it is only for God to know and to allow us to be tested, he should be smart enough to know that we all have breaking points, why does he need to know the limit? My faith has been tested many times in my life. This is the hardest test to endure yet. It is not even half way over, her mom lived to 90 and she is only 63.
moorsb--If you think of our world as His "Perfect Creation", now infected/infested with bad stuff (evil, sin, pestilence) then He had a choice--to destroy His creation, or let it continue and resolve to allow us our survival, while standing by to support us and carry us through the bad stuff. Sometimes prayers seem unanswered when in reality the answwr will come in His time, or maybe the answer is not what we want it to be. As for cures--I have no clue why some claim them. Rarely, someone does experience one; sometimes the reality of a "cure" lies in misdiagnosis to start with. As for me, with my own disability--I don't need to be cured. There is nothing wrong with "me". Frankly, my body has included CMT so long, I have no clue how I would manage without it. CMT impairs my physical condition, but I'm just fine.
As is true of any serious condition, others have no clue of what we endure, unless they've been through it too. If we provide an example to others by how we endure, we empower them to also survive. I don't believe God tests us. I believe we face the challenges of living in his marred creation, with Him always ready to support us through the hardest parts.
I believe dealing with Dementia is one of the hardest things to get through. I don't believe we do it alone. Keep in mind, He has many angels--so whether He carries you through himself, or supports you through others (This Site), you are not facing it alone.
carosi. thank you for your post this morning.It has helped me in understanding some things that were troubling me. And sometimes the answer to our prayers is no. I pray for faith and understanding every day.
Bama, you are right....sometimes the answer is no.....and sometimes we pray for the wrong thing......
I've learned to just say "Thy will be done, and I hope it is ......." and "Please show me what you would have me do" because a lot of the time I really don't know which fork in the road to take.......
(Right not it is in-home care vs. nursing home, and I'm praying that in-home care is the right way for us for now - hoping that is how HE wants me to go.)