Jang, I am so sorry to hear this news. We do thank God that their suffering is over & they are whole again, but, it is still very hard for the one left behind. Please accept my deepest sympathy. ((((Hugs)))) Kadee
Thanks everybody. When he stopped breathing, I wanted to scream, "Don't go! Don't leave me!"
I took him to respite on October 4. I went to a cottage for rest and relaxation. Gord fell 4 times while there and went to the hospital twice. He had a bladder infection which in hindsight, he probably had when he left home. When I went to pick him up on October 16, he could barely walk. On the morning of the 17th, I had to call 911. His speech sounded like he had a mouthful of marbles. He couldn't get out of bed and instead of speaking strings of words clearly, he mumbled. His breathing seemed to go down hill once in the hospital and on Sunday, they discovered aspirational pneumonia in both lungs. He was put on antibiotics but they just couldn't work.
I believe that the doctor who treated him has someone in his life with Alzheimer's. He said that he is putting pneumonia and Alzheimer's on the death certificate.
Of course, I am now beating myself up over the respite. Had he not gone there, he would not be gone.
Oh, no, Jang. You can't beat yourself up over this! It was not your fault. It could have happened anywhere. Be kind and gentle to yourself as you move through the next period of time. Love and hugs.
Jang.I have always believed that God takes us home when we have accomplished His purpose for us living here on earth. Praying for peace for you and your family.
jang, my heart hurts for you. First for your loss & second for your guilt. I agree with Bama, & your Gord has accomplished His purpose here on earth. Now he is at peace. Please don’t feel guilty, you did everything you could. Now it’s your turn to find peace. Take time for yourself & come back & let us know how you are. ((HUGS))
So sorry to read this notice.Sincere sympathy attend your and your family. PLEASE do not second guess your respite decision...in scripture it says we do not know the day nor the hour...only God knows that and in His wisdom he intended this mysterious event to unfold in His way for reasons you cannot know now..perhaps later understanding will come to you. In the meantime, try to rest and surround yourself with those who love you and can support you. I wish you peace.
When they are that near the end of the journey, there is no turning back. I firmly believe that it nothing to do with his being in respite, but only that his time had come. Please console yourself that you did everything humanly possible to make his life with dementia as comfortable and safe as possible. Now you must take care of yourself because you've been through a long ordeal. My thoughts, prayers and love are with you.
Jang...you have my condolences, and prayers for you, that you will be able to stop blaming yourself, and find peace at last. It has surely been a difficult journey. Please continue to post so we know how you are doing.
Jang, two weeks ago tonight my husband became unable to walk or even stand. He ended up in the hospital with pneunomia just as your husband did even though I was with him 24/7. Whether you were there or he was in respite care, I don't think makes much difference. Things happen--they get pneumonia and there's really not much any of us can do about it. Please don't feel any guilt. You have my prayers.
jang - do not blame yourself. My sister put her husband into respite and slept. It was not long after returning home he died. We both believe it was that way so she would have the strength and energy for the days to follow. We will never know why the timing is like it is - but it is no way your fault or blame. We all have our time and his was now.
jang, so sorry to hear your husband passed. Praising the Lord he is whole again and out of the grasp of this horrible disease. Please take time for and care of yourself. I will be praying for you to find strength and comfort. Hugs....coming your way
jang, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. PLEASE don't say "what if" and don't feel any guilt!!! Alzheimer's is fatal and though we don't want to lose them, we can't keep them. Just remember that he is now whole again. May you find the strength you need in the coming days and weeks.
jang, May God grant you the peace that passes understanding, now and in the coming months. Lean on your friends and family. Rejoice in the good times an the knowledge that AD did not win. Gord won! He was very blessed to have you and his loving helpmate and caregiver. The respite did not take him so let that quilt go. You are in my prayers. Peace Phyllis
We laugh together, we cry, we get angry, we get bone tired, we get frustrated, we get desperate but then the end comes and there's just unbelievable sadness. So sorry jang. Stay with us if you can. We need the benefit of your experience on this rocky road we're all traveling.
I can't tell you how much the words of all of you have meant to me. Tomorrow evening will be so hard. It is the viewing and I don't know how I will stand to look at Gord in that casket. At 8 this morning, at the 24 hour mark, I whispered to him again, please don't go. This is so hard.
Please be kind to yourself and allow yourself to be human. As the song says, further along we'll know all about it, further along we'll understand why. My heart hurts for your loss. So sorry to hear this.
Sending sympathy and wishes for peace. Your brief respite played no role in determining when He was ready to call your husband home. You will find even more strength inside yourself as you go through the next rough days. How blessed Gord was to have you as his wife.
Jang- My heart breaks for you and you have my strongest condolences. I will keep you in my prayers so that the hurt will be minimal, and that you will find peace.