It's so hard to write about this. Monday, suddenly dh started in on me, as he did before going on Seroquel. We had had a good approximately four months, a real loving relationship. I was in Heaven. A couple of weeks ago, he started getting edgy. Monday he went full blown, raging at me, blaming me for our losses in the stock market from this past June, when the market was going up and down, kicking out at me with his foot and slapping his hand at me, and more. Nothing I said mattered. He turned everything back on me. He escalated to the point where I told him I was going to call his doctor. And that I was going to call the cops. He threatened to shoot me and the cops (he has rifles in the house). I thought he was going to physically really go at me. I dialed 911, after calling the doctor. To sum up, the cops came and dh ended up in the emergency room. Now, 3 days later, they still haven't found what the problem is. His doctor thinks his meds need adjusting. He's FTD, but not dxed. They did a cat scan, lots of blood work, and today they're doing an mri.
Hanging On, I am so very sorry this happened, but you did the right thing. You have to protect yourself. I know you feel sick about it, but you should feel no guilt. Arm around you with lots of hugs.
aww hanging on. so sorry to hear things turned violent. we see it many times out of the blue and so unexpected. yes by all means take this time to remove ALL weapons! and bullets. if you have to get dead bolts on locks to keep things safe and out of view. i know how scary it can be when they turn on you. leave him there til they get all the workups and a possible diagnosis now. and get the meds ironed out for sure. you are not alone, many of us have had to deal with this violence but with good meds and dr updates it will get better. hugs divvi
Hanging on, you have the perfect name for yourself at this point. I am sorry that his had to happen. You did do that right thing!! Don't ever feel like you didn't. I think I would feel sick too but you felt that way and went on to do the right thing anyway. Now you have outside help (professional help) that is good. You deserve a big caregiver hug....
He started in so suddenly on Monday. I'm wondering if he had another stroke. In early Oct. 2010, he had two strokes a few days apart. On Monday, he had that hateful look on his face like dementia patients get, particularly FTD patients. He looked like a demon. Hopefully the mri they're supposed to do today will show another stroke, if that is what it is. Both of the mri's done last October with the other two strokes showed them.
Hanging On, My husband also suffered from FTD. If you can, get the doctor to schedule a PET Scan. I know some insurance companies will not pay for PET Scans for dementia, however, the doctor can code it differently, like maybe looking for stoke. My husband had 5 MRI's with no diagnosis, not until he had a 2nd PET scan did we receive a correct diagnosis. Also, Seroquel was not my husband's friend. He done lots better on Risperdal. And no Namenda, Aricept, Exlon,or Razadyne.
So sorry you had to go through this. Hopefully they can adjust his medications and get things smoothed out. Please promise all of us that you will have the weapons out of the house before you bring him home. It is vital that you do so.
Hanging On, I am so sorry. My husband also had a major meltdown. It is so scary. His doctor told me to not only remove his guns (which I had already taken care of) but also to lock up all power tools and chain saws. Any dangerous equipment. His theory was that if it is something that they can hurt themselves with...it is also something they can hurt you with.
Please take a deep breath and remember you did the best you could. It is easy, after the violence, to second guess yourself...but in the heat of the moment...you feared for your safety! We can only do what we think is right at the time of the violence. Hang on real tight!
Thank you so much for your post. We also have loaded weapons in our home for protection and I love target practice. I have a concealed carry lic. I have been thinking that I need to unload them and put them in hiding. Because you have shared your experience, I am going to do just that as soon as we get home from our vacation. I pray that things will mellow out for your dh. I am so sad regarding your terrifying experience. Get some rest while you can.
Hanging on, I am so to hear the guns will be gone. So very sorry you had to endure such a frightening ordeal. I hope your husband will get a proper diagnoses and the medication needed to help him. You both are in my thoughts and prayers ((hugs))
I am so sorry to read this. While your DH is in hospital, lock up those guns or get them out of the house. When these reasoning buttons are broken life is so hard for us in every way. Keep us posted and know you did the right thing.
Maybe this is one reason doctors ask if we have guns and if they are locked up in a safe. The new doc I plan to interview had that. Question on the intake form I plan to decline to answer that question as I see it as more political than medical. Just a thought, though.
So sorry it came to this, but maybe it's a blessing in diguise and you can get the Dx now. In 2006 when my DH was hospitalized for a med adjustment because of med complications, I was told, once the decision was made that he would be coming home, that he would not be released until they knew all weapons and our van were "out of the house" as in Off The Property. I never questioned the Political Correctness of that. I saw it as being Responsible For the Safety of the Patient And His Family. With a New Dx and the precarious volatility of behaviors until meds are in full effect (at least) someone had to address this. Some might see this as thgeydoing some CYA butat that point they arethe ones most knowledgable of what might happen and might face accountability issues if they didn't try to address it. A new Caregiver likely wouldn't think of it or might be reluctant to face confrontation with the LO over it, but "The Dr. Said..." carries weight.
