Time to put the Trick or Treat toys away for another season and drag out the holiday cards and decorations for T'Giving..by the way, we need to set our dinner time for our group dinner here at Joan's. I hope we can have a merry month....and rest of the year...we deserve it!
I was not going to put up a Christmas tree this year, did not put one up last year. Then last night I was watching the program Hoarders. A young girl talked about how the house was so full they could not have a tree. How sad she was. Then I thought of my DD who is 15 and to think I was taking my loss and sadness out on her. No tree the last few years at home, she is already losing her father and now I am taking her memories of Christmas away. I am putting up a tree. I want to find a primitive pencil tree. Tall and thin. Will have lights and all. I am not telling her my plans. Some times I get so wrapped up in myself that I forget about her. She is the best child I could have. I need to put her needs first sometimes. I am glad you all are here, good to have someone to talk to.
blue, I understand about putting up/not putting up the tree. Not your situation, but I lost my son last Christmas in a tragic murder. Christmas was always his and my holiday. We decorated to the hilt. Loved it all. Been struggling the last few months about what to do this Christmas. Finally decided we would celebrate the good memories we have of Christmas' past with him and his friend ( who was also murdered). Not as much decorating, but enough to remember all the good times.
Yes, give your DD some good memories of the holidays. It will mean a lot to her in years to come.
Aak! I don't know what we're going to do for Thanksgiving this year. I suppose I should volunteer to host. I will be fine UNLESS I have to drive into DC to collect the college kid choochooing up from NC. That would eat a big chunk out of the day. So maybe I'd better see if my sis or mom want it. hmmm.
As for anticipation of the season...I'm ok with it. I'll keep it simple. I like the tree, so definitely. But the kids (young adults) have already been acclimated for years to the idea that gifting is at a minimum. Every year I tell them "you're getting tangerines and walnuts in your stocking and that's it, ok?" And then I do slightly better, so it turns out ok.
Plus, I'm looking forward to taking Jeff on a little 4 day trip at the beginning of December. This could be interesting, but I'm going to keep trying at least until I regret it.
Even though our numbers gathered around the table are dwindling our cherished menu remains unchanged-even the dreaded sweet potato casserole with those danged marshmallows on top that always seem to burn.
Do what I did. Leave the tree up. Mine has been up all year. When people ask I tell them she likes it - but the truth is much deeper. It was really hard putting it up alone last year so I just left it up. Of course a few times I've come into the room because I heard a noise and there's my DW and the tree (6ftplus) in some sort of wrestling match on the floor, but that's all part of the fun and games.
You know you have real friends when they send an email to everybody announcing that now Wolf's tree is up early - not late on the exact day when that is true. Real people. Real experiences.
Like watching the roofing guy glance over at the christmas tree in September nervously and carefully not mention it. It's always been interesting looking inside people by how they behave. Most people are too wrapped up to see the subtleties of what's going on especially when we're keeping a safe distance from raw reality.
Take my x-friends (please), where one husband said two years ago already in kind of a fluster that I had to think of myself! In other words put her in a nursing home then. I refrained from turning to his wife and shooting her a knowing look. In other words 'that's what's going to happen to you so don't get sick'.
Of course he never said that so she didn't catch on because she was nodding in agreement. Tsk tsk.
We always had a “real” tree & a few years ago I tried to talk my DH into getting an artificial tree but he refused. Then 2 years ago after cutting off the bottom of the tree & trying to get DH to help me put it in the stand I decided that was it. I was doing more of the physical things & he was doing less & I just couldn’t anymore. So I made the decision to get an artificial tree. I didn’t think we needed a big one so funny as it sounds I ended up buying one with the lights on at Rite Aid drug store for $40.00. DH loved it & so did the grandkids. I loved it because it was cute & so easy to assemble.
OH Vickie, I read about your son. oh dear I am so sorry I don't know any other words. You are amazing that you can even come here.
Wolf I love your tree up all year, ha! Sweet! And I also like your description of true friends. They are so few and far between when this disease is here, and I suppose they would be like that no matter what the problem. up theirs, I am tired of them. I had a wonderful "I have had it with your abuse and disrespect, you are not welcome to my home, and if you want to see your brother don't ask me to help", situation this week. I HAVE NEVER stood up for myself like that, and because it was 100% true, I am feeling wonderful and freed.
November at 700 ft. elevation in Hawaii. My mini white poinsettias are just starting to pop, the orchids and trees responding hugely to the much needed rain this week, (so dry this year!!), and ....
Next door is a huge puddle, has not been there for awhile. My crazy tom cat is lurking at the edge, and when the dragonflies dip down for a drink, WOW up he flies at them. So ridiculous and entertaining.
