As much as I have read, I simply don't know how to handle my husband's lack of interest in showering. He's probably at the moderate stage of AD, fairly functional physically, but can become very defensive & argumentative when something upsets the applecart. If I mention showering, there are excuses, arguments & very defensive reactions. How long do I let this go on? I'm really embarrassed to say it's been two weeks!!!!!!!!!! I'm at my wits end!
MIM, when DH was in this stage I would take showers with him. Showering was never a problem when he was at that stage! Now don't laugh, he just couldn't remember how to shower and I wanted him clean. When he couldn't stand safely I purchased bath chair.will he let you sponge bathe him?
How about a nice bath, if you have one, he might like to soak in the warm water for a bit..Just a thought...this is hard Mim, I hope you can get him to "wash" at least.
I've been handling this one by telling him he either takes a shower or I'm not letting him in our bed, because he's stinky. He will have to sleep on the couch. So far, that works.
Thanks to all of you for your input. Thanks be to the Lord above - hubby took a shower!!!!!!!!!! Our son came in & whatever he said, it worked. Maybe he's a miracle worker! He does listen to the kids, but not to me - I'm the "bitc*y old lady". It doesn't bother me if he says THAT, though, because I know he would never have said anything like that before AD. Again, thanks - I'm sure I'll go through this again & again. Any further ideas would be appreciated.
This was a bigger one for us, and got to the point where I could no longer safely help him and he would refuse to. I had read of bribing with goodies--little candybars?--but our helper came up with what works for us. DH wants to go to the store each week and have a coffee and watch the people while the helper does the shopping."Only clean people ride in the helper's car." DH makes sure he gets his shower at least once a week--sometimes twice.
Also, changing clothes can be a problem. We attached that to when he showers. In between, if needed a "graceful accident" spilling on him can get a change.
My husband has the same problem. Usually all I have to said is..."wow...you need a shower you stink." Also, I told him he would ruin our mattress if he smells bad and sleeps on it and I told him unless he took a shower he couldn't take a nap on the couch because he would make it smell bad and no one would want to sit there if we had company.
The Fisher Alzheimer's site shows pictures of things that happen at the different stages and they talk about showing being a problem and it could be he can't adjust the water temp. and he doesn't want to tell you.
Mim, I hear you loud and clearly..For 2 weeks hubby has said he wants a hair cut. His MO is that he always would shower before going for a hair cut so his hair would be clean..well every day we have gone through this evolution." Do I have anything I have to do today" " Yes, you have to get a hair cut so get your shower now before breakfast so we can go afterwards." "I am in no hurry, I'll shower later". Later never comes...so this Tuesday I am going to call the barber shop and see if they ever make house calls, Hubby looks like a close relative of the Unibomber now...he looks like hell! I have to tiptoe around after he goes to bed to get his outer clothes in the hamper but I may have to take the shears to his shorts! He is also starting with the odd sleep patterns..not walking around but he is awake way later than he should be after he goes to bed...ALZ.. Oh but get this, he watches tv and now he quotes the adverts.
OMG..it's amazing how they all do and say the same things. My Dh says ." What do I have to do today". His white hair gets so long he looks like Einstien, repeats the adverts too and has a thing about names...repeats names as though he knows the person..
Mim--a handheld shower head can help a lot; used to "accidentally" spill water on him as Carosi said, to get him to undress, had bathroom all ready and shower running, etc. As a last resort, camping stores (and some places like Walgreen's) sell no-rinse body wash and no-rinse shampoo. If he absolutely refuses to shower, those products can be used and you can even do portions of the body at a time if tolerance is limited. Finally, adjusting psych meds resolved the problem almost completely, although ALF still needs to use 2 aides to accomplish bathing and they do it in the evening when he is the most compliant.
I lowered my standards--a shower once a week is ok, twice a week is good. He still wants to do it himself but it takes him hours. He knows I think it is disgusting if he goes too long, so now if I ask him when he last took a shower he will do so.
I have done the same, pamsc. I usually take my showers at night after he is in bed. So, the mornings I want him to shower, I shower first, then tell him it's shower day and I've just showered and it feels so good! So far, so good. I try to get him to shower at least 2 times a week.
