DW has taken some major steps down lately, I was caught off guard when I was discussing some of the issues that we are now dealing with. I was telling her that she is talking too loud to DW if she does not understand , saying it louder does not make her understand. Trying to get her into the bath tub, and DW is all confused and does not understand what to do. The Aide is just shouting commands at her. I walk into the bathroom in the middle of this and instruct the aide to turn off the water in the shower and stop yelling at her, I told her she is confused and needs to be in a quiet calm enviroment. She then starts to argue with me in front of DW. Sandra is very attached to the Aide and this just makes matters worst. My first thought was to fire her, but she has been helping and doing a great job up to now.
Oh boy...just what you don't need. Maybe you can have a nice quiet talk with the worker and she will understand better when you are only talking and she is not busy doing something. Sure hope so...Good luck and keep the faith.
The alz.org website has online training. Look under Resources, and then Care. 4 hours, $25.00 and complete an exam and get a certificate. Other resources are listed that are free. Will the aide read articles or a book if you asked her? I went over "Understanding the Dementia Experience" with home aides. I found it helpful for my adult children as well.
The Aide got very defensive about what she was doing, and she told me in front of DW , that she han many years of dealing with AD and if I did not like what she was doing, I could find someone else. This is in the heat of the moment, but I thought she used very poor judgement to confront me at this time. I really have been glad to have her help, but things have changed and DW is much more difficult to deal with. I waited till things cooled down and later that day, I told her that if she did not stop yelling commands at her that I would get someone else.
I know when my mom had this disease something about the tub scared her...maybe that deep hole thing..but you could not get her in the tub to sit on that little chair so the aide could use the hand held shower wand. Later the shower itself was an issue. For some reason your wife is frightened now of the tub setting. It might be easier to try the "sponge bath" method to get her clean and feeling fresh. Shouting will just upset your wife,.
I think the training is a good idea for the aide who seems to be doing other companion like things well. Perhaps a different lady to help with the bathing. By the way, I would report the attitude to the agency that hires this woman. You don't need snarky remarks from her, defensive or not.
Also could the aide have a hearing problem of her own?
Like the rest of us the aide may have her limits of patience too but that is no excuse for yelling. Watch for rough handling of your wife..look for bruises, intentional or not. We found, that now and then strange bruises would appear on my dad...we caught one aid giving my dad a pinch for being disobedient...imagine and elderly man or woman who are generally pleasant being treated this way...cameras are next if this woman stays on would be my thought. Keep us posted.
Moorsb, I think you need to remind her who she is working for. "YOU" And the question isn't do you like what she is doing or not. You don't. The question is does she want to continue to work with your wife and get paid. Personnaly, at the point she made the comment I would have told her to hit the bricks. Raather your DW likes her or not isn't as important as the quality of her care.
If this person isn't treating her you the way you want her treated fire her. Do not under any condition let her become your boss.
How long did it take your DW to get comfortable with her. That is about how long it will take her to get comfortable with the new one too.
I do understand your problem. I would not want to have to get a new aid for Kathryn for the same reason. But this is my house and Kathryn is my wife and it will be a cold day in hell before I would let someone mistreat her and I don't care who they are. I don't care if they are family, freinds or the aid.
All that being said I think that if you do what you think is right it will be right.
i dont think there is any reason for a worker to be confrontational with either the patient or the representative. they are paid to help you in the ways you think best- not their own agenda. 'experience' or not isnt the question but how you want the help to be carried out. i would consider a replacement asap. you already see how she thinks, so i would think it wouldnt be the last on the subject. there can only be peace if everyone is on the same page as far as work ethics.
Having had my share of home health aide problems, this is my 3-cents, send the aide packing. Trust me if she got this out of control in front of you, you DO NOT WANT to know what she is doing when you are not around or watching. This is from experience. Call the agency and ask for someone else. You might have to weed thru several until you find one that fits. This aid is clearly too comfortable in your home and feels that she can say and do what she wants because she feels that you are dependant on her. The staffers at these agencies usually are aware of personalilty issues with their staff. They just do not discuss them with the clients. Please for Sandara's sake, consider this. She might be as attached as you think she is. She might be afraid of the aide. Phyllis
Today the Aide broke down and was crying. She tells me that it very hard for her to see what is happening to DW. I think she really cares about DW, but is not very skilled in dealing with the issues. Things have changed, DW no longer respondes to voice commands, it is like she can not process them. I am not sure if this is the new drug or just her taking another step down.
My DH has been put on Haloperidol by Hospice and is having the same problems you are describing. He takes it at bedtime and yesterday he was unable to get up from a chair, could not follow instructions, did not seem to understand what you were saying. Then about 5:00 he was up walking around and back to his normal. I did not give it to him last night and today he seems okay. I would rather have the aggression and getting mad that only last for a minute than dealing with the problems the medication causes. He has not been able to tolerate any meds that we have tried. I thought I would have to put him in the nursing home because I could not take care of him by myself but today I think I might to able to continue caring for him here at home for the time being.
Vicki I am still hanging in there. I'm a tough ole bird and stubborn at that. The last few days I thought I would have to place him but today I have a glimmer of hope that maybe I can see this through a little longer. I'm not kidding myself that the time is coming that I will be looking at nursing homes. But not yet!!!!
moorsb, perhaps you do need to find a different aide, but I will tell you I hired a geriatric care manager 3 years ago to help me get through the mental health care system. She is a RN, with many yesrs of experience with dementia pstients and I've noticed lately as my DH has increased problems with understanding/processing what is said to him, she raises her voice when speaking to him. I was surprised that she did that knowing he does not have hearing problems. Then I thought about it-many of her clients are elderly with hearing problems and perhaps she needs to do this with them. I am not excusing the aide, but I've observed many people start raising their voices because they don't understand its a processing problem, not a hearing problem.