This time of year is great for my business, part of the things I do involve mini gourd Christmas ornaments. Nice infusion to the cash flow, and if my eyes hold out, good creativity.
I didn't get a tree up last year cuz the hubby had been in hospital and then the rounds of follow ups just didn't allow it with getting boxes in the mail and cards too..and I missed my decorations. This year I am a little ahead..got the boxes going overseas already gone and am working on the others but by Thanksgiving day I want that done and out in the post the next day so I can get out my tree things and other goodies. I think DH while he won't help with still enjoy the tree...he always has and so have I so somehow up will go a tree.
This year our younger daughter and her family (husband and 2 teen-age boys) will be here for Thanksgiving. They will probably also come for part of Christmas. Our older daughter will be here for Christmas, arriving Dec. 24, so I don't know what we will do about a tree. I can't do it alone. My wife was the one who did all the decorating of the house for Christmas, including painting scenes on the big windows.
marsh and all you guys who arent sure about xmas decorating- i bet one of the nice ladies who helps with your wife would be happy to help you with a tree. alot of folks enjoy putting xmas trees up and decorating. there are so many artificial xmas arrangements that are lovely and you just have to buy them and then sit them on tables. home depots have real poinsettias in pots for doorways etc. you can always opt for a walmart or target artificial tree that comes with twinkling lights on it and no fuss. just hang a few decorations and balls and plug in and done. if you want a real one many places will deliver it already on a stand.
I've done away with the big tree, it's just not the same any more, even presents have been cut back a lot.. now I have a smaller 4' tree with optic twinkle tip lights on the branches...goes together reall quick, just snap together, pull the branches out straight, a few baubles and tinsel...done! I do have a nice Santa collection that I like to decorate with. The kids all do their own thing these days, it's summer here at Christmas time, usually very hot...some go camping, visit extended families, and pop in to see us whenever.
My DH has gone downhill so much this summer I didnt know what to do about decorating for Christmas. I have been told to keep everything limited and less is better for az people. But after reading these posts I think i will at least try it. I love to decorate for Christmas. If it seems too much i will just take some down. But I guess we have to get through Thanksgiving first. Not sure how he will react with a lot of people here.
You should all do what makes YOU happy. If you want the full decorations, do it. If you want a small tree with minimal decorations, go for it. If you have children, I recommend trying to continue your traditions for them, however.
I put up a small table tree where my husband could see it from his bed, and whether or not it made him happy, I truly don't know, but he looked at it a lot - and it brought me good feelings. The big tree still went up in the Living room, but he couldn't see it. All the kids and some grandkids were there for Christmas, and I'm glad I put it up.
This is my first Christmas without him. I am putting up BOTH trees....I'm celebrating because it is and always has been a joyous time for us, and I will experience both happiness and sorrow...my emotional roller coaster....
I only know of one child who will be here for certain, another may be able to come.....but we will share our love and our memories, and remember those who are gone from us.
My kids are 14 and 16 so I do everything to make it feel normal around the house (even if it isn't always normal anymore). But I think for now it's important to celebrate as we always have! :)
Vickie, so sorry here for your tragic loss. As to the holidays, I can't take them at this point in time. They were so much fun. For years now my BJ has had no idea. Now they only make me sad. Worse that I'm 2000 miles from any in my family who rarely call. We (all of us) have spent a life time embedding those warm cudly feelings then this. Is a real conflict for me. I'll practice my "no thoughts" extra hard this year. In the last six years I made the mistake of getting seriously sad each holiday. I think my perspective is different now. I know one day, I might get back into the spirit it's just not the best of times now. Before moving across country to take my BJ back home to where she was born, I too had a small year round tree. It's in storage now. I just hope that all of you can find some joy in them. Next month comes my 60th birthday, my wife will never know. Sad thoughts here.
Not trying to revel in the gloom, as you know it's just what it is.
soolow, you should celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas and your 60th birthday doing something that makes YOU happy....whether it is doing nothing - hiring a sitter and going out for your birthday and celebrating the fact that YOU ARE ALIVE and will come through this and have an AFTER!!!! You are young yet!!! As for Thanksgiving, last year I had my husband at Hospice hospital for respite and I went to a buffet and had a wonderful dinner by myself and then went to a movie! Went home and watched football!! I knew he had know idea what the day was about any more, and I still had a lot to be thankful for.
We have to turn the holidays around and not think in terms of "I just don't have the energy" or "why bother" into "what can I do that will uplift me?" THINK. You can find a way. Our spice wouldn't want us feeling sorry for ourselves.
