Terry54 I am in tears. Thank you so much for the kind words. They are the hug I needed this morning. I will do my best with what God has given me. And know to my last breath that I gave my all for my DH and the children who stayed in my life. My heart will be open to the others, if they ever chose to come back. I just will no longer cry over the way they treat their dad. I can't afford to spend that energy on them. Blessings to you.
((( blue))) as you read here, you will find many of us have uncaring children and family. we just have to make the best of what we have at this point. i second what Terry54 wrote. take care. divvi
Blue, I started a thread " I Have Really Had It" with sentiments not unlike yours...regarding one of the 3 kids. I know she loves her dad but is so full of what she wants to do, the places she wants to go, dinners out etc you get the pictures, that many sent good, helpful hints and as divvi said many of us deal with this. I made the decision with the one to just pull back and run silent run deep. If she asks any direct questions I'll answer but I'll not take the time to feed her information now. I will chat with the other two as we have in the past and what the self involved one gleans from them the gleans.. I get twisted up when I see them all really, out having oceans of fun and holidays which they should have but realizing that we all only have so much $$$ and couldn't they plan a trip to see dear dad? I don't want them NOT to have good times, Ijust want them to make their dad a priority too..at least 2 call/skype..the other it is later... So I would follow the suggestion to focus on the child who is helpful and supportive and just don't bother the self absorbed one. If he asks answer his questions and when he tries the my aches are worse than his or yours just get up and walk out.
A few weeks ago we were working with our daughter that lives in TN to get her and her 5 year old son away from the abusive boyfriend she lives with. She was ready to go, just needed to find a way out. I told her we would buy the tickets, she just needed to find a way to get from Morristown to Knotsville. I asked if her boyfriend would take her into Knotsville if we paid him, since him and his dad kept telling her to get out. She said he would not.
This is what I found she posted on her FB page yesterday: "When you live with a mother like the one my mother used to be... you'll no longer find laughter, rather loose taste for psyco bitchyness" She followed it by a posting that 'she is a lot better now'.
That will be the last time I offer to help her. My son refuses to talk to me after I told him what I thought of his laziness so my only relationship is with my daughter-in-law (his wife that separated from him a year ago).
Today is it pouring down rain and windy. That storm that hit Alaska a few days ago is hitting us know. Brace yourself in the upper half of the country cause it is heading east!
Thanks everyone for the kind words, they do touch my heart. It is sad to think of our kids not being there for us. I guess it just hit me wrong this morning. I am going to stop thinking it will change. Because for now it wont. I have to many blessings in my life to look for hurt and pain.
Had a good friend stop by for lunch and we had a great visit. She has had several family members with AD so she gets it. I am lucky I can talk to her like I am able to talk to you all.
Good Sunday Mornin. Our snow has turned to rain here so snow is very wet and heavy but slowly melting away. Still have not gotten snowthrower running but feel like I am getting closer. (Probably closer to loading it on the trailer and taking it to the fixer!)
Have been reading about children and it hits me as it always does how three children can be so different... my daughter is very close to me although she lives far away. She chipped in $ to help me buy dh a flat screen tv to watch sports and other tv. His only activity. My two sons live closer and they care but I think they just don't know how to deal with everything. I also think they may almost feel betrayed by his sudden decline. They are not nearby enough to help with all the chores but try to communicate with their dad although I can't even imagine what they talk about because he asks the youngest if he has graduated yet every time they talk. He graduates in spring.
I am so sorry blue and mimi because if they acted insensitive I would surely have one more thing to cry about...my heart goes out to you.
Went for a walk today while the sun was out. Felt good to be out - I need to push myself to get out to do it. I told my hb that I have to find it within to loose weight and exercise to bring BP down or I will end up like his mom with a heart attack or my sister with a stroke.
I had to tell my daughter-in-law that we can't make it down there for Thanksgiving. As many know this is a 5 week month (5 weeks between SSDI checks). I had to go to the doctor to get the blood test for a renewal on my thyroid. I couldn't afford my naturopath so went to a low cost clinic here in town (there are no free clinics). When I made the appointment it was $20 but could be less depending on income. When I went the price had doubled. I still not sure what the lab test cost will be.
This is the first time I have not had the money saved to pay RV and auto insurance in full so I now have monthly payments. That takes a hunk out of the little we have left over after bills are paid. So, it will be a tight next 4 1/2 weeks after I did the bulk of monthly shopping.
Oh well, such is life. At least I have money coming in every month - as long as my husband is alive.
Our daughter has been bleeding us of money for months now. She is very clever and dh believed her even before az. Sons have pleaded with me to not give in to her so finally I've turned her calls over to oldest son. She called tonight but I had told her today that he was the one to call. Well as I expected he didn't even come to the phone when his wife told him who was on the phone. DH very upset but we can't go any further. I've had to get reserve money to pay bills and that can't happen again. Son says just take care of dad all you are responsible for. Daughter is not a child in age (44) but certainly in actions. Should have done this dollars ago. I don't need any more @**%%##@ from her.
The other night DH and I were talking. He started talking about his illness. He said that he thought he has had it for 14 years or so. I was shocked that he could see now that he had something wrong.
Raining very hard today. Taking the family to see our niece in a high school play. I think that will be fun.
I hate the money or lack of money worry. I so wish that was not part of AD. The only saving grace is we are not alone in this. So many others struggle too.....
Was a cold night last night - down to about 25 which is cold for here. We had the water hose wrapped but not the faucet here in the park. I didn't leave the water running cause the tank was closed and didn't want to fill it up. Got up at 3:30, two hours after going to sleep, and the water was frozen. Fortunately it was the water pressure gauge that froze, so we took it off and then wrapped the faucet. I was up every couple hours and it was fine the rest of the night. Tried to open the bay where the holding tank drains are but the lock must have had water in it that froze. I have told him over and over and over.... to not lock the bay when we are parked in cases like this. I have decided after I get off work I am going to put tape over the lock so he can't - hopefully. Evidently the park is not going to wrap the faucets so we will have to do it better before the next cold spell. Weather is suppose to warm up with wind and rain - oh fun.
