Finally, I managed to get a one on one talk with DH's Dr. Last Monday was the last straw, all day he was agitated, accusing son of stealing stuff, slamming doors and drawers, punching the furniture, hallucinating, thinks there's someone on our sofa, and wants to know where they went. Wants to know where the receipt for the funeral was that he paid for? Will he get back $600 he paid to a dealer?...he went on and on all day. So I made a list, DD came and stayed with him while my friend and I went to try and see his Dr....I showed her nurse my list and told her how upset I was that I never got to talk to the Dr alone, that when he comes to see the dr is not how he is at home...next thing The Dr asked us to go in, she was very sympathetic and after a long talk, gave me a script for Resperdal .25 mg in the evening, I have not yet started him on it...he's been good the last few days...can anyone please tell me if they have experienced any side effects from it..and what to look out for. Another thing, he is still driving...will not listen to me..Dr said she will get authorities to come and take his license away...OMG, what a showdown that will be, I'm dreading it..it's the last bit of control he has! Thank you so much for being here..
Julia you need to start the Resperdal ASAP. It takes a couple doses to kick in. It is not something you take like aspirin for a headache. Whe my DH wason itfor agitation, anxiety, confusion it worked likea charm. We had to go to other meds because of interactions, it was the best of the chopices we hadto that point.
julia yes please start the meds as a preventative to the next outbursts. it takes time to work its way into the system and then if its a bit too much you can cut back. once they get aggitated and aggressive is not the time to give it, but before that happens to keep them manangeable. it would be best if you can get the keys away from him first. almost all of us at some point have to bite the bullet and get tough and take the car keys. and it wasnt easy for any of us. i never really discussed the driving but just hid all keys and never could 'find them' when he wanted them..you should have him on the meds and calmed down before you attempt to take the driving away. it may help see him thru this easier. hugs i hope it goes ok. divvi
Julia...so sorry you are going through such a terrible time. My dh had several months of a bad time like you are speaking about last year. You will make yourself sick if you don't get control. I had to tell my dh that I would have to place him if he couldn't get control of himself (of course he couldn't)...so I got him to the dr. and he put him on the same drug as well as seroquel. Within a week or less he was so sweet and has remained that way for almost a year now. You need to get him taking these drugs immediately.
The driving situation is a big thing too and I am sure you are aware of that. Maybe if you refuse to get in the car with him that would help. If he has an accident taking these drugs and since he has been dx you could lose everything. And, some innocent family might lose their loved one in a accident he caused. We all know how difficult this is...been there, done that...but, you have to get control of the situation you are the adult member now. He is not the same person he was before. It just is not worth the risk. We are all here for you and take care of yourself....this illness sucks.
Risperadal was my best friend, and we called it "vitamin B9 ) (benign), because my dw would not take it if she knew what it really was. We had a very low dose, and finally went to a liquid form so we could put it in her drinks. She never knew what it was, since we and the pharmacy called it vitamin b9. She had no side effects at all, but she did mellow out a lot and was much more docile. Now my dw was always very agitatated, neurotic, and the risperadal was by far the best medicine for her. I just wish I had given it to her 10 years before.......I cannot sing its praises enough...but I did hate giving it to her without her permission or knowledge, but I did what I thought best, and do not regret doing it....but I do miss her a lot....
That is so encouraging, thank you so much, I'll start him on it tonight. The Dr, said around 5pm so that it gives him time to settle before bedtime. She said it's the lowest dose, so I'm hoping it's enough to help him. DD thought I should wait till after his license has been taken off him, in case he drives while on this drug...us not knowing anything about Resperdal and how Dh would react to it. Another thing I was worried about is, will it make him so sleepy that he won't wake up for the toilet, at this time, he is still good at getting up to toilet during the night...yes this illness sucks big time!
My dh still woke up to go to the toilet during the night. It didn't seem to have any bad affect on him. He doesn't take it any more...the dr. had me slowly take him off the drug several months ago and he is still as calm as can be. Hopefully your dh will do as good as my dh did. The bad behavior must be a thing that just happens and then goes away...hope that is how it will be for you too.
