Wife 81; me 84. She good health except AD; me recovering colon ca Aug. 2011; we live home in condo; 2 "kids" wonderfully supportive; me caregiver with government agency help one hour/day for shower, dressing, bed making, her lunch prep. My greatest agony, 7 day supper planning for variety & healthy food; she helpless getting ready for bed. Spikes of better/worse conversation; she no interest but TV and wants my presence somewhat heavily. Not to sound selfish but my other interests computer, email, banking, food shopping, meal prep & cleanup. Otherwise, 1,000 tasks (seems like). "A woman's work is never done". Advice to husbands, "Never take your wife for granted, realize the many, many things they do that you don't notice." Ha ha! In first 3-4 months, I lost over 50 lbs. (My cooking.) Finally by 7 p.m. +/- very exhausted; can barely drop into my recliner near her. So. Who can help or advise? How? I don't know. Hanging in by skin of my teeth. Thanks for listening and love to all such husbands. H.F.
I'm only 57. She, only 53. And I'M exhausted most days. AND she has still managed to hold on to her job! BUT OH the wanderings, putting trash in the sink, hiding bills, peeing in the litter box when so moved to, the telling of large convoluted confabulations, the tap dancing on land mines from the slightest of broken routine, the slightest sounds, lights, lack of tolerence for questions, the telling of stories over and over within hours or minutes of each other, the sometimes/too often tedious srambled egg speech and on and on... Wait, who am I saying this to?! There IS 'nothing new under the sun' here at Joan's place. Thank Goodness!
Hang in there, fella. Everyone here is pullin for ya.
welcome hughfair. your day sounds like most of our days friend. i do think we ladies have a bit of an advantage with the kitchen issues and meals as you say. some men have difficulties managing food prep. i have brought up a topic where thre are lots of easy recipes tried and true from folks here if you are interested to give it a read. there are several men here who will stop by to welcome you soon. you are not alone now and have a place here to vent your frustration and anger or smiles. feel free to jump in and let it loose whatever the need"_ divvi
Welcome to my website. The topic divvi brought to the top is a good one, but for ease and convenience, I'd go with Lean Cuisine meals. Also, check the homepage - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - Look on the left side, and scroll down to "Help for Male Caregivers". Helpful suggestions for taking care of wives.
If weight is not an issue, I like Marie Callendar's frozen dinners better than Lean Cuisine (I eat the LC because weight is an issue!). Crockpot cooking is another option. Throw it in the crockpot in the morning and eat it that evening. (There are many crockpot recipes online - google them!)
What I prefer is to eat the big meal for lunch and have soup, or cereal, or eggs and toast, or fresh fruit for dinner - less clean up and you don't go to bed feeling too full.
I might suggest Molly Maids (a cleaning agency) or some such to come in and clean for you once a week, so you can preserve your energy. Also, make sure that you get someone to stay with her for at least 4 hours a week so that you can get out and have some respite for yourself...you need to have a few hours away from AD in order to keep your strength and energy up - if you are not already doing it.
Hughfair, welcome. My wife is 81, stage 6 AD. I am 80. I have her go to day care 6 days a week from 9-2. I have also hired women to come in mornings and evenings for 1/2 to 1 hour to get her up, cleaned up, dressed, laundry, wash dishes and put her to bed in the evening. I agree with your comments about meals. I had no idea how to cook. I found help in a magazine called "Cooking For 2". It's no longer published, but maybe you can find some old copies at your library. I'm helped now since we moved into a retirement Inn with Assisted Living. They provide the evening meal. My wife gets breakfast and lunch at day care, so I only have to worry about myself for breakfast and lunch. They also provide light cleaning once a week.
My biggest problem is when she comes home from day care and before dinner. I can't really plan to do anything since she may sleep in her chair, and then suddenly get up and start wandering so I have to chase her. She still feeds herself, but I have to "Prime the Pump" by putting the first spoonful in her mouth.
One feature of our situation is easier than for the women taking care of their husbands. When our wives are incontinent, it is taken care of by the depends. We don't have to be sure any "equipment" is pointed in the right direction. We also don't have to worry about shaving.
Feel free to vent anytime here. Everyone will understand.
Welcome, Hughfair...we are all there too, we understand what your going through, as we're all rowing a similar boat. I had to smile reading what Marsh wrote about the incontinance diff between men and women.
Yes, welcome Hughfair. May I add to Marsh's post about incontinence and the difference between the sexes. I watched a man at my husband's ALF unzip his fly and urinate on an exit door. A staff member came along and guided him away; another immediately cleaned the area. I asked if any female residents had ever done that type of thing, the answer was--you guessed it--no. I suppose that we women are trained to sit down and that gives others more warning that help may be needed if someone is confused about where!
Many supermarkets now offer prepared food that is quite good; also, there is carryout available from most restaurants--some even deliver.
Try www.foodler.com. You put in your address, and a list of restaurants in your area that deliver comes up. You can choose from their menu and order online.
Welcome Hughfair. Wow one of my best friends is 83 and has recovered from a stroke, heart attack and cancer and she is a ball of energy ...meanwhile I am only 58 and can barely stay awake past 8 pm. Don't feel low because you are tired esp. recovering from cancer. Cooking is a chore I agree esp. since you are taking on all the other household chores. I usu. just cook a main course and that is it. Add fresh or canned fruit or vegs. If I am too tired to cook I keep tuna, or eggs, or froz. chicken and chop up peppers or something with bleu cheese dip. I am rural also so cannot order out. Right now I am on an eggplant craze. Can slice, brush w/ olive oil, bread and bake and just add spaghetti sauce or squash sauce and cheese and supper. Anyway also love soup and chili make a huge batch and freeze some.