I'm lucky, DH still doesn't fight me on showers, but with the colder weather & the house being a bit colder I think that he might not be so compliant. He hates the whiskers on his face (lost the fact that they grow back everyday) so when he shaves he just assumes that a shower goes along with it.
About all I can say is that my DH showers.....he's under the water but not much else. He use to wash his front half (face, chest, whatever) but never his back half. I tried to do it for him and was soundly scolded and pushed away. So now I am just happy he gets "rinsed" off.
Phil4:13 (what a grand choice for your name) -- would he use a bath brush the get to the back side? My DH loves the one he has and so far takes care of all personal needs. PTL
I have never been able to figure out what to do about this. I think my saving grace(for now anyway) is that once a week he goes to church with me (but not every week) and then and only then he will shower but the rest of the time I can't get him to shower for anything.
The shower thing...they get frightened of the water coming down, slipping, etc..they get scared....but can't tell us.. The other part it apathy..they don't care if they look like the Unibomber and smell like a goat in the bargain.
Claude was afraid of the water coming down also. We have a standup shower. I bought a removable shower bench and replaced the shower head with a hand held sprayer that could be turned off. I would preheat the water before he got in. He sat down, I rinsed him, turned off the sprayer and let him hold it. I would then wash his hair and body, rinse him and then give him a soapy washcloth to wash his privates. He would rinse himself. By holding the sprayer and rinsing himself, he felt like he had some control over his life.
As far as hair goes, when he finally got so I couldn't get him to the barber, I decided to cut his hair myself. I bought some clippers. Since he always wore his hair in a buzz cut, I thought how hard could it be.....wrong!!!! I scalped him.......long in some spots and right to the scalp in others :-) A friend fixed it as best she could.
I had forgotten how I gave my six year old son a "reverse mohawk" while trying to give him a buzz cut to save some money!!!!! Never again!!!!
redbud, I used the same technique with my dh. It worked much better since he could "use" the spray himself. I ordered mine on the Internet and it worked like a outside lawn nozzle with the push down type handle and when you stopped pushing down - the water stopped. Have never seen them locally and I don't remember the name of it. I don't know if you could use one of the outside water nozzle's on the shower hose or not?? Worth a try. You might need an adapter.
Lois, I bought the sprayer at either Home Depot or Lowe's. I still use it in my shower - much easier than turning the water on and off and saves water. I wanted to buy one for our other shower but couldn't find it at either place. Probably could find one at a medical supply place.
I haven't been here for a while - I guess when things seem to be going somewhat smoothly, I really don't want to think about things!! DH has been showering once a week since I first posted this, hope he keeps doing this! I appreciate your responses, though - the hand held shower sprayer (?) will be coming - we have to have a new tub installed (the old one, original to the house, about 83 years old!) is beginning to sink. I kind of dread the thought of the disruption to the house, though - we had a new back door put in today & he was so PO'd with me (I suppose because I had to make the decision, he felt like I was usurping his authority & it upset his usual routine). I got a real chuckle from a few of you, about the hair (we've been through that too!). Kids & I finally convinced him to get a buzz cut - it looks fine at first, but then he doesn't really try to keep it neat & as it starts to grow in, it kind of swirls around his head! Oh well, it's either that or the long, greasy-looking, unwashed hair. AAARRGGGHHH!!!!
Now that we're into the colder weather, my DH has decided that he doesn't need to use deodorant. His reasoning is that he says he doesn't sweat in the winter. Well, that's news to me! At least he still can shower independently and he does it daily.
Haircuts have become a difficult matter. He doesn't ever think he needs one, but I do get him in there. They're beginning to know me at the barber shop now. I took him about 10 days ago and he tells them he just wants a trim. He didn't like getting the shaving cream on his face to trim the sideburns and his neck. He scowls the entire time. And this is a man who always took pride in his appearance. Next week it's the dentist -- I can hardly wait!
To some of you who have LO in early stages, one thing I discovered by accident. The reason my DH did not want to shower is that he could not figure out the hot / cold faucet idea. He would either make it too hot or too cold. He was also using shampoo for soap on his face and couldn't rinse it off therefore getting it in his eyes. Also along similar lines, my DH recently started urinating in the sink. I have placed a brightly colored towel inthe sink and it has helped to remind him to use the commode.