Risperdal saved both our lives. My husband was out of control, and I was hysterical. I could not deal with the rages anymore. The doctor prescribed .25mg. up to 3 times a day. I never had to give it to him more than twice a day. He has been on it once a day for a few years now, and it is keeping us both calm. No side effects that I have been able to see.
julia while neither choice is good i would much rather worry about making it to the toilet rather than him getting behind the wheel especially on medications. you must make the choice to make sure it doesnt happen and the driving stops asap. they are not in control now and the law makes you the responsible party for his actions. make his car keys disappear and buy your time with any excuse you can come up with. license is one thing he can keep for the time being, but keys another. good luck.
Again, thak you all so much.. The Dr even wrote a letter for me to show him when he wanted to drive, it said if he has an accident the insurance co. would void his claim and not cover him, he would be up for all the repairs that could cost thousands and the risk of taking someone's life...but it made no difference, so now it's up to me, which is not going to be easy...he has never been one to break the law, so I'm hoping his license will be taken away very very soon. He walks around with his wallet and his keys in his pockets all day...money is a big thing with him too...that's another discussion...so paranoid!
Family came over yesterday, he doesn't recall any of it...even son who we only see a couple of times a year surprised us. it was lovely, they remarked how frail DH looked, how tired I looked, and they think it's starting to take it's toll on me..
Phranque*..ten years is a long time to go through all that...thank you, I am very encouraged now to start him on it. Joan, I am at that stage now too. Monday did it for me..I'm praying it will calm him down with no side effects..
Julia - does he have a newer car? If so, go to the dealer, have a duplicate made from your copy but do not have it programmed. Then when he is sleeping switch them. That way the key will go in but will not start the car. If not a newer car, disconnect the battery or some part that is hard to find. I assume you have a car so you will have to keep your keys from him.
Julia..All this stress will affect you physically. Last year what scared me and I finally got through to my dh was when my blood pressure went over 200. I told him he was going to be the cause of me having a stroke and then who would take care of him...that and the medications helped get him under control. And, my dh was the same about money. He would even take his wallet into the bathroom when he was taking a shower.
Charlotte, we have just one car, we go everywhere together, he can't go on his own as he gets lost, and he knows that...the car is 16 yrs old. If I drive anywhere, he insists on driving back. I'll talk to my son, tell him what you said, and see if he can get the keys off him somehow!
Julia, oh how what you have written sounds so familiar. My DH also saw people in the house, thought people were stealing things from him (& mostly accused me), called me all sorts of awful names, & was so paranoid about money. Before I realized how this affected him I gave him a roll of bills to keep in his pocket which he kept losing. He finally really lost it. I didn’t have the driving problems because (THANK GOD) for some reason he just didn’t want to drive anymore. He has been on a low dose of Seroquel now for almost a year & it has made a world of difference. Like everyone else says, you do what you have to do. Good luck & hugs to you.
Julia, after going through what you have for a long time, my DH was put on Risperdal. It is wonderful. My DH had no side effects at allo. Give it to him faithfully!
Julia, I asked my hb's dr to write a letter to BMV saying he must have his license revoked. She did wiser: she sent us to the rehab facility (part of hospital) in town w/a script for driving test. Not a behind the wheel test, but reaction time, range of motion, alertness. He failed; he was told he hadn't passed and why. Letter was sent to BMV, and they wrote to him saying he could no longer drive. This took both the doctor and me out of the picture. Fortunately, he never got made about it. His having an unknown bladder infection at the time of the test so he wasn't feeling well probably "helped."
Thank you all...you are all wonderfully supportive..
ElaineH...he had $4,500 in $50 bills in his wallet that he carries around all day in his pocket..from spending money we pay ourselves he saved over time, I spend all mine on quilt fabric, he just stashes it away in his wallet....it stands out like a sore thumb..I'm was so worried someone would mug him. I finally got him to put it away, but now it's started over again..When he thinks I don't see him, everynight he hides his wallet under the bed!
Grannywhiskers..Thank you, I take comfort and courage from you post...I was a bit reluctant at first, but I shall be starting him on it as I can.
Zibby...we had a long talk just yesterday about his driving...and he does agree he shouldn't drive, but he still does. I told him the Dr is writing a letter to have his license revoked by the police dept...he said well in that case he'll have no choice but to stop. Today I intend to just get in the drivers side and not let him drive..like it or not. As a young man, he was a testing car driver for our big Aussie car company here, he drives like he did back then, way too fast, thinks he's still in his youth. He's still very elert when driving and obeys the road rules, but there just might be that spilt second, when he loses it!