A quiet boring day at work and I am tired. Oh well - it pays for our spot and utilities so I should not complain.
Hi Charlotte, i have been thinking of you lately. I too live in the dark Pacific NW. We have the dark, rainy, snowy months and then summer, July, August and September. I live in the mountains not coast though. Blah it is no wonder the new tv show Grimm is set in Oregon. Dark, rain, monsters mist, fog. I hope you are not floating out to the sea with all this rain. I do not like being stuck inside having to see flat affect face all the time. Snow melted so can't snowshoe or ski.
Like Diane in Maple Valley it is rain, rain, rain. At times it will be so hard the cat looks up at the ceiling. One would think after 8 years living in an RV she would be use to it! Here in Hoquiam I watch the RV that the park is next to. When we went to NH in 2006 we were told the park had never flooded except the riverside campsites. And, if it did go over its banks we would have 12 hours notice. When we went to bed at midnight it was still about 6 inches in the banks - at 6am it had come up and was 4 inches deep where we were parked. We couldn't even get our MH out - had to park it and car on higher ground and take boat out. They say this park has not flooded but from experience I know it is possible - high tide and lots of rain could easily push it over the banks.
grendelsma - I tried to find out where you are from but couldn't find it. What part of the PNW are you from? Have not heard of the show Grimm. If you want, you can email me.
Here in Maine we have had beautiful, warm weather for the past couple of weeks. The forecast is for more of the same, although colder, from Thursday (Thanksgiving) on for the next week. The only break in this long spell of good weather is tomorrow (Wednesday) when we will have a winter storm with up to 8 inches of snow plus a "wintery mix". And this is the biggest travel day of the year. Our daughter and her family are planning to drive from Massachusetts to Maine to be with us for Thanksgiving. I'm hoping that they will be leaving late enough to be behind the worst of the storm. But the traffic will be awful with the storm causing lots of snarls..
I haven't really revealed where exactly I am located for many reasons: I am usually pretty private; I am from a rural area, my dh was a professional who really should have retired at least two years before he did. I made him appointments with fam. dr, neuro etc but the good-ole-boy network sorta dismissed my concerns. "Well," the doc told him "my wife worries about my health also, she thinks I work too many hours...blah blah.." So to make a long story shorter although his long-term memory was fine he was failing at short-term things; it wasn't until his professional colleagues noticed his failings that yikes his retirement was expedited...and pronto. He wasn't a surgeon or anything but when someone who works with his mind loses it, well, just what are all the ramifications...So anyway Charlotte I could email you but don't know how.
Marsh I hope the weather reporters have it wrong and the snow waits! All these winter holidays are horrors for us northerners. I am sure the early Thanksgivings were just locals having a harvest party and Christmas etc. all originated in mid-east deserts. (Or maybe the timing was based on pagan holidays to alleviate cabin fever.) Now the kids all want to come home....last Christmas my daughter insisted on driving through the mountains and it took them 40 hours of harrowing driving. (Usu. 20 hrs)
Click on my name and it has my email address. Just wondered mostly whether it is eastern Oregon or western - can't quite tell from what you have said. Sallie and I (she lives in Tri-cities) got together a couple times last summer and plan to next summer when we go back to the area.
The winds have picked up again only hitting us from the side. The way the MH rocks reminds me of an earthquake.
Guess what? I went out for lunch with an old friend that I happened to meet again after 34 years. And guess what? I really enjoyed it! We are having lunch again after I've written my final exam. (His wife died of Alzheimer's two years ago.)
mary thats great! enjoy the company!! isnt it symbolic that school usually lasts 9mo. pregnancy 9mos and probate 9mos?? mary i hope this is YOUR final exam as well friend.. grin
My wife is in a respite center for two weeks. I'll just say that again. My wife is in a respite center and I get to be me, home alone, for two weeks. I had my best friend stay for a sleep over last night. We ate pizza and stayed up until 4am talking. Then we ate frito's for breakfast and now I'm working on my stamp collection. I cleaned the house yesterday and everything is still where I put it today. I have all the shutoff valves on and when I turn the handle water comes out. I'm sorry, I'm tearing, I just need a minute.
I have played loud music all day. I bid in an auction. My bed is still made and I don't have to do a house crawl to find all the pillows and sheets. I flopped into bed close to 5am and read yesterday. My cat came in because I could leave the door open. I left the toilet paper roll on the counter and it was there when I came back again.
I don't have any plans. I don't need any either. I may go uptown tomorrow and browse some shops. I may go to the farmer's market and get something fresh like backribs which my wife can't eat anymore. I am definitely going to a restaurant and I don't care that I'm alone. I've always been good company for myself. Everything's either interesting or amusing or deserves my scorn. I'm quite busy actually. The boys are coming over next week to play cards and other than that I've shrugged off every invitation.
I've never been bored in my life. My poor sweet wife dying isn't going to change that. And I am so grateful that I still feel like me when the burden is lifted I could cry Niagara Falls for you if I wasn't so manly.
thank you for that Wolf, very well said. Let your heart soar and hurt too. At the risk of saying a cliche, this was very touching. Hoping for you to feel good things in this break, and when your darling comes home you will be refreshed. I am so sad for her too.
What an awesome wonderful group of people here. I can even come here to talk about poop in detail.
Wow Wolf so good to hear...lifting the burden can still make you soar. It even makes my heart soar to read it about someone else. Hope keeps us all alive. Enjoy your freedom.