Last night dh asked me where “Jesse” was – where is he? Jesse was his beloved Border Collie of 14 years. I told him that Jesse was in “doggie heaven” and he said “no he's not.” I reminded him that Jesse had been gone for almost 3 years now. Then he sort of remembered and asked me if I (meaning me) had put Jesse down. Then he remembered being at the Vet's office, too; and we talked about it and he felt very sad. He truly didn't remember that Jesse had passed until I reminded him. It didn't occur to me to lie about it until later.
I still think dh is “with it” enough that I don't have to resort to fibbing about this sort of thing to spare him yet. However, it was a “shot across the bow” to me that he really is declining in a measurable way. - what/who is he going to forget next. I wonder how quickly his decline is going to progress and what our future looks like for how long. He's really pretty easy right now, I can still leave him alone for a few hours. Last night I made him some pizza for dinner and left to attend a wedding – I was gone for a little over 3 hours. When I got home I wondered where the pizza was (because I had made quite a bit) and dh didn't remember where he'd put it, didn't remember if he'd eaten the whole thing (a lot) and we looked for the pizza for a while and still couldn't find it. A little later I wondered what was in the casserole dish on the top shelf of the frig and, lo and behold, there was the pizza. So, I do think my days of being able to leave him like last night are numbered. He's obviously moving into a new stage, I just wonder which one and what I can expect from it. Any thoughts my experienced friends?
mothert it may be time to set in notion the factor of getting someone to stay with him while you are out now. it happens like this, one day they seem ok to be alone for a 'bit' and then bam. it can become a danger to leave them. if they dont have the reasoning button left, they can get into alot of mischeif while alone. i found trying to recount things to DH never really worked and only added to the saddness on his part. it became much easier to just tell the fiblets to keep him happy but left me with a hole in my heart knowing i know the real truths sometimes. so many times we just try to protect them at our own expense.
Boy, the thought of needing to have someone in here with him whenever I'm not (and him not thinking he needs anybody) takes my breath away; not to mention any and all freedom - this makes me cringe. I know that the last couple years have been mostly easy on me for this disease; can it be that the honeymoon is over? I will have to give this lots of thought and prayer. Maybe I'll be having to order up my own anti-depressants soon??
mothert, so sorry to hear about your revelation. I am not quite there yet but can see it coming and it terrifies me.... also it seems inevitable... I am not an experienced one here but I feel your pain, sometimes i just want to get in my car and drive away... far away.
Rght now because my dh is still mobile not being able to leave him alone has been the most difficult thing for my personal life. He still looks like someone that could be left alone. I think I have left him alone less then 8 hours for the past two years. I really miss going shopping alone and going to yard sales alone, etc.
Found in the transitional stage, that leaving written instructions such as what to eat when, number to call you with any questions, any other pertinent information helped. Some information that he needed was reminder on how to use remote, feed cat etc. DH was very cautious which helped and I could only leave him a few hours at a time. Also I called frequently to check on things. I could tell by the tone in his voice what was going on. Of course, only you can guage how safe he is to leave alone. Once we reached the point where I questioned his ability to be alone, I got other caregivers.
Yes me too JudithKB. Though it has only been a few months that I cannot leave him alone.
A couple of days ago I went to visit the neighbor for about an hour, close enough that he could hear us. He is alert and with it enough to know I was there.
Well, when I got home, he had once again, left the water running, and we are on a catchment system, water is precious.
This past Saturday at my weekly farmers market attendance, I was just realizing that I may have to find someone to watch him for the 5 hours duration of the market. He usually goes to the Drug Store and breakfast just across the parking lot, this time, someone told me they say him standing on the curb like he did not know which way to go. And everyone sees how he walks with those hesitating steps.
Poor dear man, oh it is so sad. I have to do something soon. something so I can still work. I know so many of you know this, that it breaks your heart to leave them, with anyone, they are so dependant and object. But it has to be done..
Mothert, I am in the same place where you are now. I can leave my DH to run errands for a short period of time. Because his walking is slow he is less likely to get into too much mischief happily sitting in his chair watching TV. If I get home a little after 1 from errands and ask if he fixed himself something to eat ( I can tell usually if the cutting board and sandwich crumbs are not wiped up) he will say he does not recall. If I ask if anyone called, he doesn't recall though at times he will take a message..that can be hit or miss. If I ask him if he is hungry he says no but will eat when I do though he is never wanting much..eating is an issue...finding things he will eat..he has always liked everything but now I could serve his meal on a saucer..not even a salad plate or dessert plate...a saucer!
Like your DH, mine too does seems surprised when someone mentions someone who had passed away..he is always surprised at the news. Sometimes he will ask someone how his or her brother or sister is even though that person has died.
I now try to let a neighbor know if I am going on errands especially if I will be away more than an hour or two. There is no one near enough who could come sit with him...I suppose soon it will be time to call our local Alz Assn to see what they might suggest. There used to be a day care center here but it closed. There are no easy solutions. Seems everyone has such busy schedules and no family near by makes it really complicated.
I can leave my Dh for no longer than 2 hours...then I start to worry. When I get home I see him just sitting in the chair, staring at the Tv, he looks so sad and frail then I feel so guilty. Last time when I got home he said he rang the local council dept. to see if someone would come and help him clean out the gararge of all the rubbish...what rubbish, all we have in there is the car and a drinks fridge. He said they told him to get a neighbour to help him as it would cost too much for them to come. Out of couriosity I rang the redail button on the phone to get the last call that was dialled, I got my friend, and had to explain what happened...so all that he said was what he made up, what he thought he did! We just never know what one day to the next what he will be like..so sad
I do have a housekeeper now who previously was a caregiver for Visiting Angels, so she is trained to work with dementia clients. DH likes her and she and I have talked about the importance of her developing a bond with him because I will be asking her for more and more help. Currently, she comes every 2 weeks for about 5 hours to clean; I think I will maybe ask her about coming more often so that I can leave and get some other things done without him along and maybe just some time away. I hate this! PTL that I have all of you to talk to who have either already experienced this stage or are heading into it - good advice is dispensed here along with healthy doses of compassion and understanding. I think I am very much in the seeking stage, myself, at this point not offering much from personal experience. But, I know that all too soon, I will be a bit of a veteran myself.:-( Thanks, everybody!