Julia, I know that my DH lost at least $200 in that money roll. Does your DH know how much money he has? Does he count it? (My DH never did). If he isn’t aware of how much it is, I suggest that you find a way to get it (maybe when he is taking a shower or bath) & replace some of the bigger bills with smaller ones or just take some out. I know that won‘t work if he actually knows how much he has, because I know that you are the first person he would accuse of stealing his money, I don’t know if there would have been anyway for me to prevent my DH from losing that money because after a while he wouldn’t let me touch it & when he did lose it of course he accused me of stealing it. For all I know it could be somewhere in our house.
My major fear of my dh having that kind of money or anything over $100 is he would hide it and it would never be found again. Early on my dh hid at least something close to $800 and most of it has never been found and he can't remember ever doing such a thing or even having the money. After I found several hundred dollar bills in the back of a "stud finder" when trying to find a stud to hang a mirror I kept track of how much money he had because I was the only one that went to the bank and that is how I knew approximately how much was missing.
I would be very concerned about $4,500 unless you can afford to have the money disappear.
Claude had $2.00 in his wallet. His wallet was always with him - he would even take it to bed. He had no idea if he had two "dollar" bills or two "thousand" dollar bills as long as he had money in it. When he passed on, I put the wallet with the $2.00 in it away.
My BIL was always hiding money. When he passed on, my sister was cleaning out his office. She found a total of $4000. Hundred dollar bills were stuck in between pages of books, under the rug and taped under the drawer of his desk among other places. She even found a roll of bills stuffed in the toe of a sock in his sock drawer. He came by the trait honestly as when his mother died, they found $4500 hid in the lining of her purse.
My DH hid money too. Of course. he never had much to hide after loosing a large sum several years ago. I found it months later when I was moving a small safe and he had slid it up under the safe. After that he had $15.00 for over a year in his wallet and he took it out so much that the wallet came apart. Last month I was throwing away a napkin and his money was wrapped up carefully in it. Now when he ask about his money I tell him he hid it and he needs to look for it. It is so nice not to play "Hide The Wallet" game.
It's so strange how they all are the same, yet different! Mine doesn't hide money. In fact, he doesn't want any money, except if we are going out to eat. He still want to pay. I have to tell him how much to leave for tip though. HOWEVER, the other night he asked me how we are going to pay for "all this". I asked what. He said this house, our car, our food, Millie's dog food, on and on. Tried to reassure him - and it wasn't working. So I finally told him he didn't have to worry about money that we had plenty, that we are rich! He was satisfied with that - until later he said he needed to go to the store to buy a bunch of things with all our money! Told him it was in the bank - then took him out to lunch - and haven't heard another word about it.
You all are making me wonder if it was my MIL or FIL that hid all the money. After she died my BIL found thousands of dollars hidden everywhere - in towels, clothes, containers, etc. We just assumed it was my MIL but now I am wondering if it was my FIL. My MIL always handled all the money, but he still could have been doing it. I know we did find a big pile of pennies under his bed! We will never know who hid it.
We can't afford to lose that much money..that's a lot of food shopping and bills paid with that lot...bu he tells me it's his money. I did manage to get DH to put most of the money away in a safe place, he said he likes to carry the money in case he wants to buy something, the most he buys is a nail brush...we have so many it looks like they're breeding in the bathroom cupboard! I don't let Dh pay for anything, as he gets confused with the notes and gives way too much money and if i don't watch how much, the sales person might take advantage of that.....plus what ever he pays for he wants to be reinbursed for that amount, always checking how much he has spent, if any.
Tomorrow we have a person from the ALz / Dementia ass. coming to see how we are coping and how I may better handle these raging situations, DD is coming as my support, I am worried he won't let the person in...he still says there's nothing wrong with him and he doesn't have memory loss...this is after spending three hours looking for his hearing aids because he hide them!
Some days he is so good, but I'm going to start him on the Resperdal tonight. Thank you all so much, you have given me courage to go with it.
Well DH has been on Resperdal for 4 days now, and I don't see any improvement in his raging....is it too soon, does the med need more time to work. He is on 250mg at night only, I can give him another 250mg in the morning if need be the Dr said.It has not made him drozy at all
I don't what it is, but DH seems to have a very strong smell of chemical about him...is this normal? Thank you...