SO sorry for the scare you had. But you were in control and able to do what needed to be done. SOme would not have the nerve to do it and would have ended up battered. Hang in there. Our prayers are with you. ((((hugs))))
Thank you all, again, for your wonderful validations. To make something light of this, I have been chuckling to myself since I called the cops, that I sure livened up the neighborhood on Monday, with the swat team of cops that showed up. Very exciting for the neighbors.
Anyway, 3 of the guns are gone now, and the last one will be gone in a few hours. Whew.
DH is to be moved to the Psych Ward of the hospital. He is now on risperadol, aricept, and lexipro. He's doing much better. In the Psych Ward, they will be watching the meds and working with him.
Hanging On I had to share my experiences with the police. Two cop cars with two officers in each. Husband did not go willingly (a neighbor had called them and I just stood by and let them do their thing). Neighbors all came out of their houses and circled me-offering hugs, love and help. They knew what we had been going through and stood by me. I do live in an unusual neighborhood in that we are always here for each other.
Hanging On--are you planning on visiting your husband in the Psych Ward? I found (and others here concurred) that in a Psych Ward, the physical care may not be up to par because they are focusing on the brain issues. I learned to check my husband's whole body and found severe blisters on his feet due to pacing on a hard concrete floor, rash on his back because of the soap they used, etc. Nothing life-threatening, but the staff didn't notice and I had to call it to their attention to get the problems addressed. If he needs an extended stay, you may have the same experience.
Hanging On, we had the same experience as Marilyn- except ours was worse in some ways....DH had a very bad rash on body, behind legs, etc which was believed to be a drug reaction. Thanks to another member on this website, Starling, she suggested it could be scabies. The docs at the psych hospital denied it but when DH was released 1 month later it was in fact scabies and he infected me, the dog and the live-in aide. BEWARE. The dermatologist said scabies is frequent in pysch hospital/wards. Jus be viligent as marilyn says.
Hanging on, check all the vehicles for guns and under his bed. I thought all of mine were gone but he had a few handguns "stashed". It might be a good idea to go and talk to the neighbors, let them know what is going on so they can be your first line of defense if you need them They can get there faster than the cops. They can also be your eyes and ears and let you know if they see something out of the ordinary going on. Keep your cell phone with you at all times. You have experinced how fast his behavior can change. Keep your self safe. Arms around Phyllis
My dh has gotten scary a couple times and both times I was very grateful that the guns were gone. He hasn't forgotten them, though, and was giving our youngest a devil of a time because she refused to give them back. I decided to tell him that the guns had been returned to me and that they were in a safe place AND that if he just had to have them back he had to ask his doctor and if the doctor agreed, he could have them back. Hah! That was the end of that conversation, he hasn't brought them up again. However, he does forget that dd no longer has the guns (of course, she does, but he was told she doesn't) and he has a bad attitude towards her often because of her unwillingness to comply with his demands to give them back. That's a sad thing because he always loved her best and now he has a bad attitude twards her. But, it is what it is, we can only do what we think is best and hunker down.
I am so sorry that you had this experience with the man who promised to love and cherish you - definitely not what any of us ever imagined our twilight years to be. As everybody else above has said, you did the right thing and now you know he has the capacity for violence and you will be his target of choice - sad but true, the ones that do the most for them are usually the targets of their wrath. Hang in there and keep in touch with all of us - we're praying for you.
Gosh, so many good comments and encouragements. Thank you all, for your love and understanding. DH didn't want to go to the Psych Ward, so I brought him home today. He talked to some tech in the hospital who told him the Psych Ward was a locked unit. That freaked him out. Then the tech also told him it's for nuts. That didn't go over either. So I'm going to keep him on his new meds here, and hope he will stay settled down. He is to go into the Psychiatrist in his private practice, as a patient. Also, he's to see a neurologist, one he saw many many years ago. I'm hoping this man will be able to give a dx. When he did see him long ago, it was for carpal tunnel. The doctor at that time wrote on his papers that he might get dementia in later years. Well, here we are!
Hanging On---IMHO thattech should be reported. The tech's behavior was totally out of line. Your DH refused care that could easily have settled the situation and gotten the Dx done. We can be held accountable for our LO's behavior, but having our efforts sabotaged by personnel who are supposed to be on the caregiving team is despicable.
As for guns, I bought my LO a big Gun Locker for his hunting rifles. He was very pleased and put them all in there. Then over the next few weeks I began locking it, and eventually "lost the keys" He never really noticed or minded. One big accident averted.