This is my first Thanksgiving and Christmas without my husband after having him with me for 50 years.....I'm flying to my son's house for Thanksgiving, and will give thanks for my family who is alive and well. At Christmas, I'll decorate for me, and I'm sure I'll remember how much he and Diane loved Christmas and still have one or two of my children come home to celebrate with me.
I try not to think of what I have LOST, but what I STILL HAVE.....my health, my other children, grandchildren, my friends, a life I am rebuilding, a job I love, and my faith.
It is easy to be sad - and just as easy to be glad. Think of me as your Pollyanna. YOU CAN BE AS HAPPY AS YOU WANT TO BE. It is up to you and no one else. You can find a way...don't take no for an answer, even from yourself.
Make this holiday season the best you can - under our circumstances.
I'll get off my soapbox now....
I love all of you and want you to be as happy as you can as you go through this insidious disease that is taking/has taken our other halves from us.
Mary*, you have been my inspiration this past year. Thank you for the post above. You are so right - YOU CAN BE AS HAPPY AS YOU WANT TO BE! (((((HUGS)))))
Soolow, thank you. As Mary said, try to do something just for you. I'm very sure these are trying times for you but you (we) will survive.
Mary*, every once in a while I need a “slap in the face” talking to & you gave it to me! Sometimes even though I say I do, I don’t really appreciate what I DO have. I have so many blessings in my life that I should be thankful for, but sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with 24/7 care giving that I don’t take time to give thanks. I actually do find joy in many things, but it saddens me to realize that DH is losing that capacity. I know that I need to try to focus on the positive things in my life, but………….
This month hospice has asked me to get an earlier appointment for my DH with his dr. because he is a veteran he is only seen once a year and we live out of town and have to ride in the VA van. Anyway, hospice came by a few days ago just to visit because they were in the area for another reason and they asked my DH some questions and got a better look at how hard it is for him to get around. So I have a feeling our next step is blowing in the wind and coming my way.
This morning DH had my coffee made for me when I got home from work at 6am. The only thing, he used the coffee and filter from yesterday that were still in the coffee maker. Now I know to make sure the coffee maker is cleaned out the night before :)
Went and got a new Christmas tree. It is 4 foot tall and lime green. No longer a regular Christmas around here so why not a not so regular tree. DD will love it. I will not tell her yet, want to surprise her. I am thinking pink ornaments too. Kind of excited about it. Still will put up my Charlie Brown tree too.
I noticed tonight that DH seems to have lost more weight. His hands and arms are thinner. How much more can he lose. I worry every time I notice it.
Thanks Marsh. The sun came up this morning. It isn't nearly as much fun to watch when DH no longer knows what is going on. Over the years we always went to the games, had season tickets, and it was a big part of his life so it is really sad to see him forget something that was so important to him.
So very sorry, Bama. DH doesn't really know what's going on either when he watches. Keeps asking who's playing. KY played yesterday in Lexington and he wanted to know if they were playing in Cleveland. LOL So sad to see them like this with something they so enjoyed.
Bama, I wish Alabama had won. My husband stopped watching football two years ago. I still had it on while he was alive, and watched for both of us.....I still do....Some traditions I'm keeping....
Last night I got a call from my DIL about 6:30pm - my sister had left at 4:15 saying she was going to Costco and would be right back. This is the sister that had the stroke almost two years ago, suffers short term memory problems, has trouble seeing in the dark and gets disorientated. She contacted the non emergency police cause of those problems and it was foggy out. She finally showed up at 8:30 saying she went to Kaiser and Trader Joes. The police were there when she arrived home so they took her statement. After they left she was furious that the police were called.
I back the actions that my DIL and Micha ( the guy that rents a room from my sister and often goes with her when she goes out). Had visions of her sitting in a parking lot somewhere confused, not knowing how to get home through the dark and fog. I am glad she was OK but still would love to 'kick her behind' for doing that. She knows people worry when she is out after dark.
Positive is my DIL now knows it would not work to move back in when she has her surgery. She has to have surgery on due to bone cancer that grows on the outside of her bones and in this case her shoulder blades. This is when I wish we lived in a stick home so she could stay with us. If my no good, lazy deadbeat dad son of mine would get a job and pay his child support that would help her. She is down to 5-10 hours a week at work after she took a call from her daughter's school while doing a supervision. She supervises visits with kids and the parents they are taken away from. There was still someone there supervising so it is not as if the parent was left alone. They won't lay her off and won't give her more hours. It stinks!
On a positive note, my job seems to be working out OK. The new manager has years of running her own business so is working to run the park as a busy for the owner - something that has not happened in the past. It is boring though having 5 days off and no money to do anything. I am going to look for some part time work to bring in some much needed additional funds - even if $50 a week would be nice.
Today was a first for me. I have a shoulder that needs to be replaced, but I don't see how I can take the time, having taken so much for my knee. It is paining almost constantly, even with periodic steroid injections. Today I tried acupuncture to see if it would relieve the pain. It feels a bit better now, so maybe it does work.
Go for it Marsh. I tried it for lower back pain and it helped. Our dog got it for over 3 years - gave us 3 more years with her. I believe it can help - definitely can't hurt.
Marsh,stick with the accupuncture,my acc. says several treatments close together work better, than as I think I need it. Worked wonders on my asthma and tinnitis.Also, very relaxing.
Me too Charlotte! We actually had nothing to vote on in our little town but since our local tv comes from WA we had to listen to all the blahhooie from there. I can't wait now to go over there and get all "likkered-up". haha Spent another day here getting ready for winter, trimming, raking trying vainly to start snowthrower. wah. dh watched me from window and asked what he could do to help. He hasn't done a thing in yard for three years! I didn't snap at him.
grendelsma - sounds like you are from Idaho or Oregon. I voted for taking the state out of the liquor business. In Arizona they sell hard liquor even at Walmart and AZ does not seem to be hurting.
It passed so the state is out of the liquor business so to speak. Now they can collect the taxes without the expense of a store and employees. Yes, those employees will loose their jobs but they were state employees so benefits should be good.
the sun is shining with blue skies. Later today I want to drive over to Westport and walk on the beach - maybe even find a shell or two if we wait til closer to low tide (5pm).
Where we are parked in the RV park I can see watch the river rise/fall with the tides. The two days I work I am up early and there is always a sea lion or otter out playing in the river. I only see his head at a distance but can't make out which it is.
Celebrated sister's 90th on Sunday at the ASF where she lives. Family came for lunch, brought food and we ate in the private dining room. All went well with family members and I'm so thankful for sister's reasonably good health. Staff at the facility gave her special attention at her breakfast and even served her ribs for supper as she had said once ribs were her favorite meal. Charlotte - we lived in Tacoma once a long time ago. I liked the state but not the weather. Beautiful place when the sun shines.
Beautiful fall day today in KY, sun is shining, just a little breezy, but a pretty day.
DH has stopped having his glass of cream sherry in late afternoon, has stopped eating dinner - always says he is nauseated around 4-5 p.m.?? So...I have re-grouped and am now cooking a hot balanced meal at noon, then I just fix myself something light later. So far, he is eating the noon meal very well. He has lost about 10 lbs in the last month or so, but I think now he is getting a pretty balanced diet. His labs last week were excellent except he had slightly low sodium! We'll see how this goes - how long this lasts - on-again - off-again - and so it goes
Sunny, breezy day here in lower Michigan, temps overing around 45. Saw our first snowflakes during the last hour.
That's the way we have to do it, Vickie. Whatever works. If dh wants larger meal for breakfast or whenever, that's what he gets. Loss of weight is always a worry especially when they are on the light side anyway. My dh eats practically no meat but his hemoglobin count is acceptable so I don't worry about it. We just do the best we can.
Was a beautiful day so we drove to Westport. Sat on the jetty watching the waves crash for a while, then drove to where we could walk on the beach. Could not believe it - there were lots of unbroked sand dollars - brought 14 back. Have no idea what we will do with them, but he kept picking them up.
I could cry, saw my son at work this morning. And told him about his dad and that he has lost more weight. Son did not say anything about that just started in on his own ailments and all. I am so tired of uncaring children. I wanted to punch him and then cry. Did neither. I am just going to write him off. Just tell him the facts and expect nothing in return. DH has steadily lost weight over the last 3 years. And lost 5 lbs in the last 7 weeks. I am tired of children who don't care. My dear sweet husband is melting away before my eyes and I can do nothing to stop it.......
Dear sweet Blue you have a DD who is a great delight to you. Please focus on her and as you care so for your husband let your Son stop being a negative downer for you. You can't change him .......save your energy for things that have life, love and meaning. Sounds like having a DD who lives at home is a blessing. Give her Christmas with her Mom ......these are the moments she will carry in her heart that will also help her in these difficult times. You can't save your Husband, we can't save our spouses we can just supply the gift of love and care. Having a child at home is double duty for you, having lived with a sick Dad at that age it's tough on her and you. I know that I bonded with my Mom in a special way during that time. We develop a bond and friendship that was one of the best things blessing of my life. When I lost her I knew I would always take the lessons she taught me which brings us to my life today. Exhaustion is the a caregivers enemy ......take